Amanda Kenderes Reveals The 3 Reasons We Talk

Rich & Wendy 0:00
Hey everyone, it's Rich Bennett. Can you believe it? The show is turning 10 this year. I am so grateful for each and every one of you who've tuned in, shared an episode, or even joined the conversation over the years. You're the reason that this podcast has grown into what it is today. Together, we've shared laughs, tears, and moments that truly matter. So I want to thank you for being part of this journey. Let's make the next 10 years even better. Coming to you from the Freedom Federal Credit Union studios, Hartford County Living presents Conversations with Rich Bennett. 

Rich Bennett 1:00
Today on Conversations with Rich Bennett, I had the privilege of speaking with Amanda Kanderis, a professor of inter... running her lips here. Interdiscipline. Good Lord! 

Amanda Kenderes 1:12
I'm 

Rich Bennett 1:12
A professor of interdiscipline... Damn it. 

Amanda Kenderes 1:17
Take three. 

Rich Bennett 1:19
A professor... 

A professor at Humphreys University, and now an entrepreneur. Amanda's talk type model identifies the three core reasons people talk, offering a framework that can help us know who we are, to validate our identities, and approach our relationships with greater confidence. Raised across five continents, not at the same time, though, Amanda has developed and tested this model in diverse cultural settings, bringing a unique global perspective to her insights. Her model provides the tools to validate identities and experiences, identify personal strengths and blind spots, quickly assess personalities, engage more effectively with others, talk effort... Damn, what is it today? Talk effortlessly to strangers, anticipate people's behaviors, and make decisions with insight and clarity. Now you know why I don't do this live. 

Amanda Kenderes 2:23
You know, it's the full moon. We just had... What was it? Lunar eclipse. There's something going on. Something in the ether. 

Rich Bennett 2:28
You definitely got to be something. How you doing, Amanda? 

Amanda Kenderes 2:32
I'm doing great. Good to be here, Rich. 

Rich Bennett 2:34
Oh, thanks. All right. So I... Before we get into the book, I have to ask, because I know my listeners are probably going to wonder the same thing. I know part of the answer, because five different continents, but you're not a military brat, right? 

Amanda Kenderes 2:51
Not a military brat, but I am a brat, LOL. 

I'm 

an embassy brat. So... 

Rich Bennett 3:03
Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 3:04
Yeah, so we were... We were diplomatic, basically. 

Rich Bennett 3:08
Okay. So what continents? 

Amanda Kenderes 3:11
North and South America, Asia, Africa, Europe. 

Rich Bennett 3:14
All right. 

Now, you may not remember this growing up, but I love to ask this of people that have been to different countries. 

What was one of your favorite cuisines that you've had, that you've eaten from a certain country? I don't mean a cheeseburger from South America either, you know? 

Amanda Kenderes 3:38
Oh, gosh. I love Moroccan cuisine. I went to high school in Morocco. 

Rich Bennett 3:44
Oh. 

Amanda Kenderes 3:45
So all of that couscous and tagine and pastilla and... Oh, my goodness. I mean, there's nothing like that. 

Rich Bennett 3:52
And I said we weren't going to 

Amanda Kenderes 3:53
food. 

Rich Bennett 3:53
talk about Started here. But I've always... I've always... That's always fascinated me, because people will go to other countries, and they won't try the cuisine. 

Amanda Kenderes 4:05
It's mind-boggling to me. Yeah. No, I know. I know. Why eat a hamburger in Portugal, you know? Or in Senegal, or... Yeah. Come on. 

Rich Bennett 4:15
Yeah. It's like, okay, if you go somewhere... No, you're not going to ask for chicken tenders. I 

Amanda Kenderes 4:20
Yeah, exactly. 

Rich Bennett 4:20
mean, and french fries. Come 

Amanda Kenderes 4:22
No. 

Rich Bennett 4:23
on. 

Amanda Kenderes 4:23
No. 

Rich Bennett 4:23
You got to experiment with it. I mean, when I was in the Marine Corps, that's one of the things I loved. 

Amanda Kenderes 4:28
Oh. 

Rich Bennett 4:29
Just... And even here in the States, going to different places. 

Amanda Kenderes 4:33
Yep. Yep. And like I tell my toddlers, you know, because I'm a toddler mom, at least take a no-thank-you bite. 

Rich Bennett 4:41
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 4:41
Yeah. Come on. Like, 

Rich Bennett 4:42
it. 

Amanda Kenderes 4:42
try You can say no, but at least try it. 

Rich Bennett 4:46
You don't know if you're going to like it until you try it. My philosophy is, I'm going to eat it before it eats me. 

Amanda Kenderes 4:53
That's a 

Rich Bennett 4:54
So 

Amanda Kenderes 4:54
good... 

Rich Bennett 4:55
yeah, but my nephews, my great nephew is this way. Cause he will, he's just chicken tender. Doesn't like vegetables. And I told my niece, I said, put it in a smoothie. Nope. It didn't work. 

Amanda Kenderes 5:07
Oh no, not even the smoothie. My kids offer that one sometime. 

Rich Bennett 5:11
Didn't work at all. All right. So the book 

Amanda Kenderes 5:15
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 5:15
talk. 

Amanda Kenderes 5:16
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 5:17
Hey, I can't wait to get into this because I mentor a lot of And I think even this is great for podcasters. 

Amanda Kenderes 5:27
Oh, for sure. 

Rich Bennett 5:29
Anybody holding conversations. 

Amanda Kenderes 5:30
That's right. 

Rich Bennett 5:31
Definitely parents and children. 

Well, everybody. So, 

Amanda Kenderes 5:38
Everybody 

Rich Bennett 5:38
so. 

Amanda Kenderes 5:38
that talks. 

Rich Bennett 5:40
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 5:41
Just be honest. If you talk or listen or think this is for you. 

Rich Bennett 5:49
Well, actually what inspired you to write talk types? 

Amanda Kenderes 5:52
Feeling different. 

Rich Bennett 5:54
Feeling different. 

Amanda Kenderes 5:55
Yeah. 

Growing up on these, on all these continents. I didn't really belong in any of them, including the United States, because I didn't grow up here. So I never really identified with us culture either. Cause it was just as foreign to me. 

Rich Bennett 6:13
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 6:13
Weirdly. Right. So, so I felt different and I wanted to, I needed to connect with people quickly because I didn't have time to build long-term relationships. So I had to dive right in because I'd be 

Rich Bennett 6:26
moving 

Amanda Kenderes 6:27
quickly. You know? So then I thought to myself, I was a curious kid, introspective. And so how do, how do we connect with people? Well, we, we talk. So then I thought, well, if I can just improve the communication, I can improve the connection and we can, we can get there faster. So I, I basically became a student of communication from elementary school. 

Rich Bennett 6:52
Wow. 

Amanda Kenderes 6:53
the things then I, and I had so many questions. So anytime something didn't quite work, I, I wouldn't just accept it or, or, you know, kind of, I mean, some, I would still get frustrated or sad or. 

Rich Bennett 7:06
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 7:06
If there's something wasn't working, but I turned it into fuel for questions. Um, and so, so something like, okay, I love deep conversation. I love heart to hearts. Not everybody does something for some people. It makes them uncomfortable. 

