Podathon For Recovery: Sarah’s Road to Recovery

Rich & Wendy 0:00
Welcome to a special episode of Conversations with Rich Bennett. This is a part of our part of our recoveries. 12 days of hope. Our mission to raise money for raise against addiction. My co-host Wendy Beck and I will be sharing powerful stories of addiction, recovery and resilience to help break the stigma and show that hope is always possible. Your support helps raise against addiction, provide life change and resources, and you can donate right now by visiting our GoFundMe link in the show news. We are so grateful you've joined us on this important journey. Now let's get into today's conversation. 

Rich Bennett 0:38
So, I am sitting here with my lovely co-host again, Wendy Beck. 

Wendy Beck 0:43
Hello. 

Rich Bennett 0:44
Another episode of Conversations with Wendy and Rich is here. 

Sarah 0:50
For 

Rich Bennett 0:51
another special episode and keep those donations coming in. I'm gonna let them, I'm gonna keep the link up all month. So, even after the final episode for the 12 days of recovery, you can still donate. I'm gonna turn it over to you now. 

Wendy Beck 1:08
Well, thanks. We have a special guest here today and Sarah and she's gonna tell us a little bit about her journey and her recovery story as well. Hi, Sarah. 

Sarah 1:19
Hi, thanks for me. 

Wendy Beck 1:20
Sure, of course. Thanks for coming. Sarah actually reached out to me for, on another matter and I said, "Hey, would you like to do a podcast?" And she said, "Yes." So that, this is our first time meeting. So. So, you are a Hartford County resident 

Sarah 1:36
Yep. 

Wendy Beck 1:36
and have you always been? 

Sarah 1:37
I have. Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 1:38
Okay. So, 

Sarah 1:38
Raised. 

Wendy Beck 1:39
your addiction and your recovery all took place in Hartford County? 

Sarah 1:43
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 1:43
Yeah. Okay. Do you wanna start a little bit? When did that start? 

Sarah 1:48
So, mine started a little bit later than I think a lot of people that I've heard. I didn't start using until right before my 21st birthday. I did drink a little bit in high school but I wouldn't say any more than, you know, typical high school kids. 

Wendy Beck 2:07
Right. 

Sarah 2:08
I didn't smoke weed, I didn't do anything like that until I was 20. 

Wendy Beck 2:13
What, what was the catalyst, you know? 

Sarah 2:16
Actually, I was raised like, I mean, I think a lot of kids are, but like my parents were very again strong. 

Rich Bennett 2:22
Mmm. 

Sarah 2:23
They drove it into our heads. Neither of my parents use. My brother actually was an active addiction at the time and I just like could not understand it and I started somebody who used and I was like, you know, you can get addicted to that stuff and he's like, no, no, like, it's all about being strong and you can stop when you want. And I didn't know anything about it at the time. So, I 

Wendy Beck 2:50
can wait. Can I ask what, what he was using? 

Sarah 2:52
He was using pain pills 

Wendy Beck 2:54
Okay. 

Sarah 2:54
like oxies and things like that. 

Wendy Beck 2:56
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 2:56
For very easy to come to as well. 

Sarah 2:59
Yes. And one night I finally gave in and I did one and it was like, I found like Jesus in that moment. Like, that's how I felt. And it was like, I, I knew that it was going to be a problem, but I didn't at the same time. But it was like, the, how good it made me feel was like, wow, I found this feeling that people spend their lives looking for. 

Rich Bennett 3:27
Let me just, did you, did you decide to try it just because he kept doing it? Or were you actually in pain or anything? 

Sarah 3:33
No, I was not in pain. 

Rich Bennett 3:34
You just wanted to try to see what the whole 

Sarah 3:37
was. 

Rich Bennett 3:37
deal 

Sarah 3:37
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 3:38
Was there peer pressure involved? 

Sarah 3:40
Um, he would ask me, but. I wouldn't even say it was peer pressure. I don't know what I was thinking in the moment. Like, I did that because it's like, I, I knew better. 

Wendy Beck 3:53
But, but you did it. And then so after you did, what was, what was it like? 

Sarah 3:58
Um, I started using on the weekends we would do, um, then it became a little bit throughout the week, plus weekends, then it just became every day. 

Rich Bennett 4:07
Wow. 

Sarah 4:08
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 4:09
And it was 

Sarah 4:09
And. 

Wendy Beck 4:09
a habit. 

Sarah 4:10
It happened quick. I think I used, it was May the first time I used and, uh, by August, I was using heroin. 

Wendy Beck 4:21
Oh, wow. 

Rich Bennett 4:22
Holy crap, that quick. 

Sarah 4:23
mm-hmm. That happened because nobody could find pills because at the time was when they were really cutting down on 

Rich Bennett 4:31
Uh, 

Sarah 4:31
giving 

Wendy Beck 4:32
Can 

Sarah 4:32
them 

Wendy Beck 4:32
I, 

Sarah 4:32
out. 

Wendy Beck 4:32
can I ask what year this was? 

Sarah 4:37
2012. 

Wendy Beck 4:38
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 4:40
Okay. Wow. 

Sarah 4:40
Yup, and, you know, I was sick, and my person that I went to was like, you know, I don't have those, but I have this. And, I was like 'oh' It was cheaper, it was cheaper, it was, you know, quote unquote, 'better.' yeah. 

Rich Bennett 4:57
Haha, 

Wendy Beck 4:59
So from August, where did that take you? At that point. 

Sarah 5:04
It took me downhill really quick, instead of just going, you know, in Hartford County, I realized you could go to the city and get it cheaper. And I had a car, and a lot of my friends that were using, didn't have cars, so I was able to, you know, make money by. And I was working at the time, I was in college, I was working a really good job at a children's hospital, I mean, it was 

Wendy Beck 5:28
held real, 

Sarah 5:30
I was 20 when I first started, and turned 21. 

Rich Bennett 5:35
Were you living at home with your parents? 

Sarah 5:38
I was. 

Rich Bennett 5:39
Did they know? 

Sarah 5:40
No. 

Rich Bennett 5:41
Wow. 

Sarah 5:41
They didn't because they were so focused on my brother. Well, actually the month he went away to get clean was like when I started using. But they were so focused on when he was coming home from rehab, and, you know, I was a straight A student. Never really gotten any trouble. Like, I had never been in trouble, so I wasn't on the 

Wendy Beck 6:02
there wasn't any 

Sarah 6:02
car. 

Wendy Beck 6:02
reason for them to 

Rich Bennett 6:03
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 6:03
what about your appearance did that change? 

Sarah 6:06
No, 

Wendy Beck 6:07
no, okay, 

Sarah 6:07
Yeah. Not, not 

Wendy Beck 6:08
not at 

Sarah 6:09
yet. 

Wendy Beck 6:09
first. 

Rich Bennett 6:10
Yeah. And 

Sarah 6:11
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 6:11
now, because you mentioned before that you have a child, did you have a child at that time? 

Sarah 6:17
So I, I got pregnant in 

January of 2013, and I was on, um, so boxing, like maintenance at the time. 

Rich Bennett 6:31
Right. 

Sarah 6:32
And my doctor was like, you know, you're pregnant. We can't keep you on this, and my mom was like, we have to go get you detox. So she actually took me to a hospital out in Virginia, because nobody in Maryland with detox me being pregnant. 

Wendy Beck 6:44
Oh, well, 

Rich Bennett 6:44
oh, why? 

Sarah 6:45
Um, 

Wendy Beck 6:45
but they didn't suggest like, Matt or 

Sarah 6:48
they did, but we were very uneducated on it. 

Wendy Beck 6:52
Mm-hm. 

