The Truth Behind It All with Graham Robinson

Wendy & Rich 0:01
Coming to you from the Freedom Federal Credit Union Studios, Hartford County Living presents, Conversations with Rich Bennett. Some wounds don't leave scars you can

Rich Bennett 0:29
see. They show up in other ways. Enger that doesn't make sense, sadness you can't explain, or the feeling that no matter what you achieve, something inside still feels broken. For a lot of men, those wounds began in childhood. But instead of talking about them, they bury them. For years, sometimes for decades. My guest today knows that journey all too well. At just thirteen years old, Graham Robinson left home and school carrying it with him the invisible weight of childhood trauma. For years, he pushed forward, building a life and career in broadcast and in public service, all while the pain of his past remained buried beneath the surface. It wasn't until later in life that Graham began confronting those wounds head on and discovering just how deeply childhood trauma can shape our emotions, relationships, and identity. Today Graham is a qualified hypnotherapist and trauma advocate, using both professional training and lived experience to help others confront shame, anger, and sadness rooted in their past. In his powerful memoir, Shattered Innocence, healing the invisible wounds of childhood trauma, Graham opens up about the rage-filled childhood that forced him to grow up far too quickly and the long road toward reclaiming his true self. His message is simple but powerful. Healing may be painful, but it's possible. In no matter how many years have passed, it's never too late to begin. How are you doing, Graham? 

Graham Robinson 2:12
Good. Thank you. Reach for the wonderful introduction. 

Rich Bennett 2:15
It 

amazes me how many people don't talk about trauma. We talk about a lot on the podcast and it's true. A lot of it begins with early childhood. But it's amazing. Yeah, but it gives me how many men don't like to talk about it and I don't understand. 

Graham Robinson 2:38
For many people I find when I go to a session and I might be talking to a mixed group of men and women. It's the women who will come up to me and say what you described is how my husband is or parts of it, but the men don't approach me. And then when they see me talking to their wife or partner, the man will come up and then he'll start talking about it. But to break that initial, for many men to break that to walk up and say yes, this is what happens to me. Seems really difficult, especially for older men. 

Rich Bennett 3:14
Yeah, 

Graham Robinson 3:17
You know, and you mentioned there about, uhm, when it comes, when we talk about coming from childhood, of course for many of us we don't even know that we're doing these bad things. 

Rich Bennett 3:31
right, 

Graham Robinson 3:45
It's the emotional, th lack of the lack of love and the lack of emotion from your parents that really digs in deep. And that's what, what changes a child. More often than not we can, you know, we can be naughty and we get smacked and whatever we can live with that and we, you know, we can put that where it belongs. Even though it's abuse, it's still wrong. Uhm, 

Rich Bennett 4:07
right, 

Graham Robinson 4:08
but it's the emotional abuse that really we carry and that really causes a lot of the problems. But we don't know that because as kids, when, so when the father or mother or both in my case, they don't show any love. Now they, they, they gave us everything else, they fed us, houses, 

Rich Bennett 4:27
right, 

Graham Robinson 4:27
all of the things that, you know, you, you would ask to be done. But there was no emotion, no love in the house. And uhm, so what happens is the child does everything as, as you would expect to get that love. Uhm, and we actually, we build a, a false, what they call a false self. So if, if a child says to itself, but we don't understand, we're doing this. If a child says to say, okay, they're not loving me, I'm not being loved, we create this false self that we hope will be loved. So it's this sort of different child become, this child becomes a different person. Um, and that doesn't work either because you know, it's the adult that has the problem, not the kid. But, and so that's when we start feeling we're not worthy because we're not loved that we, we are shameful. We must be bad. Because kids look at things in black and white basically, you know, it's 

Rich Bennett 5:20
right, 

Graham Robinson 5:20
either good or bad. Um, so that's so that's the core of what the development, it's toxic shame of us not being good enough. And that affects everything that you talked about, you know, people pleasing poor relationships with others, because we don't learn about relationships. I thought I had good relationships as an adult, 

Rich Bennett 5:41
right. 

Graham Robinson 5:42
I looked back and I was shocking. I'm surprised women stayed more than 10 minutes with me. I mean, it was 

Rich Bennett 5:47
wow. 

Graham Robinson 5:48
No, no, I mean, I'm my jealousy and my controlling and all of these 

Rich Bennett 5:52
are 

Graham Robinson 5:53
trying to do was just you know, when you look back when I was doing it, and they would leave, I would blame them, I would say, well, it's their problem, not mine, they've gone and then I would go in and do exactly the same stuff again. But I would never learn, I would never stop and say, hey, maybe you're doing something wrong. I would get really angry even with work colleagues, if because I was a, I was this silly perfectionist and unbelievable that I needed to control everything. So I was the only one who could do anything, so I would take, try and take control of everything. And of course, that's, you know, that it's just crazy, you can't do that. And also, you know, you have to, you have to work with your colleagues and treat them properly, but I was, I was shocking at times. I mean, I, you've, you've been in, you've been in radio, so I'll tell you this story, but at the end of it, please don't judge me and hang up. 

So I was, I was a program director of a small radio station. So, you know, I managed the music and 

Rich Bennett 6:58
and the output. 

Graham Robinson 6:58
the sound 

Rich Bennett 6:58
Right. 

Graham Robinson 6:59
And we're talking 90s here. And in those days, we had a company who would send those, I don't know if you remember the large, real to real tapes. 

Rich Bennett 7:10
Oh my God, 

Graham Robinson 7:11
yes. Yeah, so we, they 

Rich Bennett 7:12
that. That's 

Graham Robinson 7:12
use 

Rich Bennett 7:12
how we learn how to edit 

Graham Robinson 7:14
Yes. I know I was shocking on that though. But 

Rich Bennett 7:17
it. 

Graham Robinson 7:17
they would send us these tapes with concerts on them, like live concerts on them. 

Rich Bennett 7:21
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 7:21
So they would just be the one concert. And we had this, they saw, they sent us this you to concert. And there was a young announcer on, on air. And he, he was putting it to air. And it's lining it up, looping it up on all that stuff. I was at home and I was listening because I'm real YouTube fan anyway. And then, but he accidentally hit the fast forward button. 

Rich Bennett 7:42
Oh 

Graham Robinson 7:42
And 

Rich Bennett 7:42
God. 

Graham Robinson 7:43
yeah, exactly. And so it spun away. And one, but because I'm such a, it was such a control freak then and everything had to be right because if it wasn't, I think I would think people blame me or. 

Rich Bennett 7:54
Right. 

Graham Robinson 7:55
I picked up the phone and I said to him. If you ever do that again, I'll break your bloody leg. 

Rich Bennett 8:01
Damn. 

