Podathon For Recovery: Kayla G’s Road to Recovery

Rich & Wendy 0:00
Welcome to a special episode of Conversations with Rich Bennett. This is a part of our part of our recoveries. 12 days of hope. Our mission to raise money for raise against addiction. My co-host Wendy Beck and I will be sharing powerful stories of addiction, recovery and resilience to help break the stigma and show that hope is always possible. Your support helps raise against addiction, provide life change and resources, and you can donate right now by visiting our GoFundMe link in the show news. We are so grateful you've joined us on this important journey. Now let's get into today's conversation. 

Rich Bennett 0:39
So this 

Kayla G 0:39
is a special 

Rich Bennett 0:40
episode, so and 

Kayla G 0:42
for this 

Rich Bennett 0:44
we have the qualified one. So those of you listening make sure you make the donation because 

Kayla G 0:49
month, 

Rich Bennett 0:49
all the proceeds go to raise against addiction and it's going to help all of these women that are in recovery that go through reach against 

Kayla G 0:57
addiction. 

Rich Bennett 0:58
And Wendy has brought on 

Wendy Beck 1:00
special 

Rich Bennett 1:00
a 

Wendy Beck 1:01
episode. 

Rich Bennett 1:02
Again, but I'm going to let Wendy do the introductions and everything because I'm just going to sit back and relax as usual. 

Wendy Beck 1:07
Alright, that sounds good to me. I'd like to, I'd like to welcome Kayla to the podcast. Hi Kayla. 

Kayla G 1:15
How are you? I'm good. How are you? 

Wendy Beck 1:17
Thanks for joining us. 

Kayla G 1:18
Thank you for having me. 

Wendy Beck 1:19
This month we're going to do a number of podcasts that are dealing specifically with recovery. We have men and women that we're interviewing and you're our first. 

Kayla G 1:32
Okay. 

Wendy Beck 1:32
So I wanted to just like dive. 

Rich Bennett 1:34
I do feel 

Kayla G 1:36
special. I'm actually a little overwhelmed right now. 

Wendy Beck 1:38
Oh, 

Kayla G 1:39
like 

Wendy Beck 1:41
take a breath. Take a breath. Yeah. Since she said this was her first. 

Rich Bennett 1:45
So you're going to remember this moment because a lot of people don't remember their first. Wait, wait. 

Kayla G 1:50
I'm

Wendy Beck 1:51
ahead. 

Rich Bennett 1:51
sorry. Go

Wendy Beck 1:51
You always remember your first. 

So we're going to dive right in and we're going to talk to Kayla about her recovery. So I have prepared some questions for you and you had an opportunity to look over them. So I just wanted to you know make you feel comfortable and we'll just kind of just dive right in. Can you start sharing a bit about your recovery story and what led you to seek recovery? 

Kayla G 2:14
So I will have five years clean at the end of this month. 

Wendy Beck 2:20
Okay, congratulations. 

Kayla G 2:21
Thank you on July 24th. And you know, just I guess a little bit about my recovery is like I work a program. You know, I sponsor women. I have a home group and that's like a key part of me staying clean and a key part of my recovery. And you know, I think like what brought me to my recovery is just like the exhaustion. You know, my active addiction was the worst part of life. And 

Wendy Beck 2:54
right, 

Kayla G 2:57
it was just something that like I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And I think, you know, just living that way I lived for so long, the exhaustion of that lifestyle and the toll that it took on like me mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, all those things just is what like I just got to the point where I was just sick and tired 

Wendy Beck 3:23
of being sick and tired. Okay. 

Kayla G 3:24
Decided to make change. 

Wendy Beck 3:26
And how long did your active addiction last or back and forth, were you in recovery and out of recovery? 

Kayla G 3:33
So I started, I got hyped for the first time when I was like somewhere between like 12 and 14, I believe. And I'm 32 now. And I have five years clean, so like you can do the math. 

Wendy Beck 3:51
Right. No. Okay. 

Kayla G 3:52
Um, 

Rich Bennett 3:52
Wow. 

Kayla G 3:53
so it went on for quite some time. I think there was like a three or four year stretch that was just like the worst of it because you know, it always starts out as like it's fun. And it's like a casual using and with friends and then it just kind of progresses 

Rich Bennett 4:08
Fire. 

Kayla G 4:09
from there. Yeah. So I mean, there was like a window that was like this was just like the worst of it, but it was a long stretch of me, you know, using substances to just cope with life and and get through. 

Wendy Beck 4:23
And what was your biggest turning point or wake up moment for you during the journey that made you turn the corner? 

Kayla G 4:34
Um, so I can't really say that it was just like one moment in particular like a aha moment. 

Wendy Beck 4:40
Right. 

Kayla G 4:40
Um, I think it was like a collective of just all the things, all the just terrible things that came from active addiction. But um, there is like a moment in particular. So, um, I. 

didn't have the greatest childhood. And when I was probably like eight or nine, I lived in the middle of nowhere in Hartford County, not a lot of kids around. A family moved in next door to me, and this wonderful woman had these three kids and they were like a saving grace for me. And the middle child, her daughter, I'm actually still really close with to this day. I'm getting married in October and she's my maid of 

Wendy Beck 5:23
Oh, 

Kayla G 5:23
Anna. 

Rich Bennett 5:24
Oh wow. 

Wendy Beck 5:25
congratulations. 

Kayla G 5:25
Thank you. But she, in March of 18, her older brother that I loved dearly, passed away to this disease. 

Wendy Beck 5:38
Okay. 

Kayla G 5:38
And like they were always like a safe space for me, like when I didn't have one, like they were like one of the good things I had in my childhood, so it impacted me profoundly when he died. And she had, you know, grief is different for everyone. And she, you know, had kind of disassociated for a while, and like hadn't, like, struggled to process his grief. And like I hadn't really seen her cry and things like that. And I'll try to make it a little shorter. 

Wendy Beck 6:07
No, take your 

Rich Bennett 6:07
Oh, 

Wendy Beck 6:07
time. 

Rich Bennett 6:07
you're fine. 

Kayla G 6:10
She had figured out, you know, I think within like a year after his passing that I was using, you know, I remember seeing her one day, and I, I nodded out in front of her and I remember kind of coming to, I like the look on her face. She was just like, I had never seen you like that. And that's what she said to me. And then a few weeks it followed. She came to my house and I remember her just sitting on my bed. And like I hadn't even seen her grief for her brother. And she just started crying profusely. And she looked at me and she said, Kayla, I know that you're trying, but I need you to try harder. And I just, 

Wendy Beck 6:53
that's a powerful moment. 

Kayla G 6:55
and it became like a mantra for me, like because I wanted to get clean. I just, I didn't think you, I just, I didn't, 

Wendy Beck 7:05
Yeah, 

Kayla G 7:05
I didn't know how, you know? 

Wendy Beck 7:07
Okay. 

Kayla G 7:07
She knew that I wanted it. And like I would, I'm like I'm trying. I am because I was. I wanted it. I just didn't know how. And like I said, it became a mantra for me. Like I was just like in my mind, it was like just try harder, try harder because that moment of seeing her break down and like the pleading look in 

Wendy Beck 7:26
eye. 

Kayla G 7:26
her 

Wendy Beck 7:27
Right, like I don't want to lose you too. 

Kayla G 7:29
Yes, like it, so that, that, yes. And that was 

Rich Bennett 7:33
like, I just, 

Kayla G 7:33
just a strong moment for me, seeing a 

Wendy Beck 7:36
moment 

Kayla G 7:37
kind of almost like pleading for my life. So that, I think that would probably be like, that was just powerful for me. And like I said, it, 

Wendy Beck 7:46
right. Yeah, I can imagine. But, but you were, you were in a position where you wanted to because you said you were trying what you didn't know how. And I think that that's a really interesting thing to say because I don't know if people really do know how. So what did your early recovery look 

Kayla G 8:04
like? So actually, you know, her brother's passing was like pivotal to my recovery. Like he had passed, like I said, in March of 18. And I coped with that by using more drugs, like I remember being at his service. And like, I couldn't hold my head up. Like I was so 

Wendy Beck 8:27
sure, 

Kayla G 8:27
high that I just, I couldn't hold my head up. And, you know, it got worse because I didn't know how to cope. And I had tried after that, like I had this fear in still than me, right. And I had tried after that to stop using. And, you know, the program I work has, has literature. And I don't know if I'm allowed to quote it or be there. There's something in the literature that says we were using against our own will. And that's where I was, right? Like I didn't want to anymore. Like my mind would be like, no, don't do this. And my body would say go. And like I would try to stop using. And that's when like the withdrawals would set in. And I would get really sick. And I had gone to another long time friend of mine. And I went to her. And I told her that I couldn't stop. And that I was scared. And she was like, okay, I'm gonna show up and take you to a meeting on like the following Tuesday or something like that. And lo and behold, the following Tuesday, she shows up at my house and she's like, are you ready? And I'm like, what? And 

Wendy Beck 9:32
like it's Tuesday? It's 

Kayla G 9:33
like, no, like I'm high now. I'm good. Break down averted for that moment, you know? 