Rich Bennett 7:20
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 7:20
Um, I love to get deep on facts and, you know, and some people don't, they're like, oh, too much information. Who cares? You know, they're people like that. So 

Rich Bennett 7:32
you learned, 

Amanda Kenderes 7:33
you learned some people love chit chat and talking about their day and whatever. Some people don't. So 

Rich Bennett 7:41
right. 

Amanda Kenderes 7:41
Oh, through all of these, these, these, these, uh, kind of life lessons, as I was experimenting with talk, um, I, I had questions and then I ended up answering, but it took years. Um, finally, um, finally, when I was 19, um, I, I, I had enough answers to create, to, to see this, this model emerging. 

So when I published the book, which was 43, um, I, I, I, it was 25 more years that I poured into that, um, study refining the model. And here it is. So it's 35 years of work. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 8:15
Well, uh, they, that already answered my next question was how long did it take you to write, but apparently 35 years. 

Amanda Kenderes 8:22
To get it to where, yeah, it was ready to go. Yeah. 35 years. Um, and I realized that actually so many things, so many cool things emerged, so many cool answers. 

Rich Bennett 8:32
Mm-hmm. 

Amanda Kenderes 8:32
Um, in the book, I talked about how there are only re really three reasons that people talk ultimately three reasons. And, um, and since publishing the book, um, I, you know, cause I can't stop thinking that that's just who I am. I can't stop asking questions. And so 

Rich Bennett 8:50
That's 

Amanda Kenderes 8:51
I have, there's 

Rich Bennett 8:51
a 

Amanda Kenderes 8:51
more. 

Rich Bennett 8:51
great thing 

Amanda Kenderes 8:52
It 

Rich Bennett 8:52
though. 

Amanda Kenderes 8:52
is a great. Yeah. So, so now I, I, I realized, wait, you know, there are three reasons that we talk ultimately, but there's, there are only two things that we can really talk about too. So that's not in the book, but I'm happy to talk about that. So many things to share with you. So you just let me know. 

Rich Bennett 9:08
All right. Wait 

Amanda Kenderes 9:08
We'll 

Rich Bennett 9:08
a minute. 

Amanda Kenderes 9:09
do it. 

Rich Bennett 9:10
So you, you said three things that what? 

Amanda Kenderes 9:13
Three reasons that we talk. That's it. Three 

Rich Bennett 9:15
Three 

Amanda Kenderes 9:15
reasons. 

Rich Bennett 9:16
reasons that we talk and, 

Amanda Kenderes 9:17
and across the planet. 

Rich Bennett 9:19
All right. So what are those three reasons? 

Amanda Kenderes 9:21
And, um, and I'll say this and then I'll answer that. Um, three reasons that we talk. And when you rank them by preference, we get six talk types. So 

Rich Bennett 9:31
Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 9:31
that's the talk types. So three reasons we talk, we talk because we want, um, so the first one, I call them A, B, and C for shorthand. It's A, B, C. So A's want to be, so this is just bear with me while I give you some technical definitions. 

Rich Bennett 9:51
Not a problem. 

Amanda Kenderes 9:52
Okay, great. So A's want to be objectively understood when they talk. So it's facts. I want you to objectively understand what I'm saying. Um, and when I listen for when other people are talking, when I'm listening in a, I'm listening to objectively understand. So it's all about this objective understanding, meaning it doesn't matter. You know, and people forget what is objective, what's subjective, 

Rich Bennett 10:15
right? 

Amanda Kenderes 10:16
Objective is it's true. No matter who's doing it. Two plus two equals four, whether you do it or I do it. 

Subjective means it does matter who's doing it. If, if, you know, if we go to a movie and you say it was great and I say it was horrible, well, that's our own subjective takeaway. 

Rich Bennett 10:36
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 10:36
The subject matters, right? We're the subject. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 10:39
Well, I'm glad you explained that because some people may get that confused because objective, you're thinking you're objecting about what somebody else likes. 

Amanda Kenderes 10:48
Yeah. Like you're, you think you're being unbiased or something. 

Rich Bennett 10:51
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 10:51
Those terms get thrown around. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 10:53
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 10:54
But no, objective is, is a, it's a fact, it's a fact, it's a fact. Um, and okay. So, so A's want to be factually understood when they talk and they want to factually understand other people when others talk. 

Rich Bennett 11:09
Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 11:09
Okay. Now B's want to be, um, let me go to C's actually, let me skip to C's. Okay. They're, they're the, the opposite of the, they're the other understanders. They want to be understood too, when they talk, but they want to be subjectively understood. I, you know, it's the heartfelt, the deep, the meaning making, you know, 

Rich Bennett 11:29
you. 

Amanda Kenderes 11:29
let me tell 

Rich Bennett 11:30
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 11:30
Childhood. I want to be understood. This happened and that happened. And, and because of that, um, you know, I, I, I think that sometimes hardship makes us, helps us to grow. I don't think we'd have, you know, okay. This is the deep heartfelt stuff that you can't scientifically prove or disprove necessarily. 

Rich Bennett 11:48
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 11:49
It's subjective. It's my own conclusions, my own understanding based on my own subjective 

and understood. Okay. So it's my, my takeaway. That's so the deep heartfelt stuff is the, is C. The factual stuff is A and both of them want to be understood when they talk and they want to understand when they listen. But B is different. B is, is not about understanding at all. It's not trying to be profound. It's not trying to be world changing. B's want to be heard. They want to witness. So when they talk about their day, you know, oh my goodness, you wouldn't, you wouldn't believe what happened to me today. This happened and that happened. Look at, here's my cute picture of my dog and her Halloween costume on her phone, on my phone. That's B. It's not, it's just, I want to be heard. I want to witness for my life. And then that's when I talk. And then if you talk and B, um, when, if I'm a B and I'm listening, I want to just, um, keep the, you know, keep things open for you to be heard, 

Rich Bennett 12:50
you 

Amanda Kenderes 12:51
know, and make room for you to be heard. That's it. So that's A, B and C. We got, we've got basically informing, relating and meaning making. If you want to put it into terms, you know, short terms, informing or factual stuff. A relating chit chat, small talk. 

Rich Bennett 13:10
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 13:10
Banter, that kind of stuff. B C deep meaning, making heartfelt. And 

the reason that we connect with some people quickly and, and with others, it, you know, it's like pulling teeth. It's because we don't, we don't like all of these three reasons for talking the same. We all have. 

Rich Bennett 13:32
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 13:33
So when we find someone that has a similar preference than us, immediate connection, it's easy. When we're working with someone that has very different preferences, then yeah, it takes more effort. 

Rich Bennett 13:44
Okay. So somebody can have more than one talk type then. 

Amanda Kenderes 13:49
Well, no, our talk type. So if, so if we have A B and C are the three reasons we talk when we've 

Rich Bennett 13:54
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 13:55
And by preference, we get A B, A C, B A, B C, C A C B. So there's six. 

Rich Bennett 14:03
Good Lord. Bingo. No, I'm sorry. 

Amanda Kenderes 14:04
Oh, we got it. 

