Irina Shehovsov on Breaking Free from Victimhood

Wendy & Rich 0:01
Coming to you from the Freedom Federal Credit Union Studios, Hartford County Living presents Conversations with Rich Bennett. 

Rich Bennett 0:27
At some point surviving stops feeling noble and starts feeling exhausting. You're doing everything you're supposed to do, holding it together on the outside, but inside you feel empty, disconnected, or quietly broken. My guest today hit that place, and made a decision that changed everything. I didn't come here to suffer. I re-init Shahawsiw went from living in unworthiness, an emotional pain, to helping women heal, reclaim their self-worth, and create joy from within. So this isn't a bad pretended life didn't hurt. It's about what happens when you stop surviving, and start choosing yourself. So, also, I didn't tell you this, but she's also a podcaster. Does two podcasters weekly? Weekly? But we'll get into that later. First of all, how are you doing, Arena? 

Irina Shehovsov 1:29
Awesome. Thank you so much for having me. 

Rich Bennett 1:31
Oh, my pleasure. I'm glad I know we tried to do this a while ago, but I think we had a storm moving in. And here it is. We are recording on January 22nd, and lo and behold, this weekend we got a winter storm moving in. It's like, storms. I don't know what it is. Why are you bringing the storms with you? 

Irina Shehovsov 1:54
Right. 

Rich Bennett 1:56
All right, so I want to get into this. My first question for you. What did survival actually look like for you back then and how did you know it wasn't sustainable 

Irina Shehovsov 2:11
Because I was tired every day. I felt like I was getting closer to my desk, but I didn't feel like I was living. Every day was a morning rush. Draping kids off to school at two different places, dashing, parking somewhere, and got for the second place, because all the spots were taken, because it was a little bit later and then rushing. And so one morning, when the painful morning, I missed my train by a second. And I started sobbing and crying right there on the station platform. 

Rich Bennett 2:41
anymore? Wow. 

Irina Shehovsov 2:42
I was asking myself, "What is this rushing all about? What am I rushing to?" 

Rich Bennett 2:46
Just 

Irina Shehovsov 2:49
getting closer to my desk and I didn't feel like I was living. So on outside, everything looked perfect. A family, well, a single family, and a job a home. Like everything is an order, but on the inside, I felt like I was dying. I felt like the walls were collapsing on me. I didn't see any joy in today to day living. I felt like a soldier who went to war that never ended where you wake up every morning. You don't wanna wake up every 

Rich Bennett 3:23
there, 

Irina Shehovsov 3:23
morning to really go to the same reality, because there is nothing to look forward to. Everything is mechanical. You just do the things. You take the boxes. You live in a life that you don't want it to be yours. You didn't sign up for this at the time. 

think the distinction comes when you have an idea and you had an expectation that a life is supposed to be. You go to school, you start a family, you start a job. Of you go and then you retire and do whatever you want. And when that picture, that ideal picture, does not match the reality. We can find ourselves 

Rich Bennett 4:02
I 

Irina Shehovsov 4:02
in suffering mode. But suffering can last as long as we allow pain, can happen. And situations in life happen to everybody. How long we choose to suffer is up to us. How long the suffering will continue. And we can change that fact. 

Rich Bennett 4:21
What would you actually tell yourself about your worth at that time? 

Irina Shehovsov 4:26
That I'm broken. I couldn't keep a family together. Like I did everything right. I was the good girl. I cooked. I made sure everything is like happy. And I never spoken how I truly felt. 

I was the quiet one. I never wanted to quarrel. I wanted to avoid conflict at all costs. And what happens over time. What happens if you do that over and over again. You lose yourself in a relationship. Or in any partnership when you don't really voice your opinions. You don't really say how you feel. Oh, it's not important. Oh, I don't want to make a big deal out of it. But over time, this goes layer after layer and it leads us in wrong direction. 

Rich Bennett 5:13
Yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 5:13
And that what happened to me, I had a sense of lost identity. I didn't know who I was anymore outside of being a mom outside of being someone else's spouse. I no longer knew what it was like. What was I about? 

Rich Bennett 5:27
Any idea what actually brought this on? 

Irina Shehovsov 5:34
What caused the feeling how I was feeling? 

Rich Bennett 5:36
Well, I mean, I mean, it's because you say you had a family married, right? So it seems like you had this happy life. And then all of a sudden it's just like, I want to say like a giant ball of depression just came down and fell on top of you. 

Irina Shehovsov 5:53
I forgot to mention I became a single 

Rich Bennett 5:57
When a newborn explains the 

Irina Shehovsov 5:58
parent. 

Rich Bennett 5:58
name of the other podcast. 

Irina Shehovsov 6:00
To a newborn and a five year old. 

Rich Bennett 6:04
Wait, wait, wait, what? 

Irina Shehovsov 6:08
And that kind of caused the whole thing to unravel the depression and everything that followed. So I became a single parent. 

Rich Bennett 6:16
With a five year old and a newborn. 

Irina Shehovsov 6:19
Yes, yeah, when my son was three months old, my husband moved away without 

Rich Bennett 6:25
Oh 

Irina Shehovsov 6:25
him. 

Rich Bennett 6:26
my god! 

Wow, 

holy, I had no idea. I did not know that. Now this is blows me away. How in the world were you able to pull it all together? I mean, that's a lot. 

Irina Shehovsov 6:49
Yes, I don't know how. I just, I told you I felt like I was a soldier moving through my days. 