Sarah 6:53
You know, knowing that the baby could be addicted and my mom was like, you know, do you wanna have an addicted baby? And I'm like, no, you know, I was really scared. 

Rich Bennett 7:01
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 7:01
And you, 

Sarah 7:02
but 

Wendy Beck 7:02
and you didn't know. 

Sarah 7:04
Yeah. But actually when I came back from the detox, I was still sick. So I went to the Center for Addiction and Pregnancy in Johns Hopkins Bayview, 

Wendy Beck 7:13
mm-hmm, 

Sarah 7:14
and got on their 

Wendy Beck 7:16
program. 

Sarah 7:16
method in 

Wendy Beck 7:16
Okay. 

Sarah 7:17
But I kept it a secret from everybody, my whole pregnancy. 

Rich Bennett 7:20
How, how did you, if you know my name is, and how did your parents find out, or was it just your mother? And what was their reaction? 

Sarah 7:27
So I actually went to my mom before I got pregnant. I asked my brother to sit her down with me, because I was like, I need help like 

Rich Bennett 7:34
So 

Sarah 7:34
this. 

Rich Bennett 7:34
your brother was already home. 

Sarah 7:36
Mm-hmm. And he was doing good. He was helping me. So we sat my mom down and I told her that I was addicted. And she, I mean, at first, I don't think she even believed me. 

Rich Bennett 7:44
Right. Wow. 

Sarah 7:46
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 7:49
I'm sorry. Go ahead. I just it's... 

Wendy Beck 7:52
Well, I mean, 

Rich Bennett 7:53
well, 

Wendy Beck 7:54
I 

Rich Bennett 7:54
I 

Wendy Beck 7:54
think 

Rich Bennett 7:55
mean, they 

Wendy Beck 7:55
people they, 

know. And then it's usually at a point that's like, no, no return 

Sarah 8:01
point. 

Wendy Beck 8:01
at that 

Sarah 8:02
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 8:02
Well, and we've said before, addiction doesn't have a faith. You, you could be using for years, and people around you may not even know. 

Sarah 8:12
Yes. Cause I think there's that stereotypical thing people think of 

Rich Bennett 8:17
Yes. 

Sarah 8:17
when 

Rich Bennett 8:17
Mm-hmm. 

Sarah 8:17
they 

Wendy Beck 8:17
addict. 

Sarah 8:17
think of an 

Wendy Beck 8:18
Like homeless, jail, 

Sarah 8:19
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 8:20
that kind of. 

Sarah 8:20
And that's just 

Wendy Beck 8:21
Right. 

Sarah 8:21
not 

Rich Bennett 8:22
I 

Sarah 8:22
an... 

Rich Bennett 8:22
mean, you're a straightaway student, and work a good job in everything. 

Sarah 8:26
Yeah. And especially like up in Hartford County. Like, you didn't hear of a lot of that, 

Rich Bennett 8:31
Right. 

Sarah 8:32
like, and especially, you know, like Bellair and things like that. That was like a city, you know, quote unquote 

Rich Bennett 8:36
Mm-hmm. 

Sarah 8:37
city problem. 

Wendy Beck 8:38
Right, 

Sarah 8:38
So, 

Wendy Beck 8:39
exactly, not in my, not my neighborhood, 

Sarah 8:41
yes. 

Wendy Beck 8:41
not my, not my kid. I got it. Cause I was going through that same thing with my daughter around that same time. 

And I was getting this like door in my face, not literally, but you know, like we don't want to talk about this, don't send any emails to my family email, you know, like that kind of thing, and I'm like excuse me, something's happening. Why don't you want to talk with me about it? And at that time it was disturbing, but it was also like, am I going crazy? Like why doesn't anybody else see that there's a problem here? 

Rich Bennett 9:36
Well, because you saw that there's 

Wendy Beck 9:38
really- Well, in the thing, and her friends were doing the same things. Doing? But I was the one who noticed it, like I was more vigilant, they were sweeping it under the rug, the other families. 

Sarah 9:50
Yeah! 

Wendy Beck 9:50
That's where I had a really hard time. You know, I was like ready to shout it from the rooftops, hey, we need help over here. 

Sarah 9:58
Yeah, cause it's like if you don't acknowledge it, then it's like it's not happening. And initially my family didn't want us to talk about it. Like they wanted to keep it hush hush, and then eventually got to a point where, you know, 

Rich Bennett 10:15
you can't- 

Sarah 10:16
couldn't. And she actually had like some of her- I wouldn't even call them friends because of this, but that wouldn't deal with them anymore because she had two kids that were, well, one was in recovery and one wasn't addict, 

Wendy Beck 10:29
Right, 

Sarah 10:29
as if that reflected on them. 

Wendy Beck 10:31
yes, 

Sarah 10:31
My parents had not, you know, I had the best- my mom, my dad, and my stepdad. Like I have the best parents. Anybody could have asked for it, had nothing to do with 

Wendy Beck 10:39
Right. 

Sarah 10:39
that. It wasn't because I wasn't loved. It was my own- my own 

Wendy Beck 10:44
me- 

Sarah 10:44
issues. 

Wendy Beck 10:45
Right, 

Sarah 10:45
You know, that led 

Wendy Beck 10:46
right. I 

Sarah 10:46
no. 

Wendy Beck 10:46
mean, It's different than like, you know, someone saying, "Hey, have a beer. Hey, smoke some weed. Hey, take a pill." And you're like, "Okay, you know, he's doing it. He's, 

Rich Bennett 10:57
He 

Wendy Beck 10:57
you 

Rich Bennett 10:57
looks 

Wendy Beck 10:57
know, 

Rich Bennett 10:58
fine. 

Wendy Beck 10:58
he's okay. You know, even if you knew in the back of your mind that this might not be- but I'm going to do what I want to do it." 

Sarah 11:04
Right. Okay, 

Wendy Beck 11:06
so, yes. So you're pregnant. You're on the methadone and your parents are supporting you at this point. 

Sarah 11:13
Yes, but they don't know that I'm on the methadone. 

Wendy Beck 11:15
Oh, they don't. 

Sarah 11:16
My son's father does not know I'm on it because they were very against it. Because again, nothing was being talked Like- so nobody was really educated when the methadone or any of this. So nobody found out until my son was born. Because I was ashamed, because I felt like, I remember when I first found out I was pregnant and I was withdrawing really bad and I was driving. And I pulled over on the side of the road and I was just sobbing and I remember just holding my stomach, promising 

Wendy Beck 11:50
"No." 

Sarah 11:50
to my little peanut that we were going to be okay. Like I'm going to get this figured out and I'll never forget that. And I was still ashamed, though, of being on the methadone because it's like, "I can't deal with going through withdrawal, so I'm going to put my child through it instead." That's how I felt. Not realizing how dangerous it is for the baby to go through withdrawal. So really, 

Wendy Beck 12:16
Well, 

Sarah 12:16
I- 

Wendy Beck 12:16
you're still pregnant, you mean? 

Sarah 12:17
Yeah. And that's what the doctors kept telling me. Like, it's so dangerous because whatever you're feeling, the baby's feeling, you know, tenfold. So at the end of the day, now I realize I did do what was best for, you know, me and my son. And my son is healthy. He's, you know, an athlete and, you know, things are good. But back then, I've really struggled with it. And then, after he was born, I stayed clean for maybe a month and a half. And then I went back out. And not only did I go back out, but I became an IV drug user at that point. 

Rich Bennett 12:59
I explained what that is. It's the first time I heard that 

Wendy Beck 13:01
Really? 

Rich Bennett 13:02
term. Yeah. 

Sarah 13:03
Oh, 

Rich Bennett 13:04
I thought you meant like an IV bag and everything. 