Wendy Beck 9:39
Right. 

Kayla G 9:39
and, she, um, I didn't even realize, like, I knew that I was broken, but, um, she had taken me to that meeting, and, like, I walked in the door, and I felt this sense of, like, relief, 

Rich Bennett 9:57
and 

Kayla G 9:57
she sat with me that whole hour and helped my hand, and I just sat and soft uncontrollably. 

Wendy Beck 10:03
Well, 

Kayla G 10:03
because I had kinda turned into everything I didn't wanna be, I was, like, lost and broken, and all the things, and, um, felt in the rooms, like, I still feel today that it was a safe space for me to kind of let out everything that I was holding, and that's how I was introduced to narcotics 

Wendy Beck 10:23
I 

Kayla G 10:23
anonymous. So, that's kind of, just kinda where it started for me. 

Wendy Beck 10:28
And, okay, so now that you know recovery is possible because you're in the room with all of these people and you're super-emotional, so what happened next? Did you go to treatment? Were you, what path did you take? 

Kayla G 10:41
I would love to tell you that I just was, like, yeah, like, we 

Wendy Beck 10:44
I mean, 

Kayla G 10:44
got this, so, um, at the time that that happened, I was actually in a, a very abusive relationship. And, um, I continued to, you know, my clean dates, not until 2020, so, and that was in 

Wendy Beck 10:57
a couple of 

Kayla G 10:57
Teen, 

Wendy Beck 10:57
years. 

Kayla G 10:58
so, um, I continued to use, but I also continued to go back to that meeting, um, like periodically, like, I would go and I had this one seat in the corner of the room. It was a small meeting, and periodically, I would just show up, and I would sit in that corner and I would sob, because I knew it was safe for me to do so there. And I would listen, right? I would listen. 

Wendy Beck 11:23
I like, 

Kayla G 11:24
I saw, like, you know, other people that were clean. And, like, they liked, you know, when I share my story, when I speak at meetings, um, I tell people that I wanted three things when I got clean, right? I wanted freedom from active addiction, right? I wanted some sort of peace because all I had ever known was chaos. And I wanted to like who I was because I hated myself. And I saw these people and they were clean. And they, like, we're some interesting people, and they love themselves. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like, are you sure you're not hiding? Like, you know, I wanted that. So, I continued 

Wendy Beck 12:07
to go 

Kayla G 12:09
back to that meeting and just listen. And what happened was there's more to the story that we'll get into as we go further down the questions. 

Wendy Beck 12:21
Okay. 

Kayla G 12:22
But, um, I out of that relationship 

Rich Bennett 12:26
Good. 

Kayla G 12:26
in December of 19. And, you know, it was a very codependent relationship. And like I said, I wanted to get clean for a while. I just didn't know how. Um, and it certainly wasn't happening while I was with that person. 

Rich Bennett 12:39
Mm hmm. 

Kayla G 12:40
Um, and I so treatment and 

Wendy Beck 12:45
my house, 

Kayla G 12:46
houses are not part of my story. So I have, 

Wendy Beck 12:49
my 

Kayla G 12:49
you know, my program, my program talks about like character defects. And like I owned a small cleaning company for many years. And I managed to maintain that cleaning company while in active addiction because it fed my addiction, right? I would go, 

Wendy Beck 13:04
job, 

Kayla G 13:04
I 

Wendy Beck 13:04
I do 

Kayla G 13:04
do 

Wendy Beck 13:04
a 

Kayla G 13:04
a 

Wendy Beck 13:05
job. I get the 

Kayla G 13:06
I 

Rich Bennett 13:07
check. 

Kayla G 13:07
do it the next, get the drugs to it the next day over and over. Right? So I to keep that going because I had to feed my 

Wendy Beck 13:13
I 

Kayla G 13:13
habit. 

Wendy Beck 13:13
check. 

Kayla G 13:14
So, um, but my pride wouldn't let me shut that down long enough to get help. And then COVID happened. And God shut the world down, you know? And. stimulus checks came. I got real hot. Real high. They went real 

Wendy Beck 13:33
Oh, 

Kayla G 13:33
hot. Um, 

Wendy Beck 13:33
well, 

Kayla G 13:34
and then they were talking about letting the non essentials go back to work. And I was like, you know, what I'm going to miss my shot. I'm going to miss my window. Like, this is like, you have to change or you're going to die. 

Rich Bennett 13:46
Mmm hmm. 

Kayla G 13:47
So I went to someone, you know, in my life that loved me and I was like, this is what I need. I need you to keep my kid away from me. And I need you to feed me if I tell you I can eat. And I detoxed myself in my apartment. And it took like a month. Like I was 

Rich Bennett 14:02
Wow. 

Kayla G 14:02
like dying for like a month. But like no one, 

Rich Bennett 14:05
this was 

Wendy Beck 14:06
during COVID. 

Kayla G 14:06
During COVID. And like, no one is harder on me than me. Like, I wanted to put myself through it. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to like, not do it. 

Wendy Beck 14:15
So 

Kayla G 14:16
like, I was, you know, and again, those character defects, my pride and ego and, you know, like, I wouldn't go to treatment. And I'm like, I'll do it myself. 

Wendy Beck 14:25
I can 

Kayla G 14:26
handle that. 

Rich Bennett 14:28
I can handle it. 

Kayla G 14:30
yes, and it's sad because COVID was hard on the recovery community. 

Wendy Beck 14:35
Yes. 

Kayla G 14:35
A lot of people relapsed, a lot of people died, but, 

Rich Bennett 14:38
um, 

Kayla G 14:39
I, my recovery, I crawled out of COVID and then, you know, slowly but surely they started having the outdoor meetings. And, um, I started going. And like, I wanted what they had. And like, I remember, like, finding someone that I didn't even know, and asking her to be my sponsor, and, and just taking suggestions and start doing everything I could, because I just, I wanted a better life. I didn't want to, you know, be an active addiction anymore. 

Rich Bennett 15:07
Wow. 

Wendy Beck 15:07
And what's, what's your support system today, in terms of, like, is it like the NA, the AA, was, 

Kayla G 15:14
so I 

Wendy Beck 15:14
I was, and 

Kayla G 15:17
I mentioned earlier, 

Wendy Beck 15:19
like, 

Kayla G 15:19
like, I have a sponsor, I sponsor other women. And then, like, I have just an insane support system. Like, my family is supportive, um, you know, that long, 

Wendy Beck 15:30
are they aware that this was happening? 

Kayla G 15:33
Oh, absolutely. 

Wendy Beck 15:34
Okay. 

Kayla G 15:34
My mother's nickname for me was in coherent Kayla, because I couldn't, I couldn't hold my head up. I couldn't have a conversation with you. To messed up all the time. 

Wendy Beck 15:45
Wow. 

Rich Bennett 15:45
If you don't mommy iske, 

Wendy Beck 15:47
where? 

Kayla G 15:49
So my daughter's 11 now. I have 

Rich Bennett 15:51
Okay. 

Kayla G 15:51
five years clean. So 

Rich Bennett 15:53
probably not, 

Kayla G 15:54
probably not like sheep, Yeah. I would say she wasn't like aware of like what was actually happening because it had going on for so long that it was just normal to her. 

Rich Bennett 16:06
right? 

Kayla G 16:06
Like, that's just how she thought mom was, 

Wendy Beck 16:08
Right. 

