Ken Miller Shares The Truth About Addiction And Redemption

Conversations 0:01
[MUSIC PLAYING] Harford County Living presents Conversations with Rich Bennett. [INTERPOSING VOICES] 

[INTERPOSING VOICES] 

[INTERPOSING VOICES] No, no, no, it's fine. The truth is-- [MUSIC PLAYING]

Rich Bennett 0:29
of your biggest failures became the foundation for your greatest success. Today, on Conversations with Rich Bennett, I'm talking with a man whose story reads like a movie script, except it's 100% real. Ken Miller went from being an Ivy League student to living on the streets from addiction and incarceration to becoming a nationally respected speaker, author, business coach, and founder of Denali FSP. His new book, "Becoming Ken," isn't just a memoir. It's a manual for transformation. Ken holds nothing back, sharing raw honesty, hard-won wisdom, and a deep belief that no story is beyond redemption. If you've ever struggled with your past or felt stuck in your circumstances, this episode will remind you that redemption is real, and that your scars might just be the roadmap to your purpose. So buckle in, because this conversation is going to move you, challenge you, and maybe even change the way you see your own story. So Ken, first of all, I want to welcome you in, and we've been talking for almost a half hour. Before we even record it. It's like I've been talking to a long-lost brother or something. But anyways, I want to dig right into this, because your story is nothing short of extraordinary. From what? National merit scholar and Ivy League graduate to homelessness and incarceration. So can you walk us through the moment you realized you needed to make a change? And how that decision set everything in motion for you? 

Ken Miller 2:23
Well, unfortunately, I said that about 100 times on my journey. I need to make a change. 

Rich Bennett 2:30
Right. 

Ken Miller 2:31
When you got guns pointed at you, when you have knives to your chest, and you're going to prison for the third time, yeah, I've said that a lot of times, but if you want the last time-- 

September 22, 2004, that's when 

called out a pivot moment. There was another one that was very important. But that was the first pivot 

Rich Bennett 2:59
I 

Ken Miller 2:59
to the life before and the life after. It's like BC and A. D. Now we call it C. But it's-- there was a point before and before and after. And on September 22, 2004, I found myself as usual homeless. I was living in a closet. 

Rich Bennett 3:19
Right. 

Ken Miller 3:20
And I came out of the closet because I came out of the closet. I got that one wrong. 

Rich Bennett 3:28
[LAUGHS] 

Ken Miller 3:29
To leave the closet by the landlord, because I was in the broom closet of this Rooming House. And I went to try to get treatment one more time. I was going in for my 14th inpatient treatment. And I needed a couple dollars for the bus trip from Reno to Seattle, Washington. And I sold 

Rich Bennett 3:52
a trip. 

Ken Miller 3:53
Yeah, it is a good trip. It's about two days on the bus. 

Rich Bennett 3:55
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 3:56
And I had no money. I hadn't eaten in probably a day or two. Because you don't eat when you're a crack addict. You don't. 

Rich Bennett 4:02
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 4:03
You lose your appetite, same thing with meth. And I went to sell a $10 Rocco Crack cocaine. I was arrested, sold it to the undercover. And I was arrested for sales of control substance. I was sentenced to six years in the penitentiary. But I was guaranteed by the judge-- judge, hearted state-- that he would give me the habitual criminal statue. The next time I came into his courtroom, which was 25 to life, I was guaranteed that. 

Rich Bennett 4:34
Wow! 

Ken Miller 4:36
This is an Ivy League graduate. And I was very successful at points in my journey. You know, I was wearing hikki-freemen suits. I was wearing Alan Edmond wingtips, old man shoes, when I was 21-22. I was wearing silk suspenders and silk bowtides. Because I look good, I smell good, talk well. 

Rich Bennett 5:01
I-- 

Ken Miller 5:01
This is what 

Rich Bennett 5:01
Right. 

Ken Miller 5:01
--the college. And I was working for Kodak, I worked for 3M. And making $50, 000 a year in 1986, which was a lot of money for a 22-year-old, okay? Driving my, driving my Pontiac station wagon, I had it going on. And, you know, within, you know, a couple years of getting out of college, I had relapsed. And it was to be a 2021-year journey. 

Rich Bennett 5:29
Whu-hm, so you were using even while in college? 

Ken Miller 5:32
Oh, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 5:34
Wow. 

Ken Miller 5:34
Yeah, but there's a difference. Okay, there's levels. 

Rich Bennett 5:38
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 5:38
No attic, almost no attic, becomes a full-blown attic from the first use. I was a little unusual in that I was a full-blown alcoholic within a month of my first drink, within a month. 

Rich Bennett 5:53
What age was that? 

Ken Miller 5:56
17. 

Rich Bennett 5:57
Wow. 

Ken Miller 5:57
I was in college. I went to college. I was 17 years old when I went to college. 

Rich Bennett 6:01
Damn. 

Ken Miller 6:02
And National Merit Scholar, accepted to Harvard, went to Dartmouth, and fish out of water, very confused. You know, the term I used many times when I speak about this is I was broken. I was broken. I was broken by my past. So let's give a little a few of the antecedents. What do the-- 

Rich Bennett 6:23
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 6:23
Seeding things that bring me up to an age of 17 being broken. 

My mother-- I'm 62 now to the listener. I'm a black man. Really, I'm what you would call biracial. My mother was a white teenage runaway in New York, who met a black pimple and drug dealer. She was impregnated by him, and luckily she kept me Irish Catholic, and I was put up for adoption at birth. 

Rich Bennett 6:59
Wow. 

Ken Miller 7:00
I was actually adopted. When I met her 55 years later, she told me she met the couple that adopted me-- white couple-- because she wanted me to grow up Catholic. 

Rich Bennett 7:11
Right. 

Ken Miller 7:12
And unfortunately, I was mixed, but they didn't know that. And you see in my paperwork, I was put back into the system three months later. 

Rich Bennett 7:20
What? 

Ken Miller 7:20
So I was adopted, and then I was put back into the foster care system. And I'm cool with that, but, you know, I wasn't-- you know, it wasn't what they were expecting. They were in 1962-- it's a nice white Irish couple-- once a nice white kid, and because they met my mother, and she's, you know, white teenage. 

Rich Bennett 7:41
Right. 

Ken Miller 7:42
Correct. So anyway, I go through foster homes for six years, and what I knew from being in foster homes is one thing. I wasn't loved. I didn't have a mother. I knew I didn't have a mother. All I wanted was a mother, someone to call me son and to be my mother, more than anything else in the world. You know, my horizons are limited. It's a four-year-old child, but I knew I didn't have a mom. 

Rich Bennett 8:11
Right. 

Ken Miller 8:12
So I get adopted at age six. When I get adopted, I cannot read. I'm in first grade. I cannot tell time. I cannot tie my shoes. Okay. This is as a six-year-old. And so the first year-- or first summer, my mom taught me how to read. I fell in love with reading. And by second grade, I'm reading at the fifth grade level. 

Rich Bennett 8:35
Holy cow. 

Ken Miller 8:37
It's true. And so I knew my little schooling. At age 12, we moved. But it does another important part. My father was an alcoholic. My adoptive father. Sam was an alcoholic. And he was a violent alcoholic. And I'm the only child. And he never, until he did, until he shot my mom, he never didn't any physical violence to her, 

Rich Bennett 9:02
Wait, 

Ken Miller 9:02
okay. 

Rich Bennett 9:03
man. 

Ken Miller 9:03
We'll get 

Rich Bennett 9:04
until 

Ken Miller 9:04
there. We'll 

Rich Bennett 9:04
he 

Ken Miller 9:04
get there 

Rich Bennett 9:05
shot. Okay. 

Ken Miller 9:06
Shot her six times. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 9:08
Jesus Christ! Okay. 

Ken Miller 9:10
So 

Rich Bennett 9:11
going to sit back and listen. 

Ken Miller 9:12
I'm I had the violence perpetrated on me. 

Rich Bennett 9:16
Right. 

Ken Miller 9:16
And we would leave. We'd hide out. Finally we moved from New York to Alaska. What a reason to get away from him. 

Rich Bennett 9:25
And you were six at this time. 

Ken Miller 9:26
No, at that time I was 12. 

