Recovery, Truth, and Hope with Dr. Larry Smith

Wendy & Rich 0:00
Hey, everyone is Rich Bennett. Can you believe it? The show is turning 10 this year. I am so grateful for each and every one of you who've tuned in, shared a episode, or even joined the conversation over the years. You're the reason that this podcast has grown into what it is today. Together, we've shared laughs, tears, and moments that truly matter. So I want to thank you for being part of this journey. Let's make the next 10 years even better. Coming to you from the Freedom Federal Credit Union Studios. Harford County Living presents Conversations with Rich Bennett. 

No, no, no, it's just truth is. 

Rich Bennett 1:00
What if the voice of addiction had a name and talked back? In today's powerful episode, we're diving into the mind of someone who didn't just battle alcohol ism. He gave it a name. Dr. Larry Smith, author of Johnny and me, facing the voice of alcohol within, brings us a raw, deeply personal look into his decades-long struggle with alcohol, trauma, and the redemptive journey of recovery. Larry's not just a survivor. He's a storyteller, a guide, and a voice for those who are still in the fight, from confronting childhood trauma to navigating relapse and redemption. Larry's writing and message are brutally honest and deeply hopeful. He even will give us a glimpse into his next book, Step, His Upcoming Novel, 2084, The Nauraxum Conspiracy, a futuristic look at addiction, big pharma, and the soul of recovery. This is more than a story about addiction. It's a story about resilience, truth, and what happens when we finally face the voices within. Larry, do you go to Dr. Larry? Larry! 

Larry Smith 2:16
Just call me Larry. 

Rich Bennett 2:17
Just don't call you late for dinner, 

Larry Smith 2:19
right? You got that 

Rich Bennett 2:21
right. All right, so I want to get it to the memoir, and credit me it from raw, but it is a memoir, right? Johnny, 

Larry Smith 2:28
it's a memoir. 

Rich Bennett 2:29
Okay, and it's raw, it's a raw, honest look into addiction. Why did you choose to personify alcohol as a voice? Johnny. 

Larry Smith 2:39
Because that's what was happening all the years that I had a voice in my head that was telling me to do things that I didn't want to do. But it wasn't until I started writing the book that I gave it a name. I knew it had a name, but I gave it the name, Johnny, it's after I called it Johnny X Whiskey. 

Rich Bennett 3:05
Which there's a lot of Whiskey's at there with Johnny in it. 

Larry Smith 3:08
Yeah, exactly. So we don't want to get in trouble here, 

Rich Bennett 3:12
Right 

Larry Smith 3:12
but 

Rich Bennett 3:13
right. 

Larry Smith 3:13
Johnny, he guided me, or should I say, he misguided me for years and years. It was right from the very beginning, it was actually his brother, superior, superior white rum that that first got drunk with. 

Rich Bennett 3:27
Oh, 

Larry Smith 3:28
and he passed me on, he passed me on to Johnny. And I was 11 years old when that happened. 

Rich Bennett 3:34
11 years old? 

Larry Smith 3:36
11 years old. I wanted to see, I wanted to know what felt like to get drunk, and I'll tell you, tell you rich, that was the best feeling in my life. I thought that was the best absolute, the highest goal in my life I had got there. And of course the next day wasn't that, but 

Rich Bennett 3:56
right. 

Larry Smith 3:57
But I spent three years trying to figure out how I could get the great feelings, the high feelings without getting sick and throwing up and making a fool of myself and you know what I never found it. 

Rich Bennett 4:09
Yeah, I think it's kind of hard to find. 

Larry Smith 4:11
Yeah, there wasn't any. 

Rich Bennett 4:14
Wow, holy cow. So I take it. At 11, the reason you wanted to do it was because of the childhood trauma that you faced. 

Larry Smith 4:24
It came shortly after that, but I'm not sure that's a hard question 

Rich Bennett 4:31
write 

Larry Smith 4:31
to to answer. I was curious. I would say if I could go back in time, yeah, I was curious. I just wanted to see what it felt like. 

Rich Bennett 4:38
Wow, I got to admit I, I think the first time I tried it, 

I've may have been right around the same age because my parents would always have parties. And I remember my father always had his go to it the time was ancient age, which I believe was a whiskey, not a bourbon. 

Larry Smith 5:01
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 5:02
ehm, me and my younger brother always wanted to try and my father decided to have a party and he said, okay, you guys wanna try that bit? I got you your own bottle. And me and my brother drank that bottle and we were drunk off our tails, but the next day, we were feeling fine. Later on, we found out that we didn't drink ancient age. My father filled the bottle with ginger ale. 

Larry Smith 5:28
Oh my goodness. 

Rich Bennett 5:29
I was probably 

Larry Smith 5:32
a 

Rich Bennett 5:33
b*****ing thing. Probably a very good thing, but the funny thing is I really never, if the words I wasn't a big fan of whiskey, I was, I became, you know, later on I became a fan of beer, but not really whiskey, maybe doing shots. What is it? It just, I don't know. Something about, you know, whiskey doesn't have that carbonation 

Larry Smith 5:57
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 5:58
throughout. 

Larry Smith 5:58
Oh no. It doesn't even taste good. 

Rich Bennett 6:00
Not, no. No, it was nasty. But people were laughing because they said, me and my brother look like we were really drunk. We were doing all kinds of crazy stuff. 

Larry Smith 6:11
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 6:11
It's like, oh, okay. All right, so you started at 11. 

Larry Smith 6:14
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 6:15
Now, how long did this continue for, or did you, was that the first time you took a break from drinking for a while? 

Larry Smith 6:22
Well, it started at 11 and then basically the drinking age is 21. So it was hard for us to get alcohol. So we would go fishing outside the liquor commissions to try to get people who are 21 to buy the liquor for us. So that went on for a long time. So yeah, 12, 13, 14. By the time I was 14, basically we can't, we can't alcoholics, trying to hide from the parents. Which of course we did for the most part, but there are sometimes when you don't and you're throwing up or come home drunk and get in trouble. And uh, boy did I get in trouble the very first time. Oh, and I paid, 

Rich Bennett 6:59
oh, I bet 

Larry Smith 6:59
I paid for it. But it was a whole thing of getting caught was, it was the worst thing with the punishment from the parents. So I learned from a young age, I must hide my drinking. Okay, to get drunk with these parents, they don't know anything. 

Rich Bennett 7:14
Yeah. Yeah, I need to book you, you actually talk openly about the childhood drum, drum, and 

Larry Smith 7:21
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 7:21
how. How did those early experiences feed into your later struggles of alcohol? 

Larry Smith 7:27
Um, could you reward that just a little differently? I'm not 

Rich Bennett 7:32
you. 

Larry Smith 7:32
following 

Rich Bennett 7:32
All right. So your early experiences with the childhood 

Larry Smith 7:36
they? 

Rich Bennett 7:36
trauma 

Larry Smith 7:36
Oh, yeah, you're talking about the priest, yeah. 

So, 

Rich Bennett 7:40
so I'm sorry, go ahead. 

Larry Smith 7:42
Yeah, that basically, it's about keeping secrets, because the priest told me this is something you can't tell anybody. Of course, I tried to tell my parents wouldn't believe me, but my sister luckily did believe 

Rich Bennett 7:56
me. Right. 