Wendy Beck 13:07
I mean, 

Sarah 13:08
if I could have gotten one of those with my drugs in it, I probably would have, but... 

Wendy Beck 13:13
Right. I'm not laughing at the 

Sarah 13:16
laughing 

Wendy Beck 13:16
situation. I'm 

Sarah 13:17
at you. 

Rich Bennett 13:18
You're both laughing at me. 

Wendy Beck 13:21
Yeah, so well, that would, that would change, you know, your appearance. That would change a lot because that makes it a lot more. 

Sarah 13:29
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 13:30
I never did it, but I'm just saying like, 

Rich Bennett 13:32
and 

Sarah 13:32
it, 

Rich Bennett 13:32
you're still 

Wendy Beck 13:32
in a 

Rich Bennett 13:33
living 

Wendy Beck 13:33
home. It's almost no, we're, 

Rich Bennett 13:34
mother of this time, right? 

Sarah 13:35
Yes. And 

Rich Bennett 13:36
your son's there. 

Sarah 13:37
Yes. And she would drug test me like this woman had boxes of 

Rich Bennett 13:44
Your mother 

Sarah 13:44
drugs. 

Rich Bennett 13:44
would. 

Sarah 13:44
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 13:45
Oh, 

Sarah 13:46
Wow, order like the hospital grade 

Rich Bennett 13:48
wow. 

Sarah 13:48
drug test by the pallet load. Like, and because she's like, you're not gonna get high in my house. 

Rich Bennett 13:54
Right. 

Sarah 13:54
so, you know, I would get around the drug tests and it worked for a little bit because she would know when I was using because I, I didn't just use a little bit. Like, I would be falling asleep at the table, you know. But my drug test would be clean. So, she's like, I don't know what's going on with you, 

Wendy Beck 14:10
Right. 

Sarah 14:10
but 

Wendy Beck 14:11
And 

Sarah 14:11
something, something is up. 

Wendy Beck 14:12
Like, we're crazy. 

Sarah 14:13
Yeah. And I 

Wendy Beck 14:14
does because you guys are masters at hiding 

Sarah 14:18
and manipulating and gas lighting. Yeah. I mean, I was horrible to my parents because they, they stood in the way of me and the drugs. And nothing was more important to me than the drugs. 

Rich Bennett 14:29
Right, 

Wendy Beck 14:29
right, right. Unfortunately, that's, that's common. And that's where a lot of the stigma like you were talking about happens. 

Sarah 14:38
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 14:39
And we mentioned it before you, you can't think straight. You're, you're not thinking it at all. It's the drugs that are doing to think in 40. 

Sarah 14:47
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 14:47
People, people that have never used before, people don't realize that because a lot of people think, oh, well, they could quit at any time. They went, no, it is a disease. It, it, you, people don't understand that and it, because it pisses me off when I talk to some people and they're like, oh, bullshit. They could quit at any time. 

Wendy Beck 15:06
Well, then they never had someone that they love, 

Rich Bennett 15:09
exactly. 

Sarah 15:09
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 15:10
Honestly, 

Sarah 15:10
Because I felt like that when I would see my brother going through it. I'd be like, you can just stop like you're 

Rich Bennett 15:15
yeah. 

Sarah 15:15
making excuses. And then going through it firsthand, it was like, like, I would literally die for my son, but I couldn't stop using drugs. I still can't wrap my mind around that 

Rich Bennett 15:26
Right. 

Sarah 15:27
because it's just that crazy. I mean, 

Wendy Beck 15:31
so he's, how old now? 

Sarah 15:33
He'll be 12 in September. 

Wendy Beck 15:35
So from the time he was born until now, what, what is your journey been like? So you were, you became an Ivy user and you continued on that road for how long? 

Sarah 15:44
I continued on that road, so that was in 2013. 

I continued on until 2016. I went in and out of rehabs. I started getting in trouble with the law. I started getting a record. I started smoking crack, shooting coke. I'd be missing, you know, I'd be locked in motel rooms for weeks out of time. Just, you know, 

Wendy Beck 16:11
just disappear. 

Sarah 16:11
Just, yeah. And that's when my appearance really started to change. I was probably like 90 pounds. So can what 

Rich Bennett 16:20
damn 

Sarah 16:21
the I was, I had that, 

Wendy Beck 16:22
where 

Sarah 16:22
you 

Wendy Beck 16:22
was 

Sarah 16:22
know, 

Wendy Beck 16:23
there was your son at this time. 

Sarah 16:24
Hey, my mom watched him and then his dad 

Wendy Beck 16:27
and his dad was not. 

Sarah 16:29
He, his dad does not use his dad is such a great We were engaged, but my addiction ruined that, obviously, but he never. Try to use my addiction against me, never tried to take my son from me, but he did put stipulations. Like, you know, you can't be alone with him. You need to be at your mom's when you're with them, just because. I'm scared that you're going to overdose and die while he's in your hair. 

Rich Bennett 16:54
Right. 

Wendy Beck 16:55
Yeah. 

Sarah 16:56
And it got to a point in 2016 where we actually have lawyers draw a paperwork. So that way, like everybody was playing on me dying. And that way, if and when, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 17:12
Wow. 

Sarah 17:13
Yep. And that way when I died, my 

Rich Bennett 17:16
do 

Sarah 17:16
mom could 

Rich Bennett 17:16
it 

Sarah 17:19
because we just do a 50, 50 of the courts aren't involved or anything, but that way she could, you know, 

Wendy Beck 17:24
be in agreement. And that was, you know, that was a really tough time for a lot of people because my daughter passed away in 2015. 

Sarah 17:32
to 

Wendy Beck 17:32
So, no, thank you. But so at this time this is when we had the signs in front of the 

Sarah 17:38
police stations. 

Wendy Beck 17:39
station, 

Sarah 17:39
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 17:40
It was happening so much around here that, I mean, it was unbelievable. So all that hush, hush is now out in the, 

Sarah 17:51
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 17:51
it is. And I think that that's part of what changed, helped change to get us to some of that sustainable recovery that we have today. 

Sarah 17:59
Yeah, because I feel like it hit, I mean, maybe I just didn't notice it until I was in it, but I feel like it hit Hartford County hard and almost I didn't know where 

Wendy Beck 18:09
right 

Sarah 18:09
it was 

Wendy Beck 18:10
around that time. 

Sarah 18:12
Yeah. Yeah. And the numbers on the boards were just staggering like 

Rich Bennett 18:16
Yeah. 

Sarah 18:16
the overdose and then the 

Wendy Beck 18:17
It 

Sarah 18:17
fatality. 

Wendy Beck 18:17
was daily. The numbers were going up daily. 

Sarah 18:20
Yeah. And it was. Yeah. It's just crazy. And it was like. But still though, a lot of people like didn't want to talk about it, even though it was like right in front of their face. 

Rich Bennett 18:33
Unfortunately, some people still don't want to talk about it. 

Sarah 18:35
I know. 

Rich Bennett 18:36
It's ridiculous. I mean people need to wake the hell up. 

Sarah 18:40
Well, I remember when I would try to go to rehab, my mom would be like, why why haven't you found a place yet? And I'm like everywhere has a wait list, or they don't take my insurance or whatever. 

Rich Bennett 18:51
Exactly. We're 

Wendy Beck 18:51
Right. 

Rich Bennett 18:51
costs a lot of money. 

Sarah 18:52
Right. And she's like thinking, I'm lying. So she sat down with me one day and we spent hours calling places. No, we're had beds. There was wait lists. And it was like she's like, this is a problem. Like this is crazy because you know, when an addict finally wants help, you need to jump on it. 

Wendy Beck 19:09
Exactly. That moment. Right. 