Rich Bennett 9:29
Oh your 

Ken Miller 9:29
child. So I did six years of him being, you know, the alcoholic as a child in upstate New York. Middletown. And we moved to Alaska. Happiest part of my childhood bar none. We had three months without him. And I was so relieved because I didn't have that fear. Anyway, my mom took him back. I was a little angry at her for taking him back for years. But she took him back and he stayed over for a few years and he started drinking again. So by the time I seen your Even if we came, I had to hide out again. We were, I hit out, we got into a big, physical, police recall, all that good stuff. I'm 16, 17, I'm going off to Ivy League school. And my last half of my senior year, I had to hide out, 

Rich Bennett 10:19
year. Jesus. 

Ken Miller 10:20
which was a terrible thing. so I was broken. 

You know, they didn't know what to do with me even at the blacks didn't know what to do with me let alone the whites. So I go there and I'm like a fish out of water, and I had, but then I get introduced to alcohol and. You know, a lot of people say, y'know, why, you know, why alcohol? And I'll be frank, you know, I didn't hit anything you want. But the reason why I drank alcohol is I got laid. You know, I'm in a fraternity and the girls drunk 

Rich Bennett 11:01
and I'm drunk. 

Ken Miller 11:01
That's how I met girls, you know. 

Rich Bennett 11:03
And then you should happen. 

Ken Miller 11:04
Very normal. 

Rich Bennett 11:06
Yup. 

Ken Miller 11:06
That's why we go to the clubs and bars. So, because I couldn't, I'm too shy to talk as a 17 year old broken, Alaskan with a Jerry curl. And a Jeanne jacket with, you know, Van Halen and Black Sabbath and Led Zap. And the other thing, Nazareth that I'm listening to and people are like, where do he come from? Oh, he's from Alaska. We'll give him a buy. Cause he's from Alaska. You're back in those days, we didn't have all the, I couldn't go on YouTube and 

Rich Bennett 11:41
No, 

Ken Miller 11:41
learn. 

Rich Bennett 11:42
no, no. Oh, man, that's funny. 

Ken Miller 11:48
Couldn't dance couldn't play basketball. Yeah, I was messed up as a, as a biracial child. So, 

Rich Bennett 11:54
I 

Ken Miller 11:55
go to college, I do the college. I get introduced to, to alcohol. I join a fraternity. I tell everybody I graduated. People say, "Would you graduate? Would you major?" I said, "I've majored in fraternity. I'm minor than drinking." That's what I did. 

Rich Bennett 12:11
Why do a lot of people go to college nowadays? 

Ken Miller 12:14
I don't 

Rich Bennett 12:14
know. It's sad, but anyways, I'm sorry to go. 

Ken Miller 12:17
No, no, no, no, no problem. So, I get, but I get out, I graduate. 

Rich Bennett 12:21
Right. 

Ken Miller 12:22
And, um, 1984. And I'm like, so thrilled because all my fraternity brothers were talking about, "Oh, they got a new car for the graduation." Now, you graduate. Now, you in the adult world. 21, 22. I'm 21. And, um, my mom says, "Hey, don't do anything on Monday." We gotta go somewhere. I'm like, "Cool. We're gonna get my car. We're gonna get a car of red. Gonna get a beamer." Back in those days, "Sob, sob night. 

Rich Bennett 12:56
Oh my 

Ken Miller 12:57
Virgo. 

Rich Bennett 12:57
God." 

Ken Miller 12:58
Now, you know, I'm just thinking, "I gotta go on. I'm not that we had that kind of money, man." 

Rich Bennett 13:01
I forgot all that, sobs. 

Ken Miller 13:03
Yes, sobs, 900 turbos. 

Rich Bennett 13:05
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 13:05
So, um, we get in the car and we're driving. She didn't tell me where we're going. And, we're driving by all the, all the car deals. You know, 'cause they're all like on lunch. And, like, "Where are we going?" And my mom took me to my first treatment center. That was my graduate. 

Rich Bennett 13:22
Wow! 

Ken Miller 13:24
I've been drinking. I started drinking in September of 1980. And, I was a full-blown alcoholic by October, November. My mom had me go to my first meeting, Summer of '81. It was first AA meeting. Summer of '81. I had been drinking less than six months, six to seven months. And, I was asked or commanded to go to AA. Then, stopped me. And, I'm too, too, too much ego. And, it took care of too many problems for me, drinking. Now, drinking, but partying and fraternity. You know, a fraternity is a gang. You know, it's just another, it's a term for a gang. It's a gang, but it's a gang. It's like my didn't men that get together for a purpose. And, I purpose was to party and pick up women. That was our main purpose. That's the fraternity. And, we create an environment that's conducive to that. So, I got introduced to powder cocaine, and weed, and alcohol. And, like, get out, I get cleaned up. And this is the craziest thing, so, this is how stupid I am. So, I'm clean. I'm going to alcoholics anonymous. And, I am getting my coins and my chips or whatever. And, I'm making it. I'm doing it on time. And, but I'm still smoking weed, and still doing cocaine. Because I'm like, I'm doing right in AA. I'm not drinking, 

Rich Bennett 14:54
little. Yeah, 

Ken Miller 14:54
but a 

Rich Bennett 14:55
J. A. not NA. 

Ken Miller 14:56
No, a little powder and a little weed. You know, not going to hurt me. 

..the wheels fell off soon after. It takes a little while to get that gradual descent. Well, if you do the gradual descent, at some point you get to level ground and that's your level. 

Rich Bennett 15:17
Right. 

Ken Miller 15:17
And my level, my addiction is so bad with my eye relief, I can't keep a job, I can't be a contributing member of the society. So, I end up on the streets. And let me talk about that real quick, what the streets are. It's the streets of a city, usually. You kids hard to have to be street, you can be an alcoholic and drug addict world, 'cause I've seen that in Mississippi. But when I was in the cities and I was in Seattle, the lowest level you can go to is the missions. So, I'm literally in the missions. I can't keep a room over my head. My, my dream for a couple of decades, was to get a weekly motel room. That's like the highest function I could think of. Can I get a weekly? Okay? But I did all the missions in Seattle, downtown emergency shelter, pinniel mission, bread-of-life mission, union gospel mission, salvation army arc center. I'm, I'm living, that's how I'm living. Or I am trying to locate abandoned homes or abandoned cars to live in. 

Rich Bennett 16:27
Mm. 

Ken Miller 16:28
Then I have to pay for my addiction and my alcoholism. But I have, of course, and I can't keep a job. Now, you can do day labor, which would pay me. Day labor would pay back in the 80s and 90s, approximately 20, 

Rich Bennett 16:45
Twenty-second. 

Ken Miller 16:46
$21 to $24. Because it's like three bucks an hour and they take a little party out for this and money that, and what I would do is I'd get some alcohol and I'd buy a $20 record crack cocaine. And then wash, rinse and repeat as much. Then I started doing other crimes. I started pimping. I started doing robberies. And then what a big part of my story is, because I talk about shame in the book and I talk about this from this, from the stage. Is I started prostituting and that's the lowest thing you can be on the streets, is on the streets. Not in the penitentiary, but on the streets. Is being a male prostitute and that's what I was. And so I turned tricks to pay for my crack addiction and I did that. That within you, you talked about that. I talked about that earlier, and a lot of people say, well, all the stuff that happened to you, you know, I can see why you drink and drug. I'm not a believer in that. I'm not a believer and antecedents. You can have an excuse for any behavior, so you know, in 1986, this is when I was still sober. My mom had divorced my dad in 1980. 1980. And I was so afraid of my father that it took me for maybe about five years to be able to meet him and 

Rich Bennett 18:18
him. 

Ken Miller 18:18
talk 

Rich Bennett 18:18
And 

Ken Miller 18:18
to but I did. And we were cool. 

Rich Bennett 18:24
Yeah, 

Ken Miller 18:24
so I have a half brother on my father's side. I was an only child, but I have a brother who's much older, who my dad had with his first wife. 

Rich Bennett 18:34
Now you talk about your biological father or 

Ken Miller 18:37
No, this is no. This is 

Rich Bennett 18:38
father? 

Ken Miller 18:38
got to file the alcohol, the violent one. Well, we were over there on a Saturday to visit him. And he's drunk on a hangover on the couch, and there's a gun on the table. And we were going to take the gun And he said, no, I needed to scare off the burglar because he's on the first floor, whatever, whatever. 

Rich Bennett 19:00
right? 