Kayla G 16:08
um, you know, 

Rich Bennett 16:10
and you consider 

Wendy Beck 16:10
part of 

Rich Bennett 16:10
her 

Wendy Beck 16:11
our support 

Rich Bennett 16:11
system now though, 

Wendy Beck 16:13
especially 

Kayla G 16:13
um, 

Wendy Beck 16:14
kids, 

Rich Bennett 16:14
get 

Wendy Beck 16:14
kids 

Rich Bennett 16:15
older. You look at them. 

Kayla G 16:16
She's, she's my support, but she's like my inspiration. 

Rich Bennett 16:20
Yeah. 

Kayla G 16:21
I have moments of weakness, where I like feel like I, you know, have those cravings or like 

Wendy Beck 16:27
When 

Kayla G 16:27
want to get high or something, I just 

Wendy Beck 16:28
about what 

Kayla G 16:29
think 

Wendy Beck 16:29
it would 

Kayla G 16:30
do to hurt to not have me. 

Wendy Beck 16:32
Right. Oh, well, absolutely. So what, what do you wish more people understood about what it really takes to recover? Like because you're saying right now you were, you wanted to do this on your own. Not everybody can do that on their own. So what, what is it, you know, just, you know, just talking out into our listeners and say, what, what does it really take? 

Kayla G 16:55
Well, I definitely, you know, I didn't do it on my own. You know, I detoxed myself on my own, I couldn't idiot. 

Wendy Beck 17:02
I can't even 

Kayla G 17:02
But, 

Wendy Beck 17:03
imagine that. Yes. 

Kayla G 17:04
um, I definitely, you know, wasn't alone, you know, there was the friends that, you know, had that were like grieving for me while I was still here. The one that, um, tried for me, the one that took me to the meeting, um, my mother, who, you know, just stepped up and she's actually the one that I went to and was like, hey, you know, feed me if I can eat and 

Wendy Beck 17:23
it. 

Kayla G 17:23
take 

Wendy Beck 17:23
Right. 

Kayla G 17:24
could keep my kid away from me because I'm going to be mean. 

Wendy Beck 17:27
I 

Kayla G 17:27
Um, 

Wendy Beck 17:28
to be 

Rich Bennett 17:28
for the 

Wendy Beck 17:28
hard 

Rich Bennett 17:28
people in an age. 

Kayla G 17:30
Yes. And the people in narcotics and anonymous as I, you know, as COVID kind of cleared up and I got into that, I had that support system as well. Um, I'm sorry. I lost my trade. 

Wendy Beck 17:41
That's okay. So just the question was, um, what do you wish more people understood about what it really takes to recover? 

Kayla G 17:50
okay. Sorry. 

Wendy Beck 17:51
Oh, you're 

Kayla G 17:52
My brain goes in a different direction sometimes. But, um, I think for a long time, like I had this moment where I like had this realization because I feel like for a long time, there was always this debate of like, is addiction a choice, right? Like it is it a choice? And for the longest time, I was like, no, like I can't control what I'm doing. Like I, I'm, you know, using against my own will, like literature, and things like that. Um, but I had a realization that like, it is a choice. Like I had to want it. Like I had to want my recovery. Like I had to want 

Wendy Beck 18:35
that was the choice 

Kayla G 18:36
to stay clean. Yes. Like 

Wendy Beck 18:37
to use because you wanted to, you had to choose to want it. 

Kayla G 18:42
Yes. I had to choose to want to be clean and I make that conscious decision every day, every day that I wake up. I choose not to get clean. So like, I think, you know, what I would tell listeners is like, think when I, when I wanted to get high, 

Rich Bennett 18:59
right. 

Kayla G 18:59
I found a way to get high. And when I wanted to get clean, I found a way to get clean. So it's really just like about like sitting, I had to sit with myself and I had to decide for myself that this was what I wanted for myself. So like, if anybody's like struggling, like you just, you have to want it for yourself and you have to choose to chase it. 

Rich Bennett 19:21
I I like that too, 'cause everybody's different. Just listening to you so far, you have a lot of willpower. 

Kayla G 19:28
I do. 

Rich Bennett 19:28
Yeah. And you're a strong-ass woman which not everybody's like that. Male, female doesn't matter, but all the people I've talked to, you 

Kayla G 19:37
strong 

Rich Bennett 19:37
have a 

Kayla G 19:37
willpower. Thank you. 

Rich Bennett 19:40
Yeah, I think that's one of the reasons you were able to, you know, go with the Detox by yourself. 

Kayla G 19:47
And 

Rich Bennett 19:47
not take the path that several others have taken. And...that's something that's 

Kayla G 19:55
hard for 

Rich Bennett 19:56
people to find. 

Kayla G 19:59
Absolutely. 

Wendy Beck 20:01
Yeah, because we're weak. We're human. We want what we want and we don't always want to strong, especially when we're hurting. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 20:11
be 

Wendy Beck 20:11
And I can't even imagine going through that Detox alone for a month. I can't even imagine. That must have been horrible. 

Kayla G 20:18
And, you know, it takes, uhm, a level of discipline. But like for me, and like everything I say on here is like my, you know, just for my perspective. But it also took like a great level of desperation, like I was just so desperate at that point to not live the way I was living and feel the way I was feeling. And after the experiences I had in the rooms and seeing other people and the way they were living and how they were like healthy, it was just something that I wanted for myself. 

Wendy Beck 20:47
Well, I like the way you say that, because you know Rachel, she's the program director. 

Kayla G 20:51
She's amazing. 

Wendy Beck 20:52
And when we have new people come in, you know, and they're still in their old ways with their old habits and their old thought patterns, the first thing that she always says is they're sick. They're sick. And you have to remember that. And then when you see that transformation, it's unbelievable. 

Kayla G 21:14
It's profound. Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 21:15
It really is. It's, it's, it's almost probably one of the most powerful things to see someone recover 

Kayla G 21:22
Mm-hmm. 

Wendy Beck 21:23
from the change from active use to recovery. You also have a good part of your story that now you are an advocate and you work. Can I say? 

Kayla G 21:36
I believe so, since you had to- Doctor Christina about it. My supervisor had sent you the email. I, I'd assume 

Wendy Beck 21:44
Okay. 

Kayla G 21:44
so. 

Wendy Beck 21:44
Well, just so our audience knows that Kayla is an 

Kayla G 21:47
advocate 

Wendy Beck 21:48
for the office of the public defender's office in Baltimore city. 

Kayla G 21:52
and works 

Wendy Beck 21:53
And I'm not really sure if we had connected prior, but you guys will send clients to rage against, for ABC program, which is after baby care so you have some new moms in recovery or that are expecting. And then we provide them with some of our program. So, we have the basic needs. So that's kind of where we connected, although you do know people in the community around here. So I wanted to talk a little bit about that because what is that like? What, what do you do? 

Kayla G 22:25
So, as you mentioned, so I'm, my title is a parent advocate or the office of the public defender. 

So, I work out of Baltimore city and I work with mostly mothers that have Senate cases which is when CPS gets involved. 

Wendy Beck 22:50
Okay. 

Kayla G 22:51
And removes a child. So let's say, you know, some mother is struggling from substance use disorder and a child is removed. You know, they get a public defender. And if they choose so, they also get a me. They 

Wendy Beck 23:06
okay, 

Kayla G 23:06
also, 

Wendy Beck 23:06
so you work with the moms. 

Kayla G 23:07
Yes. So, a lot of the times cases start at the first shelter hearing, right? DSS will remove a child and immediately there's a court hearing to deem that was just, you know, 

Rich Bennett 23:24
it 

Kayla G 23:25
taking the 

Wendy Beck 23:25
Right. 

Kayla G 23:25
child. And we step in and you know, I pretty much just support the mothers. 

Wendy Beck 23:32
Any way 

Kayla G 23:33
possibly can? Like if substance use disorder is the issue, we'll work on getting them into treatment. We're very proactive with like working with like mommy and me programs. There was actually a law passed in October of last year 

Wendy Beck 23:47
that I 

Kayla G 23:47
that states that, and I'm not going to know the wording. 

Wendy Beck 23:53
That's okay. 

Kayla G 23:53
But yes, that, no, I'm not but that the preferred placement. 

A child is with mom, and if the mom can recover and have the child at the same time that that is the preferred placement. 

Wendy Beck 24:09
Is that a marijuana law? Okay. 