Larry Smith 7:57
But I learned from then as you can't trust parents, I could trust my sister, but with anything serious, you must have secrets. So this is held with me and getting drunk, you know, you couldn't show the parents, you couldn't show the adults as you were getting drunk. Nor could you tell them anything serious because they wouldn't believe you. So that went on for a long time, hence not having authentic relationships because I don't trust people, unless I have a, a snuteful, that's the old fashioned way of saying it. So yeah, that's basically that was ground in from a, from a young age, and it wasn't until I got into recovery, and that's basically what got me alive was the heart to heart connection with another human being saying, here's what I'm feeling. I'm looking at a person, excuse me. And I'm feeling they're feeling going, man, brother, I know what you're going through, just hang on, you can do it. And that was, it was so authentic, and that was the life line that got me through up until then I could talk to people. I mean, I could, 

Rich Bennett 8:58
Right. 

Larry Smith 8:58
I could fake it, but there was no authentic relationship, as you know, especially, especially with women, I was always hiding things. 

Rich Bennett 9:07
Wow. You said you went, when you went into recoveries when you more or less, I don't know what, how long ago was that when you went into recovery for the first time, right? 

Larry Smith 9:18
First, first time I tried was 1997 that only lasted about three weeks, because I, got back, got back to where I tried to get back to work and I put work ahead of recovery. 1999, same treatment center and, uh, they made sure that that did not happen again. So they made sure I got drug tested, they made sure I had all the meetings set up all across the board 

Rich Bennett 9:51
yeah. 

Larry Smith 9:55
and after a while I respected him, he respected me, we both worked hard at it. So, yeah, 1999. September 22nd, 1999 is the last time I ingested anything alcohol drug. So it's 

Rich Bennett 10:10
99. 

Larry Smith 10:11
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 10:12
Wow. 

Larry Smith 10:12
So we're coming up to 26 years. 

Rich Bennett 10:15
All right, but you had relapsed at one point, didn't 

Larry Smith 10:18
Okay. Nope. 

Rich Bennett 10:19
you? You didn't. 

Larry Smith 10:20
No. No. It's between 97 and 99 is where I was still out there. 

Rich Bennett 10:25
Okay. Well, I wanted to talk about long term recovery for a minute here. 

Larry Smith 10:29
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 10:30
Because I went on for those people that are listening, I mean, you have all types of different addictions. You have alcoholism, uh, you have different drugs, porn addiction food addiction, 

Larry Smith 10:43
absolutely. But 

Rich Bennett 10:45
what do you want people to understand about long term recovery and how relaps can happen actually even after decades? 

Larry Smith 10:55
Okay. What I would like to get across too is the your disease is outside and it's doing push ups. It's waiting for you. So unless you have you must have a plan every day and I just people get sick of me talking about it at meetings. But I have a plan every day that I go through number one is I starting off with the journal. I read a meditation. I eat three meals a day plus snacks, I exercise, I connect with people. And I ask for on his feedback and my partner Laurie is probably the best with that because she's my biggest fan and harshest critic and a fun route. Sharing or doing something she sure is have tells me about it. 

Rich Bennett 11:36
Good. 

Larry Smith 11:36
So on a daily basis, we must do those things. And tonight, you know, the day is planned where I've got a family here blessed to have Laurie's daughters and we got the grandchildren having an early meal so I can get to a meeting, which I'll probably end up chairing. So that's basically you have to have a plan and you cannot let it slide 

Rich Bennett 11:58
right. 

Larry Smith 11:59
That is what I'd like to get across with relapse. That's why people relapse. And if you're having trouble with outside things go get help. Not everything will be solved by recovery program if you need medical conditions or if you need mental health issues. You need to talk to the experts in that field. 

Rich Bennett 12:18
Yes, absolutely. You, you mentioned the meetings. How often are you actually going to 

Larry Smith 12:25
meetings meetings? No, down to once a week now when I first started was five to seven meetings a week. 

Rich Bennett 12:32
Wow. 

Larry Smith 12:33
That was. 

Rich Bennett 12:34
Do you see a lot of people that are in recovery making a mistake by and they're by stopping the meetings? 

Larry Smith 12:43
Yeah, and I don't want to sound like the old old crusty ones too. I think meeting what it is is provides connection. 

Rich Bennett 12:51
Yeah, 

Larry Smith 12:52
some can do it outside by having different connections. Was it doing that? I have no trouble with it. So yeah, I think you really need to be connecting and I got that from the, she was the head of the treatment center and not often can you call, swear at a treatment center head and not get kicked up. But I did. She got me back in when I try to run away. 

Rich Bennett 13:16
Wow. 

Larry Smith 13:16
Yeah, I was, I was trying to leave. I was, I was withdrawing and I didn't like it very much. So she chased me down, down the street. And she come, told me to come back and pay my bill on how dare I, as soon as they got me back in, they weren't letting me go. 

Rich Bennett 13:31
Holy cow. All right. And with your, your addiction, it was strictly alcohol. 

Larry Smith 13:36
Well, alcohol on pills too. I like the opiates and I like banzos. 

Rich Bennett 13:40
Oh shit. I didn't realize 

Larry Smith 13:42
that. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 13:44
Wow. How hard was that? I mean, alcohol is one thing. But opiates, I know, can be very hard. Yeah. It's to coordinate 

Larry Smith 13:55
and value. We're favorites. 

Rich Bennett 13:58
Holy, well, and now were you taking them while also drinking? 

Larry Smith 14:01
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 14:04
Larry, it's amazing. You're still here today. 

Larry Smith 14:06
Well, that's what they said to when they did deliver ends. I'm checking that it wasn't abnormal too. So, but 

Rich Bennett 14:12
it wasn't 

Larry Smith 14:13
I was 

Rich Bennett 14:13
abnormal. 

Larry Smith 14:14
abnormal, but the tests were normal. 

Rich Bennett 14:18
How much were you drinking today? 

Larry Smith 14:20
Uh, 

Rich Bennett 14:21
or let's say a week. 

Larry Smith 14:24
Uhm, it wasn't the quantity, I think I had lost tolerance, in the, in the 10 years, 20s, uh... A lot of beer and a lot of, uh, hard alcohol... 

Silver for a number of years and he ended up getting cirrhosis after he was sober for years and years and past, and past all still, still could happen, but the, if it's several doctors say no, but you never know, and if it does happen, well, that's, that's my doing. 

Rich Bennett 15:08
I showed the very important, 'cause I don't think a lot of people, uhm, especially at least in recovery, they may not do this, Dad, do you, do you get checked up once a year, at least? 

Larry Smith 15:18
For, 

Rich Bennett 15:19
for liver 

Larry Smith 15:20
okay? Uh, yeah, well I did have a doctor I was getting it done too, 

Rich Bennett 15:24
and everything, 

Larry Smith 15:24
with, uh, up in Canada, we have, uh, about half the population with, uh, without a GP, so that's, it's next on my, on my list, so, 

Rich Bennett 15:34
with that, uh, a general practice. 