Ken Miller 19:01
And then two days later, I get a call in the call from my mom's secretary. She ran the nursing programs for the state for the college. And she said, Kenneth Kenneth Sam has been Sam shot Irene, James shot Irene. And what he had done because he had a restraining or he couldn't go to her house and could not go to her job, couldn't go to mine either he had gone over their drunk and went past the secretary got to walk down the hall. No, they said, he's Sam's here. And he's not what she said, I'll talk to him. So my mom gets up, because she's running the program. She's the dean of the school and goes to her, you know, goes to her door. And Sam comes up there, pulls out a 25 automatic and shoots her six times hits her five times. And the whole time, he's shooting her. He said, I'm going to I'm going to go to, I'm going to kill that son of a bitch, Ken. He's going to kill me. He's going to go to my job and shoot me. That was 

Rich Bennett 20:02
damn 

Ken Miller 20:02
next. The gun jammed. Anybody knows 25 hours of medicine, I have the best gun. The 

Rich Bennett 20:09
Right. 

Ken Miller 20:09
gun jammed. And so we got back in a car. and drove home through the gun out the window, drove home, and they rest in them passed out at the house. But this is the crazy part. Remember I said I was broken. 

Rich Bennett 20:22
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 20:23
Here this. And I want the listener to hear this because there may be listeners that have this same way of dealing with trauma. So I get the call, I go to my boss and I said, "Hey, Bobby, do you mind if I take a little time off? My mom has been shot and she's in the hospital." He freaks out because that's a normal reaction 

Rich Bennett 20:45
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 20:45
to hearing something like that. And he knew a little bit about my situation because remember my dad had a restraining order against my job. Okay, it's coming to my job. And he like, "Well, of course, of course, whatever you do, do you want me to go with you?" I said, "No, I got it. This is the exact... This is the way I'm talking. Just like I'm talking to you now. 

Rich Bennett 21:01
Nice 

Ken Miller 21:01
I 

Rich Bennett 21:01
call. 

Ken Miller 21:01
go to the hospital, Providence Hospital, Anchorage, Alaska, and it's pre-op. And my mom's lying on the gurney. She's just so happy to see me because I'm alive." Because remember, I'm gonna kill that son 

Rich Bennett 21:13
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 21:13
of a bitch. Can. And she's got a sheet up to her neck on there. Forget this. And you can see the blood coming through the sheet. And I said, "Mom, this is my exact emotion. Mother, is there anything I can help you with?" And she goes, "I'm so glad you're there. She's traumatic." And then she said, "Grab my shoes and my purse because they had cut her shoes off." That's, you know, "I do that, so..." I'm still glad you're a logger. I said, "Okay. Got it. Grabbed her stuff? Left." And we went back to work like nothing had happened. 

Rich Bennett 21:51
Wow. 

Ken Miller 21:52
Because that is how I dealt with trauma. Because my dad told me not to cry when he was beating me. I mean, I had that script built there. I saw a dude get run over by a truck. I was walking with Gary with a spoon on Dartmouth College. Okay. And he's on a moped delivering pizzas and there's a box truck. And I'm like, "Dad, I'm just looking at my hand." I'm like, "They look like they're in the same lane." For some, you know, going opposite, hit him straight on. Dude goes underneath the truck. 

Rich Bennett 22:23
going... 

Ken Miller 22:23
Truck keeps 

Rich Bennett 22:24
Oh, 

Ken Miller 22:24
he's laid out no emotion. Gary throws his books up in the air. Because we were walking and coming back from, from somewhere. Those his books and runs to the guy. I just walk up to him. 

Rich Bennett 22:38
Wow. 

Ken Miller 22:38
And Gary, Gary's so beat. He's so cool. So the dude sits up. He's been run over. 

Rich Bennett 22:46
The guy that got hit by the truck sit up, 

Ken Miller 22:48
Dude, I mean, he didn't stand You know, he came up like this, but he's 

Rich Bennett 22:51
yeah. 

Ken Miller 22:53
in shock. You know. Yeah. Broke. And Gary, Gary is such a fool. He looks at him and starts wiggling his fingers. How many fingers? There is a lot of that. So stupid. He's stupid. You know, we just waited for the ambulance to come. But no emotion. 

Rich Bennett 23:11
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 23:11
I was broken. And so, you know, I went on the streets. I've seen people dead. And I've been in situations. But no emotion. I went to, I went to kill someone one time on the streets. 

Rich Bennett 23:30
Damn. 

Ken Miller 23:31
Because of his way he talked to me. So I'm running my next book is on, as a book on respect and disrespect. In the community and in the boardroom. Anyway, this guy was disrespecting me. I'm on what we say on the streets is he was talking out the side of his neck. And he was doing in front of other people. Which then diminishes my stature within the group. Now we're all drug addicts and drug dealers and all this stuff. And he's talking stupid. And on top of that, he's white. Okay? And most of the people I'm associated with are African-American. Okay? The girls are white because we run white girls. I kind of want to get 

Rich Bennett 24:18
Right. 

Ken Miller 24:18
too much into the junk of it. But anyway, he's talking to us. I said, no, no, and it's commas I'm talking to you. I said, hey, man, kind of holler at you outside for a second. But we're on a third floor of the motel, fire side motel in Rio de Vada. He said, sure. You know, whatever. We walk outside and grab him and I got him halfway over the balcony. Because I'm throwing him off the balcony. 

Rich Bennett 24:39
Oh, shit. 

Ken Miller 24:41
And in the doors opening because we just came soon. We came out, I grabbed his ass and I had him over that balcony. It's a railing. 

Rich Bennett 24:47
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 24:47
And everybody rushes out and they grab me, grab him. And it's not like they didn't, they didn't really care about him, whether 

Rich Bennett 24:56
You're 

Ken Miller 24:56
he could 

Rich Bennett 24:56
worried 

Ken Miller 24:57
fly 

Rich Bennett 24:57
about 

Ken Miller 24:57
it. 

Rich Bennett 24:57
you? Yeah. 

Ken Miller 24:58
No, and I'm worried about me. They're worried about the heat I would bring 

Rich Bennett 25:01
room. 

Ken Miller 25:01
to the 

Rich Bennett 25:01
Uh, oh, 

Ken Miller 25:02
we've got drugs and guns in the room. 

Rich Bennett 25:05
Right. 

Ken Miller 25:06
Okay. And usually a dead body or a barely moving body, three floors down, creates a stressor into our 

Rich Bennett 25:18
yeah, 

Ken Miller 25:19
area of criminal activity. So that's why. And I laugh about it now because I understand so much of my motives, I understand my insanity. I understand the why of everything that I've done literally and I've taken years to do this. I speak again from the stage on that. So, you know, I deal with this stuff and I know one thing on the shooting is that it hurt my mom immensely because she thought I didn't love her because I had no emotion. I had no emotion. 

Rich Bennett 26:01
You're thinking about that? 

Ken Miller 26:02
Yeah, I didn't either. But we went to family group on one of my treatments and she told me and I was like, wow, because I had never thought of that either. 

Rich Bennett 26:16
Yeah, 

Ken Miller 26:16
because I'd apologize for that. And of course, I apologize in family group, you know, with the counselor there and stuff. But again, a lot of times we don't see the other side. 

Rich Bennett 26:27
You 

Ken Miller 26:27
know, people don't see the other side of violence rarely. Do you see the other side? My mom was never the same. You know, they took out three bullets. When she passed away 20, 30 years later, she still had two bullets in her. Okay? Because they didn't want to take them out for whatever reasons. But psychologically, she never was the same. 

Rich Bennett 26:51
Right. 

Ken Miller 26:52
My mom was working on her doctorate at that time. We had Columbia's Teachers College. She ran the nurse. She had to quit her job. My mom was a dancer for 40 years. I'm talking about her professional. But she had stopped dancing professionally. But she had a dance group. She choreographed. 

Rich Bennett 27:13
Wow. 

Ken Miller 27:13
And mom was a poet laureate of Nevada. She played guitar. She had a record album. I'm almost a phenomenal, phenomenal woman. And for one act literally destroyed us. But I want to say this to the audience and I want you to hear this. When my father was dying, my mother wrote him a beautiful letter, you know, of forgiveness. And I hope, you know, it gets better. You know, I hope you get well because he had cancer and all this. And I'm there for good. My dad, my mom. So I'm sitting here with my mom. Let's say a month after wrote this letter. This is because you don't have any communication, you know, obviously with this man who 

Rich Bennett 28:03
her. 

Ken Miller 28:03
shot 

Rich Bennett 28:03
Right. 

Ken Miller 28:04
god. And but she wrote a very nice letter to my mom. I was a beautiful person spiritually. And he wrote a letter like wonder. Can we get back together? 

Rich Bennett 28:14
Oh my 

Ken Miller 28:16
My mom laughed. 

Rich Bennett 28:20
We love. She's 

Ken Miller 28:21
not both as sad. 

