Choosing Love Over Fear: Alicia Bloss On Life With Addiction

Wendy & Rich 0:01
Coming to you from the Freedom Federal Credit Union Studios, Hartford County Living presents Conversations with Rich Bennett. 

Rich Bennett 0:28
This is your second time 

Alicia Bloss 0:30
line. 

Rich Bennett 0:34
So I've had Damien Bloss on. 

And actually, Damien even told Alicia that you need to come on in as usual, Alicia just ignores the hell out of me whenever she sees me anyway. So Damien convinced you it wasn't me, Damien convinced 

Alicia Bloss 0:54
he? No, 

Rich Bennett 0:54
you didn't 

Alicia Bloss 0:55
he didn't necessarily convince me he scheduled it for me. 

Rich Bennett 0:58
Oh, the 

Alicia Bloss 0:59
is. And give me an option at all. When we left the first was at the first live podcast, I believe 

Rich Bennett 1:07
50 

Alicia Bloss 1:08
yeah, when as soon as we got home, I'm sitting on the sofa and I was I don't remember what I was doing. That was all my phone and he was like all right. We have this day and you have this day, which days would be better for you? And I'm like, what are you talking about? He said for the podcast with Rich and I was like, I'll deal with it later. Like, I'll look at my schedule, you know, let's not worry about it right now. He goes, no, what day do you want? 

Rich Bennett 1:29
That God, I love him. 

Alicia Bloss 1:32
And I said, can we just can I look at it later? Let me finish what I'm doing. There's one thing I can't stand it. Don't interrupt me when I'm focused on something. 

Rich Bennett 1:40
Oh, how 

Alicia Bloss 1:40
to interrupt me. I am not a nice person. And so I was trying very, very hard to just maintain and he said, all right. Well, we have the day before Thanksgiving or some day in January or whatever. And I was like, just pick the one before Thanksgiving. It's fine. Well, what time? I don't care what time. So he's the one that scheduled it. 

Rich Bennett 2:03
Oh, I know. 

I did tell you I told you the mental health recording. 

Wendy Beck 2:13
Yeah, after it was already. 

Alicia Bloss 2:15
Yeah, that was like 

Rich Bennett 2:16
well, 

Alicia Bloss 2:16
a 

Rich Bennett 2:16
because I wanted to talk to you because I was at 100% positive that you were really going to do it 

Alicia Bloss 2:22
because he scheduled it. So when it's on my calendar, I have to do it. 

Rich Bennett 2:26
So as you can tell, we have Alicia boss. And she's going to talk about what it's like live 

Wendy Beck 2:37
somebody that's in 

Rich Bennett 2:38
and 

Wendy Beck 2:38
and yes, 

Rich Bennett 2:41
Wendy, I did tell you because Alicia even said she would only come on if you came on. 

Wendy Beck 2:47
Oh, 

Alicia Bloss 2:47
that, yeah, I 

Rich Bennett 2:48
something 

Alicia Bloss 2:48
did. 

Rich Bennett 2:48
like 

Alicia Bloss 2:49
That was that was it. Yeah, it was he said, do you want to do virtual or in person? And then I said, I would prefer in person. And he said, I remember how Wendy came up, but you said, did you want to do it with just me or with Wendy? And I said, well, do you want Wendy there to protect you or is Wendy going to be there to protect me? 

Rich Bennett 3:12
Every way 

Wendy Beck 3:13
up 

Rich Bennett 3:13
hold first of all two 

Wendy Beck 3:15
questions, 

Rich Bennett 3:16
number one, 

Wendy Beck 3:18
why would one? Why would you do this 

Rich Bennett 3:19
to you? 

Alicia Bloss 3:21
To you. Because she makes me calm. 

Rich Bennett 3:23
But I don't want to do anything to you. 

Alicia Bloss 3:25
I didn't say that you were 

Rich Bennett 3:27
And the scary thing 

Alicia Bloss 3:28
calm. 

Rich Bennett 3:28
is 

Wendy Beck 3:28
she 

Rich Bennett 3:28
why 

Wendy Beck 3:28
put 

Rich Bennett 3:28
would 

Wendy Beck 3:28
her anxiety? 

Rich Bennett 3:29
Hey, 

Alicia Bloss 3:31
because you're I don't, I don't know, but that was the conversation that we had. I remember. 

Wendy Beck 3:36
So here I 

Alicia Bloss 3:36
But here 

Wendy Beck 3:37
am. 

Alicia Bloss 3:37
she is. 

Rich Bennett 3:38
I just I it would make it to me. It makes. 

Wendy Beck 3:41
sense to have one. 

Alicia Bloss 3:42
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 3:42
Yeah. Because 

Rich Bennett 3:43
Resonance 

Wendy Beck 3:43
she was on. 

Alicia Bloss 3:44
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 3:45
And now, 

Wendy Beck 3:46
well, and I like this because I was married to someone who had an 

Alicia Bloss 3:52
problem. 

Wendy Beck 3:52
alcohol And our marriage did not survive. So I really am interested in hearing the story of, like, you know, at what point did my marriage and where yours continued and like what that looked like for you and like what it looks like today? Because I think that's really important because it was, it was very tough. And I can imagine that, you know, it probably was very tough for you as well. I don't know all of the details and you don't know all my details either, but we can kind of like hash that out a little bit. So anybody listening, you know, you always have two paths that you can take and you have to pick the one that's right. And you know, had things not changed, you may not be on the path that you're on and same with me. So I think that that's an interesting point of view for this 

Rich Bennett 4:37
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 4:37
conversation. 

Alicia Bloss 4:38
And when I was listening to the one you were doing with Damien the other day, I got it up to the, like I said, I only was able to 

Wendy Beck 4:48
watch about half 

Alicia Bloss 4:48
of it, but I did get up to the part where you had specifically mentioned because you were dealing with it with your daughter and your husband at the time. You, as you said, you said you had what you said I had to choose and instantly my mind went to, if I feel like I would have been in the same position that it's my husband and my child and our children to me always come first obviously. 

Wendy Beck 5:18
As a 

Alicia Bloss 5:20
right as a mother, 

Wendy Beck 5:21
minor, 

Alicia Bloss 5:21
right. 

Wendy Beck 5:22
as a 

Alicia Bloss 5:22
But 

Wendy Beck 5:22
minor, as a child 

Alicia Bloss 5:23
as 

Wendy Beck 5:23
being 

Alicia Bloss 5:23
a 

Wendy Beck 5:23
a 

Alicia Bloss 5:23
minor, yeah, 

Wendy Beck 5:24
minor that 

Alicia Bloss 5:24
as a minor. But my marriage has always come before everything. So trying to explain that to people it's been very difficult. Even when he was drinking, you know, my kids are my whole world. I grew up never really wanting to be a mother. I really didn't. That wasn't something that I thought that I would be good at. 

Rich Bennett 5:50
Really? 

Alicia Bloss 5:50
Yeah, everybody has that motherly instinct in them. I didn't have that. So when when Damien and I got together and we got married, you know, we both always had the common ideology of our marriage comes first even during his active addiction. My children, however, it's very difficult to explain my children do come before that. So I can imagine, you know, what you were saying going through both of them at the same time. 

Wendy Beck 6:23
Whenever you, you know, your marriage should come first. 

Alicia Bloss 6:26
Right. 

Wendy Beck 6:26
That's the union that you have. And then the children are a result of that. And usually the husband and wife will work together 

Alicia Bloss 6:34
Right. 

Wendy Beck 6:34
to deal with issues of the child. But when you have one of the spouses that is not capable of helping you with the child because they have their own issues, it does get a little muddy. It 

Alicia Bloss 6:44
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 6:45
really does. And so, yeah, so I think that that's a really good starting point because for me in my story, I did not know that there was alcohol abuse before we lived together. With you, it progressed. Is that correct? 

Alicia Bloss 7:01
It did, it did. 

Wendy Beck 7:02
to want to take us back to there 

Alicia Bloss 7:04
So 

Wendy Beck 7:04
to that starting point. 

Alicia Bloss 7:06
So when we first got together, it was in May of 2010. And at the time. So we had actually met a couple of years before that. And I had heard stories about his drinking and stuff like that. I didn't think anything of it because you know, we're all in our 20s at the time and say, you know, we have our But you know, we're all separated from the parents. So, you know, we have to go out and do whatever we want on the weekends or whatever. And I also was drinking significantly at that point. And so it wasn't really phasing me that 

Wendy Beck 7:38
didn't seem much different 

Alicia Bloss 7:39
It 

Wendy Beck 7:39
than 

Alicia Bloss 7:39
didn't seem exactly. It didn't seem any different. And it took a couple of years before I really realized just how bad it was. And because when I drank, I would drink at night after the kids went to bed. 

Rich Bennett 7:55
what 

Alicia Bloss 7:55
I 

Rich Bennett 7:55
I 

Alicia Bloss 7:56
never drink unless I was out on the day with my friends, but I never 

Wendy Beck 7:59
was doing. 

Alicia Bloss 8:00
drink in front of my children. If we went to a party or something, I was I was more of the closeted alcoholic. Whereas he was like, all right, well everybody knows I'm doing it. So I'm just going to drink. But to the extent of him hiding it wasn't until we moved the third time, I think. I started finding the it was probably like five years in the little minis hiding in random places. I would find full blown bottles of vodka in his car. 

Wendy Beck 8:34
Very 

Alicia Bloss 8:34
Yeah, he would take 

Wendy Beck 8:37
situation. 

Alicia Bloss 8:37
his lunchbox. You know, throw a sandwich in there and make me think he was taking lunch to work and I'd find the rings of the six packs in his lunch box. And so it was probably I think it was like the third time we had moved. We were already married, so it was probably about five years in that I realized how extreme it 

Wendy Beck 9:03
was. 

Alicia Bloss 9:04
because the first five years, it was bad. It was, you know, he was constantly drinking. I didn't know what I was going to come home to that day. I didn't know, you know, who I was going to wake up to, but I didn't see those patterns right away. I think I was still blinded in all honesty of, you know, I finally met this man and I love and who loves me and we have this family and everything's great and we're broke, we're trying to make ends meet, but we have each other and once I started finding those little things, I started paying more attention and I noticed he would start drinking at six o'clock in the morning when he would get up. He would get up really early. We both had to be to work at like eight, nine o'clock. I would take one kid to school, he would take the other one, but he would get up before I did so he could drink beforehand because if he didn't, that's, you know, he would start the shakes and everything, like he would instantly start going through withdrawal. 