Larry Smith 15:37
yes, you, 

Rich Bennett 15:37
Okay, 

Larry Smith 15:38
you call it primary, don't 

Rich Bennett 15:39
you, yeah? 

Larry Smith 15:40
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, I had, I had a, had a lovely, great doctor who did all sorts of, um, testing on me, full, you know, full blood panel, 

Rich Bennett 15:49
Yeah. 

Larry Smith 15:49
cholesterol, liver, um, and he made, and, and I talked to him, frankly, and he told me how lucky I was, too. 

Rich Bennett 15:58
All right, so, I didn't realize that half of Canada's without a general, that, that's scary. Um, do you guys have, like, urgent cares and all? 

Larry Smith 16:09
Yeah, we ever, the urgent care you can get in. 

Rich Bennett 16:12
Okay. 

Larry Smith 16:12
But what's happening is, no one wants to be a general practitioner, or primary practitioner, they want to go into the specialties. 

Rich Bennett 16:19
Why is that? 

Larry Smith 16:20
Ah, just the way it is, it's too much work setting up and running a practice, they want to plug themselves into a building and just do medicine, 

Rich Bennett 16:28
need it. 

Larry Smith 16:29
And, and yeah, I don't blame them, it's, um, this is a problem with the socialized medicine, it's good in a lot of ways, you get the access, but, um, they were putting too much burden on the the general practitioners. Asked to do, asked to do too many things and I got a few friends who were, who are still doing it and, um, they're a dying breed. 

Rich Bennett 16:51
All right, this is a whole nother practice. So 

Larry Smith 16:53
yeah, 

Rich Bennett 16:54
Oh, 

Larry Smith 16:54
yeah. 

Rich Bennett 16:54
I want to get back to the book. Um, 

Larry Smith 16:56
see, you do, uh, the same thing as I do. We get off a nice little side roads. 

Rich Bennett 17:01
Yeah, because it blows me away. How, you know, some of the things I learn when I'm talking to people is like, how, that's why a lot of them come back on again. Because, you know, talking about their things, um, with the, with the writing. 

Larry Smith 17:14
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 17:15
So how, how is writing your story, helping your own healing? 

Larry Smith 17:19
Oh, that was probably one of the, the best things that I ever did. I wrote a book back in 2007, um, called embracing the journey of recovery. And the reason I did that book before I get into Johnny was because I was, I was hiding it. I was still even though I was sober and doing very well. I was afraid of people would find out I was an alcoholic and I was really and then past relationships were threatening. I'm going to tell you your secret. And I didn't want to have it, the disease to have power over me or people have power on me. So you know what? I'm going to just tell the whole story and it was the most freeing thing. And, um, I worked with a man on, you know, how to, how to come up with, um, how to write a book and that we found the publisher who's the publisher for Johnny and me. They 

Rich Bennett 18:06
it. 

Larry Smith 18:06
loved 

Rich Bennett 18:06
Oh, it's not self published. 

Larry Smith 18:08
No, this is to Morgan James publishing in New York. 

Rich Bennett 18:11
Oh, 

Larry Smith 18:12
And, uh, very, very, it's a great, great company. 

Rich Bennett 18:15
yeah. 

Larry Smith 18:15
So they brought my story to life. And it just, it opened up so many things that did some speaking, um, all over the community. Um, for, for various groups. The only thing was I could only do it for a while. I was doing, um, 

Rich Bennett 18:29
right 

Larry Smith 18:29
full-time practice and I was also doing Iron Man triathlons and then trying to do this as if something's got a goal here. 

Rich Bennett 18:35
Wow. 

Larry Smith 18:35
That was back when I was, uh, uh, uh, younger and had more energy. I still got energy now, but not back when, when it was in my 40s. 

Rich Bennett 18:43
What? 

Larry Smith 18:43
So, so that's, that really helped me. It got me, got me focused, um, and again, I had to practice what I preached. Because if you found other people, you're sorry, you're doing it. No, I'm not doing it. It doesn't look very good. So that's the first time through the second time through with why I'm why I was writing the book was because it was COVID. And 

Rich Bennett 19:03
Um, 

Larry Smith 19:04
that was not going into specifics. I said, I need to pick up a few good habits here. Number one is I learned, I had a different way of doing meditation, which I did, 

Rich Bennett 19:15
really? 

Larry Smith 19:16
did every day. I went for a Wayne diards called, um, getting into the gap. So I did that 

Rich Bennett 19:22
[BLANK_AUDIO] 

Larry Smith 19:22
did it every day and then the other thing was I saw something on Facebook. There's a man says Stress for physicians through writing and I said, you know what I should try and he says a free zoom call He says you know what we'll talk for 15 30 minutes and we'll know for a fit and enough we are all I'll get you out in a program So I talked to the man his name is Jack L. Hi and We started talking you know here's what I'm looking for is as I'm stressed out I like writing haven't had time but I really need to do something to release the stress he says perfect because I'm doing this with Sometime whole emergency departments in hospital so I think you're you're good fit for it So we decided we go for a course of eight sessions We do an hour an hour is Jim. He'd give me reading assignments and he give me writing assignments and then Correct them. So I started writing stories and Gathering them and a lot was based on the experiences through alcohol I mean, they're not all bad stories as you probably seen. There's some some really neat stories to do that happen So I did that for We went through two or three batches of sessions and I really enjoyed it and then um and 2023 I retired and people what are you going to do for your retirement? This is now I'm gonna get back into writing and Says we think you think you think you do another book, because you know why not? I've got all these chapters all I have to do is write a bit more Only thing I had trouble with was how do I put it together? I really didn't know how to says you know what I'm just going to start doing it and then I'll you know, I'll ask for For a little help and you know lone behold I said, man, I think I can do it and I was just about ready to Regretted it again and say you know what? I'm going to try my last publisher, which is David Hancock from Morgan Jameson, New York I wish him a happy birthday and And then it gets back to me a week later and he says That's creator says I've got a little pitch for you here of written a book which I like to take a look at is sure send it down Send it down Two days later comes back. You know what? That's really good It says uh, I'm going to put it before the board, but I think we're going to accept it Wow so I was just I was thrilled You know it's absolutely thrilled because then we had to get into the serious business of editing But uh, he he remembered me from before so we loved you from before and it says that we really like it And it's a message that people need to hear 

Rich Bennett 21:49
Exactly, 

Larry Smith 21:49
they are And uh as you well know and everybody has a story. I look around a room and these you know These these quite unassuming people you look around too They uh, it's it's amazing what Where people come from so that's like I say I am not special. Well, I'm just one of a Group of many and I think that is the message I try to get across too is we're looking too much At the end stage disease the poor people down You know where we live on, you know, Hastings and Main East East Vancouver and it is a tragedy but You don't hear the stories about the people who are making it and I think Everybody should write a book and then we have all these stories and the media is going to get drowned out with all the bullshit that's going on with uh Yeah, don't get me started on safe supply either 

Rich Bennett 22:36
But no you're you're 100% right because here's this is something that I've Found out you know when I started Excuse me doing these When people are telling their stories and then it's up helping other people and You're seeing you're starting to see more and more people come out and talk about their break of the stigma as we say 

Larry Smith 22:58
I'm silly 

Rich Bennett 22:58
Which is very very Very important. I mean when you go to the meetings People are telling their story But a lot of times they're afraid to tell it outside Of the meeting and you're seeing that more so I I want to you know I want to congratulate you for that because It's something that is needed Well, 

Larry Smith 23:19
they can't fire me now as a character because I'm retired so I don't and a lot of people knew anyway 

tell you right when they don't want to hear though is 

Rich Bennett 23:29
But 

Larry Smith 23:30
Is in my first group is who's who's in your group? I have an airline pilot having the panic I have a teacher Well, uh, this is and that's normal 

Rich Bennett 23:40
Addiction doesn't have a face 

Larry Smith 23:42
exactly. 

