Podathon For Recovery: Madison’s Road to Recovery

Rich & Wendy 0:00
Welcome to a special episode of Conversations with Rich Bennett. This is a part of our part of our recoveries. 12 days of hope. Our mission to raise money for raise against addiction. My co-host Wendy Beck and I will be sharing powerful stories of addiction, recovery and resilience to help break the stigma and show that hope is always possible. Your support helps raise against addiction, provide life change and resources, and you can donate right now by visiting our GoFundMe link in the show news. We are so grateful you've joined us on this important journey. Now let's get into today's conversation. 

Wendy Beck 0:38
So we're here today, recording for our podathon for National Recovery Month and as you know, if you've been listening, we've had some wonderful stories of women's resiliency and going from active addiction to recovery to their life after, and it's been transformable. Is that a word? Yeah? 

Madison 1:03
You 

Wendy Beck 1:04
Is 

Madison 1:04
said 

Wendy Beck 1:04
that 

Madison 1:04
it 

Wendy Beck 1:04
even a word? 

Madison 1:04
so... 

Wendy Beck 1:05
Okay, and so today we have Madison with us. She's to high Madison, how are you? 

Madison 1:10
I'm doing well, thank you. 

Wendy Beck 1:12
She is our last recording for this series. So we have accomplished so much. We have accomplished so much and we're so happy you're here. 

Madison 1:26
It does feel like a statement a little bit. 

Wendy Beck 1:28
No, it's a success on that we've got people to share. 

Madison 1:33
I love that. 

Wendy Beck 1:33
And the sharing has been so different. Everyone's story is, you know, I guess remarkable in what 

Madison 1:43
they 

Wendy Beck 1:44
went through and where they are now. So we're going to let you just kind of... It's 

Madison 1:48
beautiful. I mean, we've had some laughs. As you can tell, we ran out of clean 

Wendy Beck 1:51
Yeah, 

Madison 1:51
datasets. 

Wendy Beck 1:52
we are using toilet paper. 

Madison 1:54
But, 

Wendy Beck 1:55
no, I mean, 

Madison 1:56
I have to 

Wendy Beck 1:58
give all of 

Madison 1:59
these within number one for you as well. In sharing your story, because a lot of people are so comfortable doing that. And when we raise awareness, have we already... If we've already had 

Wendy Beck 2:15
people 

Madison 2:16
offered a pod of them, but for the other episode we've done, people from other countries, and in contact us because they've heard a certain episode with 

Wendy Beck 2:25
with a 

Madison 2:25
the 

Wendy Beck 2:25
guest 

Madison 2:25
guest, and it's helped 

Wendy Beck 2:27
that 

Madison 2:27
them. So your stories are important. Yeah, absolutely. I can understand that because at first when I was in early recovery, I didn't feel comfortable sharing my story. It probably wasn't until I was three years sober that I was really confident in what I was saying when I was speaking to people now like it truly comes from the heart. I haven't spoke to a crowd or shared my story in some but it's something that like I come in here today with really confident about because it just comes naturally now. 

Wendy Beck 3:02
So how long have you been in recovery? 

Madison 3:03
I have been in recovery since March 5, 2021, is my clean date. And I'll just start from the beginning. I would say when I think back to my earliest memories and those feelings, I just like remember feeling alone. I can't pinpoint why, but I remember feeling alone. There was a lot going on at home. So like the attention was elsewhere. I do have siblings that are older than me. They struggled with active addiction while I was really young. So the chaos of that took place. 

Wendy Beck 3:44
There 

Madison 3:45
was to put it lightly, you know, people in the home that just didn't know how to communicate properly. So at a pretty early age I started struggling with mental health. I believe now when I look back on it, that was probably a mix of childhood experiences, family history, you know, things like that, but I started struggling with mental health at an early age. And I remember reaching out to about it and being told that I was ungrateful because I had things 

Wendy Beck 4:22
and can I ask how old you were? 

Madison 4:24
I was probably 

Wendy Beck 4:25
time. 

Madison 4:25
11 

Wendy Beck 4:26
Wow. 

Madison 4:26
at that 

Wendy Beck 4:26
That's just a little girl. 

Madison 4:28
Yeah. Yeah. And sleep. As a 30 year old woman now, I look back at an 11 year old who was like contemplating suicide and I think about how someone so young could feel that way. 

Wendy Beck 4:43
Wow. Even to know that that was a thing. I know it's definitely more common today. I mean, we hear about it more. But that's been, that's been a while, you know. 

Madison 4:54
Yeah. And we see that on the rise now. And there's, you know, there's so much that contributes to that. Absolutely. Society, our brain chemistry, family history, there's so many things but we see it. You're right more often now and younger kids. It's still like even having gone throughout myself as someone grown. It's hard to look back and think like what was going on that had me feeling so low at such a young age. But I struggled like that for a long time. So, you know, that was my first experience for reaching out to someone. It obviously wasn't the response I had hoped for or that I needed and that kind of shut me off and when I look back on it now, I see that that shut me off substantially for a long time. 