Graham Robinson 8:02
Yeah, and that's how bad, that's how bad my anger. And that's how bad that was. And exactly, it's that sort of reaction that doesn't, I mean, it doesn't even deserve being, you know, somebody I should have been dismissed immediately and, and, you know, but that's how much the controlling and the need to be perfect takes hold of you. Now, it's just one of the symptoms, but that's how bad it can get. And you can do that with your, with your loved ones, the only area I can be fortunate, I haven't been like that with my children. So for some reason, I don't know, my actions with my children were different to my actions elsewhere. And so, which was fortunate, even though I have divorced and that hurt them, it's still the matter was that they would treat it properly. Whereas, yeah, your attitude towards others in your life can be, can be shocking. I mean, I left my, my wife because I came home one day and I said to her, and this had been in my head for about a year that I didn't feel like 

Rich Bennett 9:07
Right. 

Graham Robinson 9:07
I belonged. So, and, and what, what I mean by that is that when you have this sort of trauma from childhood and, and people listening to your, your podcast might recognize us in themselves, if I went to a party or even with good friends, really close friends, I'd still feel like I was alone. I'd stand in the corner. I'd, I'd, I'd move around the circle and talk, but I'd always feel alone and I'd go home early more often than not and just feel safer at home and, and that's what I did. And so, I went to my, my wife and, and said, look, I don't feel like I belong in a relationship. I don't feel like I belong here. I feel out of it. And that, that was happening all the more and more as I went home. And, and eventually, I left she looked at me and said, don't be stupid. What are you talking about? And, and that's, of course, the normal reaction. Like, what do you mean you don't feel like you belong? And we've been married 18 years. So, you know, it's not like it happens instantly. It's this stuff. And I didn't know anything until I hit my 50s when it actually started to come out of me. And that's, that's my, that's where I like to walk or why I like to work with older men, because it does start to come out from your mid 40s onwards. If, if you haven't done anything about it, you start to have these things come out of you. The, when I was working in radio, I worked for a national public broadcaster. And I was working in, in an area of a regional area sort of country towns around me. And we've covered a large broadcast area. And there was this one small town, and this incident is just an example. Now, I don't know. It's all related to Charter and Cholma, but I think a lot of it. 

Rich Bennett 10:57
So 

Graham Robinson 10:58
this man in the small country town, well known member of a Lions group, which is a community group that helps, helps people in Australia. And he, 

Rich Bennett 11:08
you mean Lions Club? 

Graham Robinson 11:10
Yeah, Lions Club. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 11:11
Yeah. Yeah. And the president of ours. 

Graham Robinson 11:12
Oh, cool. So you know how well respected people in the Lions Club 

Rich Bennett 11:16
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 11:16
are. So, so this, and he was been in this small country town, about 6000 people for a long time. He was babysitting his two grandchildren. And his wife was there. And his daughter was a serving police officer in the same town. He, I won't describe how, but he killed all three. The one, yeah, the wife and the two children. And he hadn't shown anything. Now, he hadn't shown anything like that in the town. When his, when his daughter came home to collect the children, he was still in the house. He attacked her, but didn't, didn't kill her and she was able to raise the alarm. But the thing that makes me think, part of this is childhood trauma is he simply then after his daughter had come home, he left the house, drove to a town nearby, walked into a pub, sat down in order to be here at the counter. And the barman wreck, he was on by that time, it was on television. And the barman recognized him and called the police. But he was just calmly sitting there having a beer. And when, when he was interviewed by police and, you know, the stories came out. 

Rich Bennett 12:24
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 12:25
He was asked and he said, I didn't, I don't know why, I don't know why it. 

Rich Bennett 12:30
Wow. 

Graham Robinson 12:30
So, the reason I talk about that connected now, I don't know if it's all totally connected to childhood trauma, but that is, that is a bit of a symptom that does happen. You get, it, it builds up in you so much that as you become, and he was in his 60s. And that, so for example, your partner, his wife, may have been, there might have been one little thing or one thing that the child did that day that had been a repetitive thing that may have been happening for, for say, five years with the child or with the wife. But that one day it's built so much up, like it builds and builds in him and he controls it, and then it builds and he pushes it down. That one day it just snaps and it explodes. And, and that trauma that's inside you comes out like a, like a wild animal. Um, it, it, it really does. It just explodes. And you also, um, you also lose, not only control, but you lose complete understanding of what you're doing. You 

Rich Bennett 13:33
Right. 

Graham Robinson 13:33
can go into that, now there's no excuses for any of this. But what I'm saying is that without getting healing men can be in this dangerous position. Um, and you know, I mean, we see road rage today that comes out. It's not always old. I mean, obviously, but it's that sort of symptom that, you know, they want, you know, on the road, you, you feel that somebody's, um, done something to you or you want to control it or whatever. And you go from one to 10 in rage without being able to control it because it can trigger something in you from your childhood. 

Rich Bennett 14:08
Right. 

Graham Robinson 14:08
Um, 

Rich Bennett 14:09
Wow. 

Graham Robinson 14:09
and, you know, I'm not a, I'm not a psychologist. So, you know, you need to go and people who've looked back at their childhood. You know, whether you've had trauma, you know how it was. You know, whether your father loved you. Did he ever say he was proud of you if he didn't, you know, we desperately want that validation. You need, and if you feel those sorts of things you need to go to a professional therapist and who deals in childhood trauma, and there are so many therapies on the market, you know, as we all know, there's all sorts of therapies. So people can find one that suits them. Um, the, the one that I feel works probably as well as any is a thing called CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy. Um, and that, that is for if you've got a good expert with that, that, that's wonderful. And there's a thing called tapping EFT. 

Rich Bennett 15:04
Yes. 

Graham Robinson 15:05
And that really works too. That really, and that helps with survivors of PTSD and, and so on. Because, because childhood trauma, they call it CPTSD. So they call it complex post traumatic disorder. Um, because the reason for that is the child's locked in the, in the house. Can't escape. 

Rich Bennett 15:23
Right. 

Graham Robinson 15:24
Where's PTSD, um, even though you might be in a war zone for several years or a year say, um, you do come out of it. So it's more incident based. Um, so, but the symptoms are very similar, very similar. 

Rich Bennett 15:38
Wow. 

Graham Robinson 15:39
PTSD veteran might be triggered by a car, by a helicopter flying overhead, 

Rich Bennett 15:45
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 15:45
or, or allowed noise, or, or any of those things that we talk about. Where's for a child? It's, it's more of a, a trigger of somebody saying or doing something. Um, so, for example, for me, my parents just screamed at each other all the time. They, they never communicated very, or very little communication was 

Rich Bennett 16:05
Right. 