And, and so, I mean, the thing is, yeah, we all do all three of the 

Rich Bennett 14:15
reasons 

Amanda Kenderes 14:16
for talking, but we, we have consistent preferences. Let me put it this way. Think about preferences and practices. Let's imagine a B C, a B C is someone who loves relating. And like, I'm going to show you the pictures of the dog on my phone. I'm going to tell you about my day. We're going to do chit chat. That's 

Rich Bennett 14:34
C. 

Amanda Kenderes 14:34
B. That's B 

Rich Bennett 14:35
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 14:36
Underneath that is like the deep heartfelt stuff. Okay. There's a BC, but that person has to go to work and do A because they have to do facts at work. A lot of people have to do A at work, the crunch numbers, or they have to talk about. So if you look at somebody's practices here, this person is all day long and they have to do B, I mean, sorry, A, it might look like, oh, that they must have A. Well, no. They have to do A for their job, but it's not their natural go-to. So instead of looking at people's practices to identify their talk types, it's better to look at their preferences. So when you can just totally relax and be yourself, who are you? You know, who are we? And that person would be a BC because they don't love a, they just, they can do it, but they don't love it. 

Rich Bennett 15:25
Wow. 

35 years. 

Amanda Kenderes 15:30
Yeah. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 15:33
And correct me if I'm wrong, there's no other books out there like this, is there? 

Amanda Kenderes 15:39
No, no, that's the thing. Um, there's really not, there are personality models like Myers-Briggs, Enneagram. 

Rich Bennett 15:47
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 15:48
That, um, that look at other aspects of our personality, you know, our extroversion, introversion, decision-making and such motivation for, you know, what drives us like success versus helping, but nothing that looks at our talk as a means to understand who we are. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 16:09
So have you, and if you tell me you're already doing it, then I'm going to be blown away. But have you actually considered 

taking this and also turn it into a course? 

Amanda Kenderes 16:25
Yeah. Yeah. So there are, um, there's so many applications for this. This is one of them. Um, right now I'm kind of chatting with folks, um, about where we want to put, there's so many applications. So yes, workshops and courses, um, getting into organizations and, you know, organizational, um, development and executive leadership coaching. All this is one application for personal applications as well, personal coaching, and then also even tech applications like AI because. 

Rich Bennett 17:00
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 17:01
Because some, the talk types could absolutely improve and even revolutionize, honestly, the way that humans interact with AI and vice versa. 

Rich Bennett 17:10
Oh, I didn't even think about that. Cause 

Amanda Kenderes 17:12
Mm-hmm. 

Rich Bennett 17:12
yeah, with chat GPT, you can, you can, um, I guess, teach it how to respond like you would. 

Amanda Kenderes 17:22
Yeah. Yeah. And there are so many applications in AI, like mental health applications. 

Rich Bennett 17:27
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 17:28
Where, you know, we all know that the therapeutic relationship is central to the success of the therapy. So, but, but a lot of people now, um, are using, um, AI for their own personal therapy. So if we could improve the interaction with the, with the AI to the person that's receiving therapy and make that a connection that's more meaningful, then we can upgrade the therapy and improve the outcomes. So it's huge. 

Rich Bennett 17:59
I just saw something, I guess it's similar to that because, and you saw it a lot with, uh, COVID, especially the people that were in school that lost all that social activity 

and it's hard for them to go out and reconnect again. So now you have AI friends. 

Amanda Kenderes 18:19
Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and let's be honest. I mean, it's, there are pros and cons to that. I mean. 

Rich Bennett 18:25
Yeah. Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 18:27
It is providing, it's helping to fill a need and, and that it's kind of like, um, you know, holding, holding, it's like the dam holding the floodgates. Like if that, if the person didn't have that need felt, it could be worse, that need. 

Rich Bennett 18:42
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 18:43
It could be worse. Right. But at the same time, we can't, it's not a replacement. It shouldn't be a replacement. We need. 

Rich Bennett 18:49
No. 

Amanda Kenderes 18:50
You know, human to human. Absolutely. 

Rich Bennett 18:52
Well, I, I mean, the thing is too, we, we talked about this on another episode, especially, uh, oh, it was about addiction. You know, a lot of times when you're talking to somebody that's in recovery or needs recovery or anybody that's even got anxiety and depression, we can offer something that a, an AI friend can't. And that's something that people need a lot. And that's just a hug. 

Amanda Kenderes 19:14
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. That kind of physical touch is something. No 

Rich Bennett 19:18
Yes. 

Amanda Kenderes 19:19
matter what you do, you can't get that from an AI. 

Rich Bennett 19:21
Yeah. So back to the book a minute. Okay. Not a minute. 

Okay. Um, so the listeners can understand probably a little bit better. Can you break down the core idea of the talk types in a way that the listeners will basically 

instantly recognize their own communication style? 

Amanda Kenderes 19:45
Yeah. Let me see. I mean, do my best because I, I love, um, my technical definitions. Cause they get as close as I, I value precision. It gets us. 

Rich Bennett 19:57
And I'm the same way, 

Amanda Kenderes 19:59
but it doesn't land. Um, you know, it doesn't often land, um, immediately. So let's see, let's, let's break this down. Um, let's go back. This could be fun. 

Rich Bennett 20:11
Okay. I like fun. 

Amanda Kenderes 20:13
I like fun too. Let's go back to, and let's get even bigger. Let's think about, when we think about the five Y's plus the H. So who, what, when, where, why, how. If you're going to ask any question about anything, these are the only questions we have to ask. 

So if we ask these questions about talk, go there, okay, we want to understand talk from all of these questions. Well, some of them don't really, some of them we can't make a model or build a model around because there are infinite possibilities. Like who, 

Rich Bennett 20:56
let's 

Amanda Kenderes 20:57
who I talk to could be anyone, when I talk, anytime, who, what, when, when I, where, all that, okay. But what we're left with, why we talk, that, what, that one is, we can, that's, the talk type model answers that question, why we talk. 

Rich Bennett 21:13
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 21:14
And it answers how we talk, because how, there's a whole subset of identifiable and corresponding tone of voice, body language, and words that map, that we can use as a proxy. If somebody doesn't, because how many people actually say, Rich, here's why I'm talking to you. I'm talking for objective understanding. No, nobody does that. So we can't use that. You know, that's hard. So. 

Rich Bennett 21:43
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 21:44
But, but, but we can see the body language. If, if, if I want. 

Oh, God. 

Rich Bennett 21:54
Okay. These of you listening, Amanda's got me cracking up. It's just like a chain reaction here going back and forth. 

Amanda Kenderes 22:03
Oh, my gosh. 

Rich Bennett 22:04
I'm not making faces at her or anything. 

Amanda Kenderes 22:05
No, no, no, no. We're just having fun. 

So, so let's say we don't have access to that. Why? But we do have access to the how. If I'm trying to get rich to understand, you know, if I'm trying to get you to understand something objective, I'm going to, what, what kind of tone am I going to use? I'm going to use a matter-of-fact tone. 