Sarah 19:11
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 19:11
Me, grass grow under your feet at that time. 

Sarah 19:14
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 19:14
Are they minding in five minutes. 10 minutes an hour. 

Sarah 19:18
Yeah. So finally in 2016, I, I did go to jail. I've spent the night in jail before, but this was my first time ever, you know, staying in there. It was only three weeks, but it felt like years 

Wendy Beck 19:34
time, 

Sarah 19:35
and I had to detox in there, you know, I cried every day in there. It was just that was really eye opening. And while I don't think jail provides rehabilitation, it did open my eyes up. 

Rich Bennett 19:50
Yeah. 

Sarah 19:51
Um, and I got released into drug court, 

Wendy Beck 19:54
Okay. 

Sarah 19:54
um, with judge carry and that program saved my life. So I have been clean from opiates and cocaine since September 27th of 2016. But yeah. 

Rich Bennett 20:09
That's awesome. 

Sarah 20:10
But unfortunately, um, over COVID, um, I was in, uh, very toxic and abusive relationship and got prescribed, Um, Xanax 

Rich Bennett 20:24
and it was so true. 

Sarah 20:24
and started abusing that. So, you know, I went downhill with that, and then I finally, 

Wendy Beck 20:31
which is, people, I just want to say this right now, is very dangerous. 

Rich Bennett 20:36
Xanax. 

Wendy Beck 20:36
yeah, this is with trailing from Xanax is terrible. 

Sarah 20:41
Oh, 

Wendy Beck 20:41
You can die. 

Sarah 20:42
yeah. I 

Wendy Beck 20:42
You can 

Sarah 20:42
had 

Wendy Beck 20:42
have seizures. Yes. 

Rich Bennett 20:44
really 

Wendy Beck 20:45
Yes. 

Sarah 20:46
Yes. Yeah, it's, and Like I always thought heroin was my problem. 

Rich Bennett 20:54
right? 

Sarah 20:55
Like, that's my problem. I'll have no issues being on this. It's, you know, initially, it was prescribed all that. But that took me down in a different way than heroin did. But it was, like, there's months of my life that I don't remember. 

Wendy Beck 21:09
Right. 

Rich Bennett 21:11
Why you were taking that? 

Sarah 21:12
Yes, because it's like you will, you'll be blacked out, but still up and moving. So it was like, there's, 

Wendy Beck 21:19
well, I have a story to if I, if I may, that was the one time, um, with my daughter, she wasn't living with me that she was, I call it on her Xanax run. I don't, I don't know what else to call it. And I'm here for her for weeks, which was very, 

Sarah 21:36
I was 

Wendy Beck 21:37
I'm like, 

Sarah 21:37
very 

Wendy Beck 21:38
persistent. 

Sarah 21:38
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 21:38
I think that contact all the time. And she was on Xanax. And I remember when she kind of came to the other side of it. She was like, I had seizures. I just, it was, it was terrible. 

Rich Bennett 21:50
Why do they prescribe 

Sarah 21:52
know. 

Rich Bennett 21:52
the 

Sarah 21:53
I don't think they should, to be honest with you. I'm 

Wendy Beck 21:54
shit that I don't 

Sarah 21:55
so against it. Well, it's 

Wendy Beck 21:57
much about it other than that. 

Sarah 21:58
It's supposed to be use short term for anxiety. 

Rich Bennett 22:01
Right. 

Sarah 22:01
And it's not supposed to be like a daily medication. But I mean, at one point, I was getting, you know, prescribed 90 a month. And if you're not supposed to take it daily, 

Rich Bennett 22:11
90 a month. 

Sarah 22:12
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 22:13
yeah, that's like three a day. 

Sarah 22:15
Correct. So, you know, doctors are still over prescribing things. If, you know, they're still out there. I think that it should be banned. It's, it's a very scary. 

Wendy Beck 22:26
Well, and you're saying this and you were prescribed it. Did, did they know at the time that you were in recovery when they prescribed that to you? I'm just 

Sarah 22:36
Now 

Wendy Beck 22:36
curious. you didn't 

Sarah 22:38
Well, 

Wendy Beck 22:38
know to tell them, 

Sarah 22:39
they, 

Wendy Beck 22:39
you know to ask right 

Sarah 22:40
I didn't offer it up because I had been prescribed it back when I was a teenager for legit purposes and never abused it. At the time, I didn't even know you could abuse it, you know, I was 17 years old. But in my chart, they had that I'd been on Suboxone and Methadone. 

Wendy Beck 22:57
And no one 

Sarah 22:58
about it. 

Wendy Beck 22:58
asked you 

Sarah 22:58
So it's like, why else would you be on that if you're not in, 

Wendy Beck 23:02
yeah, 

Sarah 23:02
in addictions, but, but again, I didn't offer it because I'm like, they're not going to give it to me. So I was, my mind was already in Relapse mode because I, I was abusing them and then I started buying them on the street. Then the release of God knows what? 

Wendy Beck 23:19
Right. 

Rich Bennett 23:20
Yeah, I just realized something. That's not a standard question when you go to the doctors, is it? Are you in recovery? 

Sarah 23:26
No, it's not. I've, I've never actually been asked. Now I do let people know like 

Rich Bennett 23:33
Right. 

Sarah 23:33
if something happens, like I 

Wendy Beck 23:35
write, 

Sarah 23:36
all of that. 

Wendy Beck 23:36
We, we tell the ladies at the houses because sometimes we have someone that will go in for surgery or, 

Sarah 23:41
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 23:42
kind of dental procedure. And we're very cautious in, you know, letting them go through that process while they live, and we do allow it if we're monitoring their medication in its short term. 

Sarah 23:58
And yeah, 

Wendy Beck 23:58
thing, but that could be a very slippery slope. 

Sarah 24:01
Well, same with, at my job, we've had clients who, same thing, had procedures and tell them that they're in recovery and the doctors are like pushing them to take, like, no, you're going need this. No, you're going to need to take this. And it's almost 

Rich Bennett 24:16
bang 

Sarah 24:16
out. It's almost alarming 

that I don't know what these, I mean, you would hope these doctors are educated one. 

Wendy Beck 24:24
They're not. 

Sarah 24:25
But it's like, 

Wendy Beck 24:26
so if you're not advocating for yourself, no one's advocating for you 

Sarah 24:30
medical 

Wendy Beck 24:30
in the 

Sarah 24:30
correct 

Wendy Beck 24:31
profession, 

Sarah 24:32
right. And if you have somebody that's kind of early in recovery or on the fence or anything like that, are they going to advocate for themselves? And they could walk out of that office with 

Wendy Beck 24:43
basically, 

Sarah 24:44
prescriptions 

Wendy Beck 24:44
right, 

Sarah 24:45
for God knows what? It's 

Wendy Beck 24:49
That's, 

Sarah 24:49
a huge 

Wendy Beck 24:50
that's 

Sarah 24:50
problem. 

Wendy Beck 24:50
part. I guess the work that still needs to be done, which is a whole another, another podcast. 

Rich Bennett 24:59
How long were you doing this? 

Because you said that started to improve it. 

Wendy Beck 25:05
Doing 

Sarah 25:06
that probably 

2021, 

2020 to 2021. But it's like, it's not a, we joke now but it's like every I take it, I wake up in jail because I just have no recollection of what I was doing. So, you know, I got 2 DUI's back to back. And I was like, all right, I need to get it together because you're about to go back down a really bad path. So I went to like the Father Martin Ashley outpatient. I detoxed, got clean, that was November 4th of 2020. 