Rich Bennett 23:43
It does not have a face. It's like with anything We when my brother was alive We thought about Not addiction, but he was in a motorcycle club and You know, you see motorcycle clubs some people call him gangs and People get like nervous, but it's amazing how many lawyers and doctors and everything we're in the are and still are are in the clubs 

Larry Smith 24:09
Absolutely 

Rich Bennett 24:11
I mean people don't and it's just like addiction addiction doesn't have a face you can Be sitting next to somebody that 

Yeah. Well, that's a thing, and I think we need to have more people coming out and saying, 

Larry Smith 24:42
problem 

Rich Bennett 24:45
that 

Larry Smith 24:47
is we shooting the foot, and I'm not, we're getting into various 12-step groups too, but the anonymity is good in one hand, but the underhand is the, we don't know who the people are out there, and there's going down to, yeah, it's just 12-step groups too, but the anonymity is it's good in one hand, but the underhand is the, we don't know who the people are out there, and there's going to be a way of telling a story without breaking anonymity. 

Rich Bennett 25:05
Actually, you just mentioned 12-steps. 

Larry Smith 25:07
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 25:08
This is something I've always wanted to do, but since you, and I just, I'd never done it, but since you mentioned it, 

we were that are listening, that really don't know. What are the 12-steps? 

Larry Smith 25:24
12-steps? 

Rich Bennett 25:25
Yeah. 

Larry Smith 25:26
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, came to believe the power that greater than ourselves could have, uh, could restore us to sanity, uh, uh, turned our will and our life over to the care of God as we understood Him. I did a searching in Fearless Moral Inventory, and then it goes on to explain you have to tell your story to another person and to God, and then we're getting into, um, the, the other restore, I won't go on to the mall here, but you do it with, um, 8-9, you have to, um, make amends, make a list of all people you'd heard, and then make amends, uh, continue to take personal inventory, and then spread the message. I mean, I could recite the whole thing, but what you have to do is, uh, number one, I meant you have a problem. Second, there's, uh, a higher power, turn your will over, uh, basically them, share to another human being, and you know what? Even if you don't follow 12-steps, do it another way, because there are all sorts of people abstinence-based groups that are doing it in another way, but that has worked for, and that doesn't work for everybody, and I get that. 

Rich Bennett 26:37
Right, 

Larry Smith 26:37
but I, I think it's the fact that you're sharing your feelings and connecting that's what you need to do. You'll see, I'm not advocating for one thing or saying which group I am from, I'm saying it's a, it's a, it's a good place to start. You should at least give it a try. There are, there is data from the Cochrane collaboration that says yes, this, this does work. Did that answer your question, or did I go all off 

Rich Bennett 27:00
it? 

Larry Smith 27:00
on 

Rich Bennett 27:00
No, no, no, no, no, it did, because I mean, I, I've been wanting to do a 

Larry Smith 27:06
to 

Rich Bennett 27:06
episode strictly on the 12 steps, which I know could probably be a several part episode. 

Larry Smith 27:13
Mm-hmm. 

Rich Bennett 27:14
Actually, probably not a bad idea. Maybe next year for a Python, do 12, they're 12 different steps. Um, but I think a lot of people get confused and think that the 12-step program strictly for alcohol, alcoholism, and it's not. It's, it's for basically all 

Larry Smith 27:32
Basically, 

Rich Bennett 27:32
addictions. 

Larry Smith 27:33
yeah, the, NA was the first one to, to clone it, and then you can go on to overeaters in base, it's just change the name in there. 

Rich Bennett 27:41
Mm-hmm. All right, I want to, about your recovery. 

Larry Smith 27:44
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 27:46
How does faith or spiritual reflection play a role in your recovery journey? 

Larry Smith 27:50
Um, basically trying to learn, uh, what God or higher power or the universe, it could do for me what I could do for myself. 

Rich Bennett 28:01
Mm-hmm. 

Larry Smith 28:02
Turn it over. It's not a lot of stuff out of my hand, so if I, in the meditation, one of the intention is, is okay, here's my goal, I'm, here's what I intended, I'm going to work really hard at it, and you know what I'm releasing the attachment to the outcome. I'm going to let the universe handle the details. And then whatever happens happens and I have to accept that. And a lot of things that I plan for happen, but a lot of things that I plan for I work at, I don't get, but 

Rich Bennett 28:29
yeah. 

Larry Smith 28:29
It's, and that is life, whether you're in the program or not, or whether you're recovering or not. And I said, you're not just because you work at hard, it's something, doesn't mean you're necessarily going to achieve your goal. And that's something I have a real hard time with accepting, I wouldn't say failure, but I didn't get what I wanted. And I'm looking at way too narrow, way too narrow because by having failures or by having not achieved in the goal, it got me asking other people, I couldn't do this. How should I approach it? Which meant I had to go out of my comfort zone, talk to somebody else, and be uncomfortable. I still like it to this day as an I'm uncomfortable with doing different things. You know, I haven't, I'm getting back and doing podcasts with you here, but I hadn't done that in years and I was nervous about it. Uncomfortable feelings, well, how do you overcome it? Do it, it's like, 

Rich Bennett 29:18
just do 

Larry Smith 29:18
How 

Rich Bennett 29:18
it. 

Larry Smith 29:18
do you learn to play the flute? Play the flute? 

Rich Bennett 29:23
I can't admit, I don't think I'd ever be able to do that one. I would try it! I mean, hell, I saw a drummer drumming and playing the flute at the same time. So, maybe it can't be that hard. Yeah, right. I 

Larry Smith 29:37
know I know I'm music isn't in the in the cards, but it's because it's getting out of comfort zone, and a lot of times I don't have, uhm, I don't have a desire to drink or to drop. I mean, it could crosses my mind. I just don't like the uncomfortable feelings. And the tap and the show will welcome to be in a human being idiot. Just... 

Rich Bennett 29:58
hahaha! 

Larry Smith 29:59
67 years old now and I'm still learning that one, but the old saying, if you're green, you're growing, if you're ripe, you're, you're rot. So I'm still learning that, and I think that's not a, not a bad place to be, but I wish I would've learned the lessons sooner, but at the same time, I think the, the message here is, I, I don't know if I can do it, anybody can do it. I mean, it took me look, it took me 30 years to figure it out. 