Wendy Beck 5:45
Just kind of thinking I need to keep this to myself. 

Madison 5:48
For 

Wendy Beck 5:48
Okay. 

Madison 5:49
sure. Like people don't understand this. You know, which contributed to that feeling of alone. Like nobody was understanding this feeling. So, I dealt with that for several years through high school. There was behaviors along with it, you know, that were not productive to a healthy lifestyle. When I got into high school, I did well in school, you know, but I still struggled internally. I hadn't really started using any substances at that point drinking any alcohol or anything like that. But I see that the behaviors of active addiction started for me really heavily there in the form of an abusive relationship. You know, that was something that I had seen others go through and same with addiction with my brothers. You see people go through these things and you say that will never be me. That's never going to be me. And then you find yourself in the depths of it. 

Wendy Beck 6:57
Right. So, you had an abusive relationship in high school is what you're 

Madison 7:02
I 

Wendy Beck 7:02
saying. 

Madison 7:03
did. 

Wendy Beck 7:03
Okay. 

Madison 7:03
I did. And similar situation when I look back at that, you know, I was 15, 16 when it started and what was so serious back then that had a 15 year old in that situation. It's still hard to grasp things like that, but, you know, now today I find the answers to all those questions in different ways. So that took a big toll and it was in that relationship that I found substances for the first time. 

Narcotics was my substance of choice. It started honestly rapidly, like it was in a story where someone did one time and then a couple months later again. It started rapidly and progressive progressed quickly. 

Through, like through those years of high school, I was still having a lot of trouble feeling alone, not reaching out for help due to like the circumstances when I was younger. But I was able to skate by so easily without people really recognizing what was going on. I was getting good grades in school. I was working a job. I was making my car payment. I had a car. You know, all of those things. So I really was able to use for several years before people started catching on. 

Wendy Beck 8:36
And were you addicted at that 

Madison 8:37
point? For sure. There was physical addiction, mental addiction. I was progressed off-pills on to far more things at the point still that nobody was realizing what was going on. It's 

Wendy Beck 8:50
it's 

Madison 8:50
just, 

Wendy Beck 8:50
just talking about this too. We've had 

Madison 8:52
other guest 

Rich Bennett 8:53
On 

Madison 8:53
ones. 

Rich Bennett 8:53
the same thing, 

Madison 8:53
people would look at you 

Wendy Beck 8:55
and not even 

Rich Bennett 8:55
think that you were addicted. 

Madison 8:57
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, my family had no idea. Even with two older siblings that had struggled or were currently still struggling with addiction at that time, like they just weren't catching on. I think a lot of that relates back to like how much attention is 

Wendy Beck 9:15
there to 

Madison 9:16
give when you have so many people struggling with single parents. So I look back now, was an adult, and I think like there were times in those moments where I blamed my parents or things like that, but you know, now I look back and they were dealing with so 

Wendy Beck 9:32
That right there, we just want to stop because that happens so 

Madison 9:39
much. 

Wendy Beck 9:40
much. And I know that as a parent, we go through divorce, we go through grief, we go through all of these things, and we don't necessarily realize how it's affecting our kids. 

Rich Bennett 9:53
True. 

Madison 9:54
A hundred percent. 

Wendy Beck 9:55
and verbalizing it. We were talking about this earlier too, with their feeling of motions, their feeling feelings, and we're just kind of like, you're fine. Don't worry about it. It's just, this is just a stage in your life. But that's not what was happening for you. 

Madison 10:12
Right. Yeah. I mean, I would say the biggest thing, you know, when it comes to my childhood, that really played a big effect in me growing up and still as an adult was just the lack of communication. Things weren't spoken about because it's like there wasn't the capability there without getting angry or getting upset or yelling or belittling, you know. So instead of going that route, like, it's that or it's not speak about it at all. 

Wendy Beck 10:48
Got it. Not a lot of education, 

Madison 10:51
absolutely. For parents on how 

Wendy Beck 10:53
Yeah. 

Madison 10:53
to deal with stuff. Absolutely. And my neither of my parents ever struggled with substances. You know, so in their minds and these are things I see now, in their minds, They have three children. All three of us struggled. Neither of them, they probably had no idea what to do. You 

Wendy Beck 11:12
you know, 

Madison 11:12
know, 

Wendy Beck 11:12
right? 

Madison 11:13
and 

Wendy Beck 11:13
Sure. 

Madison 11:13
on top of dealing with the three kids, they had their own personal struggles. Like you were saying, and when you grow up and you become an adult and you have your own kids, you're able to see those things so much more clearly. And really changes your whole perspective of your past and all those things because I'm not going to lie. Like in those times, in those moments, even up until, you know, multiple years into sobriety, I blamed them, 

Wendy Beck 11:42
right? 

