Michael Reed on Loss, Love, and Living Again

Wendy & Rich 0:01
Coming to you from the Freedom Federal Credit Union Studios Hartford County Living presents Conversations with Rich Bennett. 

Rich Bennett 0:29
Oh, 

I can't remember a while ago talking about his book that he put out which I believe it's there's called the million stages of grief. And my my daughter actually is the one to point him out to me because of his tiktok video that went viral of zipline and the young lady coming back and kicking him in the face. Which hurt me just watching it, but I have Michael read on again and since he was on last time, oh my god. He has been busy three books out now. Well, we'll get into what else he's been doing first of all, how you doing Michael? Great to see you again, brother. 

Michael Reed 1:21
It's great to see you to my friend. I'm doing good. 

Very busy, 

Rich Bennett 1:27
last time, yeah, will last time we talk you were going to school or taking a course or whatever for grief, grief to become a grief coach certified grief coach, 

Michael Reed 1:36
yes, yeah. I'm 

Rich Bennett 1:38
and your finish of that now, 

Michael Reed 1:39
oh yeah, I completed that and I'm almost a senior at GCU getting my bachelors in behavioral health science. 

Rich Bennett 1:49
Wow, 

Michael Reed 1:50
by the grace of God, I've somehow maintained a 4.0 GPA and I'm at the very top of my class. 

Rich Bennett 1:58
Damn, 

Michael Reed 1:58
then I'll graduate next October. God willing and 

Rich Bennett 2:03
that is awesome 

Michael Reed 2:04
I can't even begin to tell you how much I've learned in college. It's it's kind of effect even mentioned this in the first episode that college has kind of become a form of therapy for me and I could not 

say that any louder. I've learned so much about myself and and you know the skills and the professional training to help other people and I can't wait to graduate and see what the next steps of my life are going to be once I get through that. 

Rich Bennett 2:43
Well, have you started doing the grief coaching yet? Or are you still waiting to finish 

Michael Reed 2:49
I'm 

Rich Bennett 2:49
college? 

Michael Reed 2:49
still waiting to finish college. I'm probably going to have to end up getting my my masters because if I want to start my own practice, 

Rich Bennett 2:56
right, 

Michael Reed 2:57
I'm going to have to do that. So I'll probably jump into my masters, but I can I can get that done in a year and a half and then I'll 

Rich Bennett 3:05
here. 

Michael Reed 3:05
be ready 

Rich Bennett 3:06
Wow. 

Michael Reed 3:06
So. 

Rich Bennett 3:08
Alright, so I have to ask this for those people that haven't heard the first the last episode that Michael was on you have to go back and listen to it, but how's your son doing? 

Michael Reed 3:21
My son, 

you know, through all the grief that I've been through and in the loss and the anger and the pain, I have had a very long battle with God. And 

Rich Bennett 3:40
yeah, 

Michael Reed 3:41
one of the issues that I've had is, you know, how come my son and I are still so broken. 

And God has answered that he he's doing very 

Rich Bennett 3:59
well, 

Michael Reed 4:00
good. He has taken 

Rich Bennett 4:01
good, 

Michael Reed 4:01
some steps to get the help that he needs professionally and he has just blossomed. 

Rich Bennett 4:15
Good. 

Michael Reed 4:15
And I'm so proud of him. 

Rich Bennett 4:19
You should be. 

Michael Reed 4:21
and ladies, 

Rich Bennett 4:21
Yeah. I mean, 

Michael Reed 4:22
he's he's still single. So he's four. 

That's on the beach and and strawberries being fed to him by hand. So if anybody is interested, hit me up, I'll hook you up, but. 

Rich Bennett 4:41
So Michael, we gotta, we gotta get together because my daughter is 24 and single. 

Michael Reed 4:49
There we go. 

Rich Bennett 4:52
And yeah, I think I might have to send her my wife then your way. 

Michael Reed 4:57
I'll send 

Rich Bennett 4:58
it to my wife to leave her down there. 

Michael Reed 5:01
I'll send you a picture from so she can approve of that first. 

Rich Bennett 5:05
Okay. Hey. I'm the one that needs to approve. 

Michael Reed 5:09
Absolutely. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 5:11
So he's already got my approval. 

Michael Reed 5:14
Awesome. 

Awesome. 