Wendy Beck 10:07
You know, this is, this is not uncommon. I mean, it's, it's very, 

The story's not uncommon. Everybody's situation is a little bit different. 

Alicia Bloss 10:19
right. 

Wendy Beck 10:19
Right. So like for me, I had no idea that there was drinking problem at all. Like, you know, when you first meet somebody, you know, they have a couple beers like you would normally do when you go out and then during our hometown, he never really drank. Like he would have a beer on the coffee table and he would not even finish it. Do you know what I mean? And I was just kind of like, okay, whatever, like just, you know, people get have a beer during the game or whatever, but I started seeing signs in a different way. Like I would find empty stuff, but not right away. I think it was the smell. Oh, there was a 

Alicia Bloss 10:57
that's, 

Wendy Beck 10:58
constant smell. 

Alicia Bloss 11:00
Yes, 

Wendy Beck 11:01
it's like almost like, like 

Alicia Bloss 11:03
it comes out 

Wendy Beck 11:04
it's 

Alicia Bloss 11:04
of it. 

Wendy Beck 11:04
dragon breath. Yeah, it's like, it was vodka or whatever the choice, 

Rich Bennett 11:09
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 11:09
the alcohol was. And that was to me kind of like, no one else smells like this. No 

Alicia Bloss 11:15
And 

Wendy Beck 11:15
one else smells like this. So why, you know, and I think that the denial piece was really strong in my relationship. I don't know how that was with you. Because now you're noticing these signs. Are you actually approaching him with this? 

Alicia Bloss 11:32
I tried a couple of times. So, we, I call it the first and second time that he tried to get sober. The first time was, and I know he's mentioned it before and it was in his book, but he had gone to work and he called me and he was crying. He was all upset. And I was like, what's going on? And he told me that he was going home. I went home and we had a long talk and that was the first time. And I thought he had laid everything out. And then it was probably maybe two weeks in. I went to take the trash out, found a bag in the trash outside, you know, the big bins outside. And there was an empty, an empty 40 in there and a couple little minis. Right. In our trash can, where, you know, clearly nobody's going to put their stuff in our 

Rich Bennett 12:31
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 12:31
trash can outside. And to be honest, that was the first time I confronted him and that had been five, six years in. All the other times I made excuses. I ignored. I realized, I thought, you know, he's just, he's going through something, you know, he's, he's always got the weight of the world on his shoulders. And, you know, just London to what he has to do. He'll figure it out. 

That was the first time that I was like, Oh, this is, this is worse than I really thought. Like, he couldn't even last two weeks. 

So then, go like a year or so later, he goes through the whole process again. That's the second time he tries to get sober. That one, I don't think he lost it, but a week went to a wedding and I saw him go up to the bar and get a drink and I lost it. Instead of confronting him, I chose to drink. And even though he was trying to get sober at the time and, you know, that was like not a deal for him, but I said, you know what, if, if you can get through this, then, you know, I'll do 

Rich Bennett 13:45
it with you. Right, 

Alicia Bloss 13:46
but instead I, I was like, no, screw you. And I got transferred at the wedding. And I still wasn't until like, it's like the next day, I think, if I remember correctly, I remember standing on the back deck and screaming at him about it. And I'm not I have a very bad temper, but I don't like to yell. That makes any sense. I have a very good customer service voice. That's what we call it. 

Rich Bennett 14:15
that's 

Alicia Bloss 14:15
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 14:16
the scary wood. 

Wendy Beck 14:18
yeah, I was a complete 

Alicia Bloss 14:18
But 

Wendy Beck 14:19
opposite. I'm here's where the rage. 

Alicia Bloss 14:22
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I screaming at him, and I distinctly remember saying, 'If I can do this, why can't you?' 

Rich Bennett 14:30
Mm-hmm. 

Alicia Bloss 14:30
And his eyes got really big, and you guys, because you're not me. This isn't your problem. This is my problem. And then a couple more years later, and then here we are. So, 

Wendy Beck 14:42
let me, let's 

Alicia Bloss 14:42
wasn't often that I did confront him because 

Wendy Beck 14:45
Right, well, let me ask you, 

Alicia Bloss 14:46
we not, too. 

Wendy Beck 14:47
you know, during active addiction, you know, when you have a loved one that's in active addiction, they're not present. 

Alicia Bloss 14:54
No. 

Wendy Beck 14:55
And neither are you. So, for me, having a spouse that's drinking, and a daughter that's using drugs, I mean, I was living in a perpetual worry. 

Alicia Bloss 15:09
You 

Wendy Beck 15:09
know, I mean, so I was never living my life. 

Alicia Bloss 15:12
Mm-hmm. 

Wendy Beck 15:12
So, how, because you keep saying, you keep going from like, he tried here, and then we have another year, and then he tried here, and then we have another year, and then we had another year. So, that's, I mean, your tolerance for this was pretty 

Rich Bennett 15:25
Strong. 

Wendy Beck 15:26
strong, because I was like not able to function. So, how did you function during that time, knowing that this was happening like behind the scenes? 

Alicia Bloss 15:36
It became very de-sensitized. 

Wendy Beck 15:38
Okay. 

Alicia Bloss 15:39
I put that wall back up. Um, I, it was the wall that, you know, only certain people are allowed to push past that he was able to break down. Um, and immediately, or not it will, after a few years, that wall slowly started coming back up. I had zero feelings towards anything. 

Wendy Beck 16:04
Was there resentment? 

Alicia Bloss 16:06
Yes, there was, I was very, very resentful. I was very angry, but I couldn't let any of that out. That makes sense. Like, 

Rich Bennett 16:19
Yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 16:19
I couldn't express, I, because I think I was afraid that if I said something, it was going to make it more real. You know what I mean? Like, I was afraid that if I said something to a family member about how bad he really was, um, or if I tried to get him help myself, that it was just going to make the situation more real. And I realized that I, 

Wendy Beck 16:48
you 

Alicia Bloss 16:48
were a, I, I was in total denial. Like, I saw what was going on, but I also realized I had to take a step back from trying to take care of him and protect him because I needed to take care of myself and protect myself and my children, but I was in a, I was in a constant state of denial and then zero feelings towards anything. He would try to pick 

Wendy Beck 17:19
fights 

Alicia Bloss 17:19
with me. We've, in all honesty in 15 years, we've only argued once or twice. Like, actually argued. Um, and I mean, the one time he was really drunk, he said something stupid, pissed me off. And I went upstairs and I started ripping our wedding pictures off the wall. And he walked up behind me and, you know, said something else stupid. And so I took one of them. I slammed it against his leg and, you know, cut his leg open. Um, and then the other time was the day he told me he was getting sober, but that was more me screaming at him, but we've never really argued. And he would try to pick fights with me to make him self feel better. That's 

Wendy Beck 18:01
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 18:01
what he was. 

Wendy Beck 18:01
Well, that's like the, the thing where, um, the lightning happens. 

Alicia Bloss 18:06
Oh, yeah. 

Wendy Beck 18:06
Yeah. Yeah. So there was a lot of that, but I wasn't into denial. I knew what was happening. 

Alicia Bloss 18:12
Mm hmm. 

Wendy Beck 18:12
hmm. I was told that I was crazy that I didn't know what I was talking about. And when, when someone does that to you over a long period of time, you do start to question yourself. 

Alicia Bloss 18:24
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 18:25
And not only that, I had, I had the, the marriage with, you know, drenched in alcohol. And then I had the relationship with my daughter, which was nothing but lies at that time. So I was kind of like everyone told me I was crazy. 

Alicia Bloss 18:39
Mm 

Wendy Beck 18:40
And so you're like, how can I be the crazy one when those guys are running around behind my back doing, 

Alicia Bloss 18:47
mm hmm. 

Wendy Beck 18:47
things. And so again, that's where I was angry. I didn't keep my mouth shut about it. And because as a result of that, I think I pissed him off so much that he actually left. And that day, I mean, he never came back into the marriage. And I don't think that he would have gotten sober to be honest with me because there was so much anger. Relationship. 

Alicia Bloss 19:10
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 19:10
And it wasn't really, he wasn't really, wasn't mad at me. He was mad at himself. 

Alicia Bloss 19:15
Right? 

Wendy Beck 19:16
So, yeah, so I, you know, having said that holding all of this resentment that you have. And so now he's, for the third time telling you he's going to get sober, what did that look like? 

Alicia Bloss 19:31
Completely different. There, there's a look that Attacks have when they tell you that they want to get sober. 

There's, it's a, a, it's a calming look on their face when I, when I can tell and somebody is very serious about doing it. I have seen the difference, especially 

Wendy Beck 19:52
it's 

Alicia Bloss 19:53
now that, 

Rich Bennett 19:53
been 

Alicia Bloss 19:53
you know, it's 

Rich Bennett 19:54
almost six 

Alicia Bloss 19:54
years. And I've met tons of people that have been, you know, in current recovery or just fresh out of rehab or whatever, they have a different look on their face. And that last time when I got home. And I sent the kids upstairs and I just like pushed him against the wall and I started yelling at him and saying you just do this, do that, do whatever? But I can't do this anymore. I'm done. He had this peaceful look on his face. And as soon as he said, I've already called Ashley treatment. I, my, I just dropped. I just broke my heart, just shattered, but in all the, the good ways. Because like I could see it in his face, like it didn't, there was just this piece that 

Wendy Beck 20:42
believed, 

Alicia Bloss 20:43
wiped, yeah, it was the first time in almost 10 years that I did believe him every other time. Anything that came out of that man's mouth. I didn't believe anything. 

Wendy Beck 20:51
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 20:52
I didn't, I didn't matter. He could tell me he loved me until I was blown his face or till he was blue in his face. I didn't believe him. Because how could you love somebody if you're going behind their back and that you're doing this? And you are watching her crumble and try to take care of the entire house and take care of all three of the kids and pay all of the bills all by herself because you're too busy spending your money on your alcohol, how could you tell somebody you love them that? So nothing he ever said, did I ever believe until that 

Wendy Beck 21:23
day 

Alicia Bloss 21:24
because the piece he had that came over him was 

Rich Bennett 21:28
like a new person. 