Madison 11:42
And that wasn't right. Like, it was me that needed to take responsibility for a lot of the blame that I was pleasing. So, you know, I got through high school. I went off to college. I did really well in college. Actually, I graduated from Towson University. 

Wendy Beck 12:02
And you were addicted at this time? 

Madison 12:04
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 12:05
Okay. 

Madison 12:05
Yes. You see? 

Wendy Beck 12:06
This is not the first person that has said this. This is, I'm not saying that your story is not unique. 

Madison 12:12
It's 

Wendy Beck 12:13
it is literally like 

Madison 12:15
surprising, but 

Wendy Beck 12:15
surprising. And I always say how resilient we are even in addiction that we can accomplish the things that we accomplish. 

Madison 12:23
A hundred percent. So, no one knew. I just graduated college on the dean's list, but I was doing heroin. 

Wendy Beck 12:30
Wow. 

Madison 12:31
Nobody knew. After college things seemed to take a turn, I was introduced to a new crowd of people, you know. And now I know that we 

Wendy Beck 12:46
place 

Madison 12:46
don't you know, like we take responsibility, but people, places and things is real. Addiction just took off from there. I was using more started finding myself now in a new level of active addiction where I'm getting in legal trouble. I'm arrested for the first time. And within three years, I'm arrested 20 times. 

Wendy Beck 13:17
Jesus. Wow. 

Madison 13:19
So, 

Wendy Beck 13:20
now people know. 

Madison 13:22
Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 13:23
Yeah. 

Madison 13:24
Absolutely. So, I'm not, you know, I'm open about my story. It's not a secret. You know, you can go and you can get the information or at some point you were able to. And, um, I've worked, you know, grew from that person. That's not who I am. 

Wendy Beck 13:41
great. 

Madison 13:41
That's just who I was. And today, like, I'm, I'm confident in who I am and I'm proud of who I am. And it wouldn't be right of me to lie about who I was because there's somebody else that's that person now and like doesn't want to be anymore. And they need to know that's possible, you know. 

Wendy Beck 13:59
So, how did you find recovery from that place? 

Madison 14:03
So, ultimately, you know, addiction got bad enough that people called on. My family called on. It got to the point where I was no longer welcome. You know, they cut me off. It took several tries. And 

Wendy Beck 14:16
there's 

Madison 14:16
times, you know, you feel like how could they, but it saved my life. 

Rich Bennett 14:20
Yeah. 

Madison 14:21
Like I said, two older siblings, they had started to realize that there was nothing they could do. I was lying, I was cheating, I was stealing, I was doing all the things, and I was taking them down with me, and I fully understand that now. 

I went to several different inpatient treatment programs, I completed some, I left some against advice, I left some and didn't take the suggestions, for aftercare that they gave me, I left some, and I would negotiate which ones I was going to take. OK, I'll do sober living this time, but not there, I'm going to do it here, because they don't have blackout and I can have my phone right away, and it never worked. 

I was trying to be at the very least, you know, I was at least trying to be. So it never worked, and in those times I'm internally struggling with like what the hell, I'm doing everything right, I'm doing all the things, why isn't this working, like this just isn't going to work for me, and like I'm just meant to die this way. So eventually I came to a place where I was facing substantial charges, I remember detoxing in the cell, and I fell to my knees, and I'll 

never forget that feeling of desperation, like that I would do anything to get out of there and change my life, which we hear that all the time, right, like you only talk to God when you want to make a deal. 

But like in that moment was just a glimmer of hope, and I told myself that if the opportunity came, I was going to do the right thing. So I sat in there for a while, there's a wonderful advocate in the place that I was at. 

Wendy Beck 16:42
Is it local, were you in the in the county? 

Madison 16:46
She advocated for me to be released to treatment, it was approved by a judge. My family who hadn't talked to me this whole time worked really hard, you know, my mom paid money to get me insurance immediately to get me into a program. That's the first I had spoken to her since I was arrested. So she was there. 

Wendy Beck 17:10
How long were you there before you got to leave. I mean, a month, two months year, 

Madison 17:16
three months, three months at that time. 

Wendy Beck 17:18
Okay. 

Madison 17:19
For the several months before then I was in and out, in 

Wendy Beck 17:23
Okay. 

Madison 17:23
and out, in and out, in and out, like two days out back in, because I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop doing whatever I needed to do to get what I wanted. 

So my mom was there, like they were there, but they were ready to be there at the right time, where they could actually do something to help. 

Wendy Beck 17:43
Right. 

Madison 17:45
I was transferred to a program in Pennsylvania. It was a wonderful program. It was Karen treatment facility, Karen treatment center in Pennsylvania. Wonderful program. 

Wendy Beck 17:56
What made that different for you? Was it timing? Was it the program? I 

Madison 18:02
think it was that moment. I mean, the program was wonderful, but I think it was just me. 

Wendy Beck 18:09
It was 

Madison 18:10
It was time. 