Kayla G 24:25
And we, the public defender's office, like, we really, like, our team of advocates, like, we go above and beyond. Like, I know, like, on the 4th of July, I drove a pack and play to Baltimore because a mom, the Thursday prior, or she, on the 3rd, she was granted visits for a weekend visits. And she didn't have anywhere for her one-year-old sleep. So, like, I was just, like, she's like, can you get me a pack and play. So, I resh out to people, got her a pack and play, and then on the morning of the 4th of July, drove a tar, so she could have her kids. So, like, we show up and we show out, especially when you're working with a parent that's doing the work, you 

Wendy Beck 25:01
Right, 

Kayla G 25:01
know? 

Wendy Beck 25:02
right. 

Kayla G 25:02
So, we just support them in any way that they can to, 

Rich Bennett 25:05
That's 

Kayla G 25:05
you know, 

Rich Bennett 25:05
good. 

Kayla G 25:06
get reunification. 

Wendy Beck 25:08
Well, how does your lived experience shape the way that you support the families today? Because you did not have that experience, which you very well, could 

Kayla G 25:17
you have? 

Wendy Beck 25:18
And another circumstance? 

Kayla G 25:19
Oh, absolutely. There were many of occasions. If I didn't 

Wendy Beck 25:23
have the people in the sports system... 

Kayla G 25:25
That I have, my child probably should have been removed from me. 

Wendy Beck 25:30
Wow! 

Kayla G 25:30
God willing, that's not what happened. But my lived experience allows me to just go into every situation with a perspective of, like, empathy and just a level of understanding and, like, patience, right? Because recovery is a process and reunification when going through the justice system is a process. And just the lived experience I have in, like, knowing what it's like to be stuck in active addiction. And, like, so there was a period where I was, I was incarcerated for 

Wendy Beck 26:11
while. 

Kayla G 26:11
a 

Wendy Beck 26:11
Okay. 

Kayla G 26:12
And I'll get to that. But, like, I know what it's like to be separated from my daughter. I know what it's like to, although she wasn't taken from me, I know what it's like to sit in a cell on Mother's Day and, like, not be with her, you know. And, again, like, we go over and beyond, you know, the Mother's Day that passed, like, I had reached out to some of my clients and was, like, I know it's a Sunday and I'm off airquests. But if you need me, you call me because I know how hard it is, to want your child, to want to be there and to not be able, because I had made a mess of my life in active addiction. And, like, my recovery, like, I had to clean it up. 

Wendy Beck 27:03
right, 

Kayla G 27:03
And I know what that process looks like. And I know how hard it is. 

Wendy Beck 27:08
Those are most of the parent advocates that you work with? Are they in recovery? Is that a prerequisite for the position? How did you get into 

Kayla G 27:19
So, 

Wendy Beck 27:19
that? 

Kayla G 27:20
most of the parent advocates, I don't 

know about this, we have advocates from all kinds, like different walks of life, like, we have one advocate who actually had a synagogue. She had her child removed. And it was just completely different circumstances. It was awful. And, 

Wendy Beck 27:38
like, she, 

Kayla G 27:39
You 

Wendy Beck 27:39
you 

Kayla G 27:39
know, went through it. We have advocates that are in recovery. We have advocates that just have lived experience with the system. We have the parent advocates. We have forensic peers that is, like, criminal peers. And they work with just incarcerated people and advocate for treatment versus incarceration. 

Wendy Beck 28:00
know, 

Kayla G 28:00
We 

Wendy Beck 28:00
right? 

Kayla G 28:01
have juvenile peers that work with children and minors. And then we have a program called Better Together, which is the pre-petition where it's like the state's getting involved, but the child hasn't been removed yet. 

Wendy Beck 28:16
So they go in and they try to prevent 

Kayla G 28:18
that. Like I said, it's called The Better Together Program. And then, you know, if the child is removed, that's when they get moved to the parent advocates where we get involved when it 

Wendy Beck 28:27
goes 

Kayla G 28:27
in the court. 

Wendy Beck 28:29
Okay, wow. Are you a certified peer recovery coach? 

Kayla G 28:34
I am. Not 

Wendy Beck 28:35
Okay. 

Kayla G 28:35
a yes. Well, yes, because the coach was part of it. So yes, I'm a certified peer recovery 

Wendy Beck 28:40
Specialist. 

Kayla G 28:40
specialist. 

Wendy Beck 28:41
Sorry. Yes. Okay. Are 

Rich Bennett 28:43
they two different things? 

Kayla G 28:45
So you have to 

Wendy Beck 28:46
have the peer recovery 

Kayla G 28:47
coach to get the peer recovery specialist. It's like part of it. 

Rich Bennett 28:51
Okay, 

Kayla G 28:51
so it's just like a piece 

Rich Bennett 28:52
So you have to get that, you have to become a pe...and 

Kayla G 28:56
then yes, so there's like certain, like, see you use, uh, look, well, there are like credits, 

Wendy Beck 29:03
mm-hmm, 

Rich Bennett 29:04
continuing, 

Wendy Beck 29:04
continuing education. 

Kayla G 29:05
Yeah, classes that you have to have. 

Rich Bennett 29:13
'Cause I was talking to a friend of mine who's in recovery. And I mentioned about becoming a peer recovery 

Kayla G 29:19
specialist. 

Rich Bennett 29:20
And she 

Wendy Beck 29:21
says she can't because she 

Rich Bennett 29:22
doesn't 

Kayla G 29:22
have 

Rich Bennett 29:22
even 

Kayla G 29:22
the...D's. 

Wendy Beck 29:23
You have to have your GED. 

Rich Bennett 29:24
You have to have your 

Wendy Beck 29:25
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 29:25
GED. 

Kayla G 29:26
I've got FED. 

Wendy Beck 29:27
GED. 

Rich Bennett 29:27
Yeah, GED, not GED. 

Wendy Beck 29:29
Yeah, GED. Right. I'm dyslexic. Is that count? 

Rich Bennett 29:33
How when you're saying

Wendy Beck 29:34
it? 

Kayla G 29:35
[laughing] 

Wendy Beck 29:37
Well, okay, 

Kayla G 29:39
so... 

Wendy Beck 29:39
What are some common challenges that you see parents facing in the justice system? And how do you help them navigate that? Because...I mean, I'm not saying it's not just what's, you know, 

Kayla G 29:53
right. 

Wendy Beck 29:53
Having to go through this. But like, what are...what are the challenges? What does it look like for a mom that it is the end of a wake-up call? Or is it not? 

Kayla G 30:04
So...unfortunately 

Wendy Beck 30:05
I've 

Kayla G 30:06
seen it go both ways. 

Sometimes your child is all you have to live for. And even though you may be using, you may still be like trying to keep a cap on it for that kid. And then they take the kid and it's just like, "Oh, here we go now." Like I'm just 

Wendy Beck 30:22
going to... Like I 

Kayla G 30:22
Free 

Wendy Beck 30:23
have no...right. 

Kayla G 30:23
reigns. Like...and then in other cases it can be a bit of a wake-up call. Of course...there are many challenges in the justice system. But I think the biggest...I 

Wendy Beck 30:37
guess that's... 

Kayla G 30:38
From my perspective, one of the biggest challenges is time. Right. Because...it 

Rich Bennett 30:49
is not...it 

Kayla G 30:50
is not a fast process. By any means. Like, most reunification cases take a year plus. And it's difficult because I've worked with parents that they get clean. 

Wendy Beck 31:07
They're 

Kayla G 31:07
doing everything right and they're in the program and they're in the mommy and me and they're doing all the things. And the justice system doesn't want to give them anything. Like it's like...you start. So when your child is removed, they'll start by giving you supervised you'll do like an hour a week supervised visits with your child. And then as you progress, then they'll give you unsupervised visits. And then as you progress, they'll give you overnight visits. 

Wendy Beck 31:39
visits. So 

Kayla G 31:39
And then after that they'll look at reunification. 

But parents that are doing everything right and the system is like, "Hey, I want you to have six months clean before we even give you an unsupervised visit." 

Wendy Beck 31:53
Is that a case-by-case situation? Is that up to the judge? 

Rich Bennett 31:57
I don't...I mean, you may be...I don't even think it's that. I think it's just that...like you said, the time thing. It's almost like a time by time. 