Rich Bennett 5:16
Alright, so this means this is the last time you were on I got to be honest with you. I have never looked at owls and lady bugs. The same. It-it's just every time I see them and say, 'I-I always think of you with, y'know, your-your daughter and a wife are like, 'oh my god'. And then, you turned around and wrote another book called the 'All in the Ladybug', 'helping children understand laws'. Can you tell us about that? 

Michael Reed 5:50
So, my daughter Chloe comes to me as a ladybug, uh, and my daughter Lily comes to me as an owl. And 

the reason that Chloe comes to me as a ladybug is, um, when we found out we were having a girl, uh, we went to this really fancy, schmancy, baby department store that I don't even 

Rich Bennett 6:14
what 

Michael Reed 6:14
remember 

Rich Bennett 6:15
that 

Michael Reed 6:15
was. Uh, and I literally spent hours walking through this entire store trying to pick out the perfect outfit to bring her home in. And we were still, like, five months along, y'know, we had time, but no, I was determined I'm gonna find that perfect outfit. And I ended up finding this little onesie, and it was white, and it was just covered in ladybugs. It just spoke to me. So, we got that, and then, uh, when she finally went into labor, um, they had to shove us into a-a smaller room for-for most of her labor 'cause they were so full. But when they finally brought us into the regular room, uh, they-they put her bed in place, and she looked straight up at the ceiling, and there was a ladybug on the ceiling. So Chloe's nickname from the day she was born is ladybug. So that's why she comes to me as a ladybug, and Lily comes to me as an owl, uh, and it's such a funny story. Um, her favorite animal was an owl, but- 

way that she came to love owls is just-it's beautiful. So when she was five or six, uh, I used to work at Dollar Wood Theme Park for many years before the fires, and, uh, I had a great group of-of friends that I worked with, and one of the guys that I worked with his name was Owl. And he was probably, in his mid-60s at the time, and, um, for some reason, Lily just loved him. And every time we would go to Dollar Wood, she'd be like, "Can I see Owl today? Can I see Owl today?" And she'd even put on makeup before we went to Dollar Wood, just so she could look all pretty for him, and she'd carry a little purse that matched 

Rich Bennett 8:12
Wow. 

Michael Reed 8:12
her- And the first thing she wanted to do every time we went to the park was go to my ride, and she wanted to give Owl a big hug. So one day, we're at Walmart, and, uh, she's like, "Can I get a toy, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, go ahead and get a toy." And she picked out an owl, stuffed animal. And I said, "What do you want an owl?" And she said, "Because it sounds like Owl." 

Rich Bennett 8:38
Oh, she had a 

Michael Reed 8:40
crush going on. Oh, she had a crush, yeah. And I always told her she couldn't date 'til she was 40, so I don't know what she was, you know, planning on doing, but- And 

Rich Bennett 8:49
(laughs) 

Michael Reed 8:50
I tried to explain to her, you know, he's just a little- I don't care that my boyfriend. 

Rich Bennett 8:56
(laughs) 

Michael Reed 8:59
And I loved it. It was so, so innocent, and she just, she glowed every time she saw him, and he just- he ate it all up. He hugged her and loved her and- 

Rich Bennett 9:11
(laughs) That is awesome, Ed. 

Michael Reed 9:14
So that's how those ended up being my signs for them. 

And, uh, years and years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I had a bad nightmare, I was covered in sweat, and I just had this story in my head of an owl and a legibug having a conversation in the forest about loss. 

And I literally wrote the manuscript in 15 minutes. It just kind of like- 

Rich Bennett 9:45
get out of 

Michael Reed 9:46
Pour 

Rich Bennett 9:46
here. 

Michael Reed 9:46
it out to me, and I saved it on my notes on my phone. And then it just sat there for years. And I never thought anything of it. And so when I published The Million Stages of grief, and when that thing took off, and started winning awards, and then it became a best-seller, I'm like, wait a minute, I've had this other book sitting in my phone for years. I wonder if I could do it. So I tried to find an illustrator. I could never really find one. I can't even draw a stick figure. But with AI, what if I could use AI to help me make the pictures? So I started doing some digging, and I had to be specific, what I wanted the characters to look like, and 

Rich Bennett 10:40
I 

Michael Reed 10:40
wanted the ladybug's eyes to be big, and have big eyelashes. But when I kind of got it figured out, I could use it to make the illustrations for the book. And that's exactly what I did. So 

Rich Bennett 10:55
those are AI 

Michael Reed 10:56
Those 

Rich Bennett 10:56
generating. 