Yeah, because I'm coming up for four years. So, and then I was just like, you know what, I need, I get complacent every time I would go to get clean, where I'm like would go to meetings or go to therapy for a little bit. And then you're like, okay, I'm good. I don't need to do this anymore. And this time I stuck with it. I'm still in therapy. I'm a huge advocate for therapy. That was like the biggest thing that changed for me was 

Wendy Beck 26:16
Mm-hmm. 

Sarah 26:17
actually like working on my inner problems because all of this was a me problem. Like, it wasn't growing up in a bad household or some traumatic event happening to me when I was younger. It was just me never being comfortable in my own skin. And never even since I was little, I always wanted to be somebody else. Like, I never loved myself and never really had confidence and self-love and all that. So these past couple of years in therapy have really changed a lot of things for me and I've gained all that back. And I'm comfortable being alone. I'm happy with myself. So... I love 

Rich Bennett 26:55
yourself now. 

Sarah 26:56
I do. Yep, I do. And I have the biggest thing I've gained in recovery is having peace, like being able to sit alone and like feel peaceful. 

Wendy Beck 27:06
Right, not like you're missing out on something or you're not good enough or whatever. 

Sarah 27:11
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 27:11
For that inner voice is telling you. 

Sarah 27:13
Yeah, so I started working in recovery in right when I hit my one-year mark when I could get a job. 

Wendy Beck 27:24
Are you a peer? 

Sarah 27:26
I am certified but I don't 

Wendy Beck 27:28
peer. 

Sarah 27:28
work as a 

Wendy Beck 27:29
Okay. 

Sarah 27:29
So, I started off as a tech and I realized just how passionate I am about this field, just because, you know, at one point I thought I was gonna die, like I thought that this disease was gonna take my life, and nobody thought that I was gonna get clean. So the fact that I did, I know everybody says like, 'Well, if I can get clean, you can get clean, but like that's really how I feel'. 

Rich Bennett 27:54
Yeah, and everybody's different. Mhm. Everybody's different. 

Sarah 28:00
Yup. 

Rich Bennett 28:01
I'm sorry, go 

Sarah 28:02
No, 

Rich Bennett 28:02
ahead. 

Sarah 28:03
you're good. Um, so I worked in, inpatient for a little while and then the last two years I've been out of women, a woman's house, and I love working with the women because I feel like they're kinda like the underdogs, um, and there's just not as much 

Wendy Beck 28:21
services. 

Sarah 28:21
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 28:22
I think it takes women to help women. 

Sarah 28:26
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 28:26
Honestly. 

Sarah 28:26
I do 

Wendy Beck 28:27
That's 

Sarah 28:27
too. 

Wendy Beck 28:27
one of the, the things that I feel like is a success for our program. Like it is women helping women, and it makes a big difference. When we opened our houses, there was not very many. There was all these men's, 

Sarah 28:41
houses. 

Wendy Beck 28:42
men's 

Sarah 28:42
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 28:42
It was like, it was a whole different breed to have a women's house. 

Sarah 28:46
Yeah. And it, it's hard too because a lot of women have trauma, so they're not comfortable 

Rich Bennett 28:52
Mhm. 

Sarah 28:53
always with men. 

Wendy Beck 28:54
And they don't want to leave their children. 

Sarah 28:56
They don't want to leave their children. That's a big thing. That's why I never went into, well, there really weren't many options for sober living back 

Wendy Beck 29:03
Right. 

Sarah 29:04
then. But I didn't want to leave my son. And, you know, looking back, it's like you were finally leaving him to go get high, but you wouldn't, you know, that whole 

Wendy Beck 29:11
Right. 

Sarah 29:11
thing. But, um, that's a big thing too is my pregnancy, the guilt and shame I felt around, you know, being on maintenance and having him on methadone, that kept me using for years because of the guilt and shame that I felt. So I would use the cover it, and then I'd feel guilty about using it. It was just like a vicious cycle. So being able to work with women who have children and have gone through the same things, it's like, 'cause I suffered for so many years, because I didn't have 

Wendy Beck 29:46
support. 

Sarah 29:47
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 29:47
So let me ask you a question. I mean, you said how you love helping women. I, I noticed that a lot of people in recovery when they hit that year marker that they get their peer certification, they want to be there. They want to help people. And I honest, you're the only ones who can help. Honestly, other people. 

Sarah 30:08
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 30:08
I mean, that's very common now. Peers, people in recovery, helping people. Um, can you talk a little bit about that and why? 

Sarah 30:16
I feel like, I know for me when I would go into rehab and meet with my counselor, if they weren't in recovery, I didn't want to hear what they had to say. And now I feel differently about it, but back then it was like, because I, I do feel like if you haven't been through it firsthand, you can't truly understand, like the darkness. Like, because it's not something that like I feel like we as humans can even fathom like this darkness that it takes you into. So I would always be like, how are you going to tell me how to get clean when you've never had to do it? 

Wendy Beck 30:50
Right. 

Sarah 30:51
And that's how I felt. But actually my counselor that I had it, Ashley, for years, um, I don't believe that she's in recovery and she out of all the treatment places I've been to is like the one person that has truly made like a positive impact on my life. And I'm still in contact with her today because of just what a great impact she made. So that kind of changed my view. 

Wendy Beck 31:16
But you were also willing to receive what she was 

Sarah 31:19
And 

Wendy Beck 31:19
saying. 

Sarah 31:20
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 31:20
I mean, she weren't, but I mean, she may have a special, you know, gift as well. Just, you know, not every therapist gone through all the things that they talk with their clients about. Right. It's kind of like a misconception, but it's not. 

Sarah 31:34
It definitely made me see things differently because it's like, okay, you're the only out of all the staff members from all the facilities I've been to. You're the only one that has truly like made such an impact. And you're not in recovery. So 

Wendy Beck 31:49
Right. 

Sarah 31:49
it did change my viewpoint on that. But I think having somebody that has been through it is 

Wendy Beck 31:57
when you're in the thick of it, when someone's freshly in recovery, they're in, in a recovery house. If you're not in 

Sarah 32:04
don't, 

Wendy Beck 32:05
recovery, 

Sarah 32:05
you kind 

Wendy Beck 32:05
you kind 

Sarah 32:05
of 

Wendy Beck 32:05
of 

Sarah 32:06
don't want any 

Wendy Beck 32:06
business talking to them. If they get farther removed from it and you can, 

Sarah 32:10
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 32:10
are adding in these other dimensions of wellness and that type of thing, then you can kind of talk to anyone. 

Sarah 32:16
Yeah. And I feel like there's a lot of shame and guilt involved with the things that we do during active addiction. So if you have somebody that you know has 

Wendy Beck 32:27
been through it, 

Sarah 32:28
done things similar, you feel more comfortable talking to them about it. 

Wendy Beck 32:32
yeah, 

Sarah 32:32
I mean, that was a big thing for me. It's like I didn't want to talk to somebody about, you know, all the horrible. 

Wendy Beck 32:38
Because you feel judged. 

Sarah 32:40
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 32:40
You would feel ashamed and the cycle would start all over again. 

Sarah 32:43
And that's why I wasn't getting better because I wasn't being open and honest about what was going on because I was ashamed. 

Wendy Beck 32:51
Right. 

Sarah 32:51
So I think that's, you know, a big thing that goes 

Wendy Beck 32:55
If 

Sarah 32:56
into it. 

Wendy Beck 32:56
I'm not mistaken, did you get some kind of degree? 

Sarah 33:01
I did. 

Wendy Beck 33:02
Okay. I'm sorry. I was remembering 

Sarah 33:03
No. 

Wendy Beck 33:03
what we talked about initially, but yes. So tell us about that. You went from working in recovery to now going to school. 

Sarah 33:11
Yeah. So I dropped out my senior year of college because that's when I was using and 

Rich Bennett 33:18
senior year of college. 