So, you might feel like I'm trying to manipulate you. You might feel like I'm biased. You might not. So, I'm going to be a matter-of-fact. So, Rich, let's talk about, you know, I do think that you can go ahead and when I give you the address, you can take the, look at the GPS. It's going to tell you to go this way. But, however, every time I've done it, it ends up being longer because the GPS is not taking into consideration the construction, the blah, blah, blah. Okay. Whatever. It's subjective. My tone of voice is matter-of-fact. My body language is getting a little robotic, you know, because I want you to prioritize the facts and not my feelings under it. That's my focus. So, the how is a proxy for the why. So, if you see someone getting kind of mechanical and matter-of-fact, they're probably trying to give you some A, some A facts. 

B is, you know, look at the how. It's lighthearted. It's playful. When I made the joke about, well, I'm not a military brat, but I'm a brat, 

Rich Bennett 23:42
a- 

Amanda Kenderes 23:42
you know, that's 

Rich Bennett 23:42
Right. 

Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 23:45
It's not supposed to, it's not even, you know, it doesn't even have to be true. It's just playful. You just- 

Rich Bennett 23:53
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 23:54
You know, like, I'm not really a brat. You know, we're just having fun. 

Okay. That's B. 

Rich Bennett 24:04
Oh, God. 

Amanda Kenderes 24:05
And then C is, like, that deep stuff where I'm, like, I'm going to lean in, my voice. 

Rich Bennett 24:10
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 24:12
So, that's how. And, you know, it takes a second to kind of gather those different hows. But after you feel it, once you see that happening, then you can pick up on what people are really trying to do. You can pick up on the underlying why. 

But let me back up one more for extra fun. 

Rich Bennett 24:31
Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 24:32
So, I know I'm throwing a lot at you in a short time. 

Rich Bennett 24:36
I'm loving it. I 

Amanda Kenderes 24:37
Okay. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 24:37
am loving it. 

Amanda Kenderes 24:40
Okay. Okay. So, let's go to the what. 

So, what do we talk about? Now, it might seem infinite. And in the particulars, it is. But not in the generalities. Here's what I mean. There are only two things we can actually talk about. Ever. 

I know. Get ready. Get ready for this, Rich. Two things we can ever talk about. And it's information and experiences. That's all there is. All there is is information and experiences. I don't care if you're, like, think about, I don't know, fill in the blank. 

Rich Bennett 25:18
Wow. Yeah. No, you're right. 

Amanda Kenderes 25:21
That's it. 

Rich Bennett 25:22
Never thought about that. 

Amanda Kenderes 25:23
Uh-huh. 

Uh-huh. 

Rich Bennett 25:29
Oh, I'm going to have fun. This 

Amanda Kenderes 25:31
is fun. 

Rich Bennett 25:32
Kids want to talk with me. 

What information or experience do you want to talk about? Well, 

Amanda Kenderes 25:40
That's 

Rich Bennett 25:40
I just want to 

Amanda Kenderes 25:40
it. 

Rich Bennett 25:41
talk about music, Dad. Well, that's an experience. That 

Amanda Kenderes 25:43
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 25:43
could be information. It could be both. 

Amanda Kenderes 25:45
It's both or it's one or the other every single time. And what the cool thing here is, when we look at the what, and it's only information or experiences or a combination of what, that's all that exists. Then when we look at the three reasons for talking, so the why, 

A's are factual, but what did they use to come to conclusions? Information and experiences to arrive at facts. I'm telling you about that GPS and the road and the what. I'm trying to give you my factual understanding, and it's still based on information and experiences. I'm going to show you my dog on my phone, and that's, I don't know, both information and experiences. Look, I bought this Halloween costume for her. That's information. And look how cute she is. Experience. 

Rich Bennett 26:34
Wow. 

Amanda Kenderes 26:35
And C. It's the deep heartfelt stuff. Information and experiences. You know, I grew up around the world, and that was both really wonderful and really hard facts. That's, it's information, and it's also my experience. Each one, A, B, and C, uses the same stuff, because that's all there is. It's like clay. What do you make with clay? You make different kinds of pottery, but you still start with clay. 

Rich Bennett 26:56
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 26:57
Clay starts with the same clay, but we make different things with it. 

Rich Bennett 27:01
Okay. 

Now, I want to go back a little bit, because you're talking about also with tone. 

Amanda Kenderes 27:08
Correct. So we're back to the how. 

Rich Bennett 27:09
Yeah. So, 

and I guess, well, you probably wouldn't be able to tell this, and if you can't, then it's another book for you, because what's one of the ways a lot of people communicate nowadays? 

Amanda Kenderes 27:25
Well, electronically. 

Rich Bennett 27:27
Right. By text. 

Amanda Kenderes 27:28
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 27:29
So how can, can you actually figure out the talk type? Well, I guess it would be text type. 

With tech, because it's, and I think this is where a lot of people get mixed up when it comes to texting. Now, back in my day, if you used all caps, that meant you were yelling. 

Amanda Kenderes 27:48
Shouting. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 27:49
Yeah. So can you determine that with a text message? 

Amanda Kenderes 27:55
Well, here's the cool thing, Rich. So you're absolutely. 

Rich Bennett 27:57
Oh, don't even tell me you can. Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 28:02
Yeah. I mean, I think you can, maybe not 100% 

Rich Bennett 28:04
Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 28:04
of the time, maybe, but the more, the more you have them, the better, the easier it is. You know, if you have one word, it's hard, but if you have two words or a paragraph or whatever, it gets easier. Because you have more data. But here's the thing. When we look at the how, what, how do we have? We've got tone of voice, which voice. Yes. You can kind of see that in writing, but sometimes you can't. Okay. But also we have, and body language. We're not going to get body language. 

Rich Bennett 28:34
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 28:34
Text. But the other thing that we have is words used. And A's, B's, and C's use words differently. So even if the only thing we have is words, we can still arrive at a conclusion. In fact, Rich, a cool experiment. This is, this is fun. You can, you, we can tell if somebody is doing A, B, or C. 

Even, so let's, let's say, for example, with just words used. I'm going to, so you're, you're, you're a vet, right? You're, or. 

Rich Bennett 29:11
Yeah. Marine Corps veteran. 

Amanda Kenderes 29:12
Former Marine. Okay. Okay. If you've been, I'm sure to, to other countries, I 

Rich Bennett 29:18
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 29:18
imagine, right? Okay. So you've heard, maybe you turn on the radio and it's another language or, or you turn on the TV and it's another, somebody's talking another language. But guess what? You, we could still, you and I could look at that TV and just by body language and tone of voice, we could identify if they're doing A, B, or C. We don't even have to understand. 

Rich Bennett 29:40
That's true. Yeah. Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 29:44
And the same thing with the radio. We could just listen to tone of voice without seeing body language, without understanding words used. So we could do this. Okay. Experiment where, you know, we don't have access to all of them. We just need one. That's the point. Whether it's the words they use, the tone of voice, or the body language. It's great if we get all three, but we don't need all three. 

Rich Bennett 30:06
Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 30:07
Super rad. I know. I just, 

Rich Bennett 30:08
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 30:08
rad. 

Rich Bennett 30:09
Well, I, because. Well, I think it's texting, but not just texting, even talking. And you did it when we first started, actually, come to think of it. People will throw the acronyms out there. You know, like, like with LOL and my daughter does it a lot. And I always have to ask her what the hell it means. 