Michael Reed 10:57
are AI generated. Yeah, and, 

Rich Bennett 11:01
Wow, 

Michael Reed 11:01
you know, 

Rich Bennett 11:01
they look awesome. 

Michael Reed 11:03
There's plenty of arguments that AI is a bad thing, but there are also moments where AI can be a great thing. You know. So I pieced it all together and 

what a way to honor them. 

And so it's it's it's it's it's it's there's two parts to the book. The first half of the book is the story. And it's about a little ladybug named Lila. Lily. Who lost her grandma and she said and she doesn't know how she's supposed to feel. And she meets an album named Cole Chloe. 

And and Cole lets her talk about her feelings in a healthy way and helps her understand. That it's okay to be sad. 

So it's a great little story. And then the second half of the book is actually an interactive workbook that I designed. For kids to color and draw their feelings. 

And that's what makes the book different is because now the parents, the the guardians, the grandparents, you know whoever whoever's taking care of this child teachers, whoever's taking care of this child that's grieving can now see how that child is viewing their own grief. 

And 

Rich Bennett 12:34
Wow. 

Michael Reed 12:34
so now it's interactive. 

And there's been a great response to it. It's 

it's it's. 

Rich Bennett 12:45
I love the fact that it's for kids. 

Michael Reed 12:48
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 12:49
But it's not a children's book. It's it's more like a guidebook helping them through in a story. 

Michael Reed 12:56
Yeah 

Rich Bennett 12:56
to help them through 

Michael Reed 12:58
the grief. Yeah, and 

Rich Bennett 13:00
and and and and there's something you don't see a lot. 

Michael Reed 13:02
You're right. And you know, there's the the one thing that that most professional psychiatrist psychologists do is they talk down to children. And I don't mean that disrespectfully. It's just children are different. You know, and I think one thing that made my perspective unique was my daughters even though I lost them 10 years ago. They're still 12 and nine in my head. And 

Rich Bennett 13:35
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 13:35
as I've gone through my own journey of grief and healing, I've often wondered, you know, if my daughters were still here, 

and I had passed away, how would my wife have helped them with their grief. And, 

Rich Bennett 13:58
right, 

Michael Reed 13:59
I think that book would have helped them. 

So 

Rich Bennett 14:04
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 14:04
that's why I did it, you know. 

Rich Bennett 14:06
I love that. Well, and we knew the million stages of grief, the first book that you published has helped a lot of people. 

Michael Reed 14:15
It's been 

Rich Bennett 14:16
then you turn 

Michael Reed 14:18
unbelievable. 

Rich Bennett 14:18
Go ahead. 

Michael Reed 14:19
I 

Rich Bennett 14:19
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 14:22
have no words. 

And you know, for those of you that aren't familiar with the first book, we've been taught all our lives that there's five stages of grief. And that's a lie. 

And my first book challenged the science. It's not five stages. It's a million stages. And you could go through 10,000 different emotions in a day, and it's normal. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. If you did get the book last time I was on, I'v actually every vised it. And the second edition is out now. 

There's a lot more that I've added to it. 

A lot more guidance, you know, with everything I've learned in college, I've added to the book as it's grown. 

So as it stands now, it went from like 192 pages and now it's over 300 pages. 

So I've added a bunch. I've added a bunch to it. But it was Lillie's birthday last year, June 18th. 

I got up and I normally have my gruesome crying fit. And then I crashed for the day. And it was weird. I was in the middle of my ugly crying fit. But I was on my phone looking at all the pictures I have of her. And in the middle of the tears, I was smiling at the memory. 

And something just clicked into my head at that exact moment. I know that I've grieved. I have to heal. 

And the way I'm responding this year to her birthday is different than how I felt last year. What if that means that I'm healing? 

So I just kind of sat down and started writing it out. And I realized that grief is a two step process. You have to go through your grief and you have to experience your grief. But once you've grieved, there's still life after that. You have to heal. because there's still a life And those that we lose 

Rich Bennett 17:15
to live. 

Michael Reed 17:15
don't want us to always be stuck in our grief. They want us to heal and they want us to grow and they want us to live again and love again and laugh again. And they want us to live on and they want they want to live on through us at the same 

Rich Bennett 17:33
time. 