Rich Bennett 28:26
Oh my god. You know, but the thing is too with your mother writing that letter, did she feel like it lifted a ton of bricks off of her shoulders as well because she forgave 

Ken Miller 28:37
him? No, no, she did it for him. 

Rich Bennett 28:41
Okay. 

Ken Miller 28:42
She did it for him. You know, we had these years together. 

Rich Bennett 28:47
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 28:47
They were good years. See, he got to understand the problem. The problem was me and the relationship. 

So my mom had, see, you know, and my father had already had two kids. He'd been there, done that. My mom is just phenomenal woman, beautiful, Wife, 

Rich Bennett 29:15
right. 

Ken Miller 29:16
intelligent, all that. He had her all to himself. 

Then I come along because that's what my mom wanted. So let me tell you about my adoption. Some of what the thing called is an agency called Wyndham Agency in New York City. See, old as adoption agency in the United States. 

Rich Bennett 29:36
Okay. 

Ken Miller 29:37
They went and paid, I think it was $1600 or $1800 to adopt a black child 

and because they're black and which is a lot of money in 1960 

Rich Bennett 29:50
back then, yeah. 

Ken Miller 29:51
This is 68. They were adopting another child. Another boy. Because my mom, for whatever reason, I even, I remember I was drawn to her stupid. I asked her, "Why didn't you have kids?" You know, I asked him, but anyway, I asked my mom that and I can't even remember what her answer was, but she never had kids. 

Rich Bennett 30:12
Okay. 

Ken Miller 30:13
Okay. But she wanted to raise a child and she did a phenomenal job raising me. But anyway, she wanted to raise a child. So, they're doing the paperwork. My dad's doing the paperwork to adopt this other boy. And my mom said there was like this book, let's say four inches thick, 10, 15 pictures per page of black children in the New York foster care system. 

Rich Bennett 30:47
Holy cow. 

Ken Miller 30:48
It's like a mug book. And she said, "She was just leaving through." And she said, "I saw you Kenneth." That's That's you always call me Kenneth. 

Rich Bennett 30:58
Right. 

Ken Miller 30:58
Are you Kenneth? And I said, "Stop the press. I want this one. So I not feel bad for the other boy. Of course, I don't know who he was and Noble's 

Rich Bennett 31:09
I want this one." Right. 

Ken Miller 31:09
little, but she saw my picture and said, "I want that one." And it was so many times when I was a kid, especially. We would go in somewhere and they're like, "Oh, Irene, is that your son? Yes, that's my son, Kenneth. Oh, he looks just like you. We're not. And we would just smile at 

Rich Bennett 31:32
other. 

Ken Miller 31:32
each But you know, one of the crazy things about being 

adopted is that it's a lie. 

Rich Bennett 31:43
It's a 

Ken Miller 31:44
lie. yeah. Yeah, I have a, remember, I have a birth certificate. This is my 

Rich Bennett 31:48
Well, 

Ken Miller 31:49
parents are Irene and Sam Miller. But that's a lie. That's not truth. And I knew that as a sexual. But again, remember when people would say, "Is this your mom and dad?" Or, you know, we would sign up for something. Is this your mother and father? 

Rich Bennett 32:05
You're right. 

Ken Miller 32:06
Even medical stuff? We would have to hold a call lie. It's not truth. 

Rich Bennett 32:11
We're thought about it, yeah. 

Ken Miller 32:12
Yes. And so even as a kid, I learned to lie at an early age. And it was one of the things that, again, made me broken. 

Rich Bennett 32:25
Mm-hmm. 

Ken Miller 32:26
I've been lying my whole life. I rarely have ever do it now. 

But my, the great majority of my life, my mom would call it Kenneth. Stop prevarricating. Stop lying. Because I would do it all the time. And I did it to protect myself. My father would come home. Kenneth, did you vacuum the rugs? And I know I didn't. But if I said, no, I'd get beat. 

Rich Bennett 32:59
Right. 

Ken Miller 33:00
And so, yes, I vacuumed the rugs. I learned that real early on. And so, I'm broken. I picked up on and the other big one. See, my core issue is this. And I talk about this many times. My core issue is I always thought I would die alone. 

Rich Bennett 33:21
Right. 

Ken Miller 33:22
Abandonment in rejection. So, I had the inability to say no. The inability to say no. Because if I say no, you will reject me. And I'll be alone. And I will die alone. That, it took me years to realize that, but that is my core. It took me about three or three or four years of work to peel away. 

Rich Bennett 33:52
Yeah. Jesus. 

Ken Miller 33:56
Because I know why I do stuff. So I do violence. 

Rich Bennett 34:00
I did violence. Right. 

Ken Miller 34:02
But the reason I did violence is because I'm angry. The reason I'm angry is because I'm in fear. The reason I'm in fear is because I'm anticipating pain. The pain is that people are going to treat me in a certain way if I allow you to behave in the way you're behaving toward me. Like the guy trying to, I had another one guy ripped me off of six rocks to crack cocaine. He took. He's a drug addict. That's why he took the stock. I went looking for him with a shotgun. I had another one guy ripped me of a hundred dollars on a date. I had sent a girl out on. I had a nine millimeter and I was looking for him hard. The other one I really knew I couldn't find because I'm not from Mississippi. But I'm in my town Reno looking at all the spots looking for this guy that took my hundred dollars for that date that I had sent a girl out on. Okay. I didn't find him 

two hours later. I don't have the gun. I go to buy some dope. I walk into the motel room and I didn't know this his gang. 

Rich Bennett 35:21
Oh, 

Ken Miller 35:21
holy shit. And they're like, Oh, you the MFR. That's looking for Deboy. 

Rich Bennett 35:28
Wow. 

Ken Miller 35:28
It's your ass down because they pull out their guns. 

Rich Bennett 35:32
Right. 

Ken Miller 35:32
So once you move someone under the threat of violence, it's kidnapping. So they literally have me kidnapped and I'll be honest. There's only been maybe two times I've been in fear in my life. Two, three times. I've had guns pointed me three times, but a couple of times I wasn't in fear. 

Rich Bennett 35:51
Right. 

Ken Miller 35:52
For different reasons. I'm broken. And I'm ever sitting at that table waiting for Deboy to come back to make a decision on whether or not to kill me. Literally. This is a gang from Stockton, California. They don't play. 

Rich Bennett 36:10
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 36:10
So they're they're selling drugs. 

Rich Bennett 36:14
Damn. 

Ken Miller 36:14
And I remember he came back, but there is a motel. And well, this is what it's put it this way. I can't give you every reason why, but they decide not to kill me. Literally decided not to kill me. And if I was there for a couple of hours, waiting for him to come back. And I thought this is going to be it. That's be it. I've had cops pointed gun right from a foot away. Pointed gun at my head with the flashlight and the gun. I'm looking down the barrel of the gun. Back in those days, it was revolvers. That was in Newark, New Jersey, 1982, '83. 

Oh, yeah. But David, that's the streets. That's the streets, but the key component is I'm broken. So, I go to prison in 2000, before I got a hundred of those stories, but that's not the important part, 

Rich Bennett 37:12
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 37:12
because I want to talk about the solution, I want to talk about the group. Let me say this to the whole audience. Check this out. I am well today. I am well. I am well. I do life well. And because I'm not always working on myself, because I'm well. 

Rich Bennett 37:33
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 37:34
I can give to others. I've meant to man all over the country. I have a book study, nonfiction black man's book study, that I run, that I started free. I got men all over the country. 

Rich Bennett 37:46
That's 

Ken Miller 37:46
awesome. I've been told, guys, I've mentored one on one all over the country. 

Rich Bennett 37:50
Wow. 

Ken Miller 37:51
I speak for free many times. I just went up to Anchorage, Alaska, and I was in free. I paid 3000 dollars to go up there and talk to Sherry Society of HR managers on hiring ex-offenders, because I'm a three time convicted felon. You might get me, 

Rich Bennett 38:11
right? 

Ken Miller 38:11
Okay. So I get a resident of four, September, we talked about that a month later, I'm sitting on the bunk, lying on the bunk unit 13 par boulevard, which is the jail. It's called par boulevard and and see, and I'm real Nevada. I'm lying there. And God spoke to me. You know, and God been speaking me heart. My whole life. I just 

Rich Bennett 38:39
listen. 

Ken Miller 38:39
don't 

Rich Bennett 38:39
Right. 

Ken Miller 38:40
I just wouldn't listen or change the behavior. But he said, it's not gonna be easy. It's not going to be without pain or discomfort, but I will be there. I'll walk with you. 