Which just makes the conversation go even longer. Of course, she gets frustrated. She's like, I mean, come 

Amanda Kenderes 30:34
can't. 

Rich Bennett 30:34
on. 

Amanda Kenderes 30:35
Come on. 

Rich Bennett 30:35
Now you No. 

Amanda Kenderes 30:37
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 30:38
But I've gotten, I'll never forget this. I got a text message from somebody and it wasn't, it wasn't a long message, but there were, I can't even tell you how many different acronyms in there. And I had no idea what the hell they were saying. 

Amanda Kenderes 30:51
Exactly. I know. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 30:54
It threw me off. 

Amanda Kenderes 30:55
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 30:56
I just ran out not too long ago. Apparently LOL has two different meanings. 

Amanda Kenderes 31:01
It's evolved. Yeah. LOL has evolved. 

Rich Bennett 31:04
Yeah. So what laugh out loud and lots of love. Was there another one that it evolved into? 

Amanda Kenderes 31:09
Not that I know of. 

Rich Bennett 31:11
Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 31:11
Yeah. LOL is not used the same as it was for. 

Rich Bennett 31:15
No. 

Amanda Kenderes 31:16
Certain generations. 

Rich Bennett 31:18
Holy cow. 

Amanda Kenderes 31:19
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 31:19
All right. So you're listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. We'll be right back. 

WHFC 91.1 FM. That's right. Harvard community college radio station. It's more than just great music. It's about community and their showcase in the talents of the students and community volunteers. WHFC is designed for and run by the Harvard County community. It's focused on teaching and learning. WHFC student learning lab is for anyone interested in radio and podcasting. You heard me right. So if you want a career in radio or podcasting, Harvard community college is a place for you and you can learn at the radio station. Go to WHFC 911. org or tune in on the dial at 91.1 FM and give them a listen. I guarantee you, you'll love the music. And if you want to get into broadcasting or podcasting, then check them out. I'd like to get into, cause you are, you see you do coaching as well, right? Okay. And which I'm sure you're using the talk types. 

Amanda Kenderes 32:39
Oh yeah. 

Rich Bennett 32:39
Make, make sense. Um, 

Amanda Kenderes 32:42
Right. 

Rich Bennett 32:42
and I love feel good stories. So what's, 

let me flip it a different way. What's one of the most dramatic 

transformations you've seen when someone started using the talk type might not blah, the talk type. Oh, it's a talk type model, right? 

Amanda Kenderes 33:04
Yeah. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 33:05
Yeah. In their life. 

Amanda Kenderes 33:07
Yeah. You know, honestly, one of the most 

dramatic ones. lots of dramatic ones. Um, but here I'll, I'll, I'll sort of answer in a roundabout way. We'll get there. Um, 

what usually when people pick up this book and, and, or in understand the model, um, it's one or two responses. Some people take some time to kind of ease into it because for whatever reason, they, there's a warmup period 

Rich Bennett 33:38
go, 

Amanda Kenderes 33:38
where they okay, you know, I'm just trying to let this land. Right. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 33:42
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 33:43
But then the more they see it, it's building, it builds over time and it's not immediate, but then, but then they do see it. Other people it's immediate and they say, oh my goodness, all my life I have felt, you know, so if you're asking about more dramatic ones, it would be, you know, the second scenario. But at the end of the day, people still end up in the same place. But with the dramatic ones, um, it's like, wow, I, it's validating. I, I did not know, like all these times when I thought basically something was wrong with me. When like, uh, like let's say you're a CB or a BC, you don't have a, and, and you're in circles where everyone wants to talk facts and you just feel. 

Rich Bennett 34:29
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 34:30
Like this is not interesting. What's wrong with me? 

Rich Bennett 34:33
Feel left out. 

Amanda Kenderes 34:34
You feel left out. And then you realize, oh, with the talk types, I'm just being me. I'm not a defective someone else. I'm a normal me. And that's okay. Um, I, I have a, for example, I have a student who's a CB and her boyfriend is an AB. 

And, uh, you know, when she, you know, cause I teach this, this, the talk types in my classes as well, um, in my, in my university and, and, um, and she, she said it's completely changed the way that they do their daily life. You know, um, if they're before when they had conflict, they couldn't figure out like what's going wrong, like what, something's wrong and you're giving me a, but I don't, and I'm trying to give you C. So, so the boyfriend. 

Rich Bennett 35:20
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 35:20
C. Think about relationships. Where do we overlap? If this student is a CB, her boyfriend is an AB, their area of overlap would be B. So this, this is going to predict their area of connection and their area of talk, um, talk time they're gonna spend the most talk time in b because that's where they overlap that naturally b 

Rich Bennett 35:45
right 

Amanda Kenderes 35:46
but the the girlfriend is gonna need to get her c needs her you know heartfelt 

meaningful vulnerable stuff probably met with her friends and the boyfriend's probably gonna get need to get his a needs the factual all that stuff needs met with his friends or at or wherever he might find that um and so we now we can predict okay where are they gonna spend their time talking where are they gonna spend where are they going to have probably likely the most connection and where are they going to have likely the most conflict and that's going to be in you know the c and the a the part that doesn't overlap but now instead of just having conflict where they're going you know something's wrong with you you you can't you know open open up to me you don't open up to me you don't share you don't care about me you try to fix it whatever 

Rich Bennett 36:43
right 

Amanda Kenderes 36:44
vice versa now the the couple's going oh well you're just you're just being a and you're just being c or could i ask you to just try to be a little bit more c with me right now because that's what i need oh and i need you to be just a little bit more a if you can just try to hold space for me for a minute for that and and and so it it's validating for self it lets others off the hook we don't take things personally and we can navigate relationships with so much more grace and efficiency 

Rich Bennett 37:16
wow okay with with your book and i don't know if you can answer this or not um because i i can see how a lot of therapist this book would come in handy for 

Amanda Kenderes 37:31
oh 

Rich Bennett 37:31
them 

Amanda Kenderes 37:32
yeah 

Rich Bennett 37:33
have do you know of any that's gotten your book and have you heard from them 

Amanda Kenderes 37:37
uh i was on a podcast recently with um a therapist who 

Rich Bennett 37:41
oh 

Amanda Kenderes 37:42
yeah who was um whose name eclipses me right now but but she was using it in in her work and um she had some fascinating um 

epiphanies and um with clients where there was let's say a kid the the proverbial black sheep of the family 

Rich Bennett 38:03
right 

Amanda Kenderes 38:03
that's like acting out whatever um and they had been doing family therapy and it wasn't working wasn't working and um and then introduced the talk type model the the kid realizes oh you know what i have c in other words i have that the need for that deep meaning making vulnerable heart to heart sharing and nobody in my family has c they're either a b or b a b or b a and so when i try to do a heart to heart i started you know when i was younger like i'm pretending i'm the kid now but when that when the kid was younger you know they might have tried to 

Rich Bennett 38:47
of 

Amanda Kenderes 38:47
do that kind 

Rich Bennett 38:48
right 

Amanda Kenderes 38:48
part with their family but it wasn't it wasn't received the family just didn't know it wasn't it's not their fault they they weren't weren't trying to be 