Michael Reed 17:34
And that's where the idea of the million stages of healing came from. 

Rich Bennett 17:40
And I think they go hand in hand because I do believe you have to grieve in order to heal. 

Michael Reed 17:45
Yes but you cannot heal until you've properly grieved. 

Rich Bennett 17:50
Without grieving, 

Michael Reed 17:51
yeah. 

Rich Bennett 17:52
Right, right. 

Michael Reed 17:54
So 

Rich Bennett 17:54
with this one, because I 300 pages in the million stages of grief we know you didn't write down a million ways to grieve because you would still be working on that. 

Michael Reed 18:04
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 18:06
But with the million stages of healing, did you actually take like each part you wrote about grieving and then coincide it with the healing part or how do you end up doing that? 

Michael Reed 18:19
It's a companion book to the first book but it's completely different. 

Rich Bennett 18:24
Right. Okay. 

Michael Reed 18:27
You know, in the first book I think what made it so powerful was the beginning of each chapter was something that I had written in the past while I was in that really intense grief and I didn't want to do that for the healing book because if I did that means I'm still looking backwards. I need 

Rich Bennett 18:47
Right. 

Michael Reed 18:47
to look forwards. 

99% of this book is my training through college, my own therapy, my own journey, and the lessons that I've learned along the way to get to where I am today. And you know, today I'm still hurt and I'm still broken and I still miss them every day and I'm still sad every day. 

Rich Bennett 19:14
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 19:15
But I feel them piecing my heart back together and I feel them saying, Daddy, you're doing the work. 

Rich Bennett 19:28
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 19:28
And you're going to make a difference and we're proud of you. And if you can get into a head space where 

the person that you love the most that you've lost, you can feel them guiding you, 

that's the first step of healing. 

And then I just grew from there. 

Rich Bennett 20:00
I love the fact that it's a collection. 

Michael Reed 20:04
It is. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 20:05
It's a collection of grieving and healing and I have a funny feeling. There's more to be added to the collection isn't there. 

Michael Reed 20:14
I don't know. You know, when I wrote the first book, I thought that was it. 

Rich Bennett 20:22
Surprise. It wasn't 

Michael Reed 20:23
right. And then there was the and I know it's my girls coming to my brain, dad you got that kid's book you never did anything with. 

I don't know. I everyday is a new journey. 

Yeah, I talk about this a lot. Every day the sun rises for you and it's a chance for a fresh start. And that's kind of how I live now. 

Yesterday could have been a terrible day where I'm just really down and I'm really sad, I'm really missing him. But tomorrow the sun will rise. And it's it's a new chance. And and that's 

Rich Bennett 21:16
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 21:17
that's a big focus of the healing book is giving yourself grace and being patient with yourself. But always knowing that tomorrow that sunrise is just for you. 

Rich Bennett 21:32
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 21:32
So there may be more down the road. We'll just have to wait and see. 

Rich Bennett 21:38
I have a feeling once once you finish the line. Running once you finish college. And the coach and takes off I think you're good. There's going to be another book because now you're going to be hearing other people's stories and learning how they grieve and learning how they heal or even teaching them how to grieve and how to heal. And I think that's I think there's going to be more books because once you write you these are written from based on your perspective. 

Michael Reed 22:14
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 22:14
But once you start talking to other people and hearing healing. Man, what is it with me? I cannot speak right today. Hearing theirs. I just have a funny feeling because hell, you didn't think you were going to end up being an author. 

Michael Reed 22:29
Never. 

Rich Bennett 22:30
And the yeah, and the way you're writing. I mean, come on, award winning author to top it off. 

Michael Reed 22:39
I'm speechless. 

Rich Bennett 22:41
And the girls, 

Michael Reed 22:43
it's not me. I can't emphasize this enough. It's not me. Uh, well it's my angels. And, 

Rich Bennett 22:54
and, and yeah. 

Michael Reed 22:54
You give me the right words to say. And, and they have 

guided me every step of the way. 

I another example. I've been in, uh, something called EMDR therapy for about two and a half years. And that is a therapy designed specifically for people with PTSD. And the very unscientific version of EMDR, is it? It's basically forces you to use both sides of your brain. And it teaches you to tell the story of your trauma without letting your emotions impact telling that story. So, you're able to separate your emotions from the traumatic event. And that helps people with PTSD get through the nightmares and the triggers. And, ehm. 