Wendy Beck 18:10
me. That was it. That was time, right? 

Madison 18:10
It was me that was different this time. I was tired. I knew the only options were die or change, which now I tell people all the time, families that I talk to parents that I talk to people typically don't choose to change until it's the only other choice. I think it's the other option. Which is why yes, it's so hard for families to withdraw. It's so hard for families to cut off. We don't know that that's always the answer, but we know that when people have other options to lean on, changes typically the last choice they make. 

Wendy Beck 18:45
it. And that could go for years too though. And that's really hard 

Madison 18:49
Absolutely. A lifetime. 

Wendy Beck 18:50
as a parent, you know, that had a child that struggled. You want to keep that like, I'm going to say string that you're attached to them in some way. You're paying for their phone. You're following up with them. You're giving them money. You're doing all this stuff because you're 

Madison 19:05
You love 

Wendy Beck 19:05
fearful and you're afraid they're going to die. 

Madison 19:08
Absolutely, it's one of, you know, one of the things I'm most sorry about is that like I had my family feeling that way, like torn in that place of we want to save you and we don't know how, you know. Uhm, I'm a parent now. I just, it's my biggest fear, you know, my kids potentially going through some of the things I've gone through. And what would I do? I know what's right, but when you're in that situation, what does your heart do? 

Wendy Beck 19:36
Right. Yeah. 

Madison 19:36
You know? 

I was there for, A couple months, I was court ordered. Um, while I was there, they decided to close the program to women and reopen, um, under a new name is immense facility. So, a lot of the local houses filled up quickly. There was not beds for everybody. I ended up moving into a town hum with a friend of mine who was in recovery. It was probably pretty early, but I was really motivated. Um, I did find myself after moving out of that sober living house. I did find myself struggling because that structure was good, you know, and it was probably a little soon. It wasn't the plan. 

Wendy Beck 20:38
right. 

Madison 20:39
Things veered off course, but I stuck to it. I was honest about my struggles. I spoke to people like, look, I'm almost a year sober at this point. And I'm feeling like I'm nearing relapse, which when I look back on it, that nine month mark, I always seem to struggle around. You like start feeling a little better. You know what I'm saying. And you kind of start to forget the pain a little bit. Um, but I worked through it. You know, I had some wonderful people that are involved in Hartford County who were there to guide me, who were there to hold me accountable. Um, I give a huge shout out to the Hartford County Drug Court program. 

Wendy Beck 21:20
Yeah. 

Madison 21:21
They are a wonderful program. Um, I worked with Judge Kerry. He's an amazing judge. He's an amazing person. Angeles Royer. I worked with her. I, I give them credit as being people who helped save my life. I got through that program successfully. I was still in that program when I started working in the field. So I had gone to recovery centers of America as a patient in the past. And I stayed connected with one of their alumni employees. His name is Vince. I know he won't care if I say it. He is also a wonderful person. He followed up with me after I left RCA even through the struggles that came after that. And my time at Karen and all those things. And he told me they were hiring for they call them recovery support specialists there. And at the recovery level, I he put in a referral for me, which is amazing because I was a patient at that facility. And I wasn't easy to be around, you know. 

Wendy Beck 22:23
right. 

Madison 22:24
And he went to bat for me. And he gave a good referral for me as an entry level RSS. I started on third shift overnight. And I was able to, you know, move up there quickly. I ended up taking another job at another facility. I was there for a couple months when I got a call from Angela with drug court and they had decided to take me off a probation several years early because I was doing well. And I really started. It was around that time. And in this timeframe, I'm running maybe two years in recovery right around that I'm not good with time frames. 

I really remember that being the time into my recovery where I started noticing the big changes, like not just the things that had come back the two years prior the car I got back and the money I had in my pocket, like I wasn't struggling with mental health for the first time in 20 years. I was like not stressing about everything. I was finding myself, like feeling forgiving towards my family and feeling really grateful that I had just gotten a call like, wait a minute, the judge and them and they know all that stuff I did and they're calling me and telling me they're letting me off probation early. I know what I'm saying. It was awesome. So I just kept doing what I was doing and like I'm feeling like at this point, like why didn't I do this sooner. You know what I'm saying. I'm happier than I've ever been. it just like rocketed from there, like it just skyrocketed from there. Uhm, I focused on being the best version of myself that I could, 

Wendy Beck 24:29
no, 

Madison 24:29
being kind of people. Uhm, trying to like relieve the world of some of the pain that I felt because we all have daily stressors, you know, 

Wendy Beck 24:39
Say that again and kind of like revisit that. You were trying to relieve the world 

Madison 24:45
yeah. 

Wendy Beck 24:46
of some of your stresses. 

Madison 24:47
That's why I'm here. Like that's why I'm here. I'm, I feel like I'm on this planet too. Just help everyone be a little better. Feel a little better, like whatever I can, you know, uhm, 

Wendy Beck 25:04
I like that. 