Graham Robinson 16:05
made in talking. So they just scream, so I have a, I've always had a real issue with noise. But even, even next door neighbors, if they're talking in it on a Miranda outside in their normal voice, I still cringe, or not so much now, but I used to cringe. I used to want to go over and tell them to be quiet, even in a normal conversation voice, because it, 

Rich Bennett 16:27
Wow. A 

Graham Robinson 16:27
it, it just triggered me, because the, the, I'd lived under this house for years with them screaming at each other. Um, and, and that noise, which, until I am the student, I had arguments with neighbors about noise all the time until I understood what was going on in me, 

Rich Bennett 16:44
know, 

Graham Robinson 16:44
you 

Rich Bennett 16:44
right. 

Graham Robinson 16:45
Um, and this is why it, but it's difficult because we don't think. We don't think we're flawed, you know, we 

Rich Bennett 16:52
Yeah, 

Graham Robinson 16:52
think we're doing okay. We think we're good. Um, I did. And as I've just said to you, you can see how ordinary I was. I wasn't good at all. So, you know, it, it's difficult though, because you've first got to admit you've got a problem, and then 

Rich Bennett 17:07
right. 

Graham Robinson 17:07
you've got to go and find a way to help it heal. And one of the first things I would recommend to anybody is talk to your partner about it. because if they don't know your childhood, you know, we don't know our partners' childhoods unless we meet all their family and talk in depth with them but often we don't. We just meet in social gatherings and keep it fun and light. So find out and talk to them and that way you can support them and you might understand too because you would you know partner will see these things happening. 

Rich Bennett 17:41
Right. So what is it that helped you? Did you go to therapy or was it a hypnotist? Where? 

Graham Robinson 17:49
Hypnotherapy? No. Um, 

Rich Bennett 17:51
Okay. 

Graham Robinson 17:52
well, what happened? Like I didn't. I was, what, mid-50s. I think when I was actually watching television one night and I wasn't involved with anyone, just in my own apartment alone and I started crying. And I started crying because a man put an arm around his son's shoulder and told me he was proud of him. And now I'd seen that for years on different, but this one time. This is what I mean, it comes out at certain times. This one time, I just started crying and I ended up lying on the floor curled up, just sobbing, literally. And you know, and here's this, if anybody has seen me, this 50 plus old man lying on what the hell is going on? And so it also worried me. It scared me. Um, 

Rich Bennett 18:41
yeah. 

Graham Robinson 18:41
And so, 

Rich Bennett 18:42
a bird. 

Graham Robinson 18:43
Yeah, I mean, I didn't know what was happening. And I mean, I had a, I knew that my father didn't show love and I later on found out why, but, um, but the trouble was that I didn't, at that stage, didn't understand what it had done to me. Um, I just, because I didn't have a very good, like, as you mentioned, I left home at 13 and left school went off. So I didn't have really a good relationship with my parents. And because I never, 

Rich Bennett 19:06
right. 

Graham Robinson 19:07
Never lived with them after that. So what, once I found, once this happened, I started looking, I started, unfortunately, we have Google and the internet. so I started looking into what would cause that. And then all this information started to come up. And what I, as I read through, I recognized the symptoms of what I was doing in different areas, too, like people pleasing or listening to you in a voice that tells you you're not good enough and you can't do things. And so all of these, these, um, stories came up. So, um, I realized I needed to get help and I'm, I've got to be honest with you. I believe, um, um, well, I want to believe in this. I believe the universe gives us things when we're ready to deal with them. And so 

Rich Bennett 19:55
I agree. 

Graham Robinson 19:56
somebody came along. A lady came along in. So, um, I heard from someone about this lady who did work as in EFT in the tapping. And so I reached out to her. And I started seeing her on, first on a weekly basis. And the first couple of sessions, she was, you know, you can't go straight to the depth. She was quite gentle. But then we started exploring the inner child and she got me, so the idea is you have to reparent your inner child. And so she got me to meet my inner child and to talk to them. And there were some very, very big emotions that came out. Um, and, um, we worked through that for, I think about, and she's a good friend now, about two, two and a half years of work. Not every, not weekly. It went from weekly to, fortnightly, then to monthly and slowly moved away. But the interesting thing is that when we start doing the work, I always believe that, so, um, what happened, the first incident with my father was, um, when I was five. He, um, I, I stole a couple of toy helicopters from a little shop at a beach side place and we were, we were out for the day. Um, and I put them in, I was playing with them and I put them in my pocket because I loved the, the world of the 

Rich Bennett 21:13
right. 

Graham Robinson 21:14
helicopter blades. Anyway, I played with them in the car on the way home, and he saw that and he pulled over in this, in this near this forest and he, he took me out of the car and he took off his belt and he started whipping me and I was running through, I remember running through trying to run away from him and he was chased. 

Rich Bennett 21:28
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 21:29
So I always thought that that what started it. But when I did the work, I found that the real depth of my pain came from and it is quite a simple matter. Um, I was about six, I suppose, in school and I won third prize in an art competition out of the whole school, adoring other Beatles. Um, and, um, so they were doing a night time presentation in a, the auditorium. Um, I went, um, but nobody turned up for me, no parents. 

Rich Bennett 22:01
Oh. 

Graham Robinson 22:02
So, and I'm watching all these other kids on the stage, getting their things, and I couldn't even go up. Even now it makes me sad. So, that, that, but I found out. I didn't think that I'd, I'd dismissed that. I never even thought about it. But that was the, that, excuse me, that was the key. That, that really sort of, the depth of the trauma. 

Rich Bennett 22:25
Right. 

Graham Robinson 22:25
And once she got into that, and we started opening that up, even though it now makes me sad, I understand it. And then you start doing more work, and then I started looking at my family. And I found out that my father's mother died in childbirth in, in the 1930s, or somewhere around there. And she, 

Rich Bennett 22:48
I found out that the birth to him. 

Graham Robinson 22:49
Okay. No, no, giving birth 

Rich Bennett 22:51
Oh, 

Graham Robinson 22:51
to a little girl. To, to 

Rich Bennett 22:53
okay. 

Graham Robinson 22:53
what would have been his sister. And on the kitchen floor, there was nobody 

Rich Bennett 22:57
Oh, 

Graham Robinson 22:57
around. 

Rich Bennett 22:57
my God. 

Graham Robinson 22:58
Yeah. Yeah, there was nobody around. And so his father, who was a coal miner, gave him and another, his sister away to some other relatives and never, ever contacted them again. And she was given away. And the relatives were, that he got, they were given to her quite like this was in England. They were quite austere that, 

Rich Bennett 23:19
Right. 

Graham Robinson 23:19
that sort of Victorian, imagine that Victorian era type attitude. Very, v straight. So when I started to learn about that. I started to understand that he never was given love. You can imagine this little kid from what I'm gathering, we met their family many years later. The sister found them. She did a Google and genealogy genealogy and so on. And she found them. And he went back and met sisters. He'd never known he'd had and all the rest of it. And yeah, so, so you start to understand that, you know, it's not all black and white, but they were just bad people or whatever they had their own trauma. And that's the other thing. We all have intergenerational trauma that comes through from, you know, and his father was obviously a pretty, was pretty awful man as well. And so that went through and through. So, yeah, it's, once you start opening the can though, you can start to heal you, even though you might not like what's in there, 

Rich Bennett 24:23
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 24:23
but it's the it's the only way that 

Rich Bennett 24:25
it helps make sense. 