Sarah 33:19
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 33:19
Oh, wow. 

Sarah 33:20
I was at Talyson and my drug dealer lived right up the street. So obviously, I was seeing him more than I was going to class. So I dropped out. 

Wendy Beck 33:30
But it's still amazing that you were still, you know, you were still being able to manage. 

Sarah 33:34
It was a double life for a while 

Wendy Beck 33:36
Okay. 

Sarah 33:37
for sure, but I went I actually didn't think I ever going to go back to school. And my mom was like, you have one year left. Like go get it. Like what are you doing? Right. 

Rich Bennett 33:48
Right. 

Sarah 33:48
So I went back. I did online school and I graduated this last past December. 

Wendy Beck 33:55
Congratulations. 

Sarah 33:55
Thank you. Yep. So I got my bachelors. And then I submitted all my stuff to become an ADT, which is basically like, it allows you to work as a counselor to get the hours you need to get like actual certifications. And that just got approved yesterday. 

Wendy Beck 34:16
Hey, okay. 

Sarah 34:16
Yep. So 

Rich Bennett 34:17
you rock. 

Sarah 34:17
Yep. And then I also got my 

peer recovery specialist 

Wendy Beck 34:24
certification. Yes. 

Sarah 34:25
And I got that in June. So 

Rich Bennett 34:27
you are just kicking ass and 

Wendy Beck 34:30
no, 

Rich Bennett 34:30
taking names on the way. 

Sarah 34:32
I know. And it's so close. So also I could cry talking about it because it's just like such a 180. 

Wendy Beck 34:36
And it is 

Sarah 34:37
So I'm so thankful today. 

Wendy Beck 34:40
proud. 

Sarah 34:40
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 34:42
Wow. 

Sarah 34:42
And it was like so cool because I would take my son to his practices. And I'd be sitting there doing homework and all that. So he would like see me, you know, do all this. And his best friend's dad called me and was like, I've never seen a child brag about their parents so much. And I'm like, what are you, what are you talking about? And he's like, Aiden, always is talking about how you got straight A's. And 

Wendy Beck 35:07
it's one of two. 

Sarah 35:08
And I guess eight, my son would be over there bragging like, yeah, my mom just got straight A's this semester. And like, it was stuff that my son had to be saying because I don't know how he 

Wendy Beck 35:18
right, right. 

Sarah 35:20
And it was just so cool. 

Wendy Beck 35:22
Well, and I think that this is a testimony of like we can go through a lot. And we can come through with the other side, which there was a time in history where once you were, you know, stamped with that there 

Sarah 35:38
label, 

Wendy Beck 35:38
was no 

Sarah 35:38
there 

Wendy Beck 35:40
was no turning back. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 35:42
All of you listening, I want you to think about something what Sarah just said, because a lot of people say, you know, whether an addiction or any recovery 

Sarah 35:55
that 

Rich Bennett 35:56
you'll never make it. But from what you just said, you are and every parent, I believe, should be this, you are a role model for your son. And a lot of kids today don't, they don't want to go to school, but he sees you sitting there doing all that. That is freaking awesome. 

Sarah 36:21
Well, it would become where like he would try to get better grades than me, 

Wendy Beck 36:25
but 

Sarah 36:26
I got straight as I graduated with honors. So he now has to get straight as till because he wants to obviously outdo. 

Rich Bennett 36:34
So, 

Sarah 36:34
I mean, but that's awesome. 

Wendy Beck 36:35
Yeah. Yeah. We want our kids to better than we, 

Rich Bennett 36:38
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 36:39
yes, absolutely. 

Rich Bennett 36:39
We do. 

Wendy Beck 36:40
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 36:41
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 36:43
More money smarter. You know, just what better equipped? 

Rich Bennett 36:49
Okay. No, I agree. I want my son and 

Sarah 36:52
be 

Rich Bennett 36:52
daughter to 

Sarah 36:53
smarter than 

Rich Bennett 36:55
me. Don't know if that'll happen. 

Wendy Beck 36:56
Well, they can always hope. 

Rich Bennett 37:04
It's 

so sweet. 

Sarah 37:10
That was just so awesome. Cause I know my son remembers that things weren't right. 

Wendy Beck 37:17
I 

Sarah 37:17
You 

Wendy Beck 37:17
was 

Sarah 37:18
know 

Wendy Beck 37:18
just 

Sarah 37:18
what I 

Wendy Beck 37:18
going to 

Sarah 37:18
mean? 

Wendy Beck 37:18
ask that. 

Sarah 37:20
I used to take him to meetings with me and stuff like that. So he's... I've never had a conversation with him because I... One I don't know how at this age, to really, you know. 

Rich Bennett 37:31
It's always a little bit older. 

Sarah 37:33
Yeah, but he did say, cause my dad would always bring him to visit me in rehab. And he would say like, "Mom's at the doctor. She's sick. She's getting better." So my son would always say like, "I'm so happy you're not sick anymore. So it's like he knew something wasn't right, but I don't think really no, you know, doesn't really know what? 

Rich Bennett 37:53
What the sickness 

Sarah 37:54
And 

Rich Bennett 37:54
was." 

Sarah 37:55
I think as he's getting older, he's starting to put pieces together because he'll say little things that make me kinda... 

Wendy Beck 38:02
Right, like, "Oh, you remember that?" 

Sarah 38:03
"Yeah." 

Wendy Beck 38:03
or, Right, I got it. 

Rich Bennett 38:05
You'll know when it's time to sit 

Wendy Beck 38:07
him. 

Rich Bennett 38:08
down 

Wendy Beck 38:08
Well, 

Rich Bennett 38:08
with 

Wendy Beck 38:08
and he's gonna be a teenager. 

Sarah 38:10
Well, we've definitely had talks about peer pressure and things like that because, I mean, I hear stories from my clients where they started using at 10, 11, 12 years old, and I'm just like... 

Wendy Beck 38:20
Wow. 

Sarah 38:21
So we do have talks about, you know, all that. And thank God right now he's, like, terrified of getting in trouble, so I'm trying to ride that out as long as possible before his rebellion sage kicks in. But, I make it known the field that I work in and things like that and that, you know, he can always come and talk to me, that there's always that open line of communication, I will not be mad. We can have a conversation if your friends offer you anything. 

Wendy Beck 38:50
Right. 

Sarah 38:51
You know. 

Rich Bennett 38:53
If you don't mind me asking how is he with your brother? 

Sarah 38:58
Oh, there are... their buddies. 

Rich Bennett 39:01
'Cause your 

Sarah 39:03
brother is 

Rich Bennett 39:04
in recovery too. 

Sarah 39:05
And 

Rich Bennett 39:05
And that's 

Sarah 39:06
that's right. 

Rich Bennett 39:06
right. 

Sarah 39:06
Yes, but it's weird because my brother is like a freak case. I feel like, because he went to rehab. He came home and did the 90 meetings in 90 days. And then that was it. Like he was in all maintenance. He didn't really continue one with meetings unless he went with me. He just like shut that chapter and that was it and he's coming up one. I don't know. 13, 14, 15 years clean. And I don't recommend that to my clients. Like, I recommend that you need to 

Wendy Beck 39:40
Right. 

Sarah 39:41
continue doing 

Wendy Beck 39:41
Continue 

Sarah 39:41
stuff 

Wendy Beck 39:41
with your 

Sarah 39:41
for your 

Wendy Beck 39:42
network. 

Sarah 39:42
recovery, but he was able to just, 

Wendy Beck 39:44
of... 

Sarah 39:44
you know, 

Wendy Beck 39:45
It 

Sarah 39:45
kind 

Wendy Beck 39:45
was a different time. 