Alicia Bloss 21:29
Yeah, it's really weird. Like I, like I can still just picture the calmness on him. And then of course, you know, the panic ensued a lot two or three days before we had to go because 

Wendy Beck 21:43
how long was it before he they gave him a bed? 

Alicia Bloss 21:46
I think it was almost five days. I think I dropped him off on February 18th, 17th, 18th, and it was on the 13th of February. 

Wendy Beck 21:57
So what did those five days look like? 

Alicia Bloss 22:02
I was terrified that something was, I was more terrified that something was going to happen to him than him drink again. 

Wendy Beck 22:09
did he go, start to go through withdrawal at 

Alicia Bloss 22:11
So 

Wendy Beck 22:11
that point? Okay, 

Alicia Bloss 22:13
now if I realized that if he was definitely going to go and if he was going to drink between that day, 

Wendy Beck 22:21
he was 

Alicia Bloss 22:21
going and or between the day that he 

Wendy Beck 22:24
he 

Alicia Bloss 22:24
told 

Wendy Beck 22:24
told, 

Alicia Bloss 22:24
me and the day that he went. As long as he still goes, that's all I kept thinking, as long as he still goes, because nobody I've watched enough intervention on any to realize that nobody, nobody goes to these things sober. So like, if that's what it is, that's what it is. But he didn't drink and the withdrawal terrified me, 

Wendy Beck 22:49
it 

Alicia Bloss 22:49
clearly 

Wendy Beck 22:49
is scary. 

Alicia Bloss 22:50
It was I should and I said. 

Wendy Beck 22:54
And it's very dangerous. 

Alicia Bloss 22:55
It is very dangerous. and yeah, like he, I know I probably looking back, obviously, thankfully he was fine, but I probably should have just taken him to the hospital and let him go through it 

Wendy Beck 23:09
Yeah, 

Alicia Bloss 23:09
there. But that's what I was more afraid of is that at that point he was going to be so stubborn and not drink. 

Wendy Beck 23:16
Well, I mean 

Alicia Bloss 23:17
that was because his withdrawal was going 

Wendy Beck 23:18
Seasures. 

Alicia Bloss 23:19
to yeah. 

Wendy Beck 23:20
There's a lot 

Alicia Bloss 23:20
lot. 

Wendy Beck 23:20
there's 

Alicia Bloss 23:20
It 

Wendy Beck 23:20
a 

Alicia Bloss 23:21
was yeah 

Wendy Beck 23:21
involved. Yeah, so that's good. 

Rich Bennett 23:24
The other thing too if that though, if you would have taken him to the hospital and he was do it at days 

Wendy Beck 23:29
five 

Rich Bennett 23:29
or days, you have no idea how long they would have kept him in the hospital, either. 

Wendy Beck 23:34
No. 

Alicia Bloss 23:35
No, 

Wendy Beck 23:35
no hospitals. It's rare if they would detox somebody, especially. 

Rich Bennett 23:41
detox, but it's something else happened. Like if he's in the hospital, and he said like if he had seizures or whatever, 

Wendy Beck 23:47
Well, 

Rich Bennett 23:47
then that's. 

Alicia Bloss 23:51
I don't 

Wendy Beck 23:52
think they think about it that way, 

Alicia Bloss 23:53
but I don't think they keep people in 

Wendy Beck 23:55
it. Yeah, 

Alicia Bloss 23:55
I don't 

Wendy Beck 23:56
they don't. 

Alicia Bloss 23:56
think they don't 

Wendy Beck 23:56
They don't. 

Alicia Bloss 23:57
know. 

Wendy Beck 23:58
Okay, so he went to Ashley, how was his experience there? Because, you know, we're all very familiar with 

Alicia Bloss 24:03
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 24:04
that. 

Alicia Bloss 24:05
it was amazing for me, at least. 

Wendy Beck 24:11
Yes. 

Alicia Bloss 24:11
Let me tell you, it was the best 28 

Wendy Beck 24:13
days. Yeah. I've never 

Alicia Bloss 24:13
had it in my entire 

Wendy Beck 24:14
I 

Alicia Bloss 24:14
life. 

Wendy Beck 24:14
hear you. 

Alicia Bloss 24:18
But it was, I, the first time I got to see him because it was right at the start of COVID. So they took away the visits, the regular visits that they could do. But they did get to do the family weekend. And we had to limit so the kids couldn't go with me because COVID, you have to limit the amount of people that are there. So I went and this, God, this was probably maybe two weeks in. And he instantly, he just looked like a totally different person. The first time I saw him, and he's, he's like, I've learned this, I've learned that. I've read this book, I've read that book. I'm like, you're actually doing this. And he said, yeah, he said, I got here. And within the first couple of days, he's like, if I'm going to do this, this is I need to do. And he did, he started reading all of the books, learning all of these things, they go through and they, I like Ashley because they also teach you how addiction is a disease. And it's, they teach you the, this scientific parts of it. And that was great because it's not even just them teaching the addicts that they showed us 

Rich Bennett 25:34
it. 

Alicia Bloss 25:34
how to do 

Rich Bennett 25:35
It's just important. 

Alicia Bloss 25:36
And I love that. 

Wendy Beck 25:37
Yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 25:37
Because that made me realize I'm like, this 

Rich Bennett 25:39
opens your eyes. 

Alicia Bloss 25:40
Yeah, it makes so much, 

Wendy Beck 25:42
well, it takes the anger and it like kind of puts 

Alicia Bloss 25:44
it. 

Wendy Beck 25:44
a lid on 

Alicia Bloss 25:45
It does. 

Wendy Beck 25:45
Alright, wait a minute. You know, you're, you're angry over here and everything's all boiling over. 

Alicia Bloss 25:50
Right. 

Wendy Beck 25:50
But wait a minute. We need to turn the fire off. 

Alicia Bloss 25:52
Right. 

Wendy Beck 25:52
Figure out why it is. And for me, and I've said this a million times, like, yeah, of course I knew what addiction was. Like, of course I did. I'm a grown woman, of course I do. But did I know the whole that it can have on a person? No, 

Alicia Bloss 26:07
No. 

Wendy Beck 26:07
I had no, I had no perspective of that. And here I was sandwiched in between two people that were struggling. 

Alicia Bloss 26:14
Mm-hmm. 

Wendy Beck 26:14
The same, but with, with very 

Alicia Bloss 26:16
Right. 

Wendy Beck 26:17
different, different substances. And I got to crash course big time in all of that and it wasn't easy. And like, you know, I probably still need therapy. I think I do. Because I'm so, I'm so triggered 

Alicia Bloss 26:35
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 26:35
with like, like everyday stuff, like worrying about people. Like, to this day, if I can't get a hold of someone, my mind goes towards case 

Alicia Bloss 26:45
Yep. 

Wendy Beck 26:45
scenario. And I have every right to believe that, because it actually, like, has happened to me. But, you know, you have to, again, you're not being present when you're living in a state of worry. And I'm still in that state of worry. 

Alicia Bloss 27:00
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 27:00
Yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 27:01
I 

Wendy Beck 27:01
you know, 

Alicia Bloss 27:01
still, 

Wendy Beck 27:02
subconsciously. 

Alicia Bloss 27:02
I still do the same thing. There are, like, certain sounds and certain smells will still set me off. The sound of a Coke can opening. 

Wendy Beck 27:15
Like a 

Rich Bennett 27:16
Really? 

Wendy Beck 27:16
beer. 

Alicia Bloss 27:16
Because it sounds like a beer can. So he would be in the, you know, in the kitchen and he would try to hide the beer can under his shirt and, you know, you can't, you can't really hear the tab opening while I can hear still hear 

Rich Bennett 27:28
Mm-hmm. 

Alicia Bloss 27:28
it. So if somebody's in the other room and I hear that, like, they're in front of me. It's one thing. Cause clearly I can see what it is. But if I, if I hear it and it's in the other room, it will instantly, 

Wendy Beck 27:39
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 27:39
like, set me. So there are things that Ashley did teach us. And then, of course, we've had to learn ourselves that as much as he has those triggers, he understands that I also have them and that there are things that he knew that he would do previously, that he had to stop not just for himself but for me. 

Wendy Beck 28:03
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 28:04
You know, he had, like, if he has to go to get gas at cheats. You know, he would go and he would sit there for an hour. He would sit at pump five and he would just drink. But now, when he does that, he's literally back in, like, ten 

Wendy Beck 28:19
get gas. 

Alicia Bloss 28:19
minutes, however 

Wendy Beck 28:19
Right, 

Alicia Bloss 28:19
long it 

Rich Bennett 28:20
right. 

Alicia Bloss 28:20
him to 

Rich Bennett 28:20
Yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 28:21
So, because he knows that by him going somewhere something simple as that will 

Wendy Beck 28:29
it 

Alicia Bloss 28:29
instantly 

Wendy Beck 28:29
was a little, 

Alicia Bloss 28:30
still. 

Wendy Beck 28:30
four. 

Alicia Bloss 28:30
Right, it's still because there's things that he can avoid. He can't avoid not going to get gas. You know, he can't avoid sometimes not drinking a soda, but he has to or he had to understand that it's not just what the addict deals with. It's what we deal with on the outside or afterwards and there has to be that common. What is it, 

Wendy Beck 28:55
what is 

Alicia Bloss 28:55
it, understanding, understanding between the two. 

Wendy Beck 28:58
This is where your story changes from mine because at that point we had actually treatment, we had a couple other treatments centers, I had a young child, I had a daughter and I had to pick and choose. You know what what was going to be I couldn't handle it 

Alicia Bloss 29:17
able 

Wendy Beck 29:17
all, 

Alicia Bloss 29:17
to? 

Wendy Beck 29:17
so I had to pick which what I could handle. At that time, so now you've got this marriage that, you know, you love this person, but there's been a lot of damage. And I will tell you that those resentments do not fall off easily. 

Alicia Bloss 29:34
No, 

Wendy Beck 29:35
and now I think what I'm hearing from you is the communication because I think that's really beautiful that you guys are paying attention enough to each other's triggers. And that's where I think a lot of people, the relationship severs. What makes that relationship with you guys different? Like why is that different? 

Alicia Bloss 30:02
I think a lot of that is I understand a little bit more about what he went through and why he went through it. I also clearly live with mental health issues and I just was in the last year's diagnosed with ADD and OCD after 30 some years of, you know, trying to figure out what was going on with me. Of course I have anxiety, panic disorder, depression, all of that. I knew why I drank at the time. I knew that that was the only way that I could make the playlist in my head stop. And so I think I understood a little bit more than some people would because I knew why I did it. Right. So I figured, okay, this is why he's doing it. 