You're the first person I'm saying this to publicly. I went into therapy a few weeks ago. And I sat down and my therapist looked at me and she said, Michael, congratul, you have finished EMDR therapy. 

Rich Bennett 24:03
Wow! 

Michael Reed 24:06
And, 

I got in my car and I started crying and I realized 

my heart is starting to heal. 

An, and there's a purpose for the pain. I preach that all the time. And I can't help anyone unless I can heal myself first. 

Rich Bennett 24:45
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 24:46
And that's what this journey has become. It's just become a public, um, 

a public journey that people can share with me and and they can relate to. And, that the one thing I love hearing the most about, the books is some random person finds me through my website or social media and says, "I had this A, B, and C thought for years and I thought I was nuts, but I read something that you wrote and that was exactly how I felt, and now it makes sense. I cannot tell you what that does to my soul every time. I see something like that. 

Rich Bennett 25:37
It's 

Michael Reed 25:41
still an ongoing journey, but I'm 

ready. You know, I'm, I'm ready to, 

Rich Bennett 25:48
you know, 

Michael Reed 25:51
I'm, I'm ready to grow and 

Rich Bennett 25:53
my, 

Michael Reed 25:53
my passion is helping other people. And, um, 

I got about 15 months to go before I can finally professionally help other people. Um, and I'm 

Rich Bennett 26:09
Um, 

Michael Reed 26:09
ready. 

Rich Bennett 26:10
the other good thing though, you're listening to conversations with Rich Bennett. We'll be right back. 

I've always said trust matter, especially when you're investing in your home. And that's exactly why when it comes time for me to replace my windows and doors, I'm going to build a window and door, your local window depot. There are family and business right here in our community and what I love is they combine top quality products with honest, no pressure service. I've done my homework and their triple pain windows really stood out to me. Better energy efficiency less outside noise and just an over all upgrade, you can feel and their doors. Whether you're looking for something durable, secure, or just want to boost your home's curb appeal, they've got options that really make a difference. For me, it comes down to trust and I really trust Bel Air Window and door to get it done right. If you're thinking about upgrading your home, give them a call at 410-941-3499 or visit their website at Bel Air Window and Door. Tell them Rich sent you. 

Michael Reed 27:50
And that's the healing book. 'I am my own harshest critic and I never take my own advice.' And I've finally started just taking my own advice. 

'I've got this hole in my heart that's been here for 10 years. I can either continue to suffer or I can fill that hole with the love that I still have from my wife and daughters and that love can help my heart heal and fully meet again. And that is what I do every single day. And 

I'm still their daddy and I'm still her husband. 

It is okay to live. 

And a 

Rich Bennett 28:53
of 

Michael Reed 28:53
lot 

Rich Bennett 28:53
part of the healing, 

Michael Reed 28:54
It 

Rich Bennett 28:54
man. 

Michael Reed 28:55
is. And there's so much guilt associated with that. There's... 

there's this irrational belief that when you lose somebody you're supposed to mourn forever. 

That's a death wish. 

Rich Bennett 29:15
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 29:15
You can't. I spent years in that space and I don't even know how I'm alive today. 

Rich Bennett 29:24
Your health goes downhill. 

Michael Reed 29:26
Absolutely. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 29:29
Both physically and mentally. 

Michael Reed 29:31
Yeah. I... 

I spent so long in that darkness. I didn't know what the sunrise looked like anymore until I really opened 

Rich Bennett 29:44
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 29:44
my eyes and went, wait a minute. There's this whole world around me and I can feel them all around me. I've just had my eyes closed. 

Rich Bennett 29:59
It's 

Michael Reed 29:59
time to open them. So every day is a blessing and every day is a new opportunity to meet somebody new and to help them and to get to know them and 

butterflies land on me all the time. I still have owls that live on my property that I hear every night. They're still here. Those that we lose. Never truly leave us. 

Rich Bennett 30:30
There are angels, man. There are 

Michael Reed 30:31
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 30:32
guardian angels. You and talked about that last 

Michael Reed 30:35
time. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 30:36
We both. We truly believe that. Truly believe that. I mean, there's, I've told you, there's times I'll be in the house or even the other place I record and I can smell or sense my brother or my mother or father near me. I know my daughter's always on my shoulder. You know, watching me or, you know, I seriously believe she stays on my shoulder because I feel in the car everywhere and you know, people may think I'm crazy, but no, it's it's so true. That's that's what I feel. So I gotta issue this once college is finished. Are you gonna purchase an RV? Are you just gonna fly everywhere for the speaking events? 