Madison 25:04
it's that for me. 

Wendy Beck 25:05
Right, 

Madison 25:06
You know, someone did that for me. 

Rich Bennett 25:09
Every 

Madison 25:10
day, like, this pain, it became everything to me. You know, it is my purpose, it is my career, it is my life. The change, the perspective change was like, there's days it feels surreal. 

Wendy Beck 25:30
right, 

Madison 25:30
To have seen the darkest places of the earth. And then to feel this good now, is that even possible, you know. There's times that I still question it, like is that possible? In one lifetime for someone to do that, but then I'm like, hold up a lifetime. It's only been close to five years 

Wendy Beck 25:53
I'm 

Madison 25:53
that 

Wendy Beck 25:54
right 

Madison 25:54
able to make that change. So if anyone is listening to this 

Wendy Beck 26:00
which 

Madison 26:00
and 

Wendy Beck 26:01
they are, 

Madison 26:01
you, I felt like there's just no coming back. I will like continue to dedicate my life to letting people know that you can come back from anything. You can come back from anything. So I kept doing what I was doing. I noticed the universe rewarding me. You know, I was working hard, I was being kind, I was being honest. The rewards I got personally of just that heaviness that was lifted off my shoulders, like I didn't feel like I was walking around carrying a 500 pound bag of bricks anymore. 

Rich Bennett 26:39
wow. 

Madison 26:39
Like I just felt okay. 

Wendy Beck 26:41
And what, okay. Let's focus on that for a second. What 

Madison 26:45
do you 

Wendy Beck 26:45
contribute that to? Was that the people was at the timing? Was that your mindset because you're really, really excited about this. And I can see it in you and I love it. You're so much passion there. There's so much passion about how far you've come. But I'm like, curious, because not not everybody feels that way. You know, you have like this energy, which is, it's almost contagious, you know what I mean? And not everyone that comes in here is this like, 

Madison 27:15
yeah, it 

Wendy Beck 27:16
hyped about it. 

Madison 27:16
It means a lot to me. 

Wendy Beck 27:18
Right. 

Madison 27:20
I think that comes from, I think that just comes from the lifestyle, I was hurting people, you know, I was hurting people. And I can see in a lot of ugly things. And I just knew that I didn't want that to exist anymore. I was aware that like I single handedly might not make all those things go away in the world. But if I could do something, I was so willing, so willing. And 

Rich Bennett 27:59
like I was 

Madison 27:59
I don't know. It was like with every person that I tried to help, I was helping myself equally as much. But that was never the goal. Either the goal wasn't to help myself at this point. Like the goal was to help somebody else. Somebody did it for me, like I was going to do it for them. I firmly believe that like I was meant to go through all these things people ask people all the time. Like if you could go back, would you undo it all? Like, would you just never have gone through those things, like not in a million years. They literally made me who I am today. And I'm proud to be this person. 

am like I'm proud to be this person. I truly am. Like I'm a good mom today. I'm a good daughter, a good sister. I'm a good boss. My employees often tell me like we love you. 

Wendy Beck 28:55
I 

Madison 28:55
Like why can we talk to you about everything? 

My whole thing is... we have to look out for each other. We have to, we can't do this alone. Life is hard! No one ever told us it was gonna be easy. So even today, like, yes, I deal with struggles, you know? But I have... 

Every day, every day, for myself, for my kids, and for everybody struggling still, because I see, so now, you know, I've been able to grow in the company that I'm in, and I can see things from, like, a bigger picture. Last year, we had thousands of people successfully complete our program that 

Wendy Beck 29:53
were really well at a 

Madison 29:55
90 day check-in. So that makes me feel good. 

Wendy Beck 29:59
Right. Well, this is an, and all of the women that we've talked to, including you, were realizing, and I want to, like, stress this to the people that are listening, recovery is possible. People like to pretend that someone who was addicted to drugs or someone that struggles doesn't have a future, and that's not true, 'cause every single person that we have talked to for this podcast series has proven that theory wrong. 

Madison 30:29
100%, like, long story short, five years ago, I was doing this. Now, I'm doing this. Like, this is who I am now. We're all human. You know, everybody goes through things, everybody makes mistakes, like, that does not define us. But 

Wendy Beck 30:46
you put the work in it. 

Madison 30:48
Yeah. 100%, like, it wasn't easy. It was not easy. Like, you know, I didn't go through all the treacherous things here in detail, but there was so much work to be done. There was so much trauma to heal from. 

And, you know, today I can honestly say those things do not hurt me anymore. They quite literally just made me stronger. I am, they motivate me. They made me strong. They made me be able to stand up for myself when it's appropriate. You know, things that I never was able to do before. 

Rich Bennett 31:25
It's helping you save other people's lives now. 