Graham Robinson 24:26
Yeah. And of course, we all know that, you know, you, if you put sunlight on something, it starts to get better. So you've got to open it up. You've got to talk about it. Because if you don't, you know, you really, your life will get worse and worse if it starts. Now, I'm sure some people go through trauma and it doesn't affect them or we're not all affected the same way. That's that's 

Rich Bennett 24:52
Right. 

Graham Robinson 24:52
for sure. But it often reminds me, you had that famous case in America of those two young men who. 

Rich Bennett 25:01
Brothers that killed the parents. 

Graham Robinson 25:03
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 25:04
Yeah. Yeah. And then does I think 

Graham Robinson 25:05
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 25:05
it was. 

Graham Robinson 25:06
And I feel, I've got to be honest and I don't want to, I know people have different views, but I feel really sorry for them. Really sad about what's happened to them, because I would 100% say that what, what happened to them as kids and young men. And their reactions is very, very typical of extreme childhood trauma. So, I mean, sexual abuse is by far the worst, of course, that really is by far the worst. And when people went and I remember reading the story and, and of course I've seen the documentaries, when people talk about, well, why did they go back and shoot the mother. So badly, you know, so it's because she didn't protect them. 

Rich Bennett 25:54
Right. 

Graham Robinson 25:54
So if, you know, their, their loss. The father was, even though he was doing the abuse, this is my opinion, and I'm not a psychologist or any of that. Even though he was obviously doing the physical actions towards the young boys, the mother, the things they would have seen because she didn't stop him, because she knew about it and you know, it's obviously you have to know about it in a home like that. That's why that that depth of anger and sadness and trauma is focused on the mother. Not the father as much. He's secondary, even though he was the perpetrator. And that's why they would have gone back. And that's why it was such a that was releasing that. And but you know, unfortunately, like all things, no, I don't think especially in their time, we didn't look into childhood trauma as much. And yet America has one of the one of the very, I mean, everybody's talked about childhood trauma over the years, but there was an American called John Bradshaw, who wrote some of the best books in the his passed away now. But in the 80s, he wrote some amazing books called, one called Homecoming, he talked to him and about shame about childhood trauma. And if anybody really wants to get and he's another reason why I started to understand what happened to me, I picked up his book. If anybody really wants to understand their childhood trauma and how it comes out, I would highly recommend looking for John Bradshaw's homecoming. It really, I mean, it goes through all of the things that can happen and talks about how and why and it's a very, very clear picture and when I read that, I finish reading it and I remember putting it down and going, so that's why I have these problems. I knew, I knew he pinpointed all of them and I knew why. And it's, and he had his own problems too. He's an alcoholic and did things as well, so he understood that lived experience. But it's, yeah, it's important that people just realize what's going on and understand that they do something. 

Rich Bennett 28:11
It's, it's amazing because a lot of people, and I'm thinking like with the Menendez brothers, a lot of people don't look into the deeper part of it, you know, what 

Graham Robinson 28:23
it. 

Rich Bennett 28:23
caused I, um, to move, uh, one, I guess it's a documentary series. I just watched was the again story. 

Graham Robinson 28:33
Oh, yes, 

Rich Bennett 28:34
yeah. 

Graham Robinson 28:34
yeah, 

Rich Bennett 28:34
And it's just to see everything that he went through and the stuff that he did, it's like almost like he wasn't there, he doesn't, he doesn't remember a lot of it. And it's, 

it's unreal. What's not unreal? It's because a lot of people, it's, it's, it's stuck in your, well, you know this, 

Graham Robinson 28:58
yeah, 

Rich Bennett 28:58
it's stuck in your brain and you, it's, it's stuck there because you want to forget about it. You do forget about it. And like you said, you hit a certain age, you, it starts bringing back memories. And I, this is one of reasons I always tell her it's not a bad idea for everybody to see a therapist, not a bad idea at all because you may uncover something that you did not know was there and it may prevent something from the future happening. 

Graham Robinson 29:25
And 

Rich Bennett 29:25
it all, which is important, 

Graham Robinson 29:27
especially younger men. I like it when, when I'm talking to younger men or, and, and to be quite honest, I would, I would love to talk about a lot of this to school young schoolboy. 

Rich Bennett 29:38
Oh, yes. 

Graham Robinson 29:39
you know, not, not super young, but you know, when they're getting into their last three or four years of schooling and talk to them about, you know, you, you obviously moderated a bit. But talk to them about the need to make sure that if they did have trauma in their lives, even bullying, I mean, I was talking to a friend of mine whose son has been bullied at one school. She's moved him to another. He's doing so much better now. But, you know, all of the things that are happening.It  isn't just childhood trauma from parents and that it's childhood trauma from bullying and from 

Rich Bennett 30:09
Yeah, 

Graham Robinson 30:09
from other things. If you can get to talk to young men, but as you say, even as in their 20s and 30s, if they can start acting upon getting therapy, getting to talk to somebody and helping it, their lives, my life is so much different from from 5, 7 years ago when, when I would never have been here talking to you about this and I, you know, I was, I was not a nice person at all. I didn't realise that though, I mean I still had friends and I was very good to my 

Rich Bennett 30:40
friends. Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 30:40
good to me. But when it got into those moments of stress and pressure, I reacted very badly. You know, anything could happen. So you really need to get to get, I agree with you, to get to talk to somebody who understands how to help you and what's happening. And it doesn't have to be therapy for the rest of your life. You just need to be aware of it. And once you're aware of it, there's a lot of there's a lot of things you can do to help your own childhood trauma, simple exercises, even things like meditation, but more important. know, just understanding that it's there. You know, and when the anxieties rise up, you can do simple things like put your hand on your stomach and take some deep slow breaths. That'll bring you back down, and it'll stop you if you want to let me, for example, if I want to go racing across to the neighbor and say turn the car horn off or whatever, 

Rich Bennett 31:39
You 

Graham Robinson 31:40
it'll stop me from doing that. So I just do that. If I get anxious now, I just do that. And quite interestingly, it calms you down. The other thing with anger, because my anger, the anger, once it starts to take root, it really boils as you know, and comes up, I give my anger a name. So I call it George. 

Rich Bennett 32:03
I like that idea. 

