Podathon For Recovery: Kayla W’s Road to Recovery

Rich & Wendy 0:00
Welcome to a special episode of Conversations with Rich Bennett. This is a part of our part of our recoveries. 12 days of hope. Our mission to raise money for raise against addiction. My co-host Wendy Beck and I will be sharing powerful stories of addiction, recovery and resilience to help break the stigma and show that hope is always possible. Your support helps raise against addiction, provide life change and resources, and you can donate right now by visiting our GoFundMe link in the show news. We are so grateful you've joined us on this important journey. Now let's get into today's conversation. 

Rich Bennett 0:38
Alright, so let's sit in here with Wendy again and she's brought on another special guest. 

Wendy Beck 0:44
4 hour recovery month episodes with some amazing people that are in recovery and today we have Kayla with us. Hi, Kayla. 

Kayla W 0:53
Hi. How are you? 

Wendy Beck 0:54
Good, thanks for joining us. 

Kayla W 0:56
Thank you so much for inviting me to be here. 

Wendy Beck 0:58
Yeah, no problem. We also have Rachel, 

Rachel 1:01
pro- 

Wendy Beck 1:01
the 

Rachel 1:01
Hello. 

Wendy Beck 1:03
program director at the Daughters' House 

Rich Bennett 1:05
Our 

Wendy Beck 1:05
program for raise against addiction. And Kayla and I met, I guess, 

Kayla W 1:14
2023. 

Wendy Beck 1:15
2023. She, she was a resident at our Daughters' House location. Did you start out? 

Kayla W 1:20
I was at sister's house, 

Wendy Beck 1:21
sister house from the very beginning. Do you want to tell us a little bit about what brought you there? 

Kayla W 1:27
So like, should I start from the jump or 

Wendy Beck 1:31
yeah, 

Kayla W 1:31
just like, 

Wendy Beck 1:32
wherever you want. Just jump on in. 

Kayla W 1:34
So I guess like the backstory for me was I grew up in kind of like a broken home and like my father wasn't addict and he ended up committing suicide when I was like super young. So I didn't like really, I don't remember him at all. And so my mom, you know, had a boyfriend who, you know, was my father figure kind of growing up. And started with, you know, then being on painkillers and you know, like, got like really dark like living in the house for a while. Like, I remember, you know, like trying to get up to go to school and we had to like tip to around because you never knew like the kind of person that was going to, you know, be waking up, right? So I just remember, you know, always like kind of walking on eggshells and like 

just being poor. And because my dad like committed suicide, my mom had gotten death benefits and she was working a full time job and she was like supporting this boyfriend to sit at home and you know, it's like she didn't have three kids she had four really. And you know, like it was, it was a struggle growing up, you know, I was very resentful towards my father for, you know, doing what he did. Cause like I just couldn't understand why I wasn't good enough, right? Like why wasn't I good enough to stay around for or get better for so 

Rich Bennett 3:05
it 

Kayla W 3:06
didn't really quite understand until I did. 

Wendy Beck 3:09
You know, how old were you? 

Kayla W 3:11
It was three. Wow. 

Rich Bennett 3:13
Wow. 

Kayla W 3:14
I was three when he died. 

Rachel 3:15
No, was this one 

Rich Bennett 3:16
you say he was in the Marine 

Rachel 3:18
that? 

Rich Bennett 3:18
Corps, right? Or was 

Kayla W 3:19
No. So that was my mom's boyfriend growing up. Yeah. Um, my, my biological father, I don't remember anything of him really. Like I've seen pictures of him, but that's the only kind of thing that I have. Um, and those are very few and far between. And of course, like I was grown up and, you know, like my mom and her boyfriend were very biased about, you know, him as a person, and like I never really heard any, you know, good about him, you know, I heard, like I kind of like started believing the things that they told me and like he was a coward. And you know, like he was a terrible person. He didn't love us, you know, 

Rich Bennett 3:58
and growing up, they were saying this stuff, 

Kayla W 4:00
Yeah, they were not very. Um, my grandmom was the only one that was kind of unbiased that, you know, 

Rich Bennett 4:05
right? 

Kayla W 4:05
would tell us that, you know, he did love us, um, but on from my mom. 

Rich Bennett 4:11
Oh, 

Kayla W 4:11
yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, and like to this