Kayla G 32:07
Yeah, and the problem I see is like, I see, you know, parents that are just doing everything they can. And because of the time it takes and how slow the process is, they get discouraged. They're like, "Why am I doing this? I'm not getting anywhere. I'm doing everything they tell me. I'm doing 

Wendy Beck 32:23
everything 

Kayla G 32:23
want 

Wendy Beck 32:23
they 

Kayla G 32:24
for me and I'm not getting anywhere." So like, just having the patience. And like, although I haven't had a s in a case, I've been through a very slow process, myself, that took a long time to get through. And like, I kind of understand how difficult it can be to like, wait it out. Like, one day at a time is like very serious. Like, thing to go by because it can be very challenging to... 

Wendy Beck 32:56
Yes. And we have--we have women in our houses that have children that obviously are living with family members or their father or someone other than them. And I can see the toll that it takes on them. Because they have 

Kayla G 33:12
to 

Wendy Beck 33:14
go through the process of that recovery, which we were talking about earlier, is like it is a process. And it takes time. And day one is not the same as day 30 and day 60 and day 90 because you continue to grow. 

Kayla G 33:29
Right. 

Wendy Beck 33:31
So in your opinion, what needs to change in the system to better support families impacted by addiction and incarceration? 

Kayla G 33:40
Throw the whole system away and start over. 

Wendy Beck 33:42
Wow, 

Kayla G 33:44
I 

Wendy Beck 33:44
think that's gonna have you 

Rich Bennett 33:46
know, with though I agree with you 110% there. I do 

Wendy Beck 33:49
we need to do better. 

Rich Bennett 33:51
Yeah, there's and there's an There's a lot of systems out there, just start from scratch. 

Kayla G 33:57
Yeah, unfortunately, yeah, that's probably not an option, but 

Wendy Beck 34:00
it's not. It's Yeah, that's not reality because then what will we have? 

Kayla G 34:03
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 34:04
but the 

Kayla G 34:06
problem is to 

Rich Bennett 34:06
you 

Kayla G 34:07
just 

Rich Bennett 34:07
can't 

Kayla G 34:07
Just put a 

Rich Bennett 34:08
band-aid on 

Kayla G 34:08
it. Right, 

Rich Bennett 34:09
and that's that's the 

Kayla G 34:10
A 

Rich Bennett 34:10
problem. 

Kayla G 34:10
lot 

Rich Bennett 34:11
of things they'll just put a band-aid on it and that doesn't fix the problem. 

Wendy Beck 34:15
Well, I mean in all in in all honesty like the children don't need to be pulled back and forth so they 

Kayla G 34:22
need 

Wendy Beck 34:23
Sure that if they're putting them back into the care of their parent that it's the right timing as well So I can understand that but I can also see how with some women like you said that's their motivation and when they don't have their children it's it's hard. 

Rich Bennett 34:38
It's also yeah, and it's very hard on the kids, too. 

Wendy Beck 34:41
One size spit all answer. 

Rich Bennett 34:43
No. 

Kayla G 34:43
Now there's really 

If I had to give you know, there's so many things that could probably be changed that would be beneficial. One thing that I see a lot that's very frustrating for me being on my end is the case workers that you know when your child's removed your assigned to case worker and I wish that there was like I 

Wendy Beck 35:09
better 

Kayla G 35:11
Don't know like a System or something for these these case 

Rich Bennett 35:15
workers 

Kayla G 35:16
that you know go in and kind of remove the child and then like they're responsible for like You know setting up the visits and like monitoring everything and they they monitor the parent they monitor the parents 

Wendy Beck 35:28
you don't feel they're qualified 

Rich Bennett 35:32
Define 

Wendy Beck 35:33
Because 

Rich Bennett 35:33
quality 

It could be you could be qualified on paper but not in the mind 

Kayla G 35:39
That exactly qualified on pay they just 

Wendy Beck 35:43
they have the degree 

Rich Bennett 35:44
Right 

Wendy Beck 35:44
and then they think that they know what's best 

Kayla G 35:47
Right and they don't have like 

Rich Bennett 35:48
they don't have the experience Right 

Kayla G 35:51
Understand or really see like what's like I can see profound progress, right because I've been there and I've walked it I've lived it, but they don't see 

Wendy Beck 36:01
to 

Kayla G 36:01
it. So it's like it's it's almost like a barrier for the parent because The case worker like has just a completely just one-sided Perspective 

Wendy Beck 36:11
okay. No, it's 

Kayla G 36:13
yes 

Wendy Beck 36:15
Well, I 

Kayla G 36:24
Kick you that was my foot. 

Rich Bennett 36:26
Oh, you both kicks me. 

Kayla G 36:27
Oh, we both Wow

Wendy Beck 36:30
so their system obviously is broken and And you know, I don't think that we're gonna be able to Fix that anytime soon, but there are success stories Obviously, so can you share a moment in your advocacy work Where you were really moved or remind remind you of why you do the work that you do so

Kayla G 36:57
I I read that question, right and I 

Think my answer to that question is 

Wendy Beck 37:06
a 

Kayla G 37:06
now 

Wendy Beck 37:07
Okay, 

Kayla G 37:09
and here's the thing. So again, reunification takes a very long time And I've been working with the public defender's office since November and 

I have not had a client 

Wendy Beck 37:25
Okay, wow 

Kayla G 37:27
I did however, so I had a client 

That you know I was with her from day one like I remember The hearing the shelter hearing came in I got the call I 

Reached out to her they had taken the the baby from her at the hospital You know we got her into a mommy and me program She got clean she did really well and actually at like two months two months in They agreed to let her have her daughter at one of the mommy and me programs, which is insane 

Wendy Beck 38:13
Okay, 

Kayla G 38:14
they don't they don't do 

Wendy Beck 38:15
That's that's a little quick. 

Kayla G 38:16
that. 

Wendy Beck 38:16
That's in your opinion 

Kayla G 38:17
That's that's quick and it was because of partially because of that law that was passed that they allowed the baby to join mom 

Wendy Beck 38:25
Better together 

Okay, right, 

Kayla G 38:34
so like at about two months in they let her have you know the the child with her on the stipulation that she stayed clean she stayed in the mommy and me program all the things like I worked with her I visited her 

all the things and unfortunately 

She relapsed a few weeks after they gave the baby back so they took the baby again and 

You know she switched to a different treatment facility and Last month she passed away. 

Wendy Beck 39:09
Oh, no So 

Kayla G 39:12
I got and again, I know that's really not 

Wendy Beck 39:14
answer. 

Kayla G 39:14
the 

Wendy Beck 39:15
Yeah. Where is this the feel good? 

Kayla G 39:17
so this is not a feel good, but 

Wendy Beck 39:18
Okay, 

Kayla G 39:19
truth It's truth and when I got the call from the attorney that told me That she had passed Hmm 

It was just a reminder, right, and I was taught something I was taught that 

We don't take the credit when they win right because they put in the work But we also don't take the blame when they lose But like her passing was just like a reminder 

Wendy Beck 39:49
Like 

Kayla G 39:51
how profound and how real 

Rich Bennett 39:53
Mm-hmm 

Kayla G 39:54
The disease of addiction is and how badly people like me are needed, right because some of these women they have no one They have no one 

Wendy Beck 40:04
Yes, 

Kayla G 40:05
and like of course I went through all the the feelings and emotions feeling like I should have done more I failed her or whatever the case may be because I had such high hopes for this young lady and It was just that that monumental moment of like like I am needed like this is real like this is serious 

Wendy Beck 40:25
and it is Well, well, thank you for doing what you do 

Kayla G 40:31
I've 

Rich Bennett 40:31
if you don't 

had similar things happen actually just last year and yeah, I put the 

Kayla G 40:39
myself 

Rich Bennett 40:39
blame on What 

Kayla G 40:41
did you do 

Rich Bennett 40:42
day when 

Kayla G 40:42
that 

Rich Bennett 40:43
you went that day when you went when you got home for yourself do you remember? 

Kayla G 40:47
Well my so the team I work with is amazing, um, so I mean I cried 

Rich Bennett 40:53
Right, 

Kayla G 40:54
and I ate a lot of food 

But I had reached out to one of my supervisors that I'm pretty close with and they're like you know take the rest of the day off 

Rich Bennett 41:06
Mm-hmm 

Kayla G 41:06
And you know take that time for yourself and I think it was just 

Just giving myself some grace because you know immediately. I'm like I should have done more I should have visited or visited her more I should have like I knew she was like struggling. I should have stayed on her. I shoulda shoulda shoulda shoulda But at the end of the day like I did what I 

Rich Bennett 41:31
could no, 

Kayla G 41:32
you And I can't take the blame but I can you know take the pain that I was feeling and I can give it purpose and I think that's what a lot of my story has been is like I have been through so much and I find myself Not so much anymore, but for a very long time, I would ask God why? 