Graham Robinson 32:05
So when George plays up, I just say, no, George, we're not doing that. And what happens is you just break that cycle of building it up. So you don't have to say that loud. I just say it in my head. I say, no, George, we're not. We're not. And it stops. And because you name it, you can actually directly speak to your anger, whereas if if I said no, anger, I don't want you to do anything. It doesn't feel like it's effective. That's not going to work for me, or it doesn't work for me. So I had to name it. And yes, it does work now. I'm not saying I'll work for everybody. And not maybe in all occasions, but it will certainly keep you from even in the car. If somebody does something that makes you angry and you want to chase after them, just say, no, give it a name and say no. And you'll be surprised how quickly your body will back to prison. But yes, you're right. People need to go and talk to someone. It's not just talk. You can, you know, there's other things you do, but you need to open up about it. Because once you do, you will see all the things that that plague you. 

Rich Bennett 33:15
You're listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. We'll be right back. I've always said, trust matter, especially when you're investing in your home. And that's exactly why when it comes time for me to replace my windows and doors, I've been with Bel Air window and door. You're local window depot. There are family and business right here in our community. And what I love is they combine top quality products with honest, no pressure service. I've done my homework and their triple pain windows really stood me. Better energy efficiency, less outside noise, and just an overall upgrade you can feel. And their doors, whether you're looking for something durable, secure, or just want to boost your home's curb appeal, they've got options that really make a difference. For me, it comes down to trust. And I really trust Bel Air window and door to get it done right. If you're thinking about upgrading your home, give them a call at 410 941 3499 or visit their website at bellairwindowendor.com. Tell them Rich sent you. Did you start meditating after you found out or 

Graham Robinson 34:37
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 34:37
before? 

Graham Robinson 34:38
yeah, no after. Yeah, I, um, I was, like I've always believed in meditation and other things, but I'm one of those people who sort of doesn't seem to put the time aside into those. Like I'll put time aside into like I like listening to music. I'll sit there and listen to music, which I think is the most the most beneficial. 

Rich Bennett 35:00
Very good 

Graham Robinson 35:00
You can do. 

Rich Bennett 35:01
therapy. 

Graham Robinson 35:01
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 35:01
Yes. 

Graham Robinson 35:01
Yeah, absolutely. That and if you're a pain, even if you're not a painter or whatever, just do some artwork. You can't get a third prize with the Beatles picture like I did. I can't get that good. But do artwork as well, and that's really great therapy. But for me, right, 

Rich Bennett 35:18
Only, 

Graham Robinson 35:18
yeah, yeah, writing was a bit of a therapy for me. But like you, I like talking as well. I like talking 

Rich Bennett 35:24
yeah. 

Graham Robinson 35:25
about it. Even though it, I do notice that when I talk about it, afterwards, I'm always quite exhausted. So I think there's still a lot of emotion involved in that that, you know, you have to work through. 

Rich Bennett 35:38
Get your pray feel good too, 

Graham Robinson 35:40
Yeah, yeah, it's nice too. And even with the books, the first question with the two books was that, um, somebody said, 'Well, that must have, you know, helped you get rid of all the stuff that was going on'. It didn't actually, it... 

Rich Bennett 35:53
Not all of it, 

Graham Robinson 35:53
No. And, and it was, um, the first book is a sort of a bit of a boy's own, it's just about the journey from 13 and all the things that happened. It didn't talk about the healing stuff. Um, so it was more, you know, like we talked, like you said, meditation, um, 

Rich Bennett 36:10
no. 

Graham Robinson 36:11
it came once I realised how important to sort of calm your mind. Um, cause you're, one of the things with, with, um, childhood trauma, we are hyper-vigilant. We're always scanning for danger. Even, um, even now I scan for danger when I go into a restaurant and sit down, I, I don't mean danger danger, but I look around to see who's there and I need to know what's around 

Rich Bennett 36:36
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 36:37
me. Um, and the reason for that is because our, um, in a child was always scared, and so it was always fearful, so it hit because of everything that was happening to her. 

Rich Bennett 36:48
I'm the same way whenever we go out to eat somewhere, but I think it's mainly because I'm looking out for other people. And cause it, this didn't start out as in the Marine Corps. I'll never sit with my back towards the door because I always want to be aware. And especially if I have one of my kids with me, I definitely want to be aware. And if I could see what's coming through the door, if I could sense danger, it's a lot easier for me to protect them than if my back's towards it. 

Graham Robinson 37:19
Yeah, and, and, but that still is a, um, is, is, you know, from, from your service. You, 

Rich Bennett 37:25
you, 

Graham Robinson 37:25
you, 

Rich Bennett 37:26
yeah. 

Graham Robinson 37:26
But it's in, in a sense, it is somewhat similar in that, um, the, the, the inner child is a bit like that too. It, it needs to be wherever it is. It needs to be safe. And so 

Rich Bennett 37:40
there, 

Graham Robinson 37:41
um, so for me when I was, um, when I was in, uh, my home, my family home, my safety was outside. I would go out and play in the fields in winter in, the UK. We lived in Africa for a few years. I would go and play in the, in the bush in Africa. Now, you know, we weren't near lions or that in, in near the cities and towns, but there were lots of snakes and other things around, but I would be much happier out in the bush, um, playing than I, because home was dangerous for me. When I was home, I had to walk on eggshells. So, you know, we learn these things to adapt and survive. And it's like, you know, um, service men and women who know that, you know, danger comes. You don't want your back facing the door to you. You want either the wall behind you. And, or, you know, people won't sit in a corner where they can't have movement 

Rich Bennett 38:31
whatever 

Graham Robinson 38:31
away or 

Rich Bennett 38:32
you know, 

Graham Robinson 38:33
or they sit near a door so they've got another exit. We all have these because our, our, if it's not childhood trauma, it's our actual bodies and minds saying that we want to, we, you know, we don't want to be in a position where we're, where we're 

Rich Bennett 38:46
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 38:46
unsafe. But 

Rich Bennett 38:48
Exact. 

Graham Robinson 38:48
it does. I mean, you know, we, we do all these different, we learn these behaviors and they become automatic. Um, one of the things this didn't really have anything to do with childhood trauma, but when I left home, um, I went to a major city in Australia called Sydney, and I went from a small town to a big town. And the friend I went with ended up leaving and taking all the money. So I was, I was pretty broke. And I only had about one or two nights in this sort of flea, bitten hotel. Um, but one of the things in, in those days, and we're going back to the 70s now, in those days, you could, in this city, you could get little restaurants had five dollar Australian dollars, five dollar meals. And it would be cup of tea, slice of bread, your roast dinner, cause roast was fairly easy for them, I guess. And, and ice cream afterwards. And so I remember that with a friend of mine who I met in that those times, we would go to those when we had enough money. Um, and even today, and when we would eat it so quickly, like as if somebody would come and steal it off the plate. 

Rich Bennett 39:49
Uh-huh. 

Graham Robinson 39:49
And even today, I'll go to a restaurant with somebody and I will finish well before everybody else. I just can't, it's like that. The inbred thing, I must finish my food quickly in case somebody 

Rich Bennett 39:59
Yes. 