Michael Reed 31:27
My my dream 

Rich Bennett 31:28
because 

Michael Reed 31:28
has 

Rich Bennett 31:28
you know you're gonna be touring the country speaking, 

Michael Reed 31:31
That's 

Rich Bennett 31:31
man. 

Michael Reed 31:32
been that's been my dream, if I'm being honest, this whole entire time is is I wanted to get the educational background to be able to back up what I was saying. But my dream has always been to 

be a speaker and to share the story 

in front of people's eyes 

Rich Bennett 31:56
than 

Michael Reed 31:56
rather you know and 

Rich Bennett 32:00
yeah, 

Michael Reed 32:01
if anybody is listening from Ted Talk, I'm waiting. Um, that's that's my talk. 

Rich Bennett 32:09
You're gonna be on a bigger stage than that, man. 

Michael Reed 32:13
Well, if you have any insight, feel free to share my information with anybody. 

Oh, 

Rich Bennett 32:21
hey, I already have. I've just been waiting for the for you to say it's a go. I'm finished. 

Michael Reed 32:28
I'm ready. 

Rich Bennett 32:29
I got I got play. Okay, well, 

Michael Reed 32:32
I'm ready. And and 

Rich Bennett 32:32
wait a minute, you don't want it in a fear of college. 

Michael Reed 32:34
And it it's taking me 

it's taking me this process of healing to become ready if that makes sense. 

Rich Bennett 32:47
Okay. Yeah. 

Michael Reed 32:49
A year ago, I thought would have been ready, but I only told half the story. You know, 

Rich Bennett 32:54
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 32:55
um, 

I'm ready. 

Rich Bennett 33:01
Hi. 

Michael Reed 33:01
So ready. And and there are so many people. 

I just want to reach as many as I can. 

Rich Bennett 33:11
Well, anything is when it comes to grief and healing, you know, especially from losing a loved one, there are so many different people you could talk to because I mean, people have lost people through addiction, through car accidents, through through suicide, so many different things. And your story will, it just, I think it helps with everybody that's ever lost someone. Because I mean, yeah, the way you lost your your wife and daughters and actually, it hurt me for a month, but the dog too, right? 

Michael Reed 33:49
Yeah, we lost both of our dogs or a house 

Rich Bennett 33:51
Both of the dogs. 

Michael Reed 33:52
thing. 

Rich Bennett 33:53
Yeah. I mean, that's just. 

Oh God, to go through that. And then to heal here, how you have healed, but better yet to even turn around and help other people. Yeah. You're gonna, you're gonna be, you're gonna be on the big stages, without a doubt, without a doubt. And actually, I'm surprised you're not yet, but I know why you're not yet because, college, and you weren't ready yet, but now you're ready. So yeah, I'm I know a lot of places that a lot of companies where they would definitely want you in to come talk to them. 

Michael Reed 34:37
I'm the honored, absolutely 

Rich Bennett 34:41
honored. I'll, I'll, I'll, okay, oops, one way or another. So, since it last time I talked to you, besides the books and the college, what else has been going on with you? 

Uh-oh. There's a little chuckle. [Laughs] Through 

Michael Reed 35:03
My- 

Rich Bennett 35:04
tell me you got kicked into face on the zipline again. 

Michael Reed 35:06
No, thankfully no. 

Rich Bennett 35:08
Uh-oh. Ok. 

Michael Reed 35:32
A month, a month and a half ago, I'm like, 'I'm gonna plant corn'. 

My son's like, 'What?' 

Rich Bennett 35:41
'And you're guarded.' 

Michael Reed 35:42
I'm like, 'I'm gonna plant corn!' Damn it! And it's gonna grow! And wouldn't you know, I got four rows of corn growing right now. And it- It's- It's just those little moments and it sounds so stupid, but I planted a seed in the ground and it's growing. 

That means a lot 

Rich Bennett 36:03
Wow. Yeah! 

Michael Reed 36:05
to me. You know? 

Rich Bennett 36:05
What a dick! Garden means good therapy too! 

Michael Reed 36:08
Very good therapy.Do  it in bare feet so you can touch that dirt with your feet because it- Just- It is so grounding. 