Rich Bennett 30:23
I want to take a moment to talk about something really exciting. See, we love partnering with reputable old businesses, companies that are making a difference, providing top-notch services, and building trust in their communities. And if that sounds like you, I want to invite you to become a sponsor. Sponsoring the podcast in Harvard County Living isn't just about advertising. It's about real connections. You'll get premium exposure across our podcast, websites and social media, putting your brand in front of an engaged, loyal audience. And here's the best part. Right now we have limited sponsorship spots available for the year. And if you pay annually, you'll get 25% off. You heard me right, 25% off. And you're going to love this even more. That rate is locked in for the lifetime of your sponsorship. So even if those levels go up five, 10 years from now, you're paying what you pay now. That's it. So if you're looking for a strategic way to grow your business and reach the right people, let's talk. Email me at rich, Bennett at Danben.com. That's d-a-n-b-e-n.com. And let's make 2025 an unforgettable year for your brand and into the future. So with your faith at any time, especially before recovery, did you lose faith? 

Larry Smith 31:59
Oh, yeah. I had a long talk with my mother. She said, "Why have you given up on God? Why have you turned you back on God?" And they said, "No, I haven't done that." But it's the church because of the abuse from the church which, and we had made a man's by the end too with what had happened regarding that situation. But I lost faith in, basically, the agents of God, which had to be the organized religion. And I've lessened up on that because I've met them off a lot of nice people who practice what they preach, so to speak. So yeah, you'd say, I had turned my back on, I had to see organized religion, but I knew there was something out there. And people who saw me suffer, they knew that. Like the kind of people know, there's a nice kid under there struggling. We hope you get there. But you know, the only way you're going to get there is you've got to put the plug in the job and stop taking these things. And your priest told me that too, you're trying to get close to God, but you can't, if your mind is all filled with all that crap. So, lose faith. It was there, but it was jumbled. It was hidden underneath Johnny and his compatriots. Johnny is vicious. Why do you need 

Rich Bennett 33:17
who's 

Larry Smith 33:17
them when you can? And I spoke with that with his voice in the book quite a bit. It was, why do you bother going to church? You stayed home with me, have I ever let you down? I give you the warm feelings. I've always been for it. I've never turned my back on you. 

Rich Bennett 33:35
Wow. 

Larry Smith 33:35
So that's where I went. So I'm going to turn to you, even though three hours later, I'm peeping in the toilet. 

Rich Bennett 33:42
Uh-huh, 

Larry Smith 33:43
head pounding. I can't remember what I did. 

And then the next day, do it all over again. S-swearing off. So there's the voices in the head. So for me and an awful lot of other people can't have one drink, can't have one pill. I know what people can social drink, hats off. That's good. I'm all I do is speak for myself, and I've met many other people who are the same. 

Rich Bennett 34:12
Everybody's different. 

Larry Smith 34:13
Yeah. As a simply, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 34:15
No two brains are the same. 

Larry Smith 34:17
Exactly. And that's why I like sharing tonight. I'll we're getting a lot of different people in. I'll hear a story from somebody. I mean, they have one day sober or 50 years sober. I'll learn something from them and they'll learn something from me, which is why when I'm asked to share, I share, because maybe somebody needs to hear something. 

Rich Bennett 34:36
Yeah. 

Larry Smith 34:36
maybe 

Rich Bennett 34:37
I 

Larry Smith 34:38
need to go tonight because maybe I need to learn something, so I think if we if we go with that, uh, that's a good place to be, and you talk to my partner Laura, she will tell you, every time I come back, I feel a heck of a lot better leaving them coming. It's like, I have to go, want to go, love to go. 

Rich Bennett 34:59
Yeah, don't, 

Larry Smith 34:59
I get to share. 

Rich Bennett 35:01
Big difference between having to go. Want to go and need 

Larry Smith 35:04
to 

Rich Bennett 35:05
go. Yeah, and I think when it starts, you need to 

Larry Smith 35:07
go. 

Rich Bennett 35:09
Yeah, and sometimes you, well, if it's quarter order, 

Larry Smith 35:12
do, 

Rich Bennett 35:12
sometimes you 

Larry Smith 35:13
yeah, 

Rich Bennett 35:14
go. But now as you go through it, you want to go because it's, it's good therapy for you, but at the same time, you are helping 

Larry Smith 35:23
Absolutely, 

Rich Bennett 35:23
people. 

yeah, which, yeah, um, wow. All right, so what lessons, for both books, what lessons do you hope readers take away from Johnny and me, and embrace in the journey of recovery? 

Larry Smith 35:35
Ah, the number one has to be hope. No matter how far down the scale you've gone, there is hope. Reach out to somebody who knows what they're doing, but oftentimes you have to talk to several different people. Try various things. See what works. Something's going to stick because I'm a perfect example. I tried everything under the sun that involved drinking a little bit or only using certain medications, 

Rich Bennett 36:05
right, 

Larry Smith 36:05
so to speak. But until everything was stopped, I couldn't start, start the healing process. So all that, for a lot of people, that's it, but you need help in the beginning just to be, to be stabilized. 

Rich Bennett 36:20
All right. So for the 

Larry Smith 36:22
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 36:22
books, books, the two books. 

Are there any plans of bringing out an augable version, an audio version? 

Larry Smith 36:31
Well, I would really like to do that. And I'm going to be speaking to my, publisher about it because I've had some interest also to and, um, translating into Chinese. I've got a 

Rich Bennett 36:43
oh, 

Larry Smith 36:44
woman who wants to bring that to hundreds of millions. 

Rich Bennett 36:48
Wow, 

Larry Smith 36:49
So we'll see how that goes, but a step at a time. I've got to get this book out here. We 

Rich Bennett 36:54
right. 

Larry Smith 36:55
got to go, and so I think everything is open, audible. I really like because if you get the proper voice in there, and I've. I like talking, but when I did it for my car practice, I had a professional doing the voice over, and I'm going, oh, wow, what a difference. I don't know if I should have a proper narrator story story is really, 

Rich Bennett 37:16
but that's, I mean, that is the one thing with audio books. Sometimes the writer is not comfortable doing the audio themselves. But I'm sure you know people that would do it for you, probably at new cost as well. Just say. 

Larry Smith 37:36
Well, you know what you've got. You've, you've stoked the stock the brain. You're sometimes to get, get carried away with what I'm supposed to be reading because it go off and attention and then start using language. I shouldn't. 

And I didn't know how I stripped you're going to be on the broadcast here because my publisher there. They're very strict with with, you know, with lane. And, you know, I don't miss it. I was kind of sorry, I had to remove a few words, but they 

Rich Bennett 38:03
Right. 

Larry Smith 38:03
say if he, if you take a look, if you really have to there, they're not that strict, but I think it's good to have a standard. 

Rich Bennett 38:11
Here's, here's the thing I, I discovered when I started doing this. You know, I would, because you things are going to happen. So nothing was explicit. And I would have to put in the beeps or take out the words. And then when I started talking to people in recovery and they get into their stories, words are going to come out. Plus, I had an author on who wrote a book that had the F word and it kind of hard to bleed that out. 

Larry Smith 38:40
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 38:41
So for a while, I was just marking certain episodes as explicit. Now I just marked the whole podcast as explicit, even though not every episode is. But when you're here in the stories. And the words are going to come out. 