Graham Robinson 39:59
takes it, you know, it's ridiculous because I'm sitting in a with adult, but that's what happened. 

Rich Bennett 40:05
My wife gets on me about that all the time. She's like, you eat too fast. But again, and that I I can tell you for a fact That was not from childhood because I'll never forget this sitting at the dinner table. You can I get up from the table into the last person finished eating. Am I a younger brother was always the last because I swear I think he chewed everything a hundred times. He definitely chewed a lot and we'd have to wait. But when I went into Marine Corps, if you were the last one in line, you were finished when you went to drill instructor was finished. So you had to hurry up and shovel that stuff down, which I wanted to talk to more people that were in the Marine Corps to find out I have to get heartburn a lot. But, yeah, it's just I'm still trying to slow down so I can taste. 

Graham Robinson 40:56
Yeah, that's the other thing. Yes, you don't taste do you 

Rich Bennett 40:59
Yes, 

Graham Robinson 40:59
just put it in and finish it. And that's that's a great analogy, though. I mean you would you would know if you were if you were just getting your food and you're watching your drill sergeant halfway through his um then you go bugger, I've got to read quick. This is I've got to eat on the on the way to the table. Because otherwise, yeah, you don't have a choice. But these things become so ingrained so 

Rich Bennett 41:22
yeah. 

Graham Robinson 41:22
so part of our psyche. And that's what happens with childhood trauma. You know, when you're in a service, you the things you would see it and the things that happen, it becomes so part of our psyche that sometimes we even forget that it's it's so deep inside us that it's become part of who and what we are. And again, your point about therapy, all of those things talking to somebody else, talking to a professional, I think really helps and and talking to your partner to letting them know that's why it may happen. 

Rich Bennett 42:00
Is that one of the reasons you became a hypnotherapist? 

Graham Robinson 42:06
So I wanted to find a skill that could help people as well as talk to them because 

Rich Bennett 42:12
Okay. 

Graham Robinson 42:13
you know, yes, I can go and talk to a group of men and do something. But I also wanted to offer something for others who who I would come in contact with, if they had had issues and we're looking for a therapy. And I studied, studied NLP for a little while, neuro linguistic programming, I think it is. But as part of that, it had a very small hypnotherapy section, but 

Rich Bennett 42:45
I 

Graham Robinson 42:46
NLP left me feeling a bit untouched, to be honest, I wasn't that bigger fan. But the hypnotherapy part of it really struck with me. So I then decided to study that and and and be in be able to practice that if I wanted to. I don't practice that as much. I do, I do like, I do like CBT cognit as I mentioned earlier, the cognitive behavioral therapy. I do like that, but you know, I have to get more, I have to basically get license to do that. 

Rich Bennett 43:25
But is that what you're doing now as you help it because you're not in broadcast 

Graham Robinson 43:28
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 43:28
anymore, 

Graham Robinson 43:28
No, no, no, I'm no, I left broadcasting some time ago, although I still I was doing some community radio for a while and some of that 

Rich Bennett 43:37
correct? 

Graham Robinson 43:37
stuff. And mainly it is some either talking on podcasts. I do, I do my own YouTube videos on. 

Rich Bennett 43:45
Okay. 

Graham Robinson 43:46
Sit on elements of trauma of the childhood trauma. And so I'm not sometimes. And again, this is part of the trauma. I think sometimes you feel guilty about taking money from people who are in trauma, when you help them. Do you know what I mean? Like there's a little, 

Rich Bennett 44:03
I don't know, yeah, 

Graham Robinson 44:04
there's a little bit of, you know, look, I don't really want to charge you like it's like the books. I give the books away for free pretty much. Most of the time, like, I go to a market and I'll be certain somebody will come up and say, oh, sorry, I don't have any because I cash or whatever on me. I say, here, take it. It's, you know, I mean, the point, the point. I know, I know it's, it's, I mean, I don't give them all the way. But the point is that for me, you know, it's, it's, it's a lot of it is about, I just want to talk about it and raise awareness with whomever I can. So yeah, now go and tell me, tell me. 

Rich Bennett 44:40
Oh, no, no, no, what I was going to say is, but I bet your are, for the books, you give away and the people you talk to, you're probably getting more feedback and thank you for helping them, which to me is a bigger reward than them handed you money for it. 

Graham Robinson 44:57
Yeah, and you're 

Rich Bennett 44:58
Correct? 

Graham Robinson 44:58
right. Yeah, absolutely. And feeling that it is also that somebody will read the book and even parts of it, I mean, you don't have to read anything from Cover to Cover would, but reading and get an understanding. A lot of women buy the book if I'm at a market or somewhere, 

Rich Bennett 45:17
Right. 

Graham Robinson 45:17
they really do. And I think they buy it for their husbands. And I remember one lady at a market, she was with her husband and she waited till he was looking at another stall and then she came over and she sort of took the book. She didn't want him to see her buying it. I think because she was very quickly put it in a bag and so on. So I think she wanted to read it, I didn't, I talked to her a little bit, I got the impression she wanted to read it to understand what her husband was like. 

Rich Bennett 45:46
Okay, 

Graham Robinson 45:47
because she mentioned to me that on when we were talking about, she said, Oh, he does some of those things. And so I think that, so people do it in different ways, but yeah, you're right, I like to feel that in some way it helps. And yes, that feeling is good, if just one person says, Hey, you know, this helped me or I got something out of it, it's good. It's, you know, I think 90, probably 95 to 96% of us on this earth have had some sort of trauma. And many of us childhood trauma, you know, it's very prevalent. So and the statistics, unfortunately, for older men after 70, taking their own lives is growing and growing. So you know, it's not all childhood trauma, of course, there's health reasons, there's financial reasons, there's even romantic reasons, possibly feeling alone or whatever. But childhood trauma certainly plays its role within that because stuff comes out of us and we don't know what to do with it, we don't know what's going on. 

Rich Bennett 46:54
Actually, with childhood trauma, what are some of the biggest misconceptions out there? 

Graham Robinson 47:02
I 

would think I would suggest that the answer is I don't have it. It wasn't a problem, my dad smacked me and that was fine. It's not fine because even though you might think it didn't physically have a problem for you as a child, it did alter your psyche 

Rich Bennett 47:24
in 

Graham Robinson 47:24
some way. And the other one is that I can't really hear it now, I'm too old. That sort of comment I've heard a couple of times from people who come up to me and say, "I've been like this for 40 years, no point changing now." And I say, "Well, what do you mean?" and I said, "Oh, well, you know, I'm always grumpy," and I yell at the wife when she does this or the grandkids.And  I say, "Well, we can get rid of all that, you 

Rich Bennett 47:52
Yes. 