Rich Bennett 6:57
Yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 6:57
Mechanically being there because the way I was brought up or maybe it's the society. No matter what happens inside, you put on a smile, you put on a nice clothes, and you go. And you perform your things wherever you need to perform. And that kind of, you know how we wear masks. 

Rich Bennett 7:16
Yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 7:16
We have one way with one person. Like when you go to work, you're one person. And when you're at home, you're another person. And when you're with your friends, you're a third person. So having that identity. So when you go to work, everything is great. I'm smiling. I'm smiling on the outside, dying on the inside. 

Rich Bennett 7:32
Yeah, your oldest which was five at the time, could they see this in you? Do you think? 

Irina Shehovsov 7:39
See what 

Rich Bennett 7:40
do. In other words, everything, 

Irina Shehovsov 7:41
I would you 

Rich Bennett 7:41
everything that 

Irina Shehovsov 7:42
were 

Rich Bennett 7:42
through. 

Irina Shehovsov 7:42
going 

Rich Bennett 7:42
Yeah, everything that you were going through. 

Irina Shehovsov 7:45
I didn't kind of cry or suddenly bad things in front of the kids. 

Rich Bennett 7:52
Yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 7:53
By myself away, yes. But not in front of them. 

Rich Bennett 7:57
Wow. 

Irina Shehovsov 7:57
Because I knew that I called the whole idea, I embarked on this happiness journey. When I am miserable, everybody around me will be miserable because, you know, you cannot take a lemon. And it will not produce orange juice, lemon juice. 

Rich Bennett 8:12
Right. 

Irina Shehovsov 8:12
Lemon can only give you lemon juice. So the kind of person that I am, I got to show up. Good. So good things come out. But of course, I didn't get there right away. It was a journey for me to get there. And my journey started when I decided that nobody is coming to save me. I got to save myself because I was waiting for somebody to come rescue me. But of course, nobody did. And I decided there is more to this thing called We don't just come here to suffer. 

Rich Bennett 8:42
Right. 

Irina Shehovsov 8:43
There must be something better out there because what's the point of living anyway? If you don't pursue your dreams, if you don't follow what's good. 

Rich Bennett 8:52
Yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 8:53
And there is a, life is not just, you don't just leave to work. 

Rich Bennett 9:01
That's 

Irina Shehovsov 9:01
You 

Rich Bennett 9:01
true. 

Irina Shehovsov 9:02
also leave to create. You also, you came here to create something. And so that was the journey. I wanted to discover what it was. I wanted to discover who I am outside of being a mom and a someone else's spouse. I wanted to, and so my journey started, I decided then to. Personal development and growth was my way out. the first thing I did was walking in the morning, taking a walk for myself. I 

Rich Bennett 9:33
And 

Irina Shehovsov 9:33
always wanted to. Yes. And it was a simple, first step. I didn't know how I was going to be happy or what to create. But that was my first step. And I used the first hour of the day, like Tony Robbins calls the power hour. In vision, what you want your life to be. So I wrote on the piece of paper what I wanted my life to be. I knew it's my life. And loyally I killed it. Eight years later I became an author. Because on those times it was 2015. I used to walk and I wanted to imagine how I wanted my life to be. One of them was becoming an author and speaking on stages, singing on stages. 

Rich Bennett 10:17
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you say singing on stages? 

Irina Shehovsov 10:24
Yes, I didn't do it yet. Well, I did one time 

Rich Bennett 10:29
So you're a singer 

Irina Shehovsov 10:30
working. 

Rich Bennett 10:30
as well? 

Irina Shehovsov 10:31
Yes, not professional, just. 

Rich Bennett 10:35
And if you don't want to, that's fine. But could you sing something for us? 

Irina Shehovsov 10:43
Sure, what would you like to hear? 

Rich Bennett 10:46
Anything, whatever your favorite song is, whatever it is that you love to sing, just knock out of verse. 

Irina Shehovsov 10:54
All right, just say it. 

Rich Bennett 10:56
Sure. I don't need. Why are you see more people that tell me they sing are not this comfortable? Just coming out and saying, no, I'm not going to, you know, you're here. You're ready. I love this. We're putting you on the world stage. Go ahead. 

Not women, why 

Irina Shehovsov 11:22
it's a name, 

Rich Bennett 11:22
oh my god. Oh, okay. 

Irina Shehovsov 11:44
[speaking in foreign language] 

[singing in foreign language] 

Rich Bennett 12:28
How come you haven't been on stage yet? 

Irina Shehovsov 12:33
I'm working 

Rich Bennett 12:34
on this. All right, Elio, if you're listening to this, I have somebody here to open up for the three tenors or the Sicilian tenors the next time you guys go out and perform. That was beautiful. Now, are you, did you go take classes for singing? 

Irina Shehovsov 12:52
I did back in 2015, I took a voice coach and I was a jazz singer who I studied with. And then I also went enrolled my kids into school, music school, but didn't work out, so I ended up staying there and taking music lessons there as well. This was already ten years ago. I 

Rich Bennett 13:12
Wow. 

Irina Shehovsov 13:12
don't have any lessons now, but I think there is an app called Duoline, Smijl, karaoke on the phone, it's called Smijl. 

Rich Bennett 13:20
Okay. 

Irina Shehovsov 13:21
So I've been singing on there and I've also sang at a bitter end rock club in New York City. It's the oldest rock club in New York City. 