When he was in Ashley, that's when we both, or when I told him that, you know, I will do this with you because I knew that if I kept going the way that I was doing the way that I was drinking, it was not going to be good for him at all. And they're still after a couple of years. I'm still slightly salty about it because in the back of my mind, I don't have a drinking problem. I'm not the one that had to go to rehab. I'm not the one that, you know, is quote unquote an alcoholic, but then when I tell people my side of my story specifically how much I drank. I would hide it from everybody when I tell people, you know, I would drink five, six drinks at night, you know, nobody believed me. Nobody knew that because 

Wendy Beck 31:52
they weren't 

Alicia Bloss 31:53
positive 

Wendy Beck 31:53
seeing they 

Alicia Bloss 31:53
because 

Wendy Beck 31:53
weren't 

Alicia Bloss 31:53
they didn't 

Wendy Beck 31:53
seeing 

Alicia Bloss 31:54
see. Right. 

Rich Bennett 31:54
the 

Alicia Bloss 31:55
So 

Rich Bennett 31:55
for you. 

Alicia Bloss 31:57
I could really drink almost anything I like to look her better than anything else I never liked the taste or the smell of beer. Hate it all of that spoke. We were talking about the smell like certain smells that's one of them I still. But anyway, so I think I understood a little bit more about what he was going through. 

And I totally lost track. Going with that, but I 

Wendy Beck 32:25
what makes your merits 

Alicia Bloss 32:26
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 32:26
different. 

Alicia Bloss 32:27
you. 

Rich Bennett 32:28
Yes. You're listening to conversations with Rich Bennett. We'll be right back. 

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Alicia Bloss 33:50
But I think again it's because I understood a little bit more so when I chose to get sober with him and I always tell people I'm sober he is in recovery. 

Wendy Beck 34:00
Okay, 

Rich Bennett 34:01
which is there's a, 

Alicia Bloss 34:01
is there's a total different. 

Wendy Beck 34:03
Well for the listeners, explain that 

Alicia Bloss 34:05
so my thought of being sober is I I've chosen to live this life 

Wendy Beck 34:15
free of drugs 

Alicia Bloss 34:15
Free 

Wendy Beck 34:15
and alcohol. 

Alicia Bloss 34:16
of drugs and alcohol. On my own that it didn't take 

Wendy Beck 34:22
the 

Alicia Bloss 34:22
It's kind of sound hard. But yeah it didn't take that rock bottom. I didn't have to go to rehab I didn't I don't I didn't have to go to meetings. 

Wendy Beck 34:30
rock. 

Alicia Bloss 34:32
If somebody were to come to me and say hey I need to go to I mean it absolutely I will go to one with you just as Damian would. But he had to go through all of those steps and his recovery is harder I guess you want to say 

Wendy Beck 34:50
it's a daily 

Alicia Bloss 34:51
But 

Wendy Beck 34:51
choice. 

Alicia Bloss 34:51
it is it is where my sobriety is you know it could hit me every couple of months and I'd be like be out somewhere I'm 

Wendy Beck 35:00
God. 

Alicia Bloss 35:00
like Really use a drink right right and 

Rich Bennett 35:04
now 

Alicia Bloss 35:04
with you know his is an everyday thing 

Rich Bennett 35:08
he can't have. 

Alicia Bloss 35:08
He can't know and because he has the one drink today he'll have two tomorrow three the next day four the next day if I were to have a drink I'd have one today and then in about 10 minutes I'd have another one and then 10 minutes I have another one and I would just black out and then I go another six months without drinking. So that's my difference between sobriety and recovery. Well 

Wendy Beck 35:32
it's a binge 

Alicia Bloss 35:33
thing. 

Wendy Beck 35:33
drinking type of 

Rich Bennett 35:34
yes 

Alicia Bloss 35:35
Yes 

Rich Bennett 35:35
but there are a lot of people out there too that they they chose to be. Never even touched a drop of 

Alicia Bloss 35:43
so 

Rich Bennett 35:43
that you can't say they're in recovery but they are sober 

Alicia Bloss 35:46
they're sober right. 

Rich Bennett 35:48
I would yeah there is a big difference a lot of people 

Alicia Bloss 35:52
yeah 

Rich Bennett 35:52
to realize that I 

Wendy Beck 35:55
I 

Rich Bennett 35:55
want 

Wendy Beck 35:55
want 

Rich Bennett 35:55
to go back a little bit here and talk about when you 

Wendy Beck 36:00
build for drinking. 

Rich Bennett 36:02
How was it for work and how were the 

Wendy Beck 36:07
kids 

Rich Bennett 36:08
because the kids had to see this but work had to be hard too. 

Alicia Bloss 36:13
Kids didn't know. 

Rich Bennett 36:15
They didn't know what was going on. 

Alicia Bloss 36:17
No I shall 

Wendy Beck 36:17
with 

Alicia Bloss 36:17
turn 

Wendy Beck 36:18
him or 

Alicia Bloss 36:18
with 

Wendy Beck 36:19
both 

Alicia Bloss 36:19
both. I did everything I could to hide everything from the kids and from our parents and our friends. 

Rich Bennett 36:31
But how was employment affected for both of 

Alicia Bloss 36:34
you. 

We never had an issue. Really? 

Rich Bennett 36:39
And the reason I ask is when you said he would get up at six o'clock and start drinking. 

Alicia Bloss 36:44
Yeah he would. The only issue he ever had one of the times that he tried to get 

Wendy Beck 36:56
was 

Alicia Bloss 36:56
sober he went to his manager and he was like you know I need to leave this is what's going on and the manager said well I'm glad you said something because we realize there was an issue we were going to let you go. But that's one of the reasons why we do what we do because addiction mental illness does not have 

Wendy Beck 37:16
fate. 

Alicia Bloss 37:16
a Nobody would have ever 

Wendy Beck 37:19
guessed 

Alicia Bloss 37:20
looking at Damien 10 years ago minus his disheveled hair and probably didn't shave for a couple of days that he was an alcoholic because he didn't look like one. He doesn't look like somebody who would be sitting at the liquor store at 8.30 in the morning waiting for them to open he doesn't look like someone who would pass out at 8 o'clock at night with a drink in his hand or you know leave his his cup on the counter with the alcohol in it to make sure that he has it for the next morning. He doesn't look like someone who would drink a 30 pack during a Ravens football game and so that's why I think that we never really had the issues that a lot of people say that they did we didn't lose 

Wendy Beck 38:03
that are yourself in an able are during this time. 

Alicia Bloss 38:05
I absolutely 

Wendy Beck 38:06
Yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 38:07
was. And I think, and again, when you did the interview with him the other day, it made me remember when I was at -- during Ashley, there was -- we had to break up in groups, and it wasn't with the addicts, it was just the family members. And one of the questions that we had to answer, and then ask the other people in the group, was something about being an enabler. And one of the stories that somebody brought up was the addict having to pick up the 

Wendy Beck 38:37
kid 

Alicia Bloss 38:39
from like school or wherever, right? And I said that that makes you an enabler. If you -- if -- if me has to go -- the sober person has to go pick up the kid all the time, I'm enabling that addict to be like, "Oh, well, they're just -- or 

Wendy Beck 38:56
you're protecting 

Alicia Bloss 38:56
And see, that's where it gets to be like a really 

Wendy Beck 38:58
your -- right." 

Alicia Bloss 38:59
tricky spot, because that -- but that made me remember that. 

Wendy Beck 39:02
Well, I think 

Alicia Bloss 39:02
-- 

Wendy Beck 39:02
we 

Alicia Bloss 39:02
that's what I realized. 

Wendy Beck 39:05
On this role, 

Alicia Bloss 39:06
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 39:06
we're trying to keep them alive. 

Alicia Bloss 39:08
Exactly. 

Wendy Beck 39:09
And, you know, there were times when my daughter was using -- and they're -- you know, you're not even going to believe the places it took me, honestly. And, Because I was trying to get her to the next phase. 

Alicia Bloss 39:24
yeah. 

Wendy Beck 39:24
So, you know, being with someone who's needs to get high before they get on an airplane to go to wherever, you know, mom, I'm not going to be able to handle the airplane unless I use. 

Alicia Bloss 39:38
Mm-hmm. 

Wendy Beck 39:38
Start going through detox. Am I 

Rich Bennett 39:40
Mm-hmm. 

Wendy Beck 39:41
proud of what I did? I drove her somewhere. I forget -- and this was like a crazy ass story, but, you know, she -- we get there, and she jumps out of the car. No phone. No per -- like, she just jumps out of the car. And I'm like, "If you're getting Suboxone, you need to bring the little container back." So, I can see that that's like literally 

Alicia Bloss 40:04
-- literally. I can see that, yeah. 

Wendy Beck 40:05
To this apartment building. And I'm sitting here, and I'm like, "I have no way of getting in touch with her. I have no idea where she -- where she went 

Alicia Bloss 40:15
Mm-hmm. 

Wendy Beck 40:16
in there, and I'm like literally like, "Feel like I'm staking out the apartment building." And I'm like, "This is obviously a place where people go to get illegal drugs, and I'm sitting here in a car like a sitting duck." And, of course, she comes right back out, not right back out. And I was like, "Oh, you know, a mess." And I was like, "Did you bring the little -- oh, they didn't want to give that to me." And I'm just like, "Whatever, okay, fine." The 

Alicia Bloss 40:43
goal was 

Wendy Beck 40:44
get her on an airplane. You know what I mean? So, like, those types of stories, yeah, I was enabling, but I was trying to do it for a -- you know, to 

Alicia Bloss 40:54
to 

Wendy Beck 40:54
get to the next phase of this horrible disease. And nobody expects to ever be put in that situation, but you do not know the lengths that you'll go for your child or your loved one. Honestly. 

Alicia Bloss 41:06
Exactly. I mean, when I say I took care of everything, I took care of everything. He didn't have to do a damn thing. He didn't have to lift a finger. You know, I never asked him for money. I worked -- you know, I worked a full-time job. I worked at AAA for 15 years or so, and it wasn't a great paying job. But, you know, it paid the bills. I took care of everything. I'm the one that, you know, had the -- the house cleaned. I did the laundry. I took care of the kids. I picked up the kids. I dropped off the kids. You know, so it's like -- when I hear that enabling, some people don't realize that us trying to take care of them. 