Okay. And I've been good ever since. Now, I had a lot of work to do. 

Rich Bennett 38:59
Right. 

Ken Miller 39:01
I had a lot of work to do to get to the person I am today. Remember the whole book is called becoming Ken. 

Rich Bennett 39:07
The works paid off. 

Ken Miller 39:09
Of course it has 

Rich Bennett 39:11
everything's paid off. 

Ken Miller 39:12
but it's paid off for me. My loved ones 

Rich Bennett 39:14
Yeah, 

Ken Miller 39:14
and in the community at large. 

Rich Bennett 39:16
Well, I was going to say, plus I mean, you're helping people everywhere now as well. 

Ken Miller 39:22
Correct. 

Rich Bennett 39:23
And the thing is, if all of this didn't happen to you in your life, you may not be doing that right now. 

You may not be helping people. 

Ken Miller 39:36
I am rare. 

Rich Bennett 39:37
All I did. 

Ken Miller 39:38
I'm just gonna say this because all I do is as I talk my truth. There are people who will differ. 

Rich Bennett 39:45
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 39:45
And I'm cool with that. I used to be. If you differed with me, it was my job to convince you that you're wrong. Because what I heard when you had a differing opinion is that you are right now, it was wrong. But I as a person was wrong because I had this opinion. I understand there are different opinions. I believe my opinion is the correct opinion. And if it's about me, it is the correct opinion because I know me. I know. Okay. So, you know, the sense of growth and being well, but I wasn't again. I'm in this journey. I've been coming up on my sobriety day is September 23rd, coming up on 21 years. 

Rich Bennett 40:33
That's awesome. 

Ken Miller 40:35
And I still had a lot of work to do for six or seven first three. I was in prison. I went to prison. I said very simple. And this is what I sometimes teach or talk to people in life. As I said, you know, there's four areas. You know what they are. They're the physical, the intellectual, the emotional and the spiritual. Okay, 

physical. I was a mess when I went off because I was a crack adding well, I started working out. And by the time I got out of prison three years later, I had set records on the yard as a power lifting. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 41:16
Nice. 

Ken Miller 41:17
Yeah, I my best one is I, I did lift at 518. This is drug free. No straps. The under competition with, you know, with a referee and umpires, okay. And I came in second and strong man competition on the whole yard to a guy that was like 260 270 because of my own. I came in number two. And I'm 198. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 41:41
Wow. 

Ken Miller 41:42
Yeah. I was anyway. We did that. So I got the physical played basketball. I was the 

Rich Bennett 41:48
Right. 

Ken Miller 41:49
most valuable player in my league. The top player, because I did the 40 plus league. I'm, you know, I'm oh guy. So I played 

Rich Bennett 41:58
I. Wait a 

Ken Miller 41:58
the 40. 

Rich Bennett 41:58
minute now. Ken. Come on now. We're the same age. It's 

Ken Miller 42:01
Am 

Rich Bennett 42:01
just earlier number, man. 

Ken Miller 42:03
Full court. 

Rich Bennett 42:03
to 

Ken Miller 42:03
I could go 

Rich Bennett 42:04
one 

Ken Miller 42:05
time. 

Rich Bennett 42:05
I 

Ken Miller 42:05
And 

Rich Bennett 42:05
can look at it. 

Ken Miller 42:08
I can't even do half court. I'll probably courted court. Can we do something where we just do like underneath the basket? We get a shoot ball. 

Rich Bennett 42:15
Just 

Ken Miller 42:15
Any 

Rich Bennett 42:16
give me the... 

Ken Miller 42:17
movement, we got a problem. I got the heating pad on my lower back right 

Rich Bennett 42:23
now, 

Ken Miller 42:23
so you speak, okay? Alright. So then we do the intellectual, and I was intellectually a mess, and what that means, people say what does that mean? Well it means this. Things atrophy or shrink from misuse or no use. And so my vocabulary is shrunk, um, 20% of my vocabulary 30%, I couldn't use on this podcast, okay? Because that's what we, how we talk on the streets. 

Rich Bennett 42:54
Right. 

Ken Miller 42:55
Okay. And then my comprehension, so my vocabulary and my comprehension are, I would read a paragraph in a book when I went to prison, because I wouldn't read books on the streets. I could tell you that right 

Rich Bennett 43:11
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 43:11
now. The only thing I would read is like my charging papers. I got charred. 

Uh, you know I go off on these days, I can't tell you a funny story. So I go to jail on a misdemeanor, I don't count misdemeanors. I have three felonies, and I have, but I'm in there for a misdemeanor. And in jail, they'll do this in prison, you bunk with your race. and jail, 

Rich Bennett 43:38
Oh, 

Ken Miller 43:38
they'll bunk you with anybody because it's temporary. And if you have a problem with, you know, you're going to ask the guard and they'll move you, but I got some guy to white guy in there. And, um, I'm running the sale, we can say, so I'm going bottom bunk because that's the prime bunk. He's on the top bunk. And, um, the guard goes around, you know, we're locked in our, ourself, guard goes around his slides of paper and we know what it is. It's called an ad book which means additional booking. 

Rich Bennett 44:10
Okay. 

Ken Miller 44:10
And the booking, if it's, I just want to make sure I get this, I might could be Robert, if it's in black ink, it's a misdemeanor. If it's in red ink, it's a felony. And so he slides it underneath the door and is red, and I'm like, not for me. Down here on his misdemeanor. Right. And I'm going to go check it out, 

Rich Bennett 44:38
and 

Ken Miller 44:40
he goes over, he jumps down from the bunk. He walks over, grabs the sheet, reads it. That's not for me. There's only 

Rich Bennett 44:51
Look. 

Ken Miller 44:51
two people on the cell. Oh, hell no, and I grab it. And yeah, I got, I got charged with some more felons. shit, 

Rich Bennett 44:59
Oh 

Ken Miller 44:59
that I didn't know I was going to get charged with. So 

Rich Bennett 45:02
god. 

Ken Miller 45:03
So anyway, so I'm in there, I would read a paragraph in a book when I get the prison, and by the time I got to the last sentence in the paragraph, I couldn't tell you what the first sentence said couldn't, I couldn't remember it. 

Rich Bennett 45:19
Wow 

Ken Miller 45:20
comprehension. I couldn't. So that took time by my second year in the pension, we just looked at this yesterday on another podcast I was on. And I read, I read 160 books my second 

Rich Bennett 45:36
year, Damn, 

Ken Miller 45:38
160, the year before I read like 110. Now I read anywhere between 20 and 30, 

Rich Bennett 45:46
Right. 

Ken Miller 45:46
because I just don't know the time, but, remember, what do you have in prison? 

I've been playing double deck p-knuckle. I like it was read. 

Rich Bennett 45:57
That's why they say you're doing time. 

Ken Miller 45:59
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 45:59
I guess. 

Ken Miller 46:00
So let's, so we got the intellectual. And then I'm also working in the school, because they all knew I was an Ivy League graduate, 

Rich Bennett 46:06
right. 

Ken Miller 46:07
So I go into the school, because I don't want to work in the yard and it's it's Reno, it's 100 degrees outside breaking. And so I get the great, great job working in the school. And my job is ESL, English as a second language working with the Hispanic inmates, who I usually don't associate, but I can because it's school. And everybody's cool with that, but you wouldn't be bunking with him. You wouldn't be eating at their table during a meal. You wouldn't be walking the yard with a bunch of Hispanics. That's a no no. 

Rich Bennett 46:46
Right. 

Ken Miller 46:47
OK, so I'm in there. And I'm working with the Hispanics supposed to be teaching them English. I don't speak Spanish. Right. 

I'm like I said, Yeah, I know a couple of words. No, a couple words. No, we have a, you know Mary Posa, which means butterfly. That's a derogatory term. 

Rich Bennett 47:09
But 

Ken Miller 47:09
And then Dale and Pente, then Dale. Anyway. So I sit down with the guys the first time. And I'm like, hey, essay. I don't know Spanish. I don't know if you can understand me, but I'm supposed to teach you English. And do the hey, don't worry. We speak English? We just told them we don't speak English. So we can go to school and kick it in the air conditioning, you know, for three hours to do our programming. 