Rich Bennett 41:57
mm-hmm and 

Kayla G 41:58
Me 

being of service and showing up for other addicts 

is why 

Wendy Beck 42:07
is your 

Kayla G 42:08
why is my why I Take the 

Wendy Beck 42:11
pain that 

Kayla G 42:11
I've been through and I give it purpose and I support others that are, you know kind of going 

Wendy Beck 42:17
it 

Kayla G 42:18
through 

Rich Bennett 42:19
So with that The with the child and I guess with work you do you have no idea 

Kayla G 42:27
what happened If 

Rich Bennett 42:28
the child, 

Kayla G 42:30
No, so I know that the child was placed with a 

Wendy Beck 42:36
right Okay 

Kayla G 42:37
Person of her choice. It was like a family friend that has the baby So I don't I don't know what happens from there. I know that dad is still You know, I'm and is is trying to get so my assumption would be that the dad would continue to pursue having custody I 

Rich Bennett 43:00
It is but my because I'm thinking with somebody 

Kayla G 43:04
Kering 

Rich Bennett 43:06
for the 

Kayla G 43:07
mother all 

Rich Bennett 43:07
that you 

Wendy Beck 43:07
this time 

Rich Bennett 43:07
know all And I guess you really don't get that connection with the child 

Kayla G 43:13
No, I'll often it you know I 

Rich Bennett 43:16
It's just a mother 

Kayla G 43:17
Yeah, I'd like to put it this way, like, of course, like the kids matter, 

Rich Bennett 43:22
here. Yeah, 

Kayla G 43:23
but it's moms, no, I don't wanna say 'job', but like, I care about mom, and I show up for mom, so mom can show up for the child. 

Wendy Beck 43:34
right 

Kayla G 43:34
Like me showing up for mom allows that child to have their mother, because mom needs someone to show 

Wendy Beck 43:40
right 

Kayla G 43:40
up for her too. So if I focus on mom, and I show for mom, it allows mom to show up for baby. 

Rich Bennett 43:49
Which is a good thing. That's how I try to 

Kayla G 43:51
get you, because, 

Rich Bennett 43:52
I don't know if like, CPS does this or not, where they 

Kayla G 43:55
somebody 

Rich Bennett 43:55
appoint 

Kayla G 43:56
to 

Rich Bennett 43:56
that particular 

Kayla G 43:57
child. 

Rich Bennett 43:58
But if you were trying to work 

Kayla G 44:01
both 

Rich Bennett 44:01
with 

Kayla G 44:01
mom 

Wendy Beck 44:02
the 

Rich Bennett 44:02
and or 

Wendy Beck 44:02
child, 

Rich Bennett 44:03
sometimes children, that's 

Kayla G 44:06
a lot 

Rich Bennett 44:07
you, 

Kayla G 44:07
on 

Rich Bennett 44:08
on you, which could really affect your job and 

Kayla G 44:10
wouldn't 

Rich Bennett 44:11
be able to do your

Kayla G 44:12
job on a hundred percent of it. 

Wendy Beck 44:15
Yeah, it's like you're 

Kayla G 44:16
a sign to 

Wendy Beck 44:18
mom, and 

Kayla G 44:18
the 

Wendy Beck 44:19
I like that, though. I feel like that's actually wise. 

Kayla G 44:22
it 

Wendy Beck 44:22
Yeah, is, because, you know, a lot of people in early recovery, it takes them a long time to get that trust back from family members, and they don't always have a very big support system. 

Kayla G 44:38
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 44:38
absolutely. They're alone. They're 

Kayla G 44:40
alone. 

Wendy Beck 44:40
Yeah, they really are. That's okay. 

Kayla G 44:45
Okay, 

well, one of my biggest challenges in early recovery. So, like I had mentioned being in an abusive 

Wendy Beck 44:59
for 

Kayla G 44:59
relationship years, and this was kind of like my bottom, right? In June or July of 2019, about a year before I got clean, I had, like, I was just mentally, emotionally, physically just, I was just depleted in every way that I could, and I was still in this abusive relationship. And one day, I was, you know, arguing with my significant other at the time, and we were in a parking lot, and something in me just snapped, and I him with my car. 

Wendy Beck 45:36
Oh, 

Kayla G 45:37
right, I just hit him with my car. 

Wendy Beck 45:42
And was he okay? 

Kayla G 45:44
He was okay. He got up and walked away. He actually, you know, hit the owner of my car and rolled into my windshield. And he was a big man and he caved my windshield in. 

Rich Bennett 45:55
Wow. 

Kayla G 45:56
And, you know, it's interesting because when I tell this story, like at meetings and things like that, people will, like, I'll have women that are like, yeah, you're my hero, right? And like, I get different 

Wendy Beck 46:11
right, 

Kayla G 46:11
responses. The people are like, you did what? And then other women are like, yeah, good for you, like, 

Wendy Beck 46:15
time, right? 

Kayla G 46:16
And 

Rich Bennett 46:16
you back up and check. 

Kayla G 46:17
It's, right. And it's, it's, it's, in some cases, like, you know, 

it was, even though I did it, it was traumatizing to me as well. 

Rich Bennett 46:29
Yeah. 

Kayla G 46:30
It's just, 

Wendy Beck 46:31
what am I capable of? 

Kayla G 46:32
Right. And, you know, when people are like, good for you, bazaiba, I like to follow with. And I look at them and I'm like, yeah, good for me, except for the fact that my daughter, who was five at the time, was in the back seat when I did 

Rich Bennett 46:48
it. Oh, 

Wendy Beck 46:48
Wow. 

Kayla G 46:49
And that, that was my bottom, like, that was where my addiction took me. And like I had mentioned, like, there were plenty of reasons. Like the fact that CPS didn't take her is just like, 

Wendy Beck 47:00
at that time, 

Kayla G 47:01
at that time, 

Wendy Beck 47:02
right, 

Kayla G 47:02
it just blew my mind. Right? 

So he pressed charges? So what happened was he got up and he walked away, right? And at that point, like, I was like, concerned for my daughter. Like, there was a towel in the car. I remember covering her with a towel. So like the glass didn't get on her and I tried to get the car somewhere and, um, no charges were pressed at that time. In the state of Maryland, have a year and a day to press charges on somebody. 

I had gotten away from him in December of 19. And it was again, like I fought fire with fire, clearly, but it was a very abusive kind of controlling relationship. And I think when he realized that he was losing that control over my life, it was like one last play to, to get regain that control. And on January 20th of 2020, he went to the commissioner and he pressed charges on me for hitting him with the car. 

Wendy Beck 48:06
Well, 

Kayla G 48:07
and 

at the time, like, I was angry with him. I was like, how could you do that to me? Like, go away. 

Rich Bennett 48:19
Like, right, 

Wendy Beck 48:19
I'm living my 

Kayla G 48:20
I'm 

Wendy Beck 48:20
life. 

Kayla G 48:21
living my life. I'm getting away from you. Like, why do you have to? Why? Yes. I'm like, why do you have to do this? Just let me 

Wendy Beck 48:28
let was there communication between you two after you there was the breakup? I mean, was he still involved in your life or was this just like out of nowhere? 

Kayla G 48:36
So it was such a short period like we had stopped like I had kind of seized communication in December of 19. So it was like a few weeks later 

Wendy Beck 48:46
20, 

Kayla G 48:47
January 

Wendy Beck 48:47
okay, 

Kayla G 48:47
he said he had gone and pressed the charges because I think he realized that I was I was done and then like when he pressed the charges I was even more done than I thought I was. 

Wendy Beck 48:56
Right. 

Kayla G 48:59
But by the grace of God and like, you know, I like to think that I'm very connected with what we call a narcotics anonymous, my higher power that I choose to call God. Right. Because I thought I was abandoned for such a long time. But like having the clean time that I have now and being able to look back and realize that God was really there for me. I was not charged. I should have been charged with attempted murder. 

Wendy Beck 49:22
Well, 

Kayla G 49:23
and I was not. I was charged with secondary assault. And how that happened. I don't know. How my child was not removed. I don't know. Like all I can really sum it up to was like my power. 