Rich Bennett 41:50
You're 

Wendy Beck 41:50
doing 

Alicia Bloss 41:50
that -- you're 

Wendy Beck 41:50
things 

Alicia Bloss 41:51
-- right, we're trying to -- exactly. Like we all -- we just want to make sure that they're okay. So -- but that -- and that is still a form of enabling only because they know that we're going to do it for them. So then you go through something like that, and you're, you know, you're trying to do for -- for your loved one, you know, take them wherever they need to go or do this or do that. And then When that particular instance is all said and done, then you're thinking yourself, "Oh, God, I did it again, didn't I?" Like they should just be able to do this on their own, and then you're like, "No, because if they did it on their own, they'd probably screw it all up. So 

Wendy Beck 42:28
-- 

Alicia Bloss 42:28
I 

Wendy Beck 42:28
the 

Alicia Bloss 42:28
need to help them." 

Wendy Beck 42:30
concepts 

Alicia Bloss 42:30
Exactly. 

Wendy Beck 42:30
-- right. 

Alicia Bloss 42:31
Like it's -- it's like it is a no-win situation when you're dealing with somebody that is in active addiction because you don't -- you want to do everything that you can to help them because you love them. And when it's your spouse, I choose to love them. And I didn't -- you know, my kids are my kids. I love my kids, and they are my heart. And there's no choosing to love them because it's just there. It's always going to be there. 

Wendy Beck 42:58
Exactly. 

Alicia Bloss 42:58
when you have a spouse or a partner that is in addiction and you choose to stay and you choose to love them, it's that constant battle between, you know, 

Wendy Beck 43:10
good and evil. 

Alicia Bloss 43:11
It is, it's a constant and I think that's why it took like the last year or so when I say I was numb, I was numb and the day dropped him off it, actually I got home and I cried the hardest I had cried since the day my mother passed away, which was like four years before that. And I didn't, it was because I 

Rich Bennett 43:34
safe. 

Alicia Bloss 43:34
knew he was 

Rich Bennett 43:35
You had all that stuff 

Alicia Bloss 43:36
stuff. 

Rich Bennett 43:36
built up and 

Alicia Bloss 43:37
Yeah, I knew he was safe, I knew he was somewhere that at least for a month. 

Wendy Beck 43:42
Well, and 

Alicia Bloss 43:42
he 

Wendy Beck 43:42
for 

Alicia Bloss 43:42
would be okay 

Wendy Beck 43:43
in a really long time 

Alicia Bloss 43:44
had 

Wendy Beck 43:44
because 

Alicia Bloss 43:45
similar 

Wendy Beck 43:46
situations, I could actually be present in my own life for this moment, 

Alicia Bloss 43:51
like I'm not 

Wendy Beck 43:52
like worried about what someone else is doing. Are they sleeping too much or should I go check on them or where did they go? 

Alicia Bloss 43:58
I checked 

Wendy Beck 43:58
in. Why are they answering their phone? Like all of these things are just like a constant state of worry. So then guess what? Someone took them and did the ultimate thing, they're keeping them safe. You don't have to, you get a break for a minute, 

Alicia Bloss 44:12
exactly. 

Wendy Beck 44:13
and people don't understand that. 

Alicia Bloss 44:14
They don't 

Wendy Beck 44:14
It's exhausting. 

Alicia Bloss 44:15
Yeah, constant back and forth. And I finally for the first time in my entire life had time to concentrate on myself. And that was not just between our marriage, it was the life I led 

Wendy Beck 44:34
before him. 

Alicia Bloss 44:34
I was always walking on eggshells around people. I was always afraid to tell people what was really going on in my mind. So him going 

Wendy Beck 44:46
Because 

Alicia Bloss 44:46
away, it was that sigh of relief, and I was like, I can finally let me take care of me. And I six months later, I'm still from that point on, I'm still in therapy, and I'm like, you know what? You had your 10 years of fun marriage. Give me my 10 years, but I'm still trying to work through all of that. 

Wendy Beck 45:11
And it takes a long time. It takes a lifetime to heal. 

Alicia Bloss 45:14
and you 

Wendy Beck 45:14
It 

Alicia Bloss 45:14
have 

Wendy Beck 45:14
does. 

Alicia Bloss 45:14
to have that partner or the family member understand that. And 

Rich Bennett 45:18
Yeah, 

Alicia Bloss 45:19
that's another thing that when we do go to rehab facilities and they, you know, a lot of the patients will ask me the same questions too. And I have to get them to understand, look, it's you might think a lot of people go home from rehab and they'll think, everything's going to be hunky-dory because I'm sober now and my mother or my father or my wife or husband, they just have to deal with this. And this is what it's going to be like and they don't have to worry about me anymore. But that's that's not the case 

Wendy Beck 45:47
No 

Alicia Bloss 45:47
because we are 

Wendy Beck 45:48
healing that has. 

Alicia Bloss 45:48
there's a lot and you, they both sides have to be very understanding about that. So when I do get asked, how come I stayed and how come, you know, I didn't just pack up and leave or whatever, it's because I knew that there was something inside of him that could bring this out. 

Wendy Beck 46:11
Okay, why didn't you leave? Is the 

Alicia Bloss 46:13
question that, hmm, 

Wendy Beck 46:14
ask you, why did you stay? 

Alicia Bloss 46:18
Originally I stayed because I felt, I don't know, I word this. I felt like I deserved the pain that he was putting me through. 

Wendy Beck 46:34
Why? 

Alicia Bloss 46:35
Yes. I felt like, I felt, it's very difficult to explain. So I grew up obviously in the world where, you know, our parents' generation, you know, mental health means nothing. My mother was very unmentally well and the balk of my life, of, you know, while she was alive was her telling me that, you know, everything was my fault, you know, my parents' divorce was my fault. She had wished that I was never born because if I was never born and my brother was never born, then she never would have met my dad blah, blah, blah, all that. So, 

Wendy Beck 47:15
that's a lot to carry. 

Alicia Bloss 47:16
Right, so the, the balk of my life, I always thought that I deserved the worst things to happen to me. So when Damien comes into my life, I am fresh out of a separate or fresh into a separation, whatever, for my first husband and he was like this breath of fresh air, you know, somebody that noticed me for me, somebody that, you know, made me not feel 

like I was just, you know, 

Wendy Beck 47:47
the problem, 

Alicia Bloss 47:47
a, a problem. But then when he started to get really, you know, it just kept getting worse, I thought, well, this is it. 

Wendy Beck 47:56
This 

Alicia Bloss 47:56
This is this is what this exactly like maybe my mother was right this whole time. Maybe everything is my fault. So I felt like at first, I stayed because I felt like I deserved it. I felt like everything was my fault. Depends on the day. 

But no, I felt like I felt like if like me staying was because I deserved all of the worst things to happen because that's what I was led to always 

Wendy Beck 48:24
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 48:24
believe about myself. But I also stayed because I think because I understood the difference and you know clearly not the scientific end of the whole addiction thing. But like I knew what he was going through. I never thought that I could save him. It was never anything like that. But I I just saw that there was something different about him that this addiction was not my husband. And that it took over him. So that was the original and then towards the end. That is why I continued to stay because I started to realize that 

Wendy Beck 49:07
I'm 

Alicia Bloss 49:07
it wasn't 

Wendy Beck 49:09
not sure, but I can imagine that you have a very different relationship right now in as your marriage is I would imagine that it feels like you kind of had to probably get to know each other all over again. 

Alicia Bloss 49:21
How 

Wendy Beck 49:22
was that and how has it changed now like I mean, of course you could never go back, but this is this is a whole new Damien and Alicia 

Alicia Bloss 49:31
Literally, 

Wendy Beck 49:31
like 

Alicia Bloss 49:33
we had to learn each other all over again. 

Rich Bennett 49:38
love. 

Alicia Bloss 49:38
We've had 

Rich Bennett 49:39
it 

Alicia Bloss 49:41
did and 

Wendy Beck 49:42
time 

Alicia Bloss 49:42
my 

Wendy Beck 49:42
was going to say 

Alicia Bloss 49:43
him has. 

Wendy Beck 49:44
Yeah. You might realize that you don't in that situation. 

Alicia Bloss 49:47
Yeah. Yeah. He he annoys me just as he ever would because, you know, he's a man. 

Wendy Beck 49:54
No, 

Alicia Bloss 49:55
men don't really, you know, think straight half the time, but he's 

Rich Bennett 50:00
I'm sitting right here. 

Alicia Bloss 50:02
I'm aware I'm well aware. No, we've had to literally learn everything all over again. Learn each other all over again. Learn ourselves all over again. And you know, because they always say you can't truly love somebody until you love yourself. 

Rich Bennett 50:20
Yep. 

Alicia Bloss 50:21
And so there are there are days that I think he loves me more than I love him or vice versa because it all depends on what's going on up here, but he we've had to yeah, we've literally had to just re-learn everything and it's been interesting. 

Rich Bennett 50:45
Because 

Alicia Bloss 50:47
it's a little weird, you know, re-learning somebody that you've already built such a life 

Rich Bennett 50:54
with. Yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 50:54
And so we'll here, it's funny. Oh my god. We'll be together 16 years in May. Weird. I don't know why that that that numbers world. It's like, oh, we should have a sweet 16 anniversary. 

Rich Bennett 51:11
I'll 

Alicia Bloss 51:11
let you know what happens. But anyway, 

Wendy Beck 51:13
well, I mean, what you're saying, I mean, it makes it makes sense. And you do have to like. You had to find something that you liked in there to begin. 

Alicia Bloss 51:24
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 51:25
because a lot of times, there's nothing left. And I'm not saying that to be, 

Alicia Bloss 51:31
no, you're absolutely 

Wendy Beck 51:32
cruel. And we tend to outgrow people. That happens as well. But what I'm saying is it's like making a concert decision to make it work. It is a, you know, it's a beautiful thing. And there it wasn't just having to learn to like each other again or get to know each other again. There had to be some deep love there because, you know, again, unconditional love for someone other than your child. 