Rich Bennett 13:30
No. 

Irina Shehovsov 13:32
2017. And then there was a high school, they pulled students from a school that I was in, adults students and they created an adult band. And so I sang with them. 

Rich Bennett 13:45
All right, so I know we are going way off topic here, but I had no idea about this with you. You got a beautiful voice or don't stop, keep singing. What's the biggest stage you want to see yourself on singing? 

Irina Shehovsov 14:01
I want to go on the America Got Talent. 

Rich Bennett 14:05
Oh no, no, no, no, no, you're bigger than that. 

Irina Shehovsov 14:09
I don't know 

Rich Bennett 14:10
Wow. 

Irina Shehovsov 14:10
what you mean. 

Rich Bennett 14:13
Wow. That's all right, so a singer you talk on I guess a motivational speaker, right? 

Irina Shehovsov 14:25
Yeah, I spoke at MIT in Boston last July. 

Rich Bennett 14:28
And an author. 

Irina Shehovsov 14:30
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 14:30
A podcaster. 

Irina Shehovsov 14:33
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 14:33
A single mother. Any other surprises for me? 

Irina Shehovsov 14:39
I'm also an artist. 

Rich Bennett 14:41
Oh, come on. Now, what kind of art? 

Irina Shehovsov 14:46
I like to paint. 

Rich Bennett 14:47
No. 

Irina Shehovsov 14:47
I'm not professional just, you know, because I believe in power of habits. And in fact, I wrote chapter six of the book, The Gift and Sight is all about habits, because through habits, we discover our passions and we discover little pieces of ourselves we didn't know we had. 

Rich Bennett 15:04
Wow. All right, so I see. Did you, so you're a painter on your books? Well, wait a minute. Tell everybody how many books you've written since and wait, wait a minute. What year did you write the first book? 

Irina Shehovsov 15:21
22. 

Rich Bennett 15:23
22. Four years. That's only four years. Tell everybody how many books you've written in four years? 

Irina Shehovsov 15:28
Seven books. 

Rich Bennett 15:29
Seven books. 

Irina Shehovsov 15:31
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 15:31
So you're an artist. Did you do the cover work as well? 

Irina Shehovsov 15:35
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 15:36
Wow. 

Irina Shehovsov 15:38
I wanted to do a picture of the heart and the fact that the whole thing about the book is we all have a gift inside of us and it is a job to find what that gift is and share it with the world. So that's the whole idea behind the gift inside that we get to that meat and bones. What is the gift that we hear on earth to do? What is our gift? 

Rich Bennett 16:00
The gift inside is your first book, right? 

Irina Shehovsov 16:04
It's 

Rich Bennett 16:05
my 6th book. Oh, that's your 6th book. 

Irina Shehovsov 16:06
It's my first solo book. The other books was a contribution, so I did chapters. 

Rich Bennett 16:12
Okay, so on the gift inside, your morning routine, you're more or less told us about with the walk-in. What else involves your morning routine? 

Irina Shehovsov 16:24
Journaling, meditation and gratitude. The first thing I say as I jump out of bed, it's going to be an awesome day. And I'm grateful for three things, the fact that I'm standing, the fact that the sun is shining, or something small, it doesn't have to be big or grandier. But setting the intention, it's going to be an awesome day, no matter what goes, you already set expectations. Before the world comes with its own agenda, you can get your own agenda up front. What's your intention? 

Rich Bennett 17:02
And 

Irina Shehovsov 17:03
I love to sing, so my morning routine finishes with me singing. 

Rich Bennett 17:07
All right, if I try adding singing to my morning routine, I am going to have neighbors complaining big time. But your morning routine sounds a lot similar to mine. Yeah, I love doing the walk-in. I meditate. I have my little grateful rock on my nightstand that my daughter got me. Yeah, I do all that, too, but I'm not doing the singing part. Something else you do, which I do, as well. So your breakfast. Can you even got a chapter in the book about healthy eating? So, what is your go-to breakfast after your regular morning routine? 

Irina Shehovsov 17:48
So, a green smoothie is a great thing to start, but we all go through stages and ages in life, so whatever feels, we all know how to make a perfect coffee or tea that if you are into it, and we should also know what makes a perfect day perfect. So maybe some people were not in waking up early, maybe they start late. What I say doesn't matter when you wake up, it matters how you 

Rich Bennett 18:15
wake up. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But a man of sleep matters, too, right? 

Irina Shehovsov 18:22
Totally, yes, 

Rich Bennett 18:23
yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 18:24
And 

Rich Bennett 18:24
Agreed, 

Irina Shehovsov 18:24
we are all good friends, and our sleep starts the day before, and 

Rich Bennett 18:28
yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 18:28
how you prepare for sleep, making sure your room is cold, not using electronic devices, not having arguments with your people, your loved ones, but doing some kind of activity that kind of slows you down, allows you to prepare your body to sleep, maybe reading, or maybe doing something not interactive so much, so that you can relax and easy. And especially eating four hours before bed, because it takes our digestion processes long. And meanwhile a lot of time you feel oh, I slept, but I wake up and I still feel tired. No wonder if you had the dinner at 10pm, and then you plucked the wet at 11pm. Your body was practicing all those food, and you weren't really resting and recuperating. 