Rich Bennett 38:56
you 

Amanda Kenderes 38:56
know but they didn't know how to do it and so the the kid ended up just 

acting out and and feeling un 

heard unseen and not understood um uncared for and and once that talk type model was introduced people could finally see each other for who they really are and i think the key here is that our talk types 

is it's not just the way we talk it's not just a description of how we talk it's actually a window 

into how you know our values uh what we hold dear and how we feel loved because if somebody can can talk to us listen to us and receive what we say um 

that's that makes us feel loved in our own way and so that that poor child that that kid was not feeling loved even though the family probably was doing as you they're in therapy like they care 

Rich Bennett 40:03
yeah 

Amanda Kenderes 40:03
the families wouldn't even be in therapy at that point so the family does care they just don't know how to they don't know how to do the thing that the child actually needs 

Rich Bennett 40:13
so do you think this is something that's easy enough for kids to learn 

Amanda Kenderes 40:17
oh yeah and fact the it's quite clear from a very early age that children toddlers even exhibit a preference for these talk you can we can see preferences in our own children from a very early age and once we 

Rich Bennett 40:32
really 

Amanda Kenderes 40:32
do that we can interact with them in a way that maximizes connection and minimizes you know wow 

so it helps us as parents yeah 

Rich Bennett 40:44
so with this is not so god married couples family 

Have you talked to any companies? CEOs or anything that have used your book? 

Amanda Kenderes 40:59
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 40:59
I would think this would be great for meetings. 

Amanda Kenderes 41:01
Oh, my goodness. Yes, it is. It is. It absolutely is. Yeah. 

I have. I've talked with CEOs about it and they actually had their staff take the talk type test, which is in beta version right now. It will soon be available on talktypes.com. 

Rich Bennett 41:25
Okay, go ahead. I'm listening now. Go ahead. I mean, I've been listening, but I didn't know about talktypes.com. 

Amanda Kenderes 41:32
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that then, you know, it's a quick and easy way to determine, you know, talktypes and then get everybody to in the organization to Because, let's be honest, and especially in a large organization, of course, there are only six talk types. Of course, there are going to be all six represented. And that's a good thing because each of us needs all of us. And if we're marketing, you know, a product or service, the people who are going to buy it are going to be all of these six talk types. So we want that input in so that we can make a more appropriate product or service to the people actually receiving it. But how we work together. Yeah, it's helpful, absolutely, to know each other's talk text. 

Rich Bennett 42:27
I think you need to, there's a book that's been out for a long time. You need to pair it up with that book. 

Amanda Kenderes 42:33
What's that? 

Rich Bennett 42:34
Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success. 

Amanda Kenderes 42:36
I love Napoleon Hill. 

Rich Bennett 42:38
Oh, because I think your book would be great for even mastermind groups. 

Amanda Kenderes 42:43
Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure. 

Rich Bennett 42:45
Oh, you need, okay. When are you going on tour? 

Amanda Kenderes 42:51
Yeah, right? 

Rich Bennett 42:52
For your speaking tour? 

Amanda Kenderes 42:54
Yeah. 

No, soon. Let's just say soon. I'm all ready for it. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 43:04
Oh, you're being serious there. 

Amanda Kenderes 43:06
No, I am being serious. 

Rich Bennett 43:07
Oh, holy crap. Okay, I didn't realize that. So you actually are going on a speaking tour. 

Amanda Kenderes 43:12
Wow. 

Rich Bennett 43:14
Damn. 

Amanda Kenderes 43:14
Rich, I love it. You're like, oh, wait, that was A, not B. That's 

Rich Bennett 43:19
it is. Wow. 

Amanda Kenderes 43:19
exactly what 

Rich Bennett 43:21
Okay. All right. I want to get back to the speaking tour here for a minute. Are you going speaking with others? In other words, like on the stage, sort of like the TED Talks? 

Amanda Kenderes 43:33
Yeah, so that's all in the plan. Right now, I'm speaking with CEOs and potential coaching clients, and I'm working 

with some AI applications. Right now, I'm waiting to see what lands. So, you know, the moment we're talking right now, yeah, things are in the making. So if I talk to you in a little bit down the road, yeah, then I'll have clear-cut answers. But right now, something's going to But I can't tell you exactly what it is, because I'm still in the conversation. It's fresh. 

Rich Bennett 44:11
But if people can actually contact you and have you come and speak, though. 

Amanda Kenderes 44:16
Correct. Oh, yes. Correct. So if they go to, yeah, go to mandakandaris.com and just, you know, fill out. There's a form. It's brief. Just, and we can connect. 

Rich Bennett 44:26
All right, so go back to the talktypes.com 

Amanda Kenderes 44:30
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 44:31
and this test. 

Amanda Kenderes 44:33
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 44:34
When's that going to be available? 

Amanda Kenderes 44:36
Yeah. I'm 

Rich Bennett 44:38
dying to take this thing. 

Amanda Kenderes 44:41
Absolutely. Actually, it shouldn't be long. I don't know how often from when you do the recordings to when these come out. You know, the podcasts, it might already be available by the time your listeners are hearing this. But they 

Rich Bennett 44:53
Okay. 

Amanda Kenderes 44:54
can definitely check. It won't be long. I'm just, right now, the website is under construction because I've got some cool things coming. They're adding to it. And so it's just not up. But it won't be long. 

Rich Bennett 45:07
Can you share what kind of cool things you got? 

Amanda Kenderes 45:10
Yeah. Yeah. 

So anytime anybody takes this talktype test, with the user's permission, of course, it records the location. This is a general location. So in other words, are you in the United States? Are you in Europe? Are you whatever? And all of that data gets put onto a global map where we're going to start seeing if there are patterns in where talktypes show up culturally around 

Rich Bennett 45:38
That's 

Amanda Kenderes 45:38
the world. 

Rich Bennett 45:39
smart. 

Amanda Kenderes 45:41
Really cool. 

Rich Bennett 45:42
Wow. 

Okay. So, Amanda. 

Amanda Kenderes 45:48
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 45:50
Speaking, coaching. And you're still teaching at the university, 

Amanda Kenderes 45:54
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 45:55
right? 

Amanda Kenderes 45:55
Yeah. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 45:56
Man, when the hell are you finding time for 

Amanda Kenderes 45:58
I 

Rich Bennett 45:58
all? 

Amanda Kenderes 45:58
don't know. And then throw in two toddlers. I don't know. 

Rich Bennett 46:03
Two? 

Amanda Kenderes 46:04
Oh, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 46:06
I'm afraid to ask you this next question now. 

But I have to 

Amanda Kenderes 46:13
asked 

Rich Bennett 46:13
because I everybody. 

Any plans on starting your own podcast? 

Amanda Kenderes 46:18
Oh, man. You know, we'll see. We'll see. I don't know, I've got, I actually have some people that are helping me out with the direction of all this because there's so much. There's so much. And so I've 

got people that are here with me helping me out going, okay, we're going to help you make plans here and there. We're going to give you some direction in terms of what we think the next step is. Because it is absolutely so much. And it's the best possible problem you can have, you know? 