I find the humor because it's the absurdity of our situation here. I'm this I've, and I found people kept calling me Harvard. I didn't go to Harvard. I went to Dartmouth, especially, you know, the civilians, because it went around the yard. I'm the only I'll leave her on the yard. Give me a break. Okay. So so anyway, so the important one, probably the most important, other than the spiritual was really the emotional, because I had all the shame. About, you know, the prostitution, the pimping, because I pinched teenage girls, my girls, 14, 15, 16, okay, not proud of it. But that's what we do on the street. Okay. So I'm in there with the counselor. I never get I asked her, I said, "Well, how many people? You got on your caseload, and she was not supposed to tell me she's a civilian." And I'll never forget she goes to and is 1100 men on that Yeah. And they could all use counseling 

Rich Bennett 49:05
yard. 

Ken Miller 49:05
every single one of I would go to in a meetings, narcotics anonymous meetings in the penitentiary and I'd be the only inmate, because we'd have the civilians come in from outside spreading them. In fact, that's why I met my sponsor sharing the message. Okay. So I worked on that and it helped a lot, but I still had, so I did three years, still had a lot of work I needed to do when I get out, which I didn't know a lot of times you don't know until you are and then I did spiritual and I'm a person that has a God, has a spiritual essence in my life. 

Rich Bennett 49:48
Right. 

Ken Miller 49:48
And the most important thing I talk to people about spirituality all the time, I said, "I don't care what you believe in. Buddha, Allah, you know, Krishna, you know, Jesus God, I don't care. Does it modify your behavior? 

Does it modify your actions, because your thoughts are not going to put you in prison. Your feelings are not going to put you in prison, but your actions will. 

Rich Bennett 50:16
Yeah, 

Ken Miller 50:18
25th of life. Remember, that's my next sentence, 25 to life. I would have already had three strikes in Cali, but I was in Nevada. 

Rich Bennett 50:28
Right. 

Ken Miller 50:28
It's up to the discretion of the judge. But he told me I got it. Okay. So I get out. I think I'm doing well. It's like I'm a lot better, but I knew I still. And then what I came to is the power of words, and I had to take away the power of word, 

Rich Bennett 50:54
the power of word, okay, 

Ken Miller 50:57
because I got scripts that are built into me. I had scripts that are built into me, if you call me a punk, a bitch or a nigger automatic violence, automatic. Now the end word, I did use it one time, but I just want to give that for context. If you're in my community, what's up money? No, Bob, I mean, that's how we talk, but you call me a P, a punk or bitch. We got a problem. So I get out of the penitentiary six months after I'm out. I'm thinking I'm doing all great, doing all well. I fly up to anchors to see my brother and his kids. He's got two sons, my nephews. I haven't seen them in 10, 15 years. 

Rich Bennett 51:48
Wow. 

Ken Miller 51:49
We're going up the escalator gendershrooms and my nephew who's like 17, 18 years old. He's like, huh? Were you somebody's little bitch in the penitentiary? 

Rich Bennett 52:03
What? 

Ken Miller 52:05
That's pretty much what 

Rich Bennett 52:08
Wow. 

Ken Miller 52:10
I'll never get I get to the landing. I take out my phone. I call my brother. I said Mike, my junior said boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. He said, put him on the phone and I get in the phone. I walked away. I came back, I apologize. My bad. I didn't mean because my brother knows, 

Rich Bennett 52:36
sale. 

Ken Miller 52:36
you from the 

Rich Bennett 52:37
Yeah, right. 

Ken Miller 52:38
When you grew up in New York, you fought in Vietnam. I mean, he's a man's man. 

Rich Bennett 52:42
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 52:43
And you don't another man in our communities that work. You also don't use the word punk. 

Rich Bennett 52:50
Right. 

Ken Miller 52:51
Okay. So I'm thinking, okay, I'm cool. You know, I didn't do anything. I'm like, Oh, I got to look at that. Why? Because I wanted to 

Rich Bennett 53:06
man. 

Ken Miller 53:08
So I'm at work. Remember, I'm out of resin. I'm on parole. I get to back and finish off my other three years if I break parole. I'm working in a warehouse because that's all I could find. And is Hispanic? Young man, maybe 19 years old. 'Cause look at me. Look at me right now. People can't see me. The audience can't. But I look like I am so square and I'm well put together 62 year old black man. a business owner. I look like that. 

Rich Bennett 53:42
I'm 

Ken Miller 53:55
But anyway, he's talking to me out the side of his neck. Got his little essay Hispanic. But I mean, he's not prison. He's not a thug. He's just stupid. Because you don't know who you're dealing with. 

Rich Bennett 54:11
Right. 

Ken Miller 54:12
You don't know what their past is. And I'm across the table from it. This is during lunch. 

And I was like, man, chop it. Chop it. Let me stop. Talk to me like that. You know, you know, you know, you know, you little partner, smiling, giggling, whatever. 

And I'll never forget I, I stood up. And I'm rock climbing, like three feet away from him. 

Rich Bennett 54:44
Right. 

Ken Miller 54:44
I stood up. I said stand up. You little punk ass bitch. Because that's the code word. 

Rich Bennett 54:50
Uh-huh. 

Ken Miller 54:52
And Because when you get that you either fight or you back down. But if you're in a penitentiary and you back down on you buying me commissary, you're cleaning myself. And if I go that way, you're providing sexual services. 

Rich Bennett 55:07
right. 

Ken Miller 55:08
If I call you that and you back down now, if you fight me, cool, we cool. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 55:14
Wow. 

Ken Miller 55:15
Let the best man win or lose. And then I'm still going to respect you and not come at you like that. Win or lose. That's how that work. And he looked at me. His eyes got big and didn't move one eye. The whole room got quiet because I didn't say this in a whisper. 

Rich Bennett 55:36
Right. 

Ken Miller 55:38
And I stood there for about 15 seconds. He did not stay because if he had stood about to hit him on the way up, I don't fight fair. I don't fight fair. That shit's for Marcus the Queen's Berry boxing rules. I don't do that. They don't do that where I come from. 

Rich Bennett 55:53
Right. 

Ken Miller 55:54
But I remember this, I stood up, I turned around and I was going to my office because I get inventory for the warehouse. And I was crying so profusely. 

Rich Bennett 56:09
Really? 

Ken Miller 56:10
Oh, yeah. I couldn't believe that I allowed this man or allowed these words. I could have got up and moved somewhere else and sat. 

Rich Bennett 56:22
To 

Ken Miller 56:24
put me back into penitentiary for three years. My mom is dying and I can't visit her. My mom, I could walk during lunch every single day other than pay day. I would walk to my mom's condo. That's how close she was to where I worked and spend a half hour with her as she's dying of congestive heart failure. 

Every day, and she would get up, cook me something because you don't have a lot of energy. 

Rich Bennett 56:57
Yeah, 

Ken Miller 56:58
because that's my mom. And then she would sit down and fall asleep or whatever. And I would get back up and go to work after I ate what she cooked every day. And then on the weekends, I would take her, you know, wherever she needed to go and do whatever she needed or during the week if she needed to get her cumin in, 

Rich Bennett 57:16
you 

Ken Miller 57:16
know, whatever. And I was giving her to throw that all the way because of some words. And it was so funny later on. We're on the forklift and stuff. And he runs into me. And you know, he sees me. He's like, "Where you threatening me? Because I can't threaten. That's a, that's a, that's a fence. Where you threatening me?" And I'm like, No, no, no, no, no, no. And in my head, I was, I always say to myself, I wasn't threatening you. I was predicting your future because I said, "You punk has a bit stand up." I don't beat your ass. Really what I said. So I was predicting your future, but I didn't say that either. No, no, no, no, no. Because he went and went shit and thank goodness, went on, I went on my journey. But he, I had to take away the power of, of that. 

Rich Bennett 58:15
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 58:16
It was so many lessons to learn, but I've learned all, I've learned the lessons. And it may be one or two more. I don't think so. Because I didn't even know what the words were. I had to literally look at words. Okay. What words trigger me? 

Rich Bennett 58:31
Right. 

Ken Miller 58:33
And again, like in different cultures, so if you're in prison, another Hispanic calls another Hispanic American person, which is butterfly. That means you're, you're punk. You make your, you're a feminine, or you're weak. Really what it means is your weak. I'm strong. Therefore, I'm calling you a butterfly to see how you will react. 

Rich Bennett 58:56
Interesting. 

Ken Miller 58:57
Will it be by me, commentary? Going to store for me. 

Rich Bennett 59:04
Huh. 

Damn. 

That what actually, when was the book released? 

Ken Miller 59:12
It was released in May. Yeah, yeah. Branden. 

Rich Bennett 59:17
And how her book sales going so far? 