Alicia Bloss 52:00
It's not, it's not it's very, because it's, it's a learned thing and it's an everyday thing. So I always say as much as he has to, you know, every day say I'm not going to drink today, I'm not 

Wendy Beck 52:11
going to drink 

Alicia Bloss 52:11
today. Most of the time I wake, I have to say I have to love Damien today, I don't love Damien today. Even if he leaves his socks on the floor again today, I will love him today. 

Wendy Beck 52:22
That's funny. 

Alicia Bloss 52:23
But there is, there is he is, he is this God God help me. He is such an amazing human being and he has always even during his drinking heat. 

Wendy Beck 52:46
Ehm, 

Alicia Bloss 52:47
yeah. 

even during his addiction, and I think that's why it was so difficult for him for so long, for over 20 years he had to deal with this because he was a constant as much as we have to battle. He was constantly battling. And he's such a good And he 

Wendy Beck 53:08
'. Well, I 

Alicia Bloss 53:08
loves, 

Wendy Beck 53:09
yeah. You both made an agreement 

Alicia Bloss 53:12
he loves, and 

Wendy Beck 53:12
to 

Alicia Bloss 53:12
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 53:12
work on yourselves. Because if you would have just, if he would have just came home, he wouldn't have maybe, you know, he's not drinking, but he's still not doing 

Alicia Bloss 53:21
you can 

Wendy Beck 53:21
anything, 

Alicia Bloss 53:21
see that he's 

Wendy Beck 53:22
and you're taking 

Rich Bennett 53:23
taking-- 

Wendy Beck 53:23
care of 

Rich Bennett 53:23
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 53:24
everything. Like that's not really changing the dynamic of the 

Alicia Bloss 53:27
Right, 

Wendy Beck 53:28
relationship. So when you have two people that are willing to put in the work, that's what makes the difference, you know. 

Alicia Bloss 53:32
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 53:33
You can't have someone who thinks you're the problem. You're still the problem, even if their eye came out of rehab. 

Alicia Bloss 53:38
Right. 

Wendy Beck 53:39
And when that happens, you know, you're fighting a battle that you're 

Alicia Bloss 53:43
Right. 

Wendy Beck 53:44
winning. 

Alicia Bloss 53:44
Right. And he has taken accountability. There are still some things after all this time that we don't talk about or that I don't bring up because I know that if he knows just how bad he really hurt me, it would break him. So there are still things that, you know, I don't discuss with him because I don't want to trigger-- 

Rich Bennett 54:15
Trigger something. 

Alicia Bloss 54:15
Right. 

Because the last thing that that man ever wants to do is to hurt somebody. 

Rich Bennett 54:21
Yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 54:21
That's-- he's never wanted that. And I, of course, at that point don't want to hurt him. 

Wendy Beck 54:28
Something 

Alicia Bloss 54:28
So 

Wendy Beck 54:29
to be-- 

Alicia Bloss 54:30
exactly. Some things don't, it's things. And that's why I'm still in therapy. Because there are things exactly that I just-- 

Wendy Beck 54:38
And 

Alicia Bloss 54:39
she is amazing. She was actually his therapist before he went into rehab. And so when he mentions that the therapist that he had to go back to and apologize to for lying, that's also my therapist. 

Rich Bennett 54:52
Oh, 

Alicia Bloss 54:52
to-- 

Rich Bennett 54:52
wow. 

Alicia Bloss 54:53
Because, you know, during COVID when everybody was having mental breakdowns, I couldn't find anyone. 

Wendy Beck 54:58
Right. Go 

Alicia Bloss 54:58
So he was like just call-- Yeah, he's like just call her. And I was like, no. 

Wendy Beck 55:02
like 

Alicia Bloss 55:02
Isn't that 

Wendy Beck 55:03
conflict? 

Alicia Bloss 55:04
Yeah. So I called her and I had already talked into her a couple of times when he was in rehab. And she was like, as long as Damian says, it's fine that I'm fine with it. And I said it was his idea. 

So here I am almost six years later. And you know, it's interesting because she-- It's actually been a lot more beneficial because she knows 

Rich Bennett 55:27
I was just saying-- 

Alicia Bloss 55:28
him. He's 

Rich Bennett 55:29
easier for you. 

Alicia Bloss 55:29
It had-- yeah. So when certain things start to trigger in my mind, 

Rich Bennett 55:34
she knows it. 

Alicia Bloss 55:35
She'll know exactly why. That is because of him. And it's not just me talking to somebody who doesn't, you know, only knows one side of the story. She knows literally both sides. 

Rich Bennett 55:48
It's like, it's like you 

Wendy Beck 55:50
have-- you 

Rich Bennett 55:50
have-- 

Wendy Beck 55:50
have fear before 

Alicia Bloss 55:51
you 

Wendy Beck 55:52
yourself. 

Alicia Bloss 55:52
And 

Rich Bennett 55:53
the 

Alicia Bloss 55:53
at 

Rich Bennett 55:53
same time, almost like marriage counseling, at the same time. 

Alicia Bloss 55:56
Kind of. Yeah. Yeah. We did try that once when he was still drinking. And we stopped going. He blamed it on the fact that the doctor, the certain session that we had, he was like, I didn't like how he treated you. And I knew right then and there. I'm like, that's not the reason. The reason is because he called you out on your bullshit and you didn't like it. 

Wendy Beck 56:17
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 56:18
So we did try that once. 

Wendy Beck 56:21
A good friend of mine told me a long time ago. And I truly believe this. Marriage is where you grow up. So if you want to make it work, you're going to have to grow together 

Alicia Bloss 56:30
Exactly. 

Wendy Beck 56:30
and you grow up. So, you know, not that every relationship is fixable. 

Alicia Bloss 56:37
Mm-hmm. And it's not. And that's okay. 

Wendy Beck 56:39
But, but. 

Alicia Bloss 56:41
Mm-hmm. 

Wendy Beck 56:42
You have to be willing to grow together separately and together. 

Alicia Bloss 56:46
Right. 

Wendy Beck 56:47
And that's what you guys have done. And I think it's 

Alicia Bloss 56:49
beautiful. 

Wendy Beck 56:49
really 

Alicia Bloss 56:49
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 56:49
And I see the friendship in you guys. Like, when you go, when you, you know, I've seen you, 

Alicia Bloss 56:54
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 56:54
like, when we did the live podcast, you guys, you come in as a couple and you come in strong. And I really like that. I think it's beautiful. 

Alicia Bloss 57:02
He has my best friend. 

Wendy Beck 57:03
You can tell. You can tell. 

Rich Bennett 57:05
I'm glad you brought that up. The live podcast. How 

Wendy Beck 57:09
hard part and I didn't even 

Rich Bennett 57:10
think about that until we were sitting here talking. But how 

Wendy Beck 57:14
hard. Was 

Rich Bennett 57:16
that for you guys because you came to two of them. And it's in a canteen at the American Legion. How hard was that for 

Wendy Beck 57:23
I worry about that for people. 

Rich Bennett 57:24
you to be too. 

Wendy Beck 57:25
I really, I 

Alicia Bloss 57:26
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 57:26
do. 

Alicia Bloss 57:26
It's, it depends on the situation. It's not, something like that doesn't phase us. all 

Rich Bennett 57:34
Nobody's 

Alicia Bloss 57:35
any 

Rich Bennett 57:35
drinks 

Alicia Bloss 57:35
right. 

Rich Bennett 57:35
or anything. 

Alicia Bloss 57:36
Yeah, yeah, it's it's completely different because we for something like like doing your live podcast, we are there for our purpose. 

Rich Bennett 57:43
All 

Alicia Bloss 57:44
So, you know, neither 

Wendy Beck 57:45
you didn't go 

Alicia Bloss 57:46
boss. 

Wendy Beck 57:46
in to go sit at the 

Alicia Bloss 57:47
Exactly, exactly. Now, each one of us has totally different reactions to being around something 

Rich Bennett 57:57
right 

Alicia Bloss 57:58
when, when we are at like a family member's house or whatever. 

especially for him early on. That was really hard for him to be over at, you know, my brother's house or his brother's house, you know, where alcohol is just out open. That was very difficult for him. And we have. It's not like keywords, but like I can see in his face. You can see it in my face, vice versa. And, you know, like, all right, cool, we gotta go like this 

Wendy Beck 58:28
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 58:29
is, 

Wendy Beck 58:29
Get 

Alicia Bloss 58:29
this is right. I, because of my business, I go to a lot of events where people in this business they enjoy the, the, 

Wendy Beck 58:39
the cock 

Alicia Bloss 58:39
oh, they enjoy the cocktails and all the other things. And It's very difficult for me because a lot of them are at bars or things like that. So, when I go to these bars and I don't have my husband there with me, I'm watching everybody having fun. And I can't differentiate between, okay, I'm here for business. I'm not here for fun. So, my brain automatically thinks, I miss this. 

Wendy Beck 59:06
fun. 

Alicia Bloss 59:06
I'm not having fun, but if he's with me, that's why I bring him to a lot of my events now. Because then I don't think about 

Wendy Beck 59:12
You 

Alicia Bloss 59:12
that. 

Wendy Beck 59:12
have a sober. 

Alicia Bloss 59:13
I have, yeah, I have him and, And we have to have each other 

Rich Bennett 59:18
yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 59:18
for a lot them, but it's two totally different ways that we look at them. 

Rich Bennett 59:23
Do you think because I did, I have notices with some restaurants and bars and events, you're seeing more mock tales. Do you think, 

Alicia Bloss 59:33
yes. 

Rich Bennett 59:33
Be one of the reasons and even, because just to give you an idea, so my next door neighbor, he doesn't drink at all. But he'll come over once a month. We'll do like a bourbon night. And I felt so bad. I found this non-alcoholic bourbon. I said, I should get 

Wendy Beck 59:52
this one. Because 

Rich Bennett 59:54
just to see, 

Alicia Bloss 59:55
like, that's like decaf coffee. What's the point? 

Rich Bennett 59:58
what? Because it takes 

Alicia Bloss 59:59
Does it? 

Rich Bennett 1:00:00
Oh, yeah, they have non-alcoholic 

Wendy Beck 1:00:01
Is that a trigger? 

Rich Bennett 1:00:01
bourbon, non-alcoholic. 

Wendy Beck 1:00:03
Is that a trigger? 

Rich Bennett 1:00:03
Vodka to cure. 