Rich Bennett 49:35
Looking over 

Kayla G 49:36
you. Right. And you know, I had made a mess in active addiction. And like, I didn't get clean because of court. And some people do. And if that's if that's your story good for you, 

Wendy Beck 49:48
right, 

Kayla G 49:48
like if that's what it took, like I support you, like I didn't go to rehab. But if that's what works for you, like I support you. But I had made such a mess in active addiction. Like I had clean it up. Like some people they get clean and they get this pink cloud. And it's like butterflies and rainbows for them. And like if that's your story, it's like you just kidding. 

Rich Bennett 50:09
Nuts. 

Kayla G 50:11
If that's your story good 

Wendy Beck 50:12
Good. 

Kayla G 50:12
for you. But that was not my 

Wendy Beck 50:14
Right. 

Kayla G 50:15
story. 

Wendy Beck 50:15
You had to clean up your mask. 

Kayla G 50:17
Right. And what happened was I had gotten clean while during COVID, while the court systems were closed and then like courts reopened and I had to go to court. And 

Rich Bennett 50:29
I 

Kayla G 50:30
was sentenced to six months, which really is nothing. 

Rich Bennett 50:36
Nothing. Yeah. 

Kayla G 50:36
It is nothing for what I did. 

Wendy Beck 50:39
And he wasn't hurt, though. Right. 

Kayla G 50:41
No, he got up and walked away. He was fine. I 

Wendy Beck 50:44
mean, the impact, though, to the windshield seems like a 

Kayla G 50:48
lie. Yeah. And when we went to court, he complained that he had like issues with his knee. But like he was using as was I. Like he, I believe he had taken money for me that day and he just wanted to get what he needed. And, and, 

Wendy Beck 51:01
and. And that's why you ran him over. 

Kayla G 51:03
It was a whole thing. It was, I think it was just me, something, and me snapped. 

Wendy Beck 51:07
Right. 

Kayla G 51:07
But anyway, to kind of sum it up I had gotten, well, actually it was a total of seven months. I had done like 30 days straight. There was a false statement charge as well. So I had done 30 days straight for the false statement charge. And then they had given me like a couple months to prepare for the six months. And me having my pride and ego got an attorney to spend money. I didn't have filed an appeal and ended up with the same six months. But the judge allowed me to serve that sentence in a weekends. 

Wendy Beck 51:41
Oh, nice. 

Kayla G 51:42
And I chose to take the weekends. So I could stay involved with my daughter. So I could continue working a program. And for keep my company in for all the, all the reasons. But for those of you that don't know it takes two years to serve a six month sentence 

Wendy Beck 52:00
on the 

Kayla G 52:01
in weekends. So for 

Rich Bennett 52:03
week, 

Kayla G 52:04
the first, for the first two years of my recovery, every week for 48 hours, I went to the detention center and I sat for 48 hours. And I take that like I, you know, and it just happened to be that year that every holiday possible fell on the weekends. And because it was so many weekends, I actually chose to do them Saturday to Monday. You know, I was home Christmas morning. But Christmas day, I had to, you know, that day I had to turn myself in on Christmas. I think that hurt my mom more than it hurt me. Like I was glad to be there that morning with my daughter. 

Wendy Beck 52:43
right. 

Kayla G 52:44
But like Mother's Day Easter, like all the things like I remember, like I missed Halloween and like the following year, I took my daughter trick-or-treating and it was like what raining and cold and all the parents are like complaining. And I'm walking behind my daughter sobbing because I was just so grateful to be clean and to like get to watch her trick-or-treat. And that experience, helps me support the women that I work with because when I tell you I felt like that process would never end, I felt like that process would never end. 

Wendy Beck 53:22
I can imagine. 

Kayla G 53:23
But it did and I stayed resilient and I had a sponsor that got Stepwork in the jail for me and I did Stepwork. I learned that my resentments, because I resented him for pressing the charges and something I learned through working the steps of the program, I work, is that you're not allowed to hit people with cars. It doesn't matter if he pressed the charges, if I had not done what I had done, I took accountability and that was difficult, but there's so many lessons and so much like just that process alone 

took so much out of me and it took so much time and I know it's different, but I see it in the faces of these women who are trying to get their kids back. And they're doing what they should be. Like I was staying clean, doing my weekends, going to probation. Like I was doing all the things and the process felt so slow and it took such a toll on me and I see the same pain their faces as they're going through that process and it just feels like there's no end in sight, but there is. So it's just profound. I understand like different circumstances, but I understand what it's like to be tied into a system that feels like there's no end in sight 

Wendy Beck 54:49
in 

Kayla G 54:49
and I'm proof that there is an end in sight. And like the life I live today, like I help other people, like I said, I'm getting married to someone that's really nice to me, like, you know, it's just the life I have today is worth the patience and the resilience. 

Wendy Beck 55:08
And it's 

Rich Bennett 55:09
God's plan worked out. 

Kayla G 55:10
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 55:10
And it's a result of all the hard work that you put into it. 

Kayla G 55:14
Yeah, absolutely. 

Wendy Beck 55:16
This has been awesome. Thank you so much. I mean, I know everybody has a different recovery story and I know it's not easy and then you giving back to the community that you work with is also I think one of the most important things that we can do. One more advocate is just to take that lived experience and give it to others 

Kayla G 55:41
and 

Wendy Beck 55:42
watch it grow. 

Rich Bennett 55:44
I have one question. What's the next big thing for kale besides the wedding? 

Kayla G 55:56
I mean, if we're looking at like materialistic things like we're working on purchasing a home, which is like profound. 

Wendy Beck 56:04
A big deal. 

Kayla G 56:06
But really like the big thing for me is just being clean and showing up like every day is a big thing like every time. You know, I mean, I'm about to celebrate five years like that's such a mile. Like I get overwhelmed thinking about it. 

Wendy Beck 56:24
You've accomplished a lot in five years. 

Kayla G 56:26
I never thought like I never thought and just. And I'm not going to lie like the last year has been tough like I've gone through some things and I've had some moments where like I thought that I wasn't going to make it. And I did so really like the big thing for me is just continuously like working on myself and learning who I am and loving myself and being there for my kid and my soon to be husband and just living a healthy normal life. Like that is the big thing. That is the big thing. 

Wendy Beck 57:02
And I love that you said that. I remember this is going to be kind of strange, but I remember I was an Oprah girl, like you know, back when I was a teenager. An Oprah girl, I'd come from school or watch Oprah because they had you know that was only like four o'clock or whatever. 

Kayla G 57:16
She said, Oprah girl. I'm like 

Wendy Beck 57:18
Oprah. Yeah. No. 

Rich Bennett 57:19
said 

Wendy Beck 57:19
She 

Rich Bennett 57:20
Oprah, but you're talking about coming from high school. 

Wendy Beck 57:22
Yeah. Yes. Anyway. So I remember she had done an interview with this woman who was. 

Rich Bennett 57:33
Oprah was on that long 

Wendy Beck 57:34
ago. Yes. Aha. And it was the woman had gone through just terrible terrible situation. I mean, she was part of a war torn country. And she just you know raped all of these horrible horrible horrible things. And I remember Oprah saying to her, because I was like, wow, my gosh, this is terrible. And she said, you know, so what are your dreams? and now that she's on the other side of this traumatic life that she had lived and, you know, I'm thinking, you know, I want to be a movie star, I want to, you know, I want to write a book, I want to, she said, I just want to get a job maybe in an office. 

Rich Bennett 58:23
Wow. 

Wendy Beck 58:24
And I was young because I was like, you know, ambitious. I'm like, in high school, like, what the future is ahead of me and I, and it was so impactful because what some people would just take for granted as being mundane. That was her dream to be just be safe. And so you remind me of that in what you just said. And I think that that is beautiful. Like, we don't have to be reaching for the stars every second. Just keep your feet on the ground and, you know, you'll be okay. 

Kayla G 58:59
This is the dream. 

Wendy Beck 59:01
Yeah, yes, 

Kayla G 59:02
normal life is. 

Wendy Beck 59:04
Why are you looking perplexed? 

Rich Bennett 59:06
What year did you 

Kayla G 59:07
Oh 

Rich Bennett 59:07
graduate? 

Kayla G 59:07
my 

Wendy Beck 59:08
I'm talking about 

Kayla G 59:09
god. 

Wendy Beck 59:09
this. Look, I got great hair, girl. Yes. 