Graham Robinson 47:52
know, to a certain extent, because there's a reason you're yelling at them. Something's triggering in you. It's not just because we're not born grumpy people, we're not born horrible people, or with that in mind." So those are the two things that tend to come up the most. whole term in a child and seems to have, there's so much talk about it that a lot of people have seen to turn away from it as well, turn away from the idea, which is a shame because it's actually a genuine thing. You do, we all have an inner 

Rich Bennett 48:29
The 

Graham Robinson 48:29
child. And for childhood trauma survivors, it's damaged. It's a damaged inner child, and you do have to repair it. And when I talk to somebody about, and I can show them how to do it as well, but how to go inside and talk to the inner child, I can see in their eyes and on their face, "Oh, what's this idiot talking about? What's he going on about?" I can see it. I can see what they're thinking. So you have to explain that, you know, about being a child, the reason it's damaged and so on, so people struggle, especially men, struggle to come to that concept and struggle to work with it, because for them, I think they see it as a weakness. They see it being weak, having to think and do those things. I could be, you know, I could be wrong. 

Rich Bennett 49:17
No, I agree with you there. I do believe a lot of men feel that way. However, I think, I look at it differently. I think it's a strength. 

Graham Robinson 49:27
I do 

Rich Bennett 49:28
It's 

Graham Robinson 49:28
too. 

Rich Bennett 49:28
to be strong to reach out to talk to people to find help. It's a weakness if you don't seek help. 

Graham Robinson 49:34
Yeah, because you just have to look at what you're doing to people around you. 

Rich Bennett 49:39
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 49:39
Not even to yourself and yourself is struggling because there have been many studies and, you know, there are a lot of people in the US who have talked about this. The physical impact of childhood trauma on the body, it shows that people who've had childhood trauma have high incidences of cancer, diabetes, strokes, and those sorts of things are much higher than the studies they've done and those who don't suffer childhood trauma. So there is a physical impact on us as well and because it sits in the nervous system, it sits in your body and you can imagine if you've got this horrible stuff sitting in you, of course it's going to affect your body. So there's a good practical reason as well to start doing it because the interesting thing is once you start to release these emotions, you feel lighter. It lightens 

Rich Bennett 50:35
Oh my 

Graham Robinson 50:36
your 

Rich Bennett 50:36
God. 

Graham Robinson 50:36
body and it goes. And it lightens your entire body because we're talking about it in your entire nervous system so it's throughout your body and it's just a matter of once that starts to go you to your body feels better physically as well as emotionally. So there's very good practical reasons to look into whether you had childhood trauma and talk to somebody. 

Rich Bennett 51:01
I think the other thing is too which and all you men out there that are listening to this, I want you to listen really hard to this and if you never talk to somebody, please do. And when I say strength, here it is Graham, you're helping people that have gone through the same thing years ago when I mentioned about now now mine was childhood trauma, but I had sexual abuse trauma from when I was in the core and followed it up until oh my god. Five years ago, maybe is when I finally talked about it and the it felt like a ton of bricks being lifted off my shoulders. And I need to talk about on my podcast. I was on somebody else's podcast and talked about it and I shared it and the people that reached out and thanked me because the same thing had happened to them, either as a child or even as a young adult. And they didn't know how to talk about it and now they are and it the same thing they said it felt like a ton of bricks being lifted off their shoulders. You feel I wouldn't say almost like more at peace. Does that make sense? 

Graham Robinson 52:27
It because you are I think 

Rich Bennett 52:29
your 

Graham Robinson 52:30
body is at peace, because you know it as I said earlier sexual abuse is by father worse thing whether it happens to you as a child or as an adult or male or female by father 

Rich Bennett 52:39
thing. 

Graham Robinson 52:39
worse And you know, if you are talking about service men or women where it has happened to of course service men and women have a very powerful and strong attitude that we are strong individuals that is why we are in the service, you know where we are built like that is how we feel. So to talk about something like that is amazing that you were able to share that because then that relief is just amazing the fact that you have been holding it so tightly which is 

Rich Bennett 53:15
there 

Graham Robinson 53:15
what you do. And then the day when you start to talk and that that bottle that that release opens up and it's like a balloon with a leak and then suddenly that it's open and it all the air goes out and that whole pain. Now it doesn't all disappear as you would know completely there are still things 

Rich Bennett 53:35
now 

Graham Robinson 53:35
that you 

Rich Bennett 53:35
I 

Graham Robinson 53:36
have to 

Rich Bennett 53:36
know 

Graham Robinson 53:36
do and it's still there but it's there now manageable. 

Rich Bennett 53:42
Exactly. 

Graham Robinson 53:42
You know it's there you know what happened you can talk about it and you dislike what happened and all the rest of it but you can manage it. Whereas before it was, you know it's a lump in your chest or in your stomach that stays there forever and it's you know it is amazing when people open up and talk about 

Rich Bennett 54:03
And 

Graham Robinson 54:04
it helps, yeah it really it really helps and even if you're just talking to a friend you know. 

Rich Bennett 54:10
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 54:10
and tell them about that. I mean, you know, something like that happened to me when I was a kid at 13. I never told anybody until I met one lady that I did fall madly in love with and then one night I told her, but she was the only one. And until I wrote the book, she was the only one that ever knew. So, you know, we do bottle all this stuff up and it's like anything, it's just not healthy. And yes, you do feel good when it comes out. It's just like, yeah, it's just like, I've got that off my chest. 

Rich Bennett 54:48
And 

Graham Robinson 54:49
it's a simple saying, but it's true, getting it off your chest is like when you talk to a friend and you're honest with them about something they've done that's hurt you. And you walk away, you may lose your friend even, but getting it off your chest as long you do it properly, politely, and your genuine, then it's such a good thing to do. 

Rich Bennett 55:12
Yes, yeah, and you may be seeing me in my friend's life, you never know. 

Graham Robinson 55:16
Yes, yes. I mean, you know, there was a discussion, one, so I was reading that with this work with child to trauma, you might just work with one person and help them and that one person could go on to help millions or they could go on to hurt millions, you know, depending on which road they 

Rich Bennett 55:38
It's 

Graham Robinson 55:38
take. 

Rich Bennett 55:38
very, 

Graham Robinson 55:38
yep. So, you know, you don't know just because you say to yourself, well, only one person responded to that, that one person could change the world. That one person could be anything. So it doesn't matter as long as you get to one person and it moves. And it's like a, it's like a stone in a pond. It' a ripple, 

Rich Bennett 55:58
Just exactly, 

Graham Robinson 56:01
ripple 

Rich Bennett 56:01
exactly. 

Graham Robinson 56:01
effect. 

Rich Bennett 56:02
Any, any plans on a third book? 

Graham Robinson 56:05
No, 

Rich Bennett 56:06
sticking with it too. 

Graham Robinson 56:07
Yeah, yeah. I think I've written about me enough. I'm actually looking at writing a mystery crime series. So, you know, you know, when I mentioned my, my father's mother died in childbirth. 