Alicia Bloss 1:00:05
That's why a lot of people. Just doesn't 

Rich Bennett 1:00:07
treat, because he doesn't just like the taste 

Alicia Bloss 1:00:08
of it. Oh, OK. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:09
it is. 

Wendy Beck 1:00:10
Here 

Rich Bennett 1:00:10
But a lot of these mock tales are using that stuff. 

Alicia Bloss 1:00:13
I'm 

Rich Bennett 1:00:15
wondering if that's why a lot of these bars and restaurants are doing it. And I really study somewhere where he said, like the 

Wendy Beck 1:00:21
drinking and clubs 

Rich Bennett 1:00:23
of actual alcohol, the amount that has gone down. I'm 

Wendy Beck 1:00:29
not really sure I believe 

Rich Bennett 1:00:30
it either. Yeah, I don't believe it either. 

Alicia Bloss 1:00:31
No, I haven't heard that. They 

Rich Bennett 1:00:34
said it's 

Wendy Beck 1:00:34
you 

Rich Bennett 1:00:34
because 

Wendy Beck 1:00:35
want to see more 

Rich Bennett 1:00:35
more mock tales than 

Wendy Beck 1:00:36
Back 

Rich Bennett 1:00:36
any 

Wendy Beck 1:00:37
in the day, when I waitress, many, many moons, again, that was when candles was a big thing, the beer. 

Alicia Bloss 1:00:44
one. 

Wendy Beck 1:00:44
But you see what I'm saying? It was like, what? Made the person get that 

Rich Bennett 1:00:51
What? 

Wendy Beck 1:00:51
versus 

Rich Bennett 1:00:51
Right. 

Wendy Beck 1:00:51
the other. Was it because they wanted to just feel like they fit into the other bodies having a drink? 

Alicia Bloss 1:00:57
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 1:00:57
Or, you know, I mean, I don't know like 

Alicia Bloss 1:01:00
that would be my 

Wendy Beck 1:01:01
guess. It's tasted like water. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:03
But I'm also 

Wendy Beck 1:01:04
seeing, I'm also 

Rich Bennett 1:01:05
seeing to the 

penalties against a bartender and bar are 

Wendy Beck 1:01:13
Very 

Rich Bennett 1:01:13
very 

Wendy Beck 1:01:13
strict now. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:14
summationally. 

Alicia Bloss 1:01:16
Right. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:17
Now 

Wendy Beck 1:01:17
bar. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:17
that 

Wendy Beck 1:01:19
It 

Rich Bennett 1:01:21
never used to be that way. Even if somebody 

Wendy Beck 1:01:25
comes in to the bar 

Rich Bennett 1:01:26
and they're already drunk and you don't serve them, and they leave, you can still be held liable. 

Alicia Bloss 1:01:31
I've heard things like that before. We would have been in so much trouble back then. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:38
One of the, yeah, it's 

Alicia Bloss 1:01:39
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:39
one of the things that scares me about 10 bars sometimes. 

Alicia Bloss 1:01:42
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:42
Say, 

Alicia Bloss 1:01:44
can't because some people you can't really even tell, you know, 

Rich Bennett 1:01:47
no, you 

Alicia Bloss 1:01:48
how bad they really are. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:50
Some people can just have one beer and they're just done. 

Alicia Bloss 1:01:53
Yeah. Yeah. I went out to dinner. One of my co-workers, one of my best friends, she turned 40 a couple weeks ago. And we went to some really fancy restaurants down the city. And, um, like, I actually got to wear like a dress. I was all dolled up. It was great. Um, but of course, you know, they're, they're all, you know, having a couple of cocktails. And, um, at the end the waitress came over and she went to hand everybody champagne and, um, you know, cause it was, it was for her birthday. So we're all gonna toast. Well, she put it down in front of me and I immediately put it off to my left because I was on the end and she goes, oh no, no, that's, that's not alcoholic. and my friend next to me, she was like, oh, are they all non alcoholic? Now like it would have mattered they would have been fine with that. She goes, no, just that one, I heard that she doesn't drink. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:43
Oh 

Alicia Bloss 1:02:44
Oh well, not that she's not drinking today, you know, cause dd or whatever, but she, she flat out said, I heard that you heard you say pointing to me that you don't drink. So I brought this out for you. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:56
wow, 

Alicia Bloss 1:02:57
And so it's like the old, old dual thing, like she did that to make 

Wendy Beck 1:03:01
what make 

Alicia Bloss 1:03:01
me 

Wendy Beck 1:03:01
you feel 

Alicia Bloss 1:03:01
feel like I was included and I was like, that's actually really not I got the clink the glasses and everything. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:08
That's 

Alicia Bloss 1:03:09
The rate I did I felt like I was, you know, 

Wendy Beck 1:03:12
part of 

Alicia Bloss 1:03:12
a 

Wendy Beck 1:03:12
it. 

Alicia Bloss 1:03:12
part of something. And so yeah, it's, it depends on the situation, but we both have to, like I said, two totally different scenarios, that bowl. 

Wendy Beck 1:03:22
So what advice would you give to families going through that? You know, ultimately want to stay together. They want to stick it out. Like what would be the most, the best advice that you could provide. 

Alicia Bloss 1:03:36
I, 

I do, I don't know honestly, because so I, I wholeheartedly believe that if a situation is not healthy for you or your children, 

then that clearly that's okay to not stay. 

Our situation was just different. I was never, I was never scared of him. Never. He was, you know, never lay to handle me or the kids or anything. 

So in those types of circumstances, you know, any, any advice that I could give would be to take care of yourself first. 

And then, you know, get that help, get that, you know, if you have to go to therapy, if, you know, your partner, whoever goes to rehab, you know, speak to the counselors there, just as much as that addict has to learn why they are the way they are. The family and the friends have to also learn why they are that way. And if, if you can, learn to, you know, learn to to figure out what those, those triggers are. And if you're willing to do it. Then by all means, you know, just work with them as long as they work with you. It's a lot like I 

Wendy Beck 1:05:09
Right. 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:09
said, like I'm keeping saying it's all the communication, which clearly I am not always great at communication, but I do still tend to keep a lot of things in and I don't 

Rich Bennett 1:05:17
that takes 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:18
talk. 

Rich Bennett 1:05:18
two. 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:18
It's not the easiest thing in the world. And he gets mad at me. My therapist gets mad at me because I just like, you know what, screw it, I'm just not going to say anything. I'm going to keep it to myself then. And he's like, but that's, that's not what you 

Wendy Beck 1:05:30
Because 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:30
can do. 

Wendy Beck 1:05:31
I'll tell it like it is. And then I usually don't make friends that way. 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:35
Yeah. Yeah. No, I hold everything in everything. And so it's, depending on the circumstances, obviously, but it's, it's just, 

Wendy Beck 1:05:47
it's work, and it's work. You have to 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:50
in, 

Wendy Beck 1:05:50
put 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:50
and you 

Wendy Beck 1:05:50
it 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:50
don't have. Yeah. And if you don't want to, then don't, that's okay. That's okay. 

Wendy Beck 1:05:57
Make sure you know what you're working towards. 

Alicia Bloss 1:05:59
Right. 

Wendy Beck 1:06:00
honestly if you're, 

Alicia Bloss 1:06:00
Right. 

Wendy Beck 1:06:00
if you're going to, if you're in it to win it together, that's 

Alicia Bloss 1:06:03
That's 

Wendy Beck 1:06:03
great. But if you're not, 

Alicia Bloss 1:06:04
if you feel like you're the only one that's still doing it, even though that person is sober and you can see they're making the changes in their life, but they're not trying to make any changes in your marriage or your relationship or your family. 

Wendy Beck 1:06:18
That's, 

Alicia Bloss 1:06:19
and that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. If he had come home and, and I had seen him doing the work on himself, and us not being able to have these conversations that we do now or anything like that, I can probably say that that would have been it. 

Wendy Beck 1:06:38
Well, thank you, I'm glad I was, 

Alicia Bloss 1:06:41
oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh. If you have 

Rich Bennett 1:06:42
any more questions, I got to do with her what I do with Damien. 

Wendy Beck 1:06:46
What? 

Alicia Bloss 1:06:46
What? 

Rich Bennett 1:06:47
You got to pick a number between one and 100 for the last question. 

Wendy Beck 1:06:50
Oh, 

Rich Bennett 1:06:52
and I don't know what's going to be unless you picked the same damn number that he did pick a high number. 

Alicia Bloss 1:06:56
Probably not 33. 

Wendy Beck 1:06:59
Okay. You remember what number 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:00
he picked? Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:01
picked number eight. 

Wendy Beck 1:07:02
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:02
It 

Wendy Beck 1:07:02
He 

Rich Bennett 1:07:02
was 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:02
just. It was just. Oh, yep. That was 

Wendy Beck 1:07:04
okay. 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:04
It's number. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:07
I remember it because I just added the pocket his episode of 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:10
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:10
the... 

Oh, this actually goes with what we've been 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:16
about. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:17
talking 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:17
Alright. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:18
Number 33, you said, right? 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:19
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:20
Okay, did you ever find the canopy? No, I'm joking. 

Wendy Beck 1:07:28
Inside, Joe. 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:31
He did find it, actually. Yup. When we came out for the pet thing, 

Wendy Beck 1:07:36
uh... 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:36
God love him. My husband brings the canopy up, right? We go to set it up, there's no top to it. He just has the frame. He happened to 

Wendy Beck 1:07:47
walk over. 

Alicia Bloss 1:07:48
Yeah, I know. But he said, don't let him go over at the exact same moment, and he looks at me, and he looks at me, and he goes, oh, you're in trouble, aren't you? He's like, do you need me to go home and get him? Nope. And I refused to talk to him for like a good hour. And so thank God Rich had an extra one. Because he had no clue where the top to this canopy was. I'm pretty sure he found it because we had to use it. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:08
It was, yeah, it was late. 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:09
I think it was like in the box or something. Like, right 

Rich Bennett 1:08:13
on. He had it sitting. 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:15
Probably. Yeah. There's just, no, it's like when they go to look for something in a pantry or something. It's right in front of you. 

Wendy Beck 1:08:20
Right, 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:21
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:21
yeah. 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:21
That's why I say, God 

Wendy Beck 1:08:22
Where? 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:22
love 

Wendy Beck 1:08:23
Where is it? I don't see it. Right 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:24
him. 