Sarah 39:46
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 39:47
it was. 

Rich Bennett 39:47
Yeah. 

Sarah 39:48
It was a lot more hush hush. 

Wendy Beck 39:49
The recovery community exploded after that. So he was, kind of, before... 

Sarah 39:54
Yeah. So, like you would never ever know that he went through that. And he doesn't like, I'm very open about like this is what I've been through. This is... 

Wendy Beck 40:08
Well, it was a little harder for you to hide. 

Sarah 40:10
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 40:12
Yeah. Plus you're in the feel where you're helping others too. 

Sarah 40:14
Yeah. So, it's very out in the open, 

Rich Bennett 40:17
Yeah. 

Sarah 40:17
you know. And it's a little more you would never know with him. I don't think he's, you know, ashamed of it. He would tell you, but it's just... 

Wendy Beck 40:23
Right. It's just different. 

Sarah 40:24
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 40:26
Well, and you know, recovery comes in all different shapes and sizes, for sure. 

Sarah 40:29
Absolutely. 

Wendy Beck 40:31
And I think we're learning that, you know, with the maintenance and the meetings and the different types of meetings, you know, the NA and the AA and the 

Sarah 40:39
Celebrate recovery and 

Wendy Beck 40:41
recovery. 

Sarah 40:41
smart recovery, 

Wendy Beck 40:42
recovery, all paths. There's a lot of stuff. So, you know, everybody kind of can fit into where they feel comfortable. 

Sarah 40:49
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 40:53
Go ahead. I don't have any questions. I'm just... I'm... I just met you, and I'm proud of you. 

Sarah 41:00
Thank you 

Wendy Beck 41:00
much. Yes. 

Sarah 41:00
so 

Rich Bennett 41:01
Yeah. 'Cause that is awesome. 

Wendy Beck 41:02
You're a sweetheart. It's... It's... it's a pleasure. Oh, 

Rich Bennett 41:05
Sarah is. Okay. 

Wendy Beck 41:07
Because I just met her, too. We had, what, one email exchange? 

Sarah 41:12
Yeah. Am 

Rich Bennett 41:13
I a sweetheart? 

Wendy Beck 41:14
No. 

Sarah 41:15
Okay. And I actually... I start a new job next week, working as a counselor. 

Wendy Beck 41:20
Nice! 

Sarah 41:21
At a maintenance 

Wendy Beck 41:22
clinic. Okay. 

Sarah 41:23
So, I'm really, really excited about that. Because maintenance, too, I feel like, has a really kind of bad rap to 

Wendy Beck 41:32
It 

Sarah 41:32
it. 

Wendy Beck 41:32
does. 

Sarah 41:33
and 

Wendy Beck 41:33
Okay. 

Sarah 41:34
I think it's because you can misuse certain maintenance medications so, you know, somebody might not be taking it and they're all, you know, they're high and their family sees them high and they're like, oh no, it's my maintenance when really, you know, so I feel like it just comes with such a, 

Wendy Beck 41:59
mm-hmm right. 

Sarah 42:01
Because sometimes that's what people need, people can live normal lives on maintenance and if that's going to keep them from being out in the streets homeless, 

Wendy Beck 42:10
yep, they get jobs, 

Sarah 42:11
they get jobs, they're 

Wendy Beck 42:12
they 

Sarah 42:12
a 

Wendy Beck 42:12
can, 

Sarah 42:12
good parent. Then I'm all for it, so I'm, 

Wendy Beck 42:16
I've seen that and I see it daily with our ladies that are on maintenance and I'm so proud of them because 

Sarah 42:22
uh, 

Wendy Beck 42:22
a lot of times, and again, you can correct me if I'm wrong, it's just from a personal experience, just being in the field and observing a lot of this, when they get on maintenance, they've, it's been longer since they've worked, it's been longer since life's been normal, it's, it's, it's, it's been a harder road. 

Sarah 42:41
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 42:42
it's been a harder road for them, and so this progress is beautiful, it is, 

Sarah 42:48
yeah 

Wendy Beck 42:49
giving them their life back. 

Sarah 42:50
Absolutely, and it doesn't mean you have to be on it forever, or if you want to be on it forever, that's fine too, but if it lets you be a present parent, a good friend, a good daughter, whatever, then what's the problem with it? 

Wendy Beck 43:03
right, it's no different than anybody taking other medications that keep them safe and healthy, and 

Sarah 43:09
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 43:09
I agree with you on that. 

Rich Bennett 43:13
A lot of times you hear people say, "Everything happens for a reason." Do you think if you did not take this 

Sarah 43:23
path to the death of addiction, 

Rich Bennett 43:25
that you would have had your son? 

Sarah 43:30
Probably not. 

Rich Bennett 43:33
He's a blessing, right? 

Sarah 43:34
He is the biggest blessing, absolutely. 

Rich Bennett 43:37
So that's, yeah. 

Wendy Beck 43:40
And you're helping people, and you found your passion in all of that pain, and not everyone can say that. 

Sarah 43:45
Well, people ask me all the time, like, if you could go back and never have picked up for the first time, would you go back and redo that? And it's like, yeah, I wish that I didn't spend a decade ruining my life and hurting everybody around me. And I wish that I was further along in life. But 

Wendy Beck 44:05
I think you're pretty far along. 

Sarah 44:07
Well, 

Wendy Beck 44:08
honestly, you've accomplished a lot. 

Sarah 44:10
Well, that's the thing is, growing up, I never knew really what I wanted to do or what I wanted to be. I didn't have, like, how kids grow up knowing exactly what they want to do. I never knew what I wanted to do. I never had 

Rich Bennett 44:25
You 

Sarah 44:25
a 

Rich Bennett 44:25
didn't have a 

Sarah 44:25
passion. 

Rich Bennett 44:26
career path. 

Sarah 44:26
No. 

Wendy Beck 44:27
So the universe gave you one. 

Sarah 44:28
That's kind of what I feel like. Cause I am so passionate about this. Like, I love what I do. Working in this field, I found my passion. I think if I was not an addict, I don't think I would be anywhere near this field, probably. 

Wendy Beck 44:43
Right. 

Sarah 44:43
So I think, you know, I don't, I don't, at this point in time, I don't think I would change anything. 

Wendy Beck 44:51
You have any parting questions. 

I have a question, but I want you to go first. If you have one. 

Rich Bennett 45:02
No, I'll probably come up with a ton of questions afterwards. I just, I'm just blown away. 

Wendy Beck 45:10
There's a concern that I have for people that are in recovery, working in the recovery field, just because of my passion for them. Because I know you guys could get burnt out. Do you have any advice to anyone and have you experienced that? 

Rich Bennett 45:26
That was gonna 

Sarah 45:26
be my question. 

Wendy Beck 45:28
Yes, 

Sarah 45:31
because you, you do want to help everybody, 

Wendy Beck 45:35
but 

Sarah 45:36
you know, boundaries and all that, but we're in this field because we care. So obviously you are going to get emotionally invested to a certain degree. So I think burnout is It can happen very easily. And self-care, I think, is just like the biggest thing. Like I have therapy once a week. I go to the gym in the mornings. I have my routine where like, that's my me 

Rich Bennett 46:00
good. 

Sarah 46:00
time. I'm getting... 

Rich Bennett 46:02
To health too. 

Sarah 46:03
Yeah, for sure. And I'm getting better with turning my phone off to work calls when I'm not at 

Wendy Beck 46:11
Right. 

Sarah 46:11
work. 

Wendy Beck 46:11
Good job. 

Sarah 46:12
I want 

Wendy Beck 46:12
Okay. 