Rich Bennett 46:54
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 46:54
But that might be in the works. We're just going to see if it turns out that that's where I'm being suggested to go, that I'm absolutely okay to take that. But we'll see. We'll see. I'm open to it. I'm open, Rich. 

Rich Bennett 47:08
So with the book, 

Amanda Kenderes 47:09
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 47:10
because your book is like a guidebook. 

Amanda Kenderes 47:12
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 47:13
Any plans on bringing out a, I guess like a, almost like a workbook to go with it? 

Amanda Kenderes 47:25
Yeah, that, that would be, so if I go take this into the kind of workshopping route, there would absolutely be a workbook. And I think it's a great idea. I just, honestly, it's a pragmatics issue right now where I have so many plates that I have to 

prioritize which one right now. But absolutely, I'm all over that. I think it's a great idea. 

Rich Bennett 47:51
Now, what's, so far with the book, and I'm looking on Amazon now, and it's, it's, God, on the charts, it's doing very well. 

Actually, in the top 100, in the one category, which is awesome. 

But, I love this. Those of you listening, okay, of course, you can get in paperback, hardcover, Kindle, or guess what? Audiobook, I guess who does the narration? 

Amanda Kenderes 48:23
Woo-hoo! 

Rich Bennett 48:24
Yours truly, no, not me. I mean, Amanda does. 

And thank you for that. Because I just, something I always tell authors, if it's a novel, I can understand not doing it yourself. But this is, this is you. 

Amanda Kenderes 48:39
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 48:40
Oh, did, did you just decide on your own, say, you know what, I'm going to do the audiobook version, and it's going to be me? 

Amanda Kenderes 48:50
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 48:50
Did somebody have to talk you into it? 

Amanda Kenderes 48:53
No, because, you know, honestly, fun fact, I used to do. I used to host TV shows when I was younger, and so I, 

Rich Bennett 49:03
I, 

Amanda Kenderes 49:07
I don't mind. The media work is fun for me. 

Rich Bennett 49:11
Wait a minute, okay, hold up. You used to be a TV host as well? 

Amanda Kenderes 49:15
No, in Korea, when I was 19. 

Rich Bennett 49:17
Oh, come on! 

Amanda Kenderes 49:18
Yeah, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:21
I, do you speak Korean? 

Amanda Kenderes 49:24
Yeah, yeah, I, 

Rich Bennett 49:24
oh, no, no, no, no. A lot of different continents. I guess you did have to learn to, how many different languages can you speak? 

Amanda Kenderes 49:31
Gosh, so there's the, you know, the Korean, Spanish, French, mainly those are the ones, and then, you know, a little Arabic, you know, pronoun. 

Rich Bennett 49:41
Oh, no! 

Amanda Kenderes 49:43
But just a little, no. 

Rich Bennett 49:46
Really? 

Amanda Kenderes 49:47
Yeah. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:47
Okay, so how many different languages is your book in? 

Amanda Kenderes 49:52
Right now, it's only English, but you're absolutely right. That's also on, in the works, in the plan to get this translated because, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 50:00
You're just, you're just, you've been blowing my mind 

Amanda Kenderes 50:02
day. 

Rich Bennett 50:02
this whole It's like, holy cow, man. And just to let you know, none of these questions were given to me by Madison, either. 

What? 

Amanda Kenderes 50:15
Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. 

Rich Bennett 50:18
Next thing you're going to tell me is that you also sing, right? 

Amanda Kenderes 50:21
I do, actually. 

Rich Bennett 50:22
Oh, come on! 

No! 

Damn, are you serious? 

Amanda Kenderes 50:30
No, seriously, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 50:32
Oh, Amanda, if you ever come out this way, you and I just got to sit there. Oh, God, I could sit there with you for hours. 

Amanda Kenderes 50:40
We would have a blast. We 

Rich Bennett 50:41
to. Oh, 

Amanda Kenderes 50:41
totally have 

Rich Bennett 50:42
wow. 

Holy cow. That is just, okay. 

So, what the hell? Oh, Talk Types. 

Amanda Kenderes 50:52
Right. 

Rich Bennett 50:53
Okay. So, those of you listening, make sure you get the book. After you read it, leave a full review. purchase it for other people. Those of you that own a business buy it for your employees as well. Even those of you that are in the nonprofit world, I think it'd be great for your board to have. This is a book that everybody needs. All you people that are into podcasting, all your podcast hosts, get it, get it. And the next, what's the next book going to be? types? 

Amanda Kenderes 51:25
well, this actually is, I, you know, it's so 

Rich Bennett 51:27
Oh, 

Amanda Kenderes 51:27
funny because it is. Yeah. It's taught. I call it talk types because we're limited by language, but how we talk is also how we listen. So it's all included. 

Rich Bennett 51:35
That's true. Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 51:36
Yeah. But no, I mean, there are, there are so many more books to be, to be written on this for sure. 

Rich Bennett 51:43
Are you actually working on another 

Amanda Kenderes 51:44
Oh 

Rich Bennett 51:44
book? 

Amanda Kenderes 51:44
yeah. There's there's a part two. There's a part two. Rest assured. 

Rich Bennett 51:47
That's right. You mentioned something about that in the beginning. 

Amanda Kenderes 51:50
Oh yeah. 

Rich Bennett 51:50
So explain why part two. 

Amanda Kenderes 51:53
Well, because talk types, very, very briefly talk types explains differences between, um, between people, but the part two explains differences within a talk type. So if somebody is a BA and somebody else is an AC, okay, now I understand why those two people are different, but what makes two ACs different because all ACs aren't the same. All BAs aren't the same. What accounts for some of those differences? And yes, of course, not everything can be explained by talk types, but the parts that can, the next book is going to explain that. 

Rich Bennett 52:31
Ooh, which means you're going to have to come back on again. 

Amanda Kenderes 52:34
There, that, there it is rich. 

Rich Bennett 52:36
And you might have to sing. 

Amanda Kenderes 52:38
I might. 

Rich Bennett 52:40
So if there's one thing you hope that readers take away from talk types, what would it be? 

Amanda Kenderes 52:47
I'm okay. You're okay. 

Rich Bennett 52:49
Oh 

man. 

Amanda Kenderes 52:54
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 52:55
I'm okay. Are you okay? 

Amanda Kenderes 52:56
I am. 

Rich Bennett 52:58
I'm more okay now since I started talking to you. 

Amanda Kenderes 53:04
That is power. When you, when you can really, when you can really own that internalize, like I'm okay, you know, and you're okay. Like I'm okay to be myself. And I realized that this validates who I am. And when I validate myself, I can also extend grace to you and you and validate who you are. And then we can move through the world with that kind of power. Wow. 

Rich Bennett 53:29
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 53:29
Hello. 

Rich Bennett 53:30
Man. All right. So before I get to my last question, actually, you know, I you know what, you've blown my mind so much already. I can't remember. Did we, did we give your website 

Amanda Kenderes 53:42
don't, 

Rich Bennett 53:42
website? 

Amanda Kenderes 53:43
I don't know. 