Ken Miller 59:19
You know, you get this idea that you're going to be amazing. So, man, if I'm sold 500 copies, I'd be surprised 'cause last time I look, which has been a month and a half, two months, I think it was up to like 200. 

Rich Bennett 59:32
Right. 

Ken Miller 59:33
You know, I didn't write the book to make money. I actually wrote the book so I could speak more. One reason I do the podcasts is I want to speak more. I want to touch people. I've gone out. I've, I've gone out there and talked to people from the stage, and one of my main thing of course is resilience, but the other one is taking away the power of the secret, 

taking away the power of the negative secret. If you knew this about me, you would not like me or reject me or make me feel less than. And I talk about that 'cause I had these secrets. A big secret of mine. I just put it out there. I was raped. I was raped by another man. I was raped by another man. I put myself in a situation where another man, so I know what it's like to feel dirty. I know what it's like to take a two hour shower and still feel unclean. I know what it's like to beat yourself up for putting yourself into that situation. So a lot of times women can can can can understand and I can understand. Because I hate to say most women every I have probably talked to over 50 60 prostitutes of my life. I was in that world. I smoked 

Rich Bennett 1:01:11
Oh 

Ken Miller 1:01:11
crack. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:12
yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:01:12
Yeah, yeah. I call them working girls. And every so I would talk to them 90% of them had kids and 100% of them have been molested 100% because they were safe with me because I we have a term. I didn't stress them for sex. This is what they do to pay for their drug. I didn't stress them. was just like gentleman crack smoker. I would always let the girl smoke first. It would be my dope here. I call her cocaine etiquette, crack etiquette, 

Rich Bennett 1:01:49
This is smoke. 

Ken Miller 1:01:50
which is like unheard Anybody smoke crack, listen to it. Yeah, I had crack etiquette believe it or not. It was different around different. So 

Rich Bennett 1:01:59
I 

Ken Miller 1:01:59
anyway, I can go on stage and I talk about that for hundreds of not thousands of people. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:05
Yeah, I love the fact that you're going to talk to businesses too. 

Ken Miller 1:02:08
Oh yeah, oh yeah. Almost everybody do it. But I 

Rich Bennett 1:02:12
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:02:12
did some mix. It's associations, businesses. I've gone out to prison. Not prisons. Youth prisons. I go into youth prison. It's so funny. So I go into youth prison. I go into what they call level one unit. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:29
Right 

Ken Miller 1:02:29
level one unit means that you are under 18. You could be as young and I don't know. 10 whatever. But the only way you can get to a level one unit is that you have killed, raped or arson. That's it. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:44
Oh, 

Ken Miller 1:02:45
these are the worst of the worst or the crimes of the worst of the worst. But when you look at them, they're children. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:51
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:02:51
So when I come in there, I never forget they're all slouch. Oh yeah, we know the speak. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:57
Uh huh. 

Ken Miller 1:02:57
Yeah, whatever. And they look at me like square. And then I start talking 

and I can talk their language. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:08
Right. 

Ken Miller 1:03:08
I've been there and I tell them, this is my truth. This is what I've done. This is what I've seen. 

And I remember it was like 14 16 guys in 16 guys in there. And by the end. 

I had all but maybe two or three. There's two or three there. They're they're too broken or they're too invested in their reputation of being a badass. And they can't pay attention to me. That would go against their script. I talk 

Rich Bennett 1:03:48
script. 

Ken Miller 1:03:48
about 

Rich Bennett 1:03:48
They can't pay attention 

Ken Miller 1:03:51
yet. Yet. But their chances are ever paying attention. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:56
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:03:57
Because if you can't even listen to me at 14, you have four more years before you go either to adult or be released. Because you're not getting out on those crimes until either because a lot of times even a murder. They'll at 18, no release you, okay. Or send you to the big house, usually depending on the severity of the crime, but most of them almost. I think I would probably say 90% of them. Or it would be it is always drugs involved. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:28
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:04:28
Drugs and alcohol and a lot of them are villagers. These kids from these small, the last-connative villages, who struggle because of so little resources or things, quote, unquote, to do. I'm not giving excuses, but they get involved with the drugs and the alcohol, and they end up committing, and I dealt with them. I ran, I became an executive director of a prison reentry program. I had 180 beds. I ran that program. This is the ex-con who ran that program. 

Rich Bennett 1:05:02
Wow. 

Ken Miller 1:05:02
Two things I learned. Number one, I had more problems with the women than I did with the guys. That's number one. I learned because they're manipulative. Manipulative. 

Rich Bennett 1:05:11
Uh-huh. 

Ken Miller 1:05:11
I used to have a rule. You cannot come into my office without one of my female staff member. Okay? You cannot come into my office. Okay. The day I started, I said, "It was very smart." 

Rich Bennett 1:05:25
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:05:26
Very smart. And the other thing that I learned is that, you know, is that there's a very high recidivism. As everyone knows, even though we had programs, we did this, we did that, and you got to check. But this is the other thing I learned is that it was sad. It was, it was real difficult for sex offenders to get housing, even though we provided. We had only a certain amount of beds that we could do because nobody wants to end their neighborhood. We had different houses, different places. But it was real difficult. And a lot of them were native men, Alaska native men. A lot. I mean, the majority. 

Rich Bennett 1:06:10
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:06:11
And they're a very small part of the population. And the reason it was alcohol related in villages and what a village can do is they can make it that you cannot come back. You're expelled from the village. And many of them, their education level is not high at all. And they were the nicest people in the world. This is my experience. Because they're not on the alcohol. And they're just these, I had to use the word simple, a laskan man that got up with alcohol involved, and usually someone under age. And again, I'm talking truth. I was there. I've seen it. I've been to the prisons. They were begging me to find beds for these guys. Because he and then you meet him. And then, right, you know, I got someone come in. A lot of times when they would come in, I said, Hey, make sure, because I knew who he was. And I just want to sure we talked because I'm like the warden 

Rich Bennett 1:07:10
Right. 

Ken Miller 1:07:10
of the executive 

Rich Bennett 1:07:11
director. 

Ken Miller 1:07:12
I have staff. Anyway, 

Rich Bennett 1:07:15
so well, two things very important. Number one, tell everybody how they can get in touch with you in case they want you to come speak. 

Ken Miller 1:07:22
I would love that. The what I always recommend is to go to my LinkedIn. And just go to Ken Miller, 84. That's number one. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:35
Okay. 

Ken Miller 1:07:35
Number two, call me. 907208488. 

Repeat 9072508488. Same phone I've had for 16 years. I'm not afraid of any call. I'm not afraid of any. I'm not I have no fear in my life. None. Zero. I have no financial fear. I have no health fear. I have no fear. There are people who I'm close to who are dying as we speak. Dying. Cancer. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:13
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:08:14
I'm not, I don't fear that. That's truth. What can I do to help you? What can I do to assist you? Need a couple of dollars? Got you need me to do this. Got you. That's the difference. It's not fear. I'm not fear based. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:30
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:08:31
Okay. So anyway, can't talk me there or go to my website. Ken Miller speaks. I know. That's tough. So let me repeat that. Ken Miller speaks.com. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:42
I 

Ken Miller 1:08:42
I love. That's not like about you. Rich you laugh too. I love to laugh. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:46
Well, you first, so I want to thank you for giving your phone number because I mean that to me, that tells people you are real. You are you're truly behind what you know, the words you're spreading what you want to do because there are a lot of people who like to give their phone 

Ken Miller 1:09:02
So, 

Rich Bennett 1:09:02
number. 

Ken Miller 1:09:03
multiple want and I don't recommend it for women. I don't recommend that. 

Rich Bennett 1:09:08
Now, 

Ken Miller 1:09:08
You know, 

Rich Bennett 1:09:09
but I 

Ken Miller 1:09:10
yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:09:10
mean, the fact that you're doing that is awesome. Also, those of you that are listening. When when you purchase the book, Becoming Ken by Ken Miller, after you read it, make sure you leave a full review. 

Ken Miller 1:09:24
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 1:09:24
Be on Amazon, Goodread, wherever you can leave reviews. And because this is a book that I believe you would keep and go back in case you needed to brush up on something. Buy copies for other people. As a matter of fact, Buy some copies for people that are in recovery, for the recovery centers, buy them for the 

Ken Miller 1:09:49
Uh, 

Rich Bennett 1:09:49
local jails. 

Ken Miller 1:09:50
awesome. 

Rich Bennett 1:09:51
Whatever, I think if businesses do that in spots or a messload of books, buykins, books, and pass them out, you're gonna be helping people. 