Larry Smith 38:58
Yeah. And I think that's what gives the real the realism. If you're going to do it doing something auditory. And that's part of the story I have was telling you about Jane and She got me down there and basically called her a fucking bitch. 

And she and she and she and she she looked at me on two days later, I met her and we talked. She asked me how I was doing. I'm doing better than she actually She talked to her peers is I guess I am a bitch or a but you know what I 

Rich Bennett 39:35
but 

Larry Smith 39:35
but 

Rich Bennett 39:35
but that was the alcohol talk. It wasn't 

Larry Smith 39:36
it. Yeah, so 

Rich Bennett 39:39
they 

Larry Smith 39:39
so so there's where we go is I 

Depending on the forum I don't mind doing but if it's going to help me help the story and help one stomp drinking then I'm going to do it. 

Rich Bennett 39:49
Yeah. 

Larry Smith 39:50
I'm passionate about it as you can tell. You're passionate about it. 

Rich Bennett 39:53
Oh yeah, I'm 

Larry Smith 39:54
with passion. I played a lot of sports and, uhm, as part of the self-talk during Iron Man, going up a hill and I'm tired and so I hear the little voice seeing in my head. So buddy, are you grateful now? Are you a little son of a bitch or are you grateful? I said yes I am, you're not going to stop me. And I literally would hear that wasn't necessarily John was, there was some other voice going. 

Rich Bennett 40:20
Yeah. 

Larry Smith 40:21
So little, uh, missed guy, who, who, who, who preach is not, are you happy now? Are, are, are you, uh, are you content? And I'm, I guess I am. I'm nearly died. 

Rich Bennett 40:36
Wow. All right. I want to talk about your, first of all those of you listening when you purchase the books, Johnny and me and Embrace in the Journey of Recovery. Make sure actually go to Dr. Larry Smith author dot com because you can actually get autograph copy if I'm not mistaken, 

Larry Smith 40:56
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 40:56
right? 

Larry Smith 40:57
Absolutely. I'll put the signature there and I've been writing in a little notes to everybody too. 

Rich Bennett 41:05
All right, so make sure you purchase it from his website. Again, it's Doctor dr not, 

Larry Smith 41:10
yeah, 

Rich Bennett 41:11
spelled out Larry Smith author dot com purchase the books, if you read them, then you go to Amazon, good reason whatever. Leave a full review and then I'm going to challenge you listeners to two, two things. some copies for other people that you know would help, but at the same time 

Larry Smith 41:33
Purchase 

Rich Bennett 41:34
purchase some copies either for a treatment center or recovery home and give it to them as a gift as well. All right, so you're upcoming novel, 20 84, the no rock zone conspiracy. 

Larry Smith 41:48
Oh, yeah, 

Rich Bennett 41:50
it's like a fascinating twist into like sci fi and societal critique. What inspired you to write it and how does it connect to your 

Larry Smith 42:01
Well, 

Rich Bennett 42:01
recovery? 

Larry Smith 42:02
that is this book is sort of dedicated to a person I he's no longer with us. He was ahead of a treatment center. He was actually there when I was going through and while I was recovering, he kept on saying to me that the pharmaceutical companies are hijacking recovery. This all become about which drug are we supposed to take to stop them and there is a place for it. And I've said that as as being a chiropractor, not using medication judicious use of medication. I have no problem with I say that right from the very beginning. But now it seems there is no option we're having people on medically assisted treatment. And again, that's fine. Get through the withdrawal. But my question is, one to stop. Is it three days, six days, one week? Six weeks, 30 days, or never. And so basically the new rocks and conspiracy was, I said, you know what? Suboxone is the one they're using now. I'm going to make a molecule. I'm just going to add a little, we'll go back to the organic chemistry, little OH group off the carbon ring and we're going to make it into something called Neuroxone. And then it's going to work even better. It's going to suppress the cravings and work really good. But the only thing is is, of course, the drug company is going to love it. But after five years, what you don't know is for a certain segment of the population who carry a certain gene, they're going to start to develop cancer. And of course, these studies are suppressed by the drug companies. They never see it. And even if the people do get the cancer, they're going to say that it's basically from the 

Rich Bennett 43:45
all 

Larry Smith 43:46
lifestyle of what they lived before. And it doesn't happen to everybody, but it's 10%. But if you go to 10% of millions of people, a lot of people are dying. And not only that too is, but because you're going in, I said, 2084, it could have been my editor said you could have gone 20 years ahead and would still apply. 

Rich Bennett 44:07
yeah. 

Larry Smith 44:07
The they may 

Rich Bennett 44:10
have been able to go back. 

Larry Smith 44:11
They're mandating this work so effectively. It's not going to make 

any difference. There's no exception. 

Rich Bennett 44:31
There's 

Larry Smith 44:31
no exception. And I'm not an anti-faction, but I saw the two extremes of the fighting that went on. 

Rich Bennett 44:40
Oh, when is it when are you expecting this novel to be published? 

Larry Smith 44:43
Well, it's been accepted for publication. I'm going through the getter. I'm hoping six to nine months. 

Rich Bennett 44:50
Oh, I cannot wait for this one. This sounds like it's going to be good. 

Larry Smith 44:54
Yeah, I really had fun. And I actually put myself in as a character speaking. 

Rich Bennett 44:59
Oh, did you? 

Larry Smith 45:00
Speaking up against the hell what the chief medical officer for and you know, my 

Rich Bennett 45:05
Canada. I 

Larry Smith 45:06
question was to them. You've dedicated your life to helping people, saving lives into addiction. And I commend you on that too, but I ask you a question is what would you do if one of your loved ones was down and skid row and and dying, would you be happy with safe supply and safe injection sites? Would you hold their ass out of there? detox them, get them to an austin based recovery center. And of course, you know, the answer 

Rich Bennett 45:36
they don't answer it. Exactly. 

Larry Smith 45:37
They don't answer it. And this is, this is what we're getting on this. was answered by our three federal parties. I asked someone asked a question too is what would you do the two tier system, but it could apply to this. What would you do if it was your loved one, they all said, I would do what is what is necessary to protect myself and my family. And you know what I could commend them on that. But that would mean the same thing to protect them from the family. You would be getting them. You wouldn't be letting them go from 

to being revived from the lock zone to getting saved supply and have them cycle through and that's it. And it's a horrible tragedy 

Rich Bennett 46:21
there. Oh, 

Larry Smith 46:22
I so that's the big argument going there. And without getting into the whole politics that we don't have the money. I think we just need to have more conversations. And I would like to see people with recovery, get at the seat at the table. If not me, somebody else, we need, and we did the hat that have that no burn it was a recovering addict, Marshall Smith was chief of staff for addiction. And then also chief of staff. Yeah. Because she believe, well, why are we asking, you know, medical experts, fine, we need that. But why are we asking somebody who's made 

Rich Bennett 46:56
it there. 

Larry Smith 46:56
So this is, this is my question. And it's going to piss off a few people. And yeah, I will take flat four but too bad. 

Rich Bennett 47:05
Yeah, 

Larry Smith 47:05
Because 

Rich Bennett 47:06
exactly. 