Rich Bennett 19:17
Are we like twins somehow? Yeah, it's amazing, because everything that you're talking about here is a lot of the things that I preached to my daughter and other people. And I'll grant it, I did not always do the healthy eating and all this. I mean, I was up to 300 pounds and started, it's like, no, I need to make a change. There's no TV in my room. I don't want it in there. When I'm working on the computer, I would even wear the blu-ray glasses, because everybody knew, well, not everybody, but a lot of people know that the blu-rays from the computer and the phone will mess with your brain. And the meditation is very important. All right, so you meditate. Why do you think? And I've asked this question a lot of people that meditate. Why do you think some people have a hard time trying to meditate? 

Irina Shehovsov 20:19
I'm going to stay alone with their thoughts. 

Rich Bennett 20:22
Oh, 

Irina Shehovsov 20:24
escape. They don't want to stay quiet. They want any kind of distraction. That's one hypothesis. It's not 

Rich Bennett 20:31
right, 

Irina Shehovsov 20:31
blunt. But we can never stay with ourselves, because we can't just be interacted either by phone or conversations. We never want to stay alone with our thoughts, because we don't want to be. We feel, I don't know. Maybe we don't like our thoughts. That's one idea, another idea, because life is so fast-paced, it's difficult to slow down. What are you talking about? You want me to not think about anything? But, there are different kinds of meditations. 

Rich Bennett 20:59
Exactly. 

Irina Shehovsov 21:14
You can start small, maybe two minutes. 

Rich Bennett 21:16
Yeah! 

Irina Shehovsov 21:17
See how it feels! And when a thought or idea floats, think of it as a cloud passing by. Don't hang onto it. Just let it float by. And it will be released. You don't have to latch onto every thought and have an internal dialogue about that thought. I call meditation the inner shower of the mind. You know how we wake up? You want a smile, fresh, and nice? Well, what about feeling nice on the inside? 

Rich Bennett 21:44
Mm-hmm. 

Irina Shehovsov 21:45
What about by doing meditation? We can start small, we can start little, see how it feels. It's not a competition sport, it's just allows your ability to tune into yourself. 

Rich Bennett 21:58
Yeah. I just don't understand why a lot of 

people feel like, a lot of people that I talk to when I mention meditation, that they should meditate. It's great for your mental health. Number one, one of the biggest reasons they say they can is they feel like you have to sit down with your legs, and hands out. One of the biggest reasons they say they can is they feel like you have to sit down with your legs, and hands out, and you know, mm-hmm. It's like, no. You can meditate, like you said, talking while you're walking, while you're laying down. I think a lot of people don't realize they're meditating, and they're meditating. Does that makes sense? Yeah. like, alright, so tell us, I don't want you to tell us all of them, but 

Irina Shehovsov 22:47
It's 

Rich Bennett 22:48
with your book, the gift inside. The 12 steps to heal on worthiness, brokeness, and victim mentality so you can find that you're happy. I don't want you to tell us all the steps, because I want people to have to purchase the book to find out the other steps. But what are some of your, let's go with three, three of your favorite steps. 

Irina Shehovsov 23:15
In favor it will chapter 7, I think it's very big. It's about becoming free from victimhood. And going in there, that we are not a victim. Everything that happens is for a greater route. Maybe it's not visible at the moment when you're in a bad situation. But ask yourself, what is currently good here that I cannot see? And becoming accepting the situation, not saying that it was fair or it was right, but accepting that it took place. 

Rich Bennett 23:47
And 

Irina Shehovsov 23:48
then looking at your life as an observer, what can I learn from this experience, so that next time I make a different decision? 

And I go, there are like three little steps inside that, so accepting, shifting your mind from problem to solution, because the more you think about the problem, the problem already happened. 

Rich Bennett 24:09
Yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 24:09
How are you gonna solve it? Focusing, shifting your attention from problem to solution is important, because where you focus your attention, this is what you're gonna get more of. If you focus more of your attention on the problem, you will have more problems in your life, similarly. But if you shift it to solution, then you kind of point, you give your mind a signal. And it's like when you walk in a forest with a flashlight, pointing the flashlight into one specific direction, and you suddenly realize there is this solution of this and that. And at the third point, 

yeah, becoming the observer, not everything that happens for you to internalize. You can be observer without absorbing. It took place, I was there, I witnessed it. It doesn't have to become your personality, it doesn't have to become your identity. It could be just a learning experience from which you can pull wisdom, pull nuggets, pull little gifts, and then use them in your life later on. 

Rich Bennett 25:16
Wow! 

Irina Shehovsov 25:18
Wow! 

chapter, another good point is hobbies, like we said, because I believe we discover little pieces of ourselves, 

Rich Bennett 25:29
Another 

Irina Shehovsov 25:30
and it could be different from me. I'm not saying everybody should go, "Sing, maybe you love Pilates, maybe you like Archery, maybe you like cooking, or baking, maybe you were putting something in a basket." I said, "Oh, I'll do it on our retire, I'll do it later, I'll do it next week." Well, what if you don't have next week? 

Rich Bennett 25:46
Right. 

Irina Shehovsov 25:46
You live here, now, do it. Do the thing, you were given a dream for a reason. Not your friend. Not your relative. Not your children. You were given, because you have that special flavor, or you can, you have the special ability that you can unleash it to the world. Imagine what life would be like if dreams didn't go to die in a cemetery. 

Rich Bennett 26:23
How far did you travel to go speaking? 

Irina Shehovsov 26:28
So far it's been online, and the first one was in Boston where I went. I travel was five hours. 