Sarah 46:12
it. But having something that you can do for yourself, I think. Like I said, therapy is important or if meetings and like a sponsor, if that's your path, doing something like that. But having somewhere where you can kind of release everything onto somebody else, you know. 

Wendy Beck 46:31
That's good to know. Well, thank you. 

Rich Bennett 46:34
uh, I don't have a question 

Wendy Beck 46:36
sure? Sorry, 

Rich Bennett 46:37
now, I'm scared, are you 

Wendy Beck 46:37
he said no. 

Rich Bennett 46:39
No, ehm, ehm, ehm, ehm, because you're- your routines and everything that you do every day, and the fact that you do love yourself now, which is very important. 

Sarah 46:49
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 46:50
Um, do you actually- is there- in particular that you do every day, whether 

Sarah 46:58
Is there anything 

Rich Bennett 46:58
it's meditation, praying or whatever, or saying something that you're grateful for every day? 

Sarah 47:06
I mean, I think this past two years without even like, meaning to, I think of everything I'm grateful for just because life has changed so much in these last couple years, but gratitude is such a big thing. 

Rich Bennett 47:21
Mhmm. 

Sarah 47:21
Instead of at everything we don't have, or everything that's not going right, taking a look at what you do have going on, I think is definitely- 

Wendy Beck 47:31
And I noticed, and I've said it a million times and I'm gonna send- Send it- Say it a million more. People in- Yes. 

Rich Bennett 47:38
Oh, no. 

Wendy Beck 47:39
People in recovery have so much gratitude. More than the average person, you know, and it's a beautiful thing, because they had to get to that- get to that spot in order to appreciate their life and what they have. And, you know, I- Can't even imagine how difficult it was to get there, but when you see people living like that, it's really cool. 

Sarah 48:07
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 48:08
It is. 

Rich Bennett 48:11
Again, I'm just so proud of you. And the thing is, your story, it's started late. 

Sarah 48:19
But 

Rich Bennett 48:19
at the same time, even though the addiction came fast, so did- 

Sarah 48:25
Tell me technically 

Rich Bennett 48:26
the recovery, didn't it? 

Wendy Beck 48:29
I don't know. 

Sarah 48:30
Yes, 

Rich Bennett 48:30
It started- 

Sarah 48:30
it- 2012, 

Rich Bennett 48:32
so 13 years ago. 

Sarah 48:34
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 48:34
Oh, 

Sarah 48:35
it was like, basically took up my 20s. 

Wendy Beck 48:37
And you had a bump in the road with the Xanax, too. 

Sarah 48:40
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 48:41
Because you hear a lot of people- They're in a addiction for 20, sometimes 20 plus years. 

Sarah 48:45
I mean, you know, my addiction where I was homeless and you know, shooting heroin and smoking crack that- 

Rich Bennett 48:51
Homeless, too? 

Sarah 48:52
For a little while, my dad finally brought me in, but that's another story. But, you know, that was only- Two, three years, that I was really in that, 

Rich Bennett 49:02
Right. 

Sarah 49:02
and then I, you know, got clean for a little bit and fell back off, but- Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:07
I mean, a lot of people say that's a long time, but- Which technically it is, but it's still- I mean, because you're still young, and you still got a whole life ahead 

Sarah 49:16
of you. Yeah. I mean, yeah, because we have starter in there, you know, 56. 

Rich Bennett 49:22
Yeah. 

Sarah 49:22
Yeah. Yeah. 70s. Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 49:23
And that's tough. That's really where I find it hard, when we have women in our houses that are in that age, that age bracket, because my heart goes out to them thinking, you know, we all need something to look forward to. And when you get to that stage in your life, and you're, Forced, or you want to start over, it's a lot harder. 

Sarah 49:46
yeah. 

Wendy Beck 49:46
It really is. 

Rich Bennett 49:47
And really, if they started when they were young. There really wasn't anything back then for- 

Sarah 49:53
No. 

Rich Bennett 49:54
Jail. 

Wendy Beck 49:56
Right. Well, it- But just even like, you know, okay, now you're in, you know, in your recovery, you're in a sober living house, 

Rich Bennett 50:03
Mhm. 

Wendy Beck 50:03
you're in your late 50s, early 60s or whatever, and you have to start at an entry-level job. 

Sarah 50:11
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 50:11
You don't have any money. Your family, you know, you need to rebuild. And be sometimes there's not much to read. That foundation is so weak that the depression starts to set in. 

Sarah 50:24
for sure, 

Wendy Beck 50:25
And you know, housing is really expensive. So, you know, that's to me is like the next chapter for Rage, I would hope, that maybe one day help these women in this older 

Sarah 50:36
that 

Wendy Beck 50:36
population 

Sarah 50:36
would 

Wendy Beck 50:37
find, find their place in this world, because I see them. They're, they're lost. 

Sarah 50:43
And it's hard when they go into a sober living filled with, you know, girls in their 20s and 30s who they don't- they can't relate as much with. And there's 

Wendy Beck 50:53
Well, the 20s and 30s will hit the ground running and they can go 

Sarah 50:57
right. 

Wendy Beck 50:57
work at Chipotle and they're working at McDonald's and, you know, we have people that were, you know, realtors and, you know, professionals and all of these things. And you're like, some of them were even retired, retired professors that come in and now we're like, okay, you need to get a job. And they're like looking at you like, 

Sarah 51:13
like, you're crazy. 

Wendy Beck 51:13
Yeah, like, you know, and then that's what I'm saying with, like, the hopelessness, even though their, in a structured environment, sobriety, I've realized seeing these ladies is more than just not using. 

Sarah 51:26
Oh, 100%. 

Wendy Beck 51:27
So, we'll get there. 

Sarah 51:30
That'd be so awesome. 

Wendy Beck 51:31
Well, thank you. 

Sarah 51:32
Thank you so much for having me. 

Rich Bennett 51:34
Oh, no, thank you for coming. 

Rich & Wendy 51:36
Wendy, I understand that rage against addiction is doing something very important, a monthly donor program. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Absolutely. We are hoping to get our supporters to join us in providing a monthly donation. It can be $5 or it can be more. Whatever you can afford really allows us to help plan and increase our fundraising efforts. Well, why should people become a monthly donor? What are they doing to help? Their monthly contributions let us plan for long-term projects and respond quickly when urgent needs arise. I'll give you an example. We had the need for a mattress and we've also had urgent needs for refrigerators and washing machines and all of that kind of stuff that comes up so they tend to need to be replaced and are women deserve to have the things that they need. So with the monthly donor program technically anybody could do it for any amount and there because rage against addiction always needs something. I've known you for years now and there's times you've told me you guys need a furniture, you need clothes and also you're not getting the grants that you used to or the contributions that you used to. So this monthly donor program would definitely help a lot. Yes. So somebody becomes a monthly donor. What is there anything that they're getting in return? Besides of course helping those that need it. I know you have like an excellent newsletter. Would they automatically subscribe to that? Yeah. We'll will subscribe you to our newsletter so you'll know what's going on. You can kind of track our progress. Here, success stories. Know the data and like how many women we serve each year and just be a part of something bigger. So with this, I guess they're also going to be because of the newsletter. They're going to be one of the first ones to find out about events coming up like the memory walk and run. The basketball bingo and any other future events that you're doing the podcast that you do. Yes. So they're going to be tied in right away. Yes. All right. So how can they become a monthly donor? You can go to our website and that is rageagainstaddiction. org and go to our donate button and on there, you will have the option to become a monthly donor and you can put in any amount that you want. Your commitment bigger small empowers our mission and changes lives every single day. Visit us at rageagainstaddiction. org to become a reoccurring donor and join us in making a lasting impact. Thank you for your compassion, generosity and belief in a brighter future. Together, we can make a difference. Join us today.