Larry Smith 47:06
the other way it's not working. And I have the greatest compassion for those suffering down there. And some don't have access to my get it. But why are we getting them before the where's the prevention, where's the treatment. I don't see it. Where's the law enforcement. 

Rich Bennett 47:26
Yeah. And 

Larry Smith 47:27
all it is is the harm reduction 90% but we're saving lives, but we're saving lives. Yes. What are you prolonging the property and adjust. We can have this argument or we can actually let's get everybody from every walk of life around the table. How are we going to fix this. That is all I'm asking. 

Rich Bennett 47:44
And you have to fix it because the other thing is too. And a lot of people don't even look at this. You hear about the children are the future, the children are the future. Well, if you don't fix addiction today. There may not be any children of the future. 

Larry Smith 47:59
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 47:59
Because even the children when I mean, look how many are how many children well, the Dictionary is hereditary, some addictions are hereditary and the child picks that up. 

Larry Smith 48:14
Some of them just don't have a chance. Like it's almost 

Rich Bennett 48:17
yeah 

Larry Smith 48:18
from the very first time it said you could not drink till you're 30 on the first time. Whoa, I like this. 

Rich Bennett 48:23
Uh huh. 

Larry Smith 48:24
I mean, some 

Rich Bennett 48:25
Oh, 

Larry Smith 48:25
summer does like it. 

Rich Bennett 48:27
All right. So with with 2084. 

Larry Smith 48:29
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 48:30
Can you see it becoming a movie? 

Larry Smith 48:32
yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I would love that. Well, my my authoring coach. I should ask him because he wrote a book, a historical book called the Nazi and the psychiatrist or the psychiatrist or looked after the the Germans, the Nazis, after World War II, especially hermengaring. He went into the whole, the whole issue of what the conversations were like when the, if they were fit to go to trial. That is now a movie called Nyrmberg. It would be, be released in theaters this November and the star is Russell Crowe. So 

Rich Bennett 49:09
Oh, 

Larry Smith 49:09
this is, this is a true story, but it's based on his historical collection of what actually happened. So I think a story like this. I haven't heard a, there's lots of dystopias around and us for the publisher told me you need to have it from the medical thriller point of view, because there's lots of dystopia, but this one hasn't really been told is we're banning abstinence, base care. because we need to fix the problem. The only way is through the drug. The drug company, you can be rest assured and I'm basing this on Purdue, Pharma and Richard's Sackler. There are evil people out there who would do it. 

Rich Bennett 49:51
Oh, yeah. 

Larry Smith 49:51
And again, Sidebar is judicious use of medication and I know the lesseners too, you're taking medications that are needed. I'm not against that. I really think one of it is necessary. But when it becomes you have no choice. You must take this, but that's when I have a problem. And that's where this book is going because, again, my mentor who's dead said the pharmaceutical company, they're trying to hijack the whole recovery moment. 

Rich Bennett 50:21
Trying to hijack a lot 

Larry Smith 50:22
stuff. 

Rich Bennett 50:22
of the Actually, I want to go back a minute to the book, Johnny. Tell us about Neil and Gary. 

Larry Smith 50:33
Neil is a person who was basically what I've just been talking about. He's 

Rich Bennett 50:40
I had 

Larry Smith 50:40
feeling 

Rich Bennett 50:40
a 

Larry Smith 50:41
that that is him. He died a couple years back of cancer and Gary, I'll tell a little story about him. I was in recovery trying to get into recovery and he was always there by my side helping me. He knew that I had relapsed and he came to the treatment center and wanted to take me to a meeting. So I knew I had a great friend in that. And that man stood by my side 

excuse me through thick or thin. And I love him. He was just a big, lovely teddy bear. And it was one time I wanted to go to the meeting, but I was afraid my ex-wife wouldn't be there. So you can handle that. I'll help you. I was afraid of everything. It was absolutely afraid everything. And like the it says there, those, those men they loved me until I could love myself because I was afraid of everything that moved. And my partner, Laurie, when she first met me, she said, you looked wounded. Well, I was wounded. 

Rich Bennett 51:52
Yeah. 

Larry Smith 51:52
I was wounded. And that's why there's a chapter in there. I know the wounded healer. And you can become a heck of a lot better healer because when you've experienced the pain, that was good before. But I would say even better is because it been through a lot of pain. And someone looking me in the eyes, I can help you. They said, you know, you know what this is like? Yeah. I do. So it's not raw raw. I know everything is because it's not. I don't. So they know that from heart to heart, I'm going to do 

Rich Bennett 52:21
Yeah. 

Larry Smith 52:21
whatever is possible. So back to Gary, that is they had, what did I say? They were friends to me. They were definitely friends to me. And coming to meetings, those two would pick her back and forth in a playful way. And I just got a total kick out of it too. 

Rich Bennett 52:41
Oh. So for those of you listening, if you're wondering why I brought that up, the book is actually dedicated to Neil and Gary. That's and I always love asking an author that, you know, why they dedicate the book to somebody, you know, whoever they dedicated to, a lot of times people just dedicated to their children, family or whatever. But I know there are times it's special and this is truly special just from here in the stories that you know, you just mentioned about Neil and Gary. 

Larry Smith 53:13
And Neil's widow Heather is absolutely thrilled and also thrilled on basing a character in two thousand eighty four on him. And Gary's death anniversary was just, yeah. It was August the fourth. So it was two thousand fifteen. So 

Rich Bennett 53:27
was 

Larry Smith 53:27
it 

Rich Bennett 53:27
oh wow. 

Larry Smith 53:28
That's ten year of miss you big guy. I mean, I can hear it here. I'm going pi-san. How's it going? 

Rich Bennett 53:35
They're reading the book up there. 

Larry Smith 53:38
Pardon 

Rich Bennett 53:38
me? They're 

Larry Smith 53:39
book. 

Rich Bennett 53:39
reading the 

Larry Smith 53:42
they are there. Oh, they 

Rich Bennett 53:42
Oh, 

Larry Smith 53:43
are they they're still there still here. 

Rich Bennett 53:46
Yeah, absolutely. All right. So what's one message that you'd share with someone who feels like they're stuck in their addiction and can't see away out? 

Larry Smith 53:56
Well, the practical thing is um, try something different. Try something different if you're if you're stuck and you're doing the same thing over and over again. 

Rich Bennett 54:07
Mm-hmm. 

Larry Smith 54:08
You better go and ask somebody totally different, even if you think they can't help because you need a different idea. It's not working. And I did everything under the sun that involved moderation or drinking and only doing this much, only doing that much. But until I quit completely, there was no chance. So yeah, you need to and if that doesn't work, try something else. As I say, there's there's twelve steps. There's non-twelf step. There's a lot of ways of doing it. 

Rich Bennett 54:41
You do. We- we know there's medicines and all that out there. I've had people on that have talked about a holistic approach to help them, uh, quit addiction. 

There, 'helps me'. Do you know if there's anything in coparketor care that helps with people in recovery? 

Yeah. 

Larry Smith 55:21
Yeah, I- I think nothing definitive as far as... If we're gonna consult my friend Dr. Thomas who's, he's all the researcher plus a clinician. He'll find something out there that will increase, um, the state of well-being. 