Madison 31:28
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 31:28
Yeah. What can we talk about the drug court program? Because I don't know. I don't know. I know that we have a very strong drug court program here, and I've seen women. We've had women in our houses that have gone through it. And are on the other side and they're successful and they're living their lives. But can you give a little, like, just like a little, I guess, timeline or just description of what you had to accomplish to get to the other side of that. 

Madison 31:56
Yeah, so I did. 

Wendy Beck 31:59
Yeah. So what do you have to do? Because I know it's hard. 

Madison 32:01
It is. 

Wendy Beck 32:02
They're very hard on you. 

Madison 32:03
They're very and they will tell you right from the jump. This is a strict program. It is hard. This is the timeline, but it can go way longer if you're not doing what you need to be doing. So they're really honest from it from the jump. Like the expectations are set. So you shouldn't go into it with anything less. I was in a situation where this program was offered to me. Instead of several years and you know, at this point in my life, I'm hopeful enough that there's a chance. Of course, I'm going to give this an opportunity. 

You know, I go in. They're also welcoming. They're all so understanding. You are nervous walking in. Of course, you're in a courthouse. You're somebody who is here because you did something you weren't supposed to. They don't make you feel that way. They make you feel like they care. They have the resources that you need because you can't do it by yourself, especially in the beginning, especially in early recovery. Like it is okay to need help. Anyone that told you otherwise, like they were misunderstood, you know. They they provide the resources. They're kind, but they hold you accountable. So if you aren't attending the classes that you're required to attend or the meeting slips aren't signed that are required, the urine tests aren't totally clean. Even if it's not your substance of choice or whatever it is, like that is going to set you back in the program. Depending on what it looks like, it's a referral into treatment. It's a week back in the detention center. It's stronger stipulations. Have your 

Wendy Beck 33:49
consequences. 

Madison 33:50
These consequences to your actions, which is something that I realize now is so important to be understanding of, you know, there is consequences to our actions. In active addictions, do I believe that we lose a sense of choice absolutely? Do I feel like that means that we aren't responsible for the consequences that came with our actions during their decisions? I do not believe that, 

Wendy Beck 34:15
right? 

Madison 34:15
We are responsible, no matter what. Uhm, and that was, you know, a big thing that I needed to accept to get to where I am today. I had to take responsibility for the things that make them right. Uhm, so I had- I had minor struggles in the drug court program. It didn't set me back much. I was able to complete the program in just over a year. Uhm, when I completed, I was so proud of myself, they were so proud of me. 

Wendy Beck 34:45
Oh, 

Madison 34:46
There were times up on that stand where Judge Kerry told me like, he knew I was going to be a lawyer one day. Uhm, that he- he knew that I was going to do something that was great, you know, and that resonated with me. So through like further years and advancing and helping people and- and collecting more resources and doing some of those things myself, I've always thought about him. Like, he was the first one that really said he knew I was going to do something good. 

Wendy Beck 35:18
oh. 

Madison 35:18
Uhm, and I think about that often I have seen him out in public. I will always- always say hello and thank him. Uhm, I'm lucky enough now to work with Angela. I work with her for referrals now 

Wendy Beck 35:31
in the program. Okay. 

Madison 35:31
Treatment. Uhm, 

Wendy Beck 35:34
and 

Madison 35:34
we have- I have been able to employ people who have come out of the program successfully. So that's how much I believe in their program. 

Wendy Beck 35:42
So what are you doing today? So you- you work in treatment? 

Madison 35:46
I do. 

Wendy Beck 35:46
And what is your role? 

Madison 35:48
I am currently moving into the Executive Director role at Pyramid Healthcare. Uhm, I started there as a case manager. I was promoted to Director of Intake after nine months of being there. I was young and newer, but again, they said they had seen something in me that they felt like I would be a good candidate. Uhm, I've been in that role for actually at one year in that role I received the promotion to Executive Director 

Wendy Beck 36:20
That's 

Madison 36:20
at Pyramid. Thank you so much. I am so thrilled. Uhm, Pyramid is a great program. I'm not here to like promote it or anything like 

Wendy Beck 36:28
okay. 

Madison 36:29
that. But with my own personal- my own personal goals and like my own personal beliefs at all incorporates and like just wanting to help people, wanting to make the world better, help everyone feel a little better. Uhm, if it's not, you know, to the extreme that some of us in active addiction have felt, like everybody needs a little support. 

Wendy Beck 36:53
And so now you have a family? 

Madison 36:54
I do. I 

Wendy Beck 36:56
And 

Madison 36:56
do. 

Wendy Beck 36:56
And you're successful on the other side of all of this. And I think that that's what we're really trying to convey to our audience with National Recovery Month. The recovery is possible and even when it seems really hard, and you have, we have, I'm sure we have parents that are listening. I'm sure 

Madison 37:15
have, 

Wendy Beck 37:15
we 

Madison 37:15
uhm, 

Wendy Beck 37:16
children that are listening because of their parents that are struggling. What do you have to say to them about their ability to change their lives? 