Kayla G 59:13
I'm just 

Rich Bennett 59:13
trying to think because I remember Oprah being on Baltimore News. 

Wendy Beck 59:18
Yeah, I do too. Yeah, I do too. I don't know. 

Okay, whatever. 

Kayla G 59:27
And 

Wendy Beck 59:29
maybe it was a rerun. I don't know. That's not the point, 

Kayla G 59:34
but just a piggyback off that really I know. Back off of that. It's interesting because I actually got together yesterday with, you know, two ladies and a sponsor and a group of other women that were in recovery. And we got food and we went to the pool. And we just like, you know, played games like car, card 

Wendy Beck 59:57
Right. 

Kayla G 59:57
game. So we just enjoyed each other's company and we took a moment. I was like, is can we just take a moment to be like because I have to be that person. It's like, let's 

Wendy Beck 1:00:05
Right. 

Kayla G 1:00:05
just take a moment or like be grateful that we're all clean and that, like, we have this. And like, I remember when I had, you know, an early recovery. I had gone to somebody's house and we had a game night. And we sat and with a group of women in recovery and we played like cards against humanity or something. I remember 

Rich Bennett 1:00:26
crying 

Kayla G 1:00:27
like tears of joy because I so badly wanted to be normal. And like, I didn't understand what it was like to have that, to just to just meet with other people and sit and play card games. Like, what is that? I'm not on the 

Wendy Beck 1:00:46
and I have 

Kayla G 1:00:46
street. 

Wendy Beck 1:00:46
to 

Kayla G 1:00:46
I'm not. 

Wendy Beck 1:00:47
go 

Kayla G 1:00:48
Yes. Like, and it was just we, me and the women yesterday were talking about like how profound that is when all you've known your whole life is like, okay, us. To have that is just. 

Wendy Beck 1:00:59
And that goes back to what I just said. 

Kayla G 1:01:01
Yeah, it's 

Wendy Beck 1:01:02
Yeah, 

Kayla G 1:01:02
the dream. Like to have that normalcy 

Wendy Beck 1:01:04
yeah. 

Kayla G 1:01:04
is 

Wendy Beck 1:01:04
Yeah, it was. 

Kayla G 1:01:05
the is the dream. 

Wendy Beck 1:01:05
That was that was unattainable to her at that time. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:10
You said something very important there, too. You say you just took a moment to be 

Kayla G 1:01:14
grateful. Yes, 

Rich Bennett 1:01:15
can we all just be grateful for a moment? And I think a lot of people, whether they're in recovery or not. Don't take the time to do that. And I don't 

Kayla G 1:01:27
know why, but it's 

Rich Bennett 1:01:28
hard for a lot of 

Kayla G 1:01:29
people. 

Wendy Beck 1:01:30
Let me say this. I mean, I'm not in recovery. I don't know if you know my story. I found it rage because I lost my daughter. It'll be 10 years this December, but I could hot and bothered to talk about that. But anyway, my 

Kayla G 1:01:46
yeah, 

Wendy Beck 1:01:46
experience with the ladies, you know, through Rachel and the rage houses, people in recovery, the ones who are doing it, I've never seen so much gratitude. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:57
Oh, yeah. 

Wendy Beck 1:01:58
It is the most beautiful thing. And like other people don't have that. 

Kayla G 1:02:02
no, gratitude is how I live and breathe. Like it's it's literally like, you know, I've been going through a lot with like, you know, living situations. And like I said, we're trying to my house and like, I actually have, I've been kind of ungrateful lately. And a few days ago, I think I like had the realization that I'm like, you are not grateful. Stop it. Like be so 

Wendy Beck 1:02:24
Right, 

Kayla G 1:02:24
grateful. Like it may not be what you want. But like, 

Wendy Beck 1:02:27
it's not what you had. 

Kayla G 1:02:29
not what you had. So like, I had to kind of come to and was like, oh, you know, knock it off. Like be grateful 

Wendy Beck 1:02:36
It's 

Kayla G 1:02:37
for what you have. And then even like my daughter, like, I, the woman I work with that don't have their children, like I walk home and my daughter is, you know, I go home and, and like my daughter is there and she has me and like it's just. there is always always so much to be grateful for. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:57
I'll give you a little routine to try. I do it every day and believe me it helps. 

Kayla G 1:03:01
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:01
Every morning when you wake up before you even get out of bed, just say something that you're grateful for. 

Kayla G 1:03:07
Oh I hate getting out of bed so you know. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:10
Give 

Kayla G 1:03:11
me a little more time to stay in bed. I might need a while to 

Rich Bennett 1:03:14
get out of bed. 

grab my angel say a prayer. I 

Kayla G 1:03:22
I'll 

Rich Bennett 1:03:22
call it my grateful 

Kayla G 1:03:24
one. Oh. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:25
Hold it, say something I'm grateful for. And then I'll forgive something. Whether it's a 

Kayla G 1:03:29
person or 

Rich Bennett 1:03:30
Something that 

Kayla G 1:03:30
something. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:31
happened. 

Kayla G 1:03:31
That 

happened. 

Wendy Beck 1:03:34
love that. 

Kayla G 1:03:34
I 

Wendy Beck 1:03:36
I didn't 

Kayla G 1:03:37
pray or something 

Wendy Beck 1:03:40
is 

Kayla G 1:03:41
grateful for it 

Rich Bennett 1:03:42
and forgive something. I wish I'm good. 

Wendy Beck 1:03:42
You forget me for kicking you under the table? 

Rich Bennett 1:03:44
I don't know. Something's 

Kayla G 1:03:45
absolutely not. 

Wendy Beck 1:03:47
Tomorrow maybe. 

Kayla G 1:03:49
Tomorrow. 

Wendy Beck 1:03:51
Oh this has been awesome. Thank you so much. 

Kayla G 1:03:54
Of course. 

Wendy Beck 1:03:55
Thank you. You know in honor of national recovery month we thank you and we you know celebrate you and all of the people that you help and it just it really means a lot for you to tell your story. 

Kayla G 1:04:05
Thank you. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:05
And we're grateful for 

Wendy Beck 1:04:07
And 

Rich Bennett 1:04:07
you. 

Wendy Beck 1:04:07
we are. 

Kayla G 1:04:08
Thank you. 

Wendy Beck 1:04:09
And I'm grateful for you too Rich. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:12
Yeah I know you're pushing. 

Wendy Beck 1:04:14
Thank you. 

Kayla G 1:04:15
Of course. Thank you. 

Rich & Wendy 1:04:17
Wendy, I understand that rage against addiction is doing something very important a monthly donor program. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Absolutely. We are hoping to get our supporters to join us in providing a monthly donation. It can be $5 or it can be more whatever you can afford really allows us to help plan and increase our fundraising efforts. Well why should people become a monthly donor? What are they doing to help? Their monthly contributions let us plan for long-term projects and respond quickly when urgent needs arise. And I'll give you an example. We had the need for a new mattress. Right. And we've also had urgent needs for refrigerators and washing machines and all of that kind of stuff that comes up so they tend to need to be replaced and our women deserve to have the things that they need. So with the monthly donor program technically anybody can do it for any amount and they're because rage against addiction always needs something. I know you've for years now and there's times you've told me you guys need a furniture, you need clothes, And and also you're not getting the grants that you use to or the contributions that you use to. So this monthly donor program will definitely help a lot. Yes. So somebody becomes a monthly donor. What is there anything that they're getting in return? Besides of course helping those that need it. I know you guys have like excellent newsletter. Would they automatically subscribe to that? Yeah. We'll subscribe you to our newsletter so you'll know what's going on. You can kind of track our progress. Here's success stories. Know the data and like how many women we serve each year and just be a part of something bigger. So with this I guess they're also going to be because of the newsletter. They're going to be one of the first ones to find out about events coming up like the memory walk and run. The basket bingo and any other future events that you're doing, the podcast that you do. Yes. So they're going to be tied in right away. Yes. All right so how can they become a monthly donor? You can go to our website and that is rage against addiction. org and go to our donate button and on there you will have the option to become a monthly donor and you can put in any amount that you want. Your commitment bigger small empowers our mission and changes lives every single day. Visit us at rage against addiction. org to become a reoccurring donor and join us in making a lasting impact. Thank you for your compassion generosity and belief in a brighter future. Together we can make a difference. Join us today.