Rich Bennett 55:37
Hm-mm, 

Larry Smith 55:37
And that in itself will do it but as far as any specific research wise, I would say no but if we talk to individual chiropractors, they probably have their own ways. Uh, they probably have nutritional supplements. They probably have different ways of- 

Rich Bennett 55:51
right. 

Larry Smith 55:51
of healing that will help. So I would say in that sense, they are out there. In my sense, all I was is I was- I was getting a, you know, a heart-to-heart connection, um, and people, you know what should I do? Try this. Try that. 

Rich Bennett 56:03
Yeah. 

Larry Smith 56:04
It'll help. So I- I'm hoping there is and like I say that would be- would be lovely. I'd be all for 

Rich Bennett 56:10
it. Hopefully it'll be between- before 2084. 

Larry Smith 56:14
Between 2084. 

Rich Bennett 56:16
Did you like that way I 

Larry Smith 56:17
that? Uh, 

Rich Bennett 56:17
did 

Larry Smith 56:18
here, you- you've got it. You've got it. 

Rich Bennett 56:23
Alright, so Larry, before I get to my last question, is there anything you would like to add? 

Larry Smith 56:29
Um, 

can I read to the readers the one chapter when I was 11- 11 years old? It's called, "I'm 11 years old, my first drunk, and then they will see how- 

Rich Bennett 56:47
oooh, 

Larry Smith 56:48
exactly I felt." It's- it's- it's- it's in- it's in stream of- I want to say it's in- it's in train of thought and actually I can remember about that for- 

So this is chapter 5, it says, "I'm 11 years old, I see the unguarded bottle, I chug and chug and chug, it tastes horrible. My mouth and throat are burning. All of a sudden something amazing is happening. My life is being transformed. I feel light, I can breathe. I feel 10 feet tall. I have to tell my friends how wonderful I feel. I'm definitely going to play football for the one to pick Blue Bombers. I can do anything. What is so bad about being drunk? I'm so grown up, I can handle alcohol. No problem. I can't stop laughing. I want to sing. I want to jump. I want to run. I want to dance. Look at me. I'm so smart. I can figure out anything. My parents don't know anything. Why am I having trouble walking? I think I just fell down. That's okay. This is so cool being drunk. But everything looks so fuzzy now. Where am I? I don't know where I am. I better hide before I get caught being drunk. I've got to get back home. Can you guys help me? Everything is getting blurry. I feel sick. I think it's too late. I'm scared. I'm cold and lonely. I have sinned. I hate throwing up. Why is this happening? Oh, my head hurts so much. What happened? Did I get caught drinking? Oh shoot. I can't remember what I did. Mom and dad are arguing. I can't remember but I think they were yelling at me. My sister Linda saved me again. My gut's ach. My head is pounding. I think I'm going to die. I feel so alone. How did I get here? I don't want to be here. How do I get out? Please make the pain stop. I can't take it anymore. The pain is awful. I think I'm going to die. God help me. Help. Please help. I can't take it anymore. If I survive, I'm never going to drink again. 

Rich Bennett 58:56
That is true poetry. 

Wow. 

Those of you listening. If that don't want to make you buy the book, something's wrong with you. I mean that is the end of it. I mentioned there's photos in the book as well. When you see a 

11 year old Larry, think about it. Those of you listening, who an 11 year old could be going through this thing. You may not even know it. This is why it's very important to listen to people that have gone through it. If you're going through it, talk about it, talk with others. Larry, my last question. I have no idea what it's going to be because I've got 100 different questions here. Don't worry. I'm not going to ask you all 100. 

Larry Smith 59:49
Okay. I had to answer a mob. We'd have to stop and get something to do. 

Rich Bennett 59:55
I want you to pick a number between one and a hundred, one and one hundred, and tell me why you picked that number so I can have time to look for the question. 

Larry Smith 1:00:05
Number 14. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:07
Number that's very popular. 

Larry Smith 1:00:10
That's my favorite hockey players number. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:15
Actually, okay, this is all right. 

Larry Smith 1:00:17
He's not 85 years old, but that was my favorite hockey player. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:21
Who is that? 

Larry Smith 1:00:21
That's David Cune. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:23
Okay, now here's here's the funny thing with these questions. Somehow or another, whatever number the guest picks, it aligns with what we've been talking about. You picked number 14, which I think has been picked maybe twice before, but this this is good. What's a risk? You took that you're incredibly glad you did, even if it didn't turn out as expected. 

Larry Smith 1:00:54
It's a risk that I took didn't turn out as expected. That's an easy one is telling telling my story to the world. 

I have no idea what was going to happen and I was afraid of repercussions and reprisals, but I would say 99% of the people have supported me along in the journey, but I still had a fear something bad was going to happen because I revealed my story. So that is why I'm doing this now and overwhelmingly the people want to see you doing well. I want to see other people doing well. It can't figure well how the hell did you do it all those years and get away with it? Well, you don't really get away with it. It looks good on the outside, but to go along and hide, hide your feeling is, hide being authentic. It's not living, and I knew I was not being truthful because I was hiding so much. But by taking the risk of telling my story and now telling it again, it's free. Even this whole week going through an hour here, it seemed like nothing. It seems like we just started because you can tell him passionate about it. I love talking about it, and I hope it helps one person, two people. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:14
It's one person. That's important. Yeah. 

Larry Smith 1:02:16
Exactly. I'm retired now. I want to contribute. I loved what I was doing all those years, but here's another way that I can contribute in my own way, and I'm not telling people how to do it. That's cool. What they're nice for help. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:32
There's hope. And don't stop telling your story. Keep going on, you know, get on several other podcasts. Keep talking about it. Keep talking about it at the meetings. 

I can see, now that you're retired, Larry, I think you need to get an RV and travel until your story other places. 

Larry Smith 1:02:49
You think? I'm to talk to Laurie about that one. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:55
She may say, let's go. Never 

Larry Smith 1:02:57
We got to like that. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:59
know. Larry, thanks a lot, man. Take care. God bless. Those of you listening, again, make sure you get the books. Don't forget to leave for reviews, purchase them for somebody else, or even treatment centers, every recovery centers that you know could use them. Thank you, Larry. 

Larry Smith 1:03:16
It's been an absolute pleasure, Rich. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:18
Thank you for listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and learned something from it as I did. If you'd like to hear more conversations like this, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you have a moment, I'd love it if you can leave a review. It helps us reach more listeners and share more incredible stories. Don't forget to connect with us on social media or visit our website at ConversationsWithRichBent.com for updates, giveaways and more. Until next time, take care. Be kind and keep the conversations going. You know, it takes a lot to put a podcast together. And my sponsors help add a lot. But I also have some supporters that actually help me when it comes to the editing software, the hosting, and so forth. There's a lot that goes into putting this together. So I want to thank them. And if you can, please, please visit their websites, visit their businesses, support them however you can. So please visit the following Full full circle boards. Nobody does charcuterie like full circle boards. Visit them at fullcircleboards.com. Sincerely, Sincerely, so your photography. Live in the moment, they'll capture it. Visit them at sincerelysoyer.com.