Rich Bennett 26:35
Have you done it? Have you done a TEDAT talk yet? 

Irina Shehovsov 26:38
I don't know. 

Rich Bennett 26:39
Oh, 

Irina Shehovsov 26:40
It's only, it's only list. 

Rich Bennett 26:44
How long is this list of yours? 

Irina Shehovsov 26:48
Well, you know there is success principles by Jack Canfield? 

Rich Bennett 26:52
Yes. 

Irina Shehovsov 26:52
Amazing books. So I wrote, I think 75 points of things that I want to create in this life. 

Rich Bennett 27:04
Wow! 

I still can't wait to see you on stage singing. It's going to happen. 

Irina Shehovsov 27:12
You. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 27:16
I didn't hear what that was. What do you say? 

Irina Shehovsov 27:21
We have some crew doing the water 

Rich Bennett 27:24
Oh, 

Irina Shehovsov 27:24
stuff. 

Rich Bennett 27:24
I thought they yelled that they can't wait either to see you on stage singing. 

I forgot where I was when I was getting ready to ask you now. God, that threw me off. That's all right. That's, that's why this stuff goes, go ahead, you remember. 

Irina Shehovsov 27:41
We were talking about jihadists. 

Rich Bennett 27:43
Yes. God. 

Oh, 

did you already say your three favourites? I forgot. 

Irina Shehovsov 27:55
So I said two 

Rich Bennett 27:56
favourites. 

Irina Shehovsov 27:57
Coming free from victimhood and habits, and I think that's your one being present. Being present. The power of now, as a cartoli says, we don't have the past. We don't have the future. We have right here right now. And when we spend more time in here and now we can create the better life for ourselves. Because when we are in the future, we are anxious. When we are in the past, we are we are. Depressed because we remember the bad stuff. We don't remember the good stuff. Oftentimes when I ask you, what do you want? Oftentimes we don't even know what we want. 

Rich Bennett 28:34
Yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 28:34
We start bel juiting out things we don't want. 

Rich Bennett 28:38
So for those of you listening, if you don't know, Arena, do you have people there doing work at your house or something? 

Irina Shehovsov 28:45
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 28:45
So I didn't realize I had just put her on her first singing stage in her place. 

Irina Shehovsov 28:53
You were actually saying on the podcast in June, I think. 

Rich Bennett 28:58
Yeah, but did you have an audience? 

Irina Shehovsov 29:00
No. 

Rich Bennett 29:00
All right. Well, I say you did with me and you had an audience already. 

Irina Shehovsov 29:05
Thank 

Rich Bennett 29:06
you. Are they still 

Irina Shehovsov 29:10
there? They left. 

Rich Bennett 29:11
Oh, man, I'm suppose they should have came and gotten your autograph, what the hell is wrong with them? Give me their names. I need to call them back in here. Come on, guys, you don't know what you're missing. Jeez. So with the women, did you go over the third one? I 

Irina Shehovsov 29:33
did being present. 

Rich Bennett 29:35
Being present, that's right. Oh, I mean, what the hell are you doing to me here? Okay. So with this book to gift inside, how long did this one actually take you to write? 

Irina Shehovsov 29:49
I started writing in 2020 and it wasn't like I was sporadically right. 

Rich Bennett 29:56
Right. 

Irina Shehovsov 29:57
Nothing. I was at the time and Brandon Bouchard asked her mind and I was going on the beach and writing a chapter and filling it. But the whole process I take to 20 to 10 years for me first to leave it, experience it, and then start writing about it, I started in 2020 and in September and I finished in 2024, August. And again, it was in and out. It wasn't like continues because I know how people write. 

Rich Bennett 30:28
Yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 30:29
The 90 days. This was before that. 

Rich Bennett 30:33
Were there any parts of the book for you that was very hard to write emotionally wise? 

Irina Shehovsov 30:41
The becoming free from victimhood. I kind of got stuck on that chapter. If you look at the whole book, this kind of like the biggest piece of it. I don't know what. It's not like it was difficult but everything before that kind of what's smoothly writing and when I got to that one, I kind of started slowing down and I don't know what it was. Maybe my perfectionism kicked in or I didn't know how to wrap things around. 

The black was released because I was able to move faster. 

Rich Bennett 31:15
And those of you listening, when you purchase the, well, first of all, when you purchase a book, you know what I'm going to say, leave a full review and purchase copies to the friends of yours. Uh, but this came out in 2024, correct? 

Irina Shehovsov 31:30
Correct, yes. 

December, so it's a year and one month. 

Rich Bennett 31:49
Okay. And this was the number one best seller on Amazon. 

Irina Shehovsov 31:53
Correct, 

Rich Bennett 31:54
So 

Irina Shehovsov 31:54
yes. 

Rich Bennett 31:55
when you found that out, what, walk us through that, when you just load on Amazon, you saw the number one best seller, what was your reaction? 

Irina Shehovsov 32:05
Amazing. 

it wasn't the first one, it was the sixth one, 

Rich Bennett 32:10
Well, the, 

Irina Shehovsov 32:11
I did the other ones, they were also best selling an Amazon. 

Rich Bennett 32:14
Yeah, but this is the first one where it's by yourself. 