Rich Bennett 56:21
Right. 

Graham Robinson 56:22
So this is what started me on this other new writing project. So I went to visit my sister, who lives a couple of thousand kilometers from me. So, I guess that's about 1,000 miles or so from me. But she's the one who did all this work on my father and got all these documents. And she showed me a picture of my grandmother's grave and on the grave below it was the name of the child that died, that she'd actually named it. And it was called Ruby. And so, yeah. So when I, when I came back, I was just in bed one night and I was just thinking about, because I like writing. I was like, why not, why not try it on a Ruby by writing this, some writing a mystery detective type book. But I'm going to set it in the 1930s, just as the Great Depression begins. And Ruby's one of the, one of the main characters in the book. And so I'm going to 

Rich Bennett 57:18
Nice. 

Graham Robinson 57:19
put her in the book. And, but, you know, her background will be that a mother died in childbirth and so on. So she's still going to carry that trauma in. So, so yeah, but yeah, I think I've written enough about myself. Done and dusted rich, it's, it's gathering in the two dollar basement box in the bookshops now. 

Rich Bennett 57:40
Oh jeez. Well, for those of you listening to books, pain, loss, and desire that the newest book shattered innocence, which you could find on Graham's website Graham Robinson Wellness dot com or on Amazon probably barge. And I was wherever you can find the books. And you know what I'm going to say, once you order them and read them, leave a full review and purchase copies for other people. Well Graham already took one thing away from you already gave the website away, but how can people follow you? 

Graham Robinson 58:16
Well, yeah, I mean, there's, if they want to hear more about childhood trauma and some people don't, can't, can't people reading and don't like to read. They can also check out my, my YouTube channel, which is just Graham Robinson Wellness too. And I'm trying now to, try and do a subject per week or so on and 

Rich Bennett 58:41
Nice. 

Graham Robinson 58:41
posted, but just on one topic. And you know, when I wrote the second book, I ended up thinking I wrote about 19. different ways that I've been affected by childhood trauma and that's where I stop. They're probably still more. So it's amazing how many different ways it can impact on you and you know 

Rich Bennett 59:02
Yeah. 

Graham Robinson 59:03
and so yeah so that that as well. But yeah look thank you for that. That's great. Thank you for the plug. 

Rich Bennett 59:11
And people you can also follow him on Amazon. That way when he releases this other book about Ruby and this mystery one, you'll know right away because you'll get notified too. Which I love that. And I don't even know if a lot of authors knew that. You can follow, they can follow you on Amazon. 

Graham Robinson 59:31
Yeah I've yeah. 

Rich Bennett 59:32
Are notified when new releases are coming? 

Graham Robinson 59:35
Yeah I didn't I didn't know that but 

Rich Bennett 59:37
yeah. 

Graham Robinson 59:38
I mean, I'm a terrible marketer. I've got to say it's my weakness. 

Rich Bennett 59:42
Well that's alright because when we're finished here I'm going to talk to you about something else which I think will help with the marketing 

Graham Robinson 59:50
part. 

Rich Bennett 59:51
And it's free. That's even better. So but before I get to my last question, is there anything you would like to add? 

Graham Robinson 59:58
Um no I think you pretty much have covered it with me. The only thing I would I would just reiterate what you said. I think it was probably the best thing. Get go and talk to someone, get therapy. Just do something for yourself. It's for you. Ultimately it will help everybody around you. But look, I I would like to say with hand on my heart that it has made me such a different person. And I wish I would still have a marriage. I would still be living in the same house with my wife and hopefully even all of my children have grown up. They would come home every Christmas and I would be with them. That would be my ideal life. And I still believe I would have that if I'd done something about my childhood trauma early on. I didn't realize what I was doing or saying or why it was just in me. And I couldn't, I never even, you know, I never even looked at it why it was happening. So yeah. It really that that's the one thing that I think I would like to leave people with. As you said, get go and talk to someone, get some therapy. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:08
Well now you get to pick the question. So pick a number between one and five. 

Well you got to tell me the number of course. 

Graham Robinson 1:01:17
Yeah, I'm going to go number three 

Rich Bennett 1:01:20
number three. Okay now pick a number between 41 and 60. 

60. 60. All right, here's 

what's, you know I got a hundred different questions here and most of the time they align with what we've been talking about. And I think this does. What's a moment you experienced profound gratitude? 

Graham Robinson 1:02:01
I think when, so when I release the books, I sent copies to my children. And as I mentioned, the book, both books hold some pretty horrible things that I've done, including as a kid being right, but then the things I did as an adult. And so they're not things to be proud of. So, you know, in some ways I thought about, you know, do I want my children and I've got two daughters and a son, do I want them to read this? But the response from, from my children made me grateful that I did do that. I didn't hide anything from them that they know who I am. My relationship with them is good even though I left my marriage. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:55
And 

Graham Robinson 1:02:56
some of them have lived with previous after that. But I was so grateful that I did make that decision and not try and hide it from them. Not just publish it and not tell them because they wouldn't have found them. They wouldn't have been looking for them. And that I've actually been able to honestly have those conversations with them about what happened. Now, I don't think they fully understand the depth of trauma. I don't think they have gone, but they know what happened and they know what I've gone through. And they, they have a very different view of me now. So, I'm eternally grateful that I to them for that. But, yeah, that's probably where I think I 

Rich Bennett 1:03:37
Greg. 

Graham Robinson 1:03:37
am. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:38
Well, Graham, I want to thank you so much. It's been an honor. Those of you, again, when you're, when you purchase the books, don't forget to leave a full review and purchase copies for everybody else that you know, because I guarantee you, everybody can, everybody needs help one way or another or they know somebody that does. So, these also make great gifts. Graham, thanks so much. 

Graham Robinson 1:04:05
Riches being a pleasure. Thank you. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:07
yeah. You know, conversations like this actually stay with you because what Graham shared isn't just his story. It's something a lot of people are quietly carrying, the anger that shoes up out of nowhere. 

Something Graham said that a lot of us don't even realize what's affecting us until it finally comes to the surface. And when it does, it can feel overwhelming, but it can also be the beginning of something better because healing doesn't mean forgetting. It means understanding. It means facing it so it no longer controls you. And maybe the biggest takeaway from all of this is simple. You don't have to carry it alone. Whether that's talking to a therapist, opening up the someone you trust, or even just starting to acknowledge it for yourself, that first step matters more than you think. Graham's journey has proved that no matter how long you've carried something, it's never too late to start healing. So if this conversation resonated with you, I encourage you. Don't ignore that feeling. Do something with it. And if you know someone who might need to hear this shared this episode with them because one conversation, one moment of honesty can change everything. I want to thank Graham Robinson for coming on and being as open and real as he was. Make sure you check out his book Shattered Innocence and connect with him online. And as always thank you for listening. Until next time, keep the conversation going.