Ken Miller 1:10:00
let me, 

Rich Bennett 1:10:00
Alright, 

Ken Miller 1:10:00
let me put one, let me put one more offer out there for you. 

Rich Bennett 1:10:02
Sure, 

Ken Miller 1:10:04
anyone that contacts from your show, 

I will send you a hand, signed, and numbered copy of my book for $5. 

Rich Bennett 1:10:21
You can't 

Ken Miller 1:10:21
It's 

Rich Bennett 1:10:21
be 

Ken Miller 1:10:21
$20 online. I'll send 

Rich Bennett 1:10:23
d***, 

Ken Miller 1:10:23
a t 

Rich Bennett 1:10:24
yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:10:24
for $5, it'll pay for the shipping for me, 'cause it costs $4. 47 since the shipping. You send me, and I'll tell you how to do that, but 

Rich Bennett 1:10:33
Right. 

Ken Miller 1:10:33
just army, email me, LinkedIn me, and I'll send you a hand sign. I've, I've sent out like 60-80 copies hand sign, so I have no problem with that, because you're on Rich Bennett's show. 

Rich Bennett 1:10:45
Oh man, thanks, Kent. And, and you know you gotta come back on when the next book comes out. 

Ken Miller 1:10:51
Yeah, next book is on respect 

Rich Bennett 1:10:54
Yes. 

Ken Miller 1:10:54
and disrespect, and it's gonna be, 

Rich Bennett 1:10:56
something very important to talk about. 

Ken Miller 1:10:59
yes. 

Rich Bennett 1:10:59
So, alright, so Ken, 

Ken Miller 1:11:01
It's 

Rich Bennett 1:11:01
for my last question, which I have no idea what it's gonna be. I need you to pick a number between one and 100. 

Ken Miller 1:11:09
Okay, 84. 

Rich Bennett 1:11:13
And why 

Ken Miller 1:11:14
84? Yeah, I graduate, I do everything 

Rich Bennett 1:11:17
Oh, 

Ken Miller 1:11:17
84. 

Rich Bennett 1:11:17
okay. 

Ken Miller 1:11:18
Makes it easy for me. 

Rich Bennett 1:11:19
Funny things, 80, I think it was in 84, I was out in Reno, because I was in a Marine Corps, where we went for a Co-weather training somewhere in California, and we were able to take a weekend and go to Reno. 

Ken Miller 1:11:34
Probably. Yeah, because you're up north for Co-weather training, you're probably, yeah. Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 1:11:40
oh, 

Ken Miller 1:11:40
definitely, you'll learn trucky, or that whole area going over the I-80 past, and then, and then you come on down into the Valley and you're in Washel County in Reno, which 

Rich Bennett 1:11:53
is... It was... 

Ken Miller 1:11:54
Otty. 

Rich Bennett 1:11:54
We got in trouble, but that's another story. 

Ken Miller 1:11:57
Ooh! 

Rich Bennett 1:11:58
Um, oh, that's a good question. Alright, so, if you could experience one moment of pure wonder, what would it be? 

Ken Miller 1:12:13
If I can experience it again. 

Rich Bennett 1:12:16
Mmm-hmm, one moment of pure 

Ken Miller 1:12:19
wonder. 

What would...what would have...what...what thing of wonder? 

Oh, 

Rich Bennett 1:12:44
some of these questions blow me away. 

Ken Miller 1:12:56
I don't know, I... it just goes sound a little weird, but I now shouldn't put a disclaimer on a statement. So, my mother's passing away, I go down there to visit her, stay with her a couple of days, 

go back to Anchorage, she's in Reno, about two or three days after I get back, I get a call, and they're like, you need to come back down. It's getting close. 

And, is that okay? 

And, 

I'm sitting near where my mom are watching the blob, Steve McQueen. 

Rich Bennett 1:13:47
Oh, wow. 

Ken Miller 1:13:49
I don't know, I have a history with the blob, because they used to show the blob every year, once a year, in the 70s, on this one movie time. 

Rich Bennett 1:14:01
Mmm-hmm. 

Ken Miller 1:14:02
And every year, watched the blob with Steve McQueen. And, we're watching the blob. My mom has got congestive heart failure. She was to pass away, actually the next day. 

And, 

I remember, she turned to me, and she said, "Kineth, I want a pizza," 

and I said to her, "Mom, you can't have pizza, you know, a lot of that pizza." And, she said, "Kineth, I want a pizza." And, I thought about it, and God, I might start crying on this one, bro. 

Rich Bennett 1:14:43
It's alright, man. 

Ken Miller 1:14:44
And, I'm like, okay, I'm going to get you that pizza, mom. I'm going to get you that pizza. And, I went out there, and I went in order to pizza, and we came back. I came back. She's sitting in the chair, and I'm in my other chair, and I get her a slice. And, she might've took a bite or two out of it. And, you know, we just talked about sublime as the term. It was a sublime moment. And, it really was, it was just a joy. I think it was a joy because I was there. I could be there, I could be present, her only child, 

and be there for her in her last days. 

Because the next day, my mom did an assisted suicide. under medical conditions, and it was five or six of us there. Her friends who were also nurses, but we did assist in suicide and later to rest. On her terms, and if anybody got problem with it, you have a problem with 

Rich Bennett 1:15:58
it, 

Ken Miller 1:15:59
because that's what she wanted. She said, "Kenneth, I'm ready." And she wanted to see her ex-husband at different antennas. She wanted to be with her. She knew I all right. She wanted to live, make sure I was all right. And I'd been all right for four-year, five-year, six years at that point. And she was ready. And she's in a lot of pain. And so, we helped her in a transition, and it was beautiful. And so that's my whole thing. Hope that's too morbid for 

Rich Bennett 1:16:33
No, man, I'm just sitting there thinking that pizza was probably, 

Ken Miller 1:16:38
anybody. 

Rich Bennett 1:16:38
has, has probably tasted the best ever to her. And probably you, because that's something you remember. 

Ken Miller 1:16:46
Yep, yep. When you asked her, one of those, I just, yeah, I just, I was super close to my mom. She was just, 

Rich Bennett 1:16:53
yeah, 

Ken Miller 1:16:54
when you meet people that good, that good. And you know, what it is the thing is when you hear people saying, you know, we may have an opinion on our mom or dad or sister or brother. But when you have people from outside say the same thing, oh, your mom was one of them. 

Rich Bennett 1:17:17
Yeah. 

Ken Miller 1:17:19
Nice. I used to have one of my buddies. I didn't even know he said, you used to call your mom when I was in college in talk to her because 

Rich Bennett 1:17:26
Uh-huh. 

Ken Miller 1:17:26
she's such a nice lady. I'm like, you were. You talk my mom. Oh, 

Rich Bennett 1:17:31
I've heard, yeah, I've heard that a lot about my parents. 

Ken Miller 1:17:33
Oh, that's cool. 

Rich Bennett 1:17:34
Cool. It makes you feel, I'd be growing up. Kids, and even as they got older, love's coming over here. Just, and they would just sit there and talk with them. But they were also afraid of them. So well, Ken, I want to thank you so much, brother, man. It's been a true honor. And don't forget you got to come back on again 

Ken Miller 1:17:54
the next 

Rich Bennett 1:17:54
for 

Ken Miller 1:17:55
whatever. Just highlight me. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 1:17:57
got it, man. Thanks, brother. 

Ken Miller 1:17:59
You

Rich Bennett 1:18:00
Thank you for listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and learned something from it as I did. If you'd like to hear more conversations like this, be sure to subscribe to the podcast. So you never miss an episode. And if you have a moment, I'd love it if you can leave a review. It helps us reach more listeners and share more incredible stories. Don't forget to connect with us on social media or visit our website at conversationswithrichbandit.com for updates, giveaways and more. Until next time, take care, be kind and keep the conversations going. You know, it takes a lot to put a podcast together. together, together, And my sponsors help add a lot. But I also have some supporters that actually help me when it comes to the editing software, the hosting and so forth. There's a lot that goes into putting this together. So I want to thank them. And if you can, please please visit their websites, visit their businesses, support them however you can. So please visit the following full circle boards. Nobody does charcuterie like full circle boards, visit them at fullcircleboards.com. Sincerely, Sincerely-soyer photography, live in the moment, they'll capture it. Visit them at sincerelysoyer.com. The Jopitan Lines Club. Serve in the community since 1965. Visit Visit them at jopitanlinesclub. org. And don't forget to ee at the end of Jopitan because they're extraordinary.