Irina Shehovsov 32:18
Yes, incredible. It was incredible that it happened, and that I did. At first, the idea of writing a whole book feels overwhelming, because you're going to do all this big, massive thing by yourself. But that's why I dipped my toes before into the multi-author books to get the feeling filled with what it's like. So when it was came to do my own, it was much easier, and I knew already what to expect, but still is exciting to have, you know, how you have the person idea, a dream on your head, and then then hold physically, physical copy, hold it in your hands, how it comes from idea to physical. That's just incredible. 

Rich Bennett 32:58
Oh, yeah. Oh, man. 

Irina Shehovsov 33:01
It's like another one of your babies, it's like a child. Like a podcast, isn't a child, and this is another, like, your child. 

Rich Bennett 33:08
And I haven't finished writing my baby yet, but eventually I will. I just keep putting it off. But, you know, that's another story. So tell everybody why they should purchase the gift inside. 

Irina Shehovsov 33:25
If they want to be happy again, that's why they should purchase if they feel stuck and they want to change it is for people who feel a loss of identity, or they don't know what life is all about anymore. They want to come out of it, but they don't know where to start, they feel overwhelmed, because they've done life, how society told them to do life. And when reality didn't match, they felt broken, they felt depressed, they didn't know where to go. And if they want to change, this is the book for them. It will give them a roadmap, I'm not saying, like, my way is the highway, take what works, drop what doesn't. But it is possible to recover, and this was my roadmap back to health, back to being happy. These are the steps I took, because I believe they are holistic beings. And so this book touches on all habits that we create in physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual states. Little things that we take for granted, like gratitude, like being present, like doing habits, or practicing forgiveness. Those little things, add up, little by little, and you change your life, you don't change it overnight, but you invested, like, we didn't learn how to walk right away, we first got up, we fell down, we got up, we fell down, but we never stopped trying. We weren't, like, life didn't beat us down, and we were more curious about what this walking thing is all about, as opposed to the fact that we fell down, like, and we're sitting and waiting, Oh, life is on here, I'm being beaten down, why did I fall down? Again, we're excited and curious, what is the world out there? We are not beaten down by life yet. And with my book, I hope people can find and wake themselves up a little bit and discover what it makes for them to be alive. What is the gift that they came here to share? And, yeah, take what works and drop what doesn't, and this is just my roadmap, I hope it could be a patron, someone else's survival guides. 

Rich Bennett 35:38
All right, so those of you listening, and I've never done this before, but I do believe that Arena's book can help a lot of people. So here's what I want you to do. Those of you listening, 

leave me a comment, email me, leave me a voicemail or whatever, and tell me what you liked best about this episode. And the first three people that contact me, I'm going to purchase a book for you and send it to you. So again, just email me, contact me, somebody leave a voicemail or whatever. Let me know what you like the best about this episode. I guarantee you I bet I know what the answers are going to be. Her singing, I bet. I know how I mean, God, that voice. Oh my God. Okay, so what came first, the writing or the podcasting? 

Irina Shehovsov 36:36
The podcasting came 

Rich Bennett 36:37
Really? 

Irina Shehovsov 36:37
first. Yes. 

Rich Bennett 36:39
Which podcast came 

Irina Shehovsov 36:42
first? Single, parent success 

Rich Bennett 36:44
And 

Irina Shehovsov 36:44
stories. 

Rich Bennett 36:44
how long ago did you start that 

Irina Shehovsov 36:47
January, one year? I recorded my first episode 

Rich Bennett 36:50
in 

Irina Shehovsov 36:51
and 

Rich Bennett 36:51
2020. 

Irina Shehovsov 36:52
And I released on March 2nd of the one year, yes. 

Rich Bennett 36:55
And that one's still going strong to, and that's in the top two percent you said, right? 

Irina Shehovsov 37:00
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 37:00
I so, I have a funny feeling. I already know the answer to this. But what made you start that? 

Irina Shehovsov 37:07
I got inspired by a fellow master minder. I was at Brandon Buschard, mastermind at the time, and she was doing series of interviews with fellow interpreneurs. And I said, what a great idea. I want to speak to single parents who've been there, done that. Because first of all, I didn't consider myself an expert. And I wanted to get a different view on single parenting, because there is always stigma around it. I wanted to speak to people who feel successful with where they are in life, how they live turned out, how they children life turned out. And so my first guess was from the mastermind, who believed in my crazy idea. I didn't know anything about a podcast. I was just inspired to do interviews. And that's how that idea started. And I'm so grateful it did. Because then it helped me realize that dream of becoming an author. A publisher came on my podcast, who was a former single parent, and invited me to be a part of her book. And that started in '22, and it's been an incredible journey ever since. And from the podcast, we also created two books, SoulParent Volume 1 and SoulParent Volume 2. 

Rich Bennett 38:14
Oh, wow. 

Irina Shehovsov 38:14
And SoulParent Volume 1 was named Best Book by Book Authority of 2023. It was a list that I didn't submit anything. I was searching for something. And it came up online, which was unexpected. 

Rich Bennett 38:30
Wow. 

Irina Shehovsov 38:31
So it's been an incredible journey. Podcasting opened up other avenues and allowed me to speak with people whom I would never otherwise would have spoken to. 

Rich Bennett 38:42
It's a giant network. Because I'm sure you probably still keep in touch with a lot of them. If not, maybe even all of them, right? 

Irina Shehovsov 38:48
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 38:49
Yeah, 

Irina Shehovsov 38:49
yes. 