But it's it's little moments that I began to see that, 

Rich Bennett 36:24
mm-hmm, 

Michael Reed 36:29
just become really big moments inside of me that just remind me that I'm on the right track. 

Rich Bennett 36:38
Yeah. 

Well, you're- You're enjoying those moments too, because a lot of times, and- And this goes back to even like the Ladybug and the Butterfly references. A lot of times, I think we take stuff for granted. And we- Especially when you're outside, you see those things, you see the Ladybug, you see- And most people just like flap them away or whatever, or just totally ignore it. But enjoy the beauty of it, enjoy the meaning of it. And- Oh, my God. For the past several days, we've had a female mallert for some reason. It just keeps coming to our front yard. And just hanging out by my flag pole. There's no eggs or nothing there. There's not a male mallert with her. But every day she's just been- And I'm not afraid to think she may even spend the night out there last night. But it makes you- First of all, I'm looking at her and I'm looking at the feathers. And then it makes me wonder, she's like, "Okay, what is going on? Why is she out there?" She doesn't want me to come up to her, because every time I walk out to take her something to feed her, she'll start walking away. But just those little things, the homie birds. Look at the homie birds. Enjoy them. Bluebird, man, I see- And I may have been seeing them every year and not even realize it. But I'm seeing a lot more bluebirds this year. And I think it's because I'm focused on it now. I'm enjoying everything that's out there. 

Michael Reed 38:13
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 38:15
And I think everybody needs to do that. 

Michael Reed 38:18
We take life- And we don't do this on purpose, but we take every day somewhat for granted, because we always think there's a tomorrow. And sometimes there's not. 

And- 

Rich Bennett 38:34
No, and we're always rushing. 

Michael Reed 38:36
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 38:39
Don't rush. Just take your time. 

Michael Reed 38:41
Never waste a moment. 

Rich Bennett 38:43
Take your time. Well, Michael, before I get to my last question, is there anything you'd like to add, and those of you listening, by the way, Michael will be coming on my other podcast, "The Author Pitch." So you'll hear him read excerpts from the books. So stay tuned for that. Which I guess I'm going to have to start blinking that podcast to this podcast. But is there anything you would like to add, Michael? 

Michael Reed 39:17
You are never alone. 

If you're listening to this right now, and you are lost and you're confused, and you have no compass, I have been there. You have been there. 

Rich Bennett 39:34
You 

Michael Reed 39:36
are never alone. That was the scariest part for me over the years, was I felt so isolated. And part of it, I did to myself. I just cut everybody in my life out. I 

got tired of hearing. It's time to move on. I got tired of hearing. 

God's got you, if I'm being honest. 

Rich Bennett 40:06
I 

Michael Reed 40:06
pushed everybody away. And 

it is okay to not be okay, but it's also okay to be okay. 

And my journey has taught me how to find that balance. 

Rich Bennett 40:35
This is going to be hard because I can't remember what number you picked the last time you were on the show. So hopefully you don't pick the same number. But I need you to pick a number between one and five. 

Michael Reed 40:50
Three. 

Rich Bennett 40:52
Three. 

How come I can't find my question? So we're not going to crap. All right, now pick a number between 41 and 60. 

Michael Reed 41:10
55. 

Rich Bennett 41:15
So I think before I didn't ask you to ask Troy, I think I just asked you to pick a number between one and 100. So I broke it down in the group. So I don't believe I did ask you this question last time. What is a question you wish more people would ask themselves? 

Michael Reed 41:38
Wow. 

There's so many different directions. 

Rich Bennett 42:01
Mm-hmm. 

Michael Reed 42:02
And 

this has nothing to do with my books or my story. 

This is something I have personally battled for a very, very long time. 

And I think the question is, 

tell me why I'm not enough. 

Rich Bennett 42:39
Oh. 

Wow. 

Michael Reed 42:43
I, u, 

I have a post at note in my bathroom next to my mirror. And 

Rich Bennett 42:52
Mm. 

Michael Reed 42:52
I have three words written on it. And it says 'I am enough'. And that's the first thing I look at every day. 

And I think 

everybody goes through a point in their lives where, whether it's social media or, you know, peer pressure is a teenager or, uh, politics or 

childhood trauma, um, 

relationships that you're in that are good or bad. I think we all go through a period where we don't think we're enough. 