Rich Bennett 53:43
Tell everybody how they can get in touch with you. Sure. 

Amanda Kenderes 53:47
So 

amandacandaris.com and talktypes.com. Those are the two ways. And there's, yeah, like I said, I think we did the amandacandaris.com. There is a form. They can just submit a query and then we can be in touch. And talktypes.com. The test is coming and the world map and all that good stuff. Lots of goodies. 

Rich Bennett 54:09
And I'll make sure I have the links in the show notes. 

Amanda Kenderes 54:11
Perfect. 

Rich Bennett 54:11
So before I get to my last, you know what? No, I'm not. 

Okay. Cause I have some listeners that sent me questions. So I want to, I want to use one of those questions as the last one, but what's the first small step listeners could take today to improve their conversations and better connect with people in their lives? 

Amanda Kenderes 54:34
Well, from a talk types perspective, it would be to definitely understand, like learn talk types, learn talk types. I mean, that's, it's not even a small step. I think it's a huge step. I mean, it's a small step to actually learn them, but what it provides is a huge, you know, result. It's a, it's a, it's a net. It's a massive change. If you apply it to your life. So the small step would be, would be learning those. And, and then, and, and, and, you know, first identify yourself, read the book, see what you are, make sure that the, that the concepts land and then start to identify the family members around you. Um, there are examples in the book of famous people that can kind of help get that, kind of get that ball rolling. Um, and then once, once you see it, you can't unsee it. It's just, 

Rich Bennett 55:29
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 55:29
it just can't, it's everywhere. 

Rich Bennett 55:33
All right. So is there anything you would like to add before, and this question is perfect that you would like to add before I get to the last question? 

Amanda Kenderes 55:41
Oh gosh. I, I, I, nothing, nothing offhand. I think if I started to add something, we might go for another 30 minutes. Maybe I shouldn't give me the 

Rich Bennett 55:52
All 

Amanda Kenderes 55:52
last. 

Rich Bennett 55:52
right. My, my, my longest episode was two and a half hours. So I'm not worried about that. 

Amanda Kenderes 55:56
Oh, wow. Nice. 

Rich Bennett 55:58
On the weather. 

Amanda Kenderes 55:59
Ah, really? 

Rich Bennett 56:01
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 56:01
No 

Rich Bennett 56:02
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 56:02
way. 

Rich Bennett 56:03
Yes, it was. 

Amanda Kenderes 56:04
Now, now I'm curious. 

Rich Bennett 56:06
All right. So it was an elementary school teacher, Pete Ross. It was one of my actually, I think my daughter had him as a teacher and a young man who at the time was in high school had started a website called Harford County Weather Watch. And the young man was from somewhere in Tornado Alley. 

And it seemed like their website was more accurate than the people that were giving you the weather on TV. You know, but yeah, we spent two and a half is one of the most downloaded episodes for a long time. 

Amanda Kenderes 56:38
Fascinating. 

Rich Bennett 56:38
It was weird, but I've always been fascinated by tornadoes. I mean, I know they're, yeah, they're, they're not great. 

Amanda Kenderes 56:47
But I get it. 

Rich Bennett 56:48
But the first one I ever saw was over the water in Okinawa, Japan. And it, you know, water spat and it was pearl white. Beautiful. And I've always said, if I lived in tornado, tornado alley or anywhere out there, that would be my job. I'd be one of those chasers. Probably wouldn't be around today. 

Um, but oh yeah, it just, uh, I don't, I was, you know, we, you get so wrapped up in a conversation, time slips away very quickly. All right. So this, this is perfect because we were talking about what, when, how, you know, all that. And this comes from Tommy Thompson Jr. 

Amanda Kenderes 57:26
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 57:27
Oh, I didn't think I would ever be able to ask this question, but this is perfect. If you could go back to any point in your life and change the way you handled a certain situation, would you, why, how, and what would you say? 

Amanda Kenderes 57:45
Sure. Um, I, I wouldn't have gotten married because now I'm divorced. LOL. 

Rich Bennett 57:56
I think that, LOL, you're talking about laugh out loud. 

Amanda Kenderes 57:59
Let's laugh out loud. Let's laugh out loud. 

And, uh, what, because, you know, I didn't know then what I know now. Um, uh, I didn't, 

I didn't have part two of the talk types worked out. And, and you know what, it was probably in part, my marriage that helped me to work it out. So in that sense, it, it was, it was, it was worth it. 

But, uh, so maybe I wouldn't go back and change it, you know, who the heck knows, but that's, that's my immediate kind of answer. 

Rich Bennett 58:40
Well, that's the weird thing. I mean, cause when I saw that question, I'm like, if you, cause if you could go back and change something that could change the whole outcome of everything else. 

Amanda Kenderes 58:50
Oh, absolutely. It's a whole domino effect, you know? 

Rich Bennett 58:53
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 58:53
yeah, 

Rich Bennett 58:54
It says, 

Amanda Kenderes 58:55
yeah. Well, 

Rich Bennett 58:57
I 

Amanda Kenderes 58:57
and, and. 

Rich Bennett 58:57
don't think I would. 

Amanda Kenderes 58:58
Well, and it's, and the answer, you know, would we want to, it's, it's twofold because if I'm just thinking personally, well, heck, I wouldn't, I would, I would want to change that because, 

Rich Bennett 59:10
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 59:10
you know, divorces aren't fun and blah, blah, blah. But in terms of the net gain or impact for, or, for others, well, no, actually that was probably the catalyst for this second part of. Talk types, which is going to help. God only knows how many people. So 

Rich Bennett 59:32
Right. 

Amanda Kenderes 59:33
in that sense, if I'm thinking with that hat on, I wouldn't change it. 

Rich Bennett 59:37
Yeah. 

Amanda Kenderes 59:37
So I think that's, that's, what's cool about some of these things that we think are setbacks, um, can really, uh, be the, the moments of transformation for us and the things that help not only ourselves, but others the most. 

Rich Bennett 59:53
Mm-hmm. God, Amanda, I cannot wait to have you on again. 

Amanda Kenderes 59:58
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 59:58
This, this was a blast. Those, and actually those of you listening, when you get the book also, if you can. Either leave me a voicemail, email, or whatever to let me know how you used it or, or, or are using it. Um, and what you thought about it, because I think in the future, this could be a nice round table conversation with you co-hosting, having some other people on that have read the book and learn how to determine the talk types. 

Amanda Kenderes 1:00:35
Oh, that sounds fun. Let's do it, Rich. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:37
Uh, I'm in, you know. 

Amanda Kenderes 1:00:38
All right. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:39
I'm in. I'm definitely in. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time on a podcast. 

Amanda Kenderes 1:00:45
Oh yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:46
Amanda, thank you so much. 

Amanda Kenderes 1:00:48
It's been fantastic. Thank you, Rich. And I look forward to the next one. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:53
Thank you for listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and learned something from it as I did. If you'd like to hear more conversations like this, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you have a moment, I'd love it if you could leave a review. It helps us reach more listeners and share more incredible stories. Don't forget to connect with us on social media or visit our website at conversationswithrichbennett.com for updates, giveaways, and more. Until next time, take care, be kind, and keep the conversations going.