Rich Bennett 38:50
that's the one thing I love about this. And first of all, I want to say congratulations because there is a lot of people that started the podcast in 2020 because that was your COVID. And a lot of them are not doing it anymore. And you're still doing it. You're going strong. You even started a second podcast. When did you start the second one? And what's the name of that? 

Irina Shehovsov 39:15
A second one started in 2023. And that one is called Reclaim Your Life with Avina. I speak to people who had a wake up call that suddenly changed the trajectory of their life for the better. Whether they decided to lose weight or have a new appreciation for life, or maybe they had near-death experience. But in four states of being physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, to share the tools, I share my own tools. And I also speak to people to share their tools. So I had one channeler. I had a near-death experiencer. I had ancestral healing. I had Akashry Krakhar. So different tools that allow a person to reclaim their life, whether it is through physical health, maybe some tricks or techniques to improving physical health or emotional or mental, that you can reclaim your life with because we only want decision away from changing a life. And so that's why that podcast is there. That's the whole reason for it. 

Rich Bennett 40:11
Wow. 

Did you, by chance, have joy, Giovanni, or...? 

Irina Shehovsov 40:19
I have. No, 

Rich Bennett 40:21
not yet. 

Irina Shehovsov 40:22
Not yet. 

Rich Bennett 40:23
Not yet. I have a funny feeling you will. I just think you too would hit it off really well. Really well. So what's your favorite besides meeting the people? What's your favorite thing about podcasting? 

Irina Shehovsov 40:36
You get to learn different ideas, different 

Rich Bennett 40:39
Yep. 

Irina Shehovsov 40:39
tools. You can share experiences, you can share knowledge, and you can connect with other people. Yesterday I had a podcast with a doctor, who done what he is doing, end learning management. And before that, sometime in summer, I had another doctor on, and I gave the first one, listen to the second one, and they wanted to meet. And so I created a connection for them. 

Rich Bennett 41:05
I said, 

Irina Shehovsov 41:07
Like mine, when you speak with somebody, who you feel is resonating, you 

Rich Bennett 41:10
yeah. 

Irina Shehovsov 41:10
can connect them with other people, and you create. They would not have met because you weren't there to kinda provide that connections. 

Rich Bennett 41:20
Yeah, now do you get most of your guests through PADMatch or just-- 

Irina Shehovsov 41:24
Yeah. Yeah. Padmatch and people also write emails. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 41:28
Yes. 

Irina Shehovsov 41:35
Yeah. 

Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 41:39
Yeah. I think that's probably the-- I want to say one of the toughest things about podcasting is all the emails you get, especially if it comes from a Gmail account, because sometimes you're like, okay, just just somebody, just-- You know. You don't know, especially if it says that they're from an agency. All right, then, how can you not use it in your agency's email account? If you have an agency, you just, and people want to through, what I love is the ones that throw you a pitch. Don't email you a pitch. And it'll be about somebody they think would be very good on your show has nothing to do with your show. 

Irina Shehovsov 42:20
I had many of those. They didn't listen like what the show is about. I just said 

Rich Bennett 42:26
I don't 

Irina Shehovsov 42:28
expect 

Rich Bennett 42:29
All 

Irina Shehovsov 42:29
the answer. 

Rich Bennett 42:29
right, now we're really going to put you on the spot. 

Irina Shehovsov 42:35
Okay, 

Rich Bennett 42:35
three podcasts that you like to listen 

Irina Shehovsov 42:41
to. Brandon Bouchard, 

Rich Bennett 42:43
what's 

Irina Shehovsov 42:43
the next. 

Rich Bennett 42:44
What's the name of his? 

Irina Shehovsov 42:46
I don't know if he's still doing it, but I called 

Rich Bennett 42:50
the mastermind one, right? 

Irina Shehovsov 42:52
And it's not a mastermind. He had the marketing one and he had the personal development one. I don't know if he is still doing it, but recently it's been the next-level soul. I love that one. 

Rich Bennett 43:02
Ooh. 

Irina Shehovsov 43:03
I've been bingelistic to that one. 

Rich Bennett 43:05
Okay. 

Irina Shehovsov 43:06
Another one is the 

tapes I forgot the name. 

Rich Bennett 43:16
Sorry, I'll let you slide. The reason I asked that question and this is something I've noticed with some podcasters out there. They don't listen to podcasters. It's like, a lot of those that I've asked are no longer podcast and go 

Irina Shehovsov 43:36
I 

Rich Bennett 43:36
figure. 

Irina Shehovsov 43:37
remember 

Rich Bennett 43:37
Okay. 

Irina Shehovsov 43:37
telepathy tapes, telepathy 

Rich Bennett 43:39
Celebrity 

Irina Shehovsov 43:40
tapes. 

Rich Bennett 43:40
tapes. Who does 

Irina Shehovsov 43:41
that? Telepathy. 

Rich Bennett 43:43
Telepathy tapes. 

Irina Shehovsov 43:44
Yes. Yeah, that's another one of my favorites. 

Rich Bennett 43:47
Oh, I got it. See, this is why I love it when people tell me other podcasts, it gives me something else to listen to. I like to listen to different podcasts and those of you listening Irina's Podcast, both of her podcast, reclaim your life with Irina and single parent success stories and make sure you leave her review, not just leave her review, but share it with other people whether you do it from good, podge, pocket cast, whatever, share it with other people and leave her review. Look, us podcasters, we need your help, dammit. 

Irina Shehovsov 44:25
to Neato. 