Rich Bennett 43:37
Mm-hmm. 

Michael Reed 43:39
You are enough. 

I don't care where you've been, what you've done, what you've been through. You are enough. 

Rich Bennett 43:52
Mm-hmm. 

I love that. Michael, it's up to very important. Tell everybody where they can purchase your books and follow you. 

Michael Reed 44:02
Uh, all of the books are available 

Rich Bennett 44:04
on the website. 

Michael Reed 44:05
On Amazon, uh, or you can, uh, go to my website. It's themillionstages.com. There's a bunch of resources on the website. Uh, if you're grieving right now and you need help, there's a list of resources, um, there's, there's all the podcasts I've been on, you can access those. Um, 

we are all, 

even though there's so much division, we are all connected in ways that we 

Rich Bennett 44:46
realize. 

Michael Reed 44:46
don't 

Rich Bennett 44:46
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 44:48
And if everybody would just take one step back, 

you'll see how interconnected we are and you know, we talked about this the first time. You know, even though your losses are different from my losses, as far as how and when it's still the same. And 

Rich Bennett 45:12
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 45:12
our losses have bonded us ever since we met, you know, and. 

Rich Bennett 45:18
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 45:18
Um, 

you can, you can develop that connection with anybody that you meet if you just take a step back and give it a chance. Yeah. You know, 

Rich Bennett 45:35
sometimes you gotta take a step backwards and move forward. 

Michael Reed 45:38
Yeah. And that's what I've loved the most down through this journey is, is the thousands of people that I've met that go, thank you. But your loss is way worse than mine. And I stop them every time and I say, no, it's not. It's the same tears. It's the same sadness. It's the same heartache. We are bonded for life. 

Rich Bennett 46:09
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 46:10
It's the connection that means the most to me today. And that's why when I get up every day and I see that sunrise, 

I smile. Because it's another 

Rich Bennett 46:23
Yeah. 

Michael Reed 46:24
opportunity to make connection. 

Rich Bennett 46:28
And if it wasn't for my daughter, we would have never connected. So maybe that's a sign that her and your son need to connect. I'm just saying, 

Michael Reed 46:38
I'm all for it, buddy. 

Rich Bennett 46:40
Those 

of you listening, when you purchase Michaels books, all three of them, so far, make sure you leave a full review on Amazon, Goodreads Barnes. Know everywhere you can leave a review, take a photo of yourself with the books too, and put them on social media and tag Michael as well, because that's just going to help him sell more books as well. And trust me, when you read the books, it's going to help you so much so that you're going to want to purchase more copies for other people. So make sure you do that. Michael, thanks a lot, man. Always great seeing you and, well, I know we're going to see each other again very soon on the other podcast. So thanks a lot, man. 

Michael Reed 47:25
Thank you, brother. I appreciate you so much. 

Rich Bennett 47:28
ya know, every time that Michael joins me, I walk away with a different perspective on life. When we first met, Michael shared a story that most people can't even imagine surviving

the loss of his wife, his daughters, his dogs, and his home in a single tragedy. Today, we heard something just as powerful. We heard what healing sounds like. Not healing as the absence of pain because the pain is still there. Not healing because the memories fade because they definitely don't. Healing because we learn how to carry that love forward instead of letting grief keep us stuck in the past. Michael reminded us that it's OK to grieve, it's OK to struggle, and it's OK to not be OK. But he also reminded us that it's OK to live again, to laugh again, to dream again, to

to plant corn, watch a sunrise, appreciate a ladybug, or hear an owl in a distance and smile. And one thing that really stuck with me was when he said, "You are enough." Remember that. You are enough. That's a message every one of us needs to hear. Especially on the days when we doubt ourselves the most. If you'd like to learn more about Michael, pick up his books, the million stages of grief, the million stages of healing, and the Owl and the Ladybug. And when you do, leave a review. Reviews help authors reach people who need their message most. And you can find Michael on all of his resources at the millionstages.com. And of course, I'll have that link in the share news. And if today's conversation resonated with you, don't keep it to yourself. Share this episode with someone who may be carrying a loss, navigating grief, or searching for hope. You never know whose life could be changed by a simple conversation. Until next time, remember this. No matter what you've been through, no matter what you're facing today, you are not alone. Keep moving forward. Keep finding the beauty in the small moments. And most importantly, keep the conversations going.