Madison 37:28
Like I said, like it's, I know it to be true so much that I will dedicate my life to spreading the message. Uhm, just for anyone to give up would be such a shame because it could be right before the miracle. I see miracle. Everyday. Like literally every single day, I see a miracle, whether smaller, large, I see it. So like nobody can tell me that anything is impossible. You know, so for anybody out there that is listening, whether it is a child of yours or it is you personally or you are struggling and your child is listening whatever the case may be. Do not lose hope. Do not lose faith. Uhm, 

Wendy Beck 38:14
and what's the first step that if they are listening then they need help. What would you say if the first step would be 

Madison 38:22
reaching out to somebody reaching out to somebody even if right now you feel like you're not sure if you are struggling with addiction or not. If there's even the slightest inclination and there's feelings involved reach out to someone. There's somebody out there that has been through this before you and they're going to be able to help you. 

So many endless. 

Wendy Beck 38:51
There is and that's cool because 10 years ago we were nowhere near where we are. So hopefully in another 10 we can reduce the numbers by just continuing to do what we're doing. Continue to do what you're doing. Continue to do what Rich is allowing us to do here and just tell people that, you know, they're worth it. They're definitely worth it. 

Madison 39:15
People I tell people almost on a daily basis that like, you know, I will have someone in treatment sitting across from me, we're speaking. And I tell them like you have no idea how great you can be. But you owe it to yourself to find out. You owe it to yourself like even in those moments of early recovery when you're still kind of focused on the people who have done you wrong and the people that have hurt you in the times where you were a victim or at least I did an early recovery. At the very least do it for you, you know, nobody else had your back; have your own back. You owe it to yourself to see how great you truly are. You know, you don't know until you try. I didn't know. I had no idea that I was going to be someone helping others. I just thought I was always going to be stuck in this dark place and, you know, however many years I made it was just going to be it. So it changed my life recovery, changed my life. 

I'm so passionate about it. Like you said, because it just seems surreal sometimes, it really does. 

Rich Bennett 40:30
And let me 

Wendy Beck 40:31
ask. And I love 

Rich Bennett 40:32
this question because everybody that we've been talking 

Madison 40:35
asking 

Rich Bennett 40:35
to 

Madison 40:36
during this series, 

Rich Bennett 40:37
and even other people in the 

Madison 40:38
even 

Wendy Beck 40:39
on paste, 

Rich Bennett 40:39
past, whether it be mental health problems, addiction, or 

Wendy Beck 40:43
whatever. 

Rich Bennett 40:44
They 

never really 

Madison 40:51
learned that. Absolutely, 

Rich Bennett 40:52
it's 

Wendy Beck 40:53
no, 

Rich Bennett 40:53
hard to learn that too, but do you love 

Madison 40:56
own 

Rich Bennett 40:56
your 

Madison 40:57
people? Yeah, for sure. I mean, I don't think anyone's superhuman. You know, I'm definitely not. So there is days where I'm harder on myself than I probably should be. You know, I worked too many hours that day. And like didn't get to spend as many hours with my kids as I would have liked or vice versa. Like it's hard to it's hard to juggle it all. 

Rich Bennett 41:20
But you still love yourself now. 

Madison 41:21
I do. 

Rich Bennett 41:24
What's your every say? 

Madison 41:25
I do, I do love myself. And I think what I love most about myself is that I'm willing to, I'm happy with what I have and I'm willing to give everything extra to help everybody else. I think that that's so important because I think a lot of the things in the world that make life so hard, they're stemmed from, you know, selfishness and greed. And that's not what we were put here for. Like we were here to provide empathy and compassion for each other. And that's what I'm all about. I just don't think that there's anything going on out here that is big enough for us to be hurting each other ever. 

Wendy Beck 42:10
think that this has been a perfect last episode for our series to be honest. I really 

Madison 42:15
I 

Wendy Beck 42:16
do. I do 

Madison 42:17
know if I totally, 

Wendy Beck 42:18
no. No, not at all. No. 

Madison 42:21
Thank you. 

Wendy Beck 42:22
I love it. I 

Madison 42:23
come from the heart though. Like that's what I meant. I did not. 

Rich Bennett 42:26
I didn't 

Madison 42:26
even think of any idea what I was going to say when I 

Rich Bennett 42:28
walk in the door. 

Madison 42:30
So 

Rich Bennett 42:31
one of the reasons I love doing 

Madison 42:33
this, and 

Wendy Beck 42:33
you. 

Madison 42:34
if 

Wendy Beck 42:34
Notice 

Rich Bennett 42:34
there's no papers 

Madison 42:35
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 42:35
in front of this. 

Madison 42:37
scripted. 

Yeah, absolutely. And I'm not even a 

Wendy Beck 42:46
cryer. 

Madison 42:47
Cryer. 

Wendy Beck 42:48
I am. 

Madison 42:48
This is like it's one of the only things that when I talk about I get emotional. 