Rich Bennett 44:28
So what's the next big thing for Irina besides singing on stage? 

Irina Shehovsov 44:36
Growing my YouTube channel, I have a YouTube channel called Hepinos Academy where I share tools, and stuff and podcasts and stuff. And speaking on stages, it's possible translating my book into other languages 

Rich Bennett 44:55
Alright, now is your book on audio as well, 

Irina Shehovsov 44:58
yet. 

Rich Bennett 44:59
not yet? 

Irina Shehovsov 45:00
Not yet. 

Rich Bennett 45:01
Alright, are you going to do the audio yourself? Yes. 

Irina Shehovsov 45:06
I want to, yes. 

Rich Bennett 45:08
Yes, definitely. Your self published, right? 

Irina Shehovsov 45:12
No, I, I have a publisher. 

Rich Bennett 45:13
Oh, oh, alright, so, because I know a lot of times the publishers will say wait for the book to be out of year. Then they want you to pay for somebody to 

do the 

Irina Shehovsov 45:25
for 

Rich Bennett 45:25
audio 

Irina Shehovsov 45:25
my 

Rich Bennett 45:26
I, 

Irina Shehovsov 45:26
voice. 

Rich Bennett 45:27
yes, absolutely. No, because people, I, your, your voice just, I, to me, I mean, it pulls people in, and that's the important thing. If you're reading your own book, I think it's, it's given the book more power, and they're going, hell, you're already speaking on stages, why not? You know, oh, geez. Alright. So, tell everybody the website or website, yes, tell everybody the websites they need to go to. 

Irina Shehovsov 46:00
Well, my website is Irene, she hopes of that come, which is IRINNAY, S-H-E-H-O-V-S-O-V, that case are available on all the platforms, single-parent success stories, and reclaiming your life with Irina on Apple, Spotify, and so on. YouTube channel is called Happiness Academy_ Books are all available on Amazon. And yeah. 

Rich Bennett 46:27
Alright, I got a bone to pick with you. 

Irina Shehovsov 46:29
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 46:30
How 

come you have your podcast linked on your website? 

Irina Shehovsov 46:36
is there. I 

Rich Bennett 46:37
don't care. 

Irina Shehovsov 46:38
it's, it's, if you go to resources, it's kind of hidden. I gotta make it up front. I was transitioning 

Rich Bennett 46:46
from, okay. 

Irina Shehovsov 46:47
One platform to another, so I'm in the transition stage, but it's there. 

Rich Bennett 46:51
Alright, I'll let you slide then. Nevermind. Please forgive me, I didn't mean to. 

Alright, so is there anything you would like to add before I get to my last question before I really piss you off and you want to throw something at the camera and hope it comes through and hits me. 

Irina Shehovsov 47:11
I'm good. Thank you so much for having me. It's awesome. 

Rich Bennett 47:14
Oh, my pleasure. 

Irina Shehovsov 47:16
I don't think I ever laughed so much on the blackout. 

Rich Bennett 47:20
Oh, I've left. I've cried. I've been embarrassed. I think some of my coos are actually out there to try to see who can make me turn redder. Oh, yeah. I have some of my coos. They just love to really embarrass me, but that's, that's another story. Alright, this is how I'm going to do this. I changed this around. So pick a number between one and five. 

Irina Shehovsov 47:48
Five. 

Rich Bennett 47:49
Alright, now pick a number between 81 and 100. 

Irina Shehovsov 47:58
85 

Rich Bennett 47:59
85. 

Oh, my God. Okay, this question. If you could solve one global problem. Just one. Which one would you choose? 

Irina Shehovsov 48:16
What are the global 

Rich Bennett 48:18
There 

Irina Shehovsov 48:18
problems? 

Rich Bennett 48:19
are so many mental health. I think it's definitely a global problem or mental illness is definitely a global problem. I do believe addiction is a global problem. 

Hunger is a global problem. There's so many different wins or do you want me to ask you a different question? 

Irina Shehovsov 48:36
No, no, mental health for more people to believe in themselves than they believe in other people. 

Rich Bennett 48:44
Great answer. Say that was a rena. I want to thank you so much. It's. I know this really took a turn because you surprised me and threw me off. But I like that because it was a natural conversation. It's like we just met in the elevator or whatever. I walked in while you were singing and you just blew me away. 

God, I really thank you so much. 

Irina Shehovsov 49:12
Thank you. 

Rich Bennett 49:14
Thank you. Thank you for listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and learned something from it as I did. If you'd like to hear more conversations like this, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you have a moment, I'd love it if you could leave a review. It helps us reach more listeners and share more incredible stories. Don't forget to connect with us on social media or visit our website at conversations with rich Bennett.com for updates, giveaways, and more. Until next time, take care. Be kind and keep the conversations going. You know, it takes a lot to put a podcast together, together. And my sponsors help add a lot, but I also have some supporters that actually help me when it comes to the editing software, the hosting and so forth. There's a lot that goes into putting this together. So I want to thank them. And if you can, please, please visit their websites, visit their businesses, support them, however you can. So please visit the following Full full circle boards. Nobody does charcudery like full circle boards, visit them at fullcircleboards.com. Sincerely, Sincerely Sensirely Sawyer Photography. Live in the moment. They'll capture it. Visit them at sincerelysoyer.com. The Jopitan Lines Club, serving the community since 1965. Visit them at jopitanlinesclub. org. And don't forget the E at the end of Jopitan because they're extraordinary.