Wendy Beck 1:08:25
here! 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:25
Wait, Ty, he gets away with way too much because he's adorable, and I can tell you that. He knows that I will let him slide on a lot of things because he's really cute. He's 

Rich Bennett 1:08:37
good. He's good. He's good doing 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:39
it. He couldn't find the amcanopy. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:42
Well, maybe. I still think you actually took it out and hit it. Anyway, so question number three, 

Wendy Beck 1:08:49
what's 

Rich Bennett 1:08:49
what's a 

Wendy Beck 1:08:49
a small, 

Rich Bennett 1:08:50
small change you've made that has had a surprisingly big impact? 

Alicia Bloss 1:08:57
That is really good. 

I'd say personally, it's trying to be more out in the open with our story. It's not sheltering myself as much. Not hiding as much as Damien had behind his addiction. I also had behind it. So, it's trying to be more present, and more open and honest with everyone, our friends, our family, the strangers, trying to just be more open about things, and not having it constantly going in my head and spending in a million different directions. 

Rich Bennett 1:09:51
I think because you guys are actually out there telling your stories, well, you guys are helping other people. 

Maybe that's why all of this happened, because that was your calling for both of you to help other people. 

Alicia Bloss 1:10:06
Yeah, I don't disagree with that. I love when I go with him to any of these events or whatever, and even if I'm not talking to anyone, I'm really bad at public speaking. So, the minute somebody asked me a question in front of a room, I just instantly start shaking, but I love sitting back and watching him. 

Rich Bennett 1:10:26
He's good at 

Alicia Bloss 1:10:28
it, he's disgustingly good at 

Rich Bennett 1:10:29
it. 

Alicia Bloss 1:10:30
really is. And, you know, I love, he does get upset with me, because, for honest, I don't always listen to all of his podcasts, because he has to understand, and I explained this to him, I lived your story. But, 

Wendy Beck 1:10:46
Yeah, 

Alicia Bloss 1:10:47
you've lived your story, but it's, I don't need to hear it, over and over and over and over again. And it was, I remember you asking me about his book the last time I was on with you, one, I still haven't read it, the first one, I refused to read it, because I helped him write it, and it instantly, like, got me so angry at him all over again. I feel like the more I keep hearing your story, over and over and over again, I'm going to get mad at you for no reason, and I don't want to, but I love watching him talk. I think he's amazing at it, and I love that he's able to go out there and speak to people. And when I do get asked to do things, literally, 

Wendy Beck 1:11:30
I know I was going to bring it up next, let me say 

Alicia Bloss 1:11:33
Like, 

Wendy Beck 1:11:33
it. 

Alicia Bloss 1:11:33
go ahead, please do. 

Wendy Beck 1:11:35
I, you know, I haven't known Alicia that long, but we, I think we first met when I co-hosted, 

Alicia Bloss 1:11:41
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 1:11:41
yeah, aliens 

Alicia Bloss 1:11:42
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 1:11:42
thing. And then, maybe like, I don't even know, a couple other times, and then you guys came to the softwaal for sobriety. Like, we really sat there, like, they came to help and, like, by that time, like, all the big, you know, stuff was like, taking care of, so we actually got to sit there, and, um, you know, talk and get to know each other a little bit. 

Alicia Bloss 1:12:04
[BLANK_AUDIO] 

Wendy Beck 1:12:19
I know, yeah. My circle is very small. Um, when I asked her, I was like, oh, I want to ask you something. I was like, do you want to be on the board? She was like, me? What, 

Alicia Bloss 1:12:31
why? Why? And 

Wendy Beck 1:12:32
me? What, what, and I, 

Alicia Bloss 1:12:33
I was like, because I 

Wendy Beck 1:12:34
think you would be good at it. Do you know what I mean? And like, this, 

I'm trying to say is that when you say what's the one thing that you change, that, 

Alicia Bloss 1:12:46
what 

Wendy Beck 1:12:46
that is part of that growth that I, 

Alicia Bloss 1:12:48
mm-hmm. 

Wendy Beck 1:12:49
And I'm super excited because you have a lot of wisdom. You've been through something and you actually, staying 

Alicia Bloss 1:12:57
mm-hmm, 

Wendy Beck 1:12:58
is harder than leaving 

Rich Bennett 1:12:59
yeah. 

Wendy Beck 1:13:00
because you not only had to do work on yourself. He had to do work on himself. You had to do work as a couple and not a lot of people have the bandwidth to do that. 

Alicia Bloss 1:13:08
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 1:13:09
I'm, I'm serious, you know, and sometimes they stay together, but they're not healing. And I, I really feel like you guys have like crossed over into like this. I don't know, like new chapter and not everybody gets to do that, so I think it's really cool. 

Alicia Bloss 1:13:25
Yeah, I appreciate that. I mean, 

Wendy Beck 1:13:27
he, and doesn't mean it's easy 

Alicia Bloss 1:13:29
No, 

Wendy Beck 1:13:29
every 

Alicia Bloss 1:13:29
it's, it's just like every other relationship out there, you know. We, 

Wendy Beck 1:13:34
day. 

Alicia Bloss 1:13:34
we, tiff like normal old married people do and, you know, I complain, he complains mostly him. But, you know, it's, 

Wendy Beck 1:13:44
I think she's painting a way worse picture than it actually is, to be honest. 

Alicia Bloss 1:13:49
It is kind of discussing sometimes that, you know, just I love that man. He really, he he saved my life. And when he and I first started dating, he, he came into my life when I needed him the most. And he legitimately saved my life. And, 

Wendy Beck 1:14:10
and you reciprocated, 

Alicia Bloss 1:14:11
right? 

Rich Bennett 1:14:12
I, as I say, I think you both saved each other's life. 

Alicia Bloss 1:14:15
I think 

Rich Bennett 1:14:16
because 

Alicia Bloss 1:14:16
so. 

Rich Bennett 1:14:17
if he wasn't with you, he probably wouldn't be in recovery. 

Alicia Bloss 1:14:20
No, 

Rich Bennett 1:14:20
He may not even be here today. You never know. 

Alicia Bloss 1:14:23
Right. I don't disagree with that. I, I've also, I've tried my, my therapist thinks it's hilarious that I try to literally rewrite history in my head. You know, we always like you go through things and you're like, Oh, I wish it happened this way. And then you start, you know, analyzing that I have had to like literally try to rewrite our history of, you know, Oh, well, we've, we've been together. In the years, and we were like 15, and he's like, if we were together that long, you realize that we wouldn't be together now. I'm like, but you think that your, our life together would have been how bad your life was at that time. But what if we started dating at 20 and I turned you around at 20 years old. Instead of 40 years old, trust me, it all makes sense up in here. 

Wendy Beck 1:15:06
And I'm 

Alicia Bloss 1:15:07
glad it didn't happen that way. 

Wendy Beck 1:15:11
Trust trust me, 

Rich Bennett 1:15:12
me, 

Wendy Beck 1:15:12
you 

Alicia Bloss 1:15:13
me. 

Wendy Beck 1:15:13
lost 

Alicia Bloss 1:15:13
It makes sense. Yeah. It's exactly like like he, he, I always say, you know, I wish we went through this period of our life together, this period of our life together. And he is like, yeah, if we were together at that age, I probably would have still been the same person. And I would have broken you, broken your heart and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, but what if it was the other way around, and it was perfect, 

Wendy Beck 1:15:36
okay, what 

Alicia Bloss 1:15:37
just trust me. 

Wendy Beck 1:15:38
if Biggest little word in the dictionary. 

Alicia Bloss 1:15:40
Oh, I used to get some I worked with somebody decades ago that said you were the biggest what if person I've ever met. And I'm I didn't think about it at the time, and I'm totally 

Wendy Beck 1:15:53
not a what if person. 

Alicia Bloss 1:15:54
I am totally a what if like I won't get on an airplane, people say why well, what if it falls to the ground, what if it blows up, what if it does that? 

Wendy Beck 1:16:03
What if it doesn't, 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:05
but I hear the what ifs and it's worse, what 

Wendy Beck 1:16:13
if this was the end the podcast. 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:18
And what if it was a what if oh God, his wheels are spending right now, I can see it, I think 

Rich Bennett 1:16:26
that could be a fun park park is episode. 

Wendy Beck 1:16:29
What 

Rich Bennett 1:16:30
if 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:30
what if 

Rich Bennett 1:16:31
it could be dangerous to on that note, thank 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:34
you. 

Rich Bennett 1:16:35
You're 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:36
very welcome. I really do appreciate this. I really do. 

Rich Bennett 1:16:40
Oh well, you 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:41
I 

Rich Bennett 1:16:41
know 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:42
know. 

Rich Bennett 1:16:42
too. 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:43
I know I had to because he signed me up for it, but I know. 

Rich Bennett 1:16:47
And I'm going to tell you what I told Damien to door is always 

Alicia Bloss 1:16:50
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:16:50
open. And just for the record, Wendy came to me and said, what do you think about getting Alicia on the board for reach against addiction? And my first response was, oh hell no. 

Wendy Beck 1:17:03
No, you said no. This is. 

Rich Bennett 1:17:05
Then I said, no, I think she'd be good. 

Wendy Beck 1:17:07
He said, well, why not? Both of them? I said, because I said, I feel like she has a voice. And I think she needs to be heard. 

Alicia Bloss 1:17:16
You are going to make me cry now. 

Rich Bennett 1:17:19
Thank you for listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and learned something from it as I did. If you'd like to hear more conversations like this, be sure to subscribe to the podcast. So you never miss an episode. And if you have a moment, I'd love it if you could leave a review. It helps us reach more listeners and share more incredible stories. Don't forget to connect with us on social media or visit our website at conversations with rich Bennett dot com for updates, giveaways and more. Until next time take care, be kind and keep the conversations going. You know, it takes a lot to put a podcast together, together. And my sponsors help add a lot, but I also have some supporters that actually helped me when it comes to the editing, software, the hosting and so forth. There's a lot that goes into putting this together. So I want to thank them. And if you can, please, please visit their websites, visit their businesses, support them, however you can. So please visit the following full circle boards. Nobody does charcuterie like full circle boards visit them at full circle boards Sincerely, Sincerely dot com sincerely, so your photography, live in the moment, though capture it, visit them at sincerely so your dot com the job at town lines club serving the community since 1965. Visit them at japtown lines club dot org and don't forget the E at the end of job at town because they're extraordinary.