You know, 

Wendy Beck 42:57
I mean addiction can take you down places where you've never been that your family's just they, we never thought that that was even possible to happen. And then to be able to turn around and be on the other side that much. 

This has transformed is unbelievable. 

Madison 43:19
Thank you guys. 

Wendy Beck 43:20
Thank you so much. Thank you. 

Madison 43:22
so glad I came. I was a little nervous, 

Wendy Beck 43:24
I'm 

Madison 43:24
but I'm so glad that I came. 

Wendy Beck 43:26
there. Everything you 

Madison 43:27
I'm 

Wendy Beck 43:27
I'm there, even though I just met you, I'm very proud 

Rich Bennett 43:30
of you. And everybody's been on it. I mean, 

Madison 43:34
I 

Rich Bennett 43:34
this. 

Madison 43:35
thought that you're 

Rich Bennett 43:36
All. 

Madison 43:36
not even going to say this, eh, eh, 

Wendy Beck 43:38
eh. Why is it just so 

Madison 43:39
that you're now 

Rich Bennett 43:40
out 

Wendy Beck 43:40
strength, 

Rich Bennett 43:41
in 

Madison 43:41
or at least 

Wendy Beck 43:42
strength, or at least in strength, eh? 

Madison 43:42
in 

Wendy Beck 43:42
Thank 

Rich Bennett 43:43
you for that. 

Wendy Beck 43:43
and I want to say this too. It's like, you know, when we say to come in and tell us your recovery story, it's not always telling us every single that was- that you did that was wrong. 

Madison 43:57
It's not- 

Wendy Beck 43:57
It's really not. It's- it's about more of like, I think you did it really well because you talked about how it made you feel. It was all about how it's more of a feeling than an action. 

Madison 44:11
I know now that that's what was most important. You know, it doesn't matter if you were using in mom's mansion or if you were using on the streets and homeless for six years, the feelings are the same. 

Wendy Beck 44:23
Yeah. 

Madison 44:27
That feeling of just... Hopelessness, um, that feeling of like having no value being alone, you know, those feelings, they hurt anyone equally. I always say that a hundred people can be in the same exact situation. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're all going to feel the same way, but a hundred people can be in a hundred different situations and all feel the same way. If that makes any sense. 

Wendy Beck 44:51
Yeah. 

Madison 44:52
Um, so it doesn't- that stuff doesn't matter, which is why I choose not to like go into too much detail with it in my story. Um, I just, the message that I'm trying to spread is it doesn't matter what you were doing, what drug, what alcohol, what thing, you know, illegal, not illegal. If you had been arrested, hadn't been arrested. If you had a wonderful childhood, none of that matters. If you ever felt like you were to place where you had to use a substance to numb out how you felt, then I want to help you. 

Wendy Beck 45:24
And I think that you will. This is great. And, and we had those stories. And, and we needed those as well, but this is just such a great place to land. Thank you. 

Madison 45:33
No problem. Thank you guys so much. 

Wendy Beck 45:36
Thanks. 

Rich & Wendy 45:36
Wendy, I understand that rage against addiction is doing something very important, a monthly donor program. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Absolutely. We are hoping to get our supporters to join us in providing a monthly donation. It can be five dollars or it can be more. Whatever you can afford really allows us to help plan and increase our fundraising efforts. Well, why should people become a monthly donor? What are they doing to help? Where monthly contributions let us plan for long-term projects and respond quickly when urgent needs arise. And I'll give you an example. We had the need for a new mattress. We've also had urgent needs for refrigerators and washing machines and all of that kind of stuff that comes up. So they tend to need to be replaced and are women deserve to have the things that they need. So with the monthly donor program. Technically anybody can do it for any amount and they're because rage against addiction always needs something. I've known you for years now and there's times you've told me you guys need a furniture. You need clothes and also you're not getting the grants that you used to or the contributions that you used to. So this monthly donor program would definitely help a lot. So if somebody becomes a monthly donor, what is there anything that they're getting in return? besides of course helping those that need it. I know you guys have like an excellent newsletter. Were they automatic? Yeah, we'll subscribe to that. We'll subscribe you to our newsletter so you'll know what's going on. You can kind of track our progress. Here, success stories. Know the data and like how many women we serve each year and just be a part of something bigger. So with this too, I guess they're also going to be because of the newsletter. They're going to be one of the first ones to find out about events coming up like the memory walking run, the basket bingo, and any other future events that you're doing, the podcast that you do. Yes. So they're going to be tied in right away. Yes. All right. So how can they become a monthly donor? You can go to our website and that is rageagainstaddiction. org and go to our donate button and on there, you will have the option to become a monthly donor and you can put in any amount that you want. Your commitment bigger small empowers our mission and changes lives every single day. Visit us at rageagainstaddiction. org to become a reoccurring donor and join us in making a lasting impact. Thank you for your compassion, generosity, and belief in a brighter future. Together we can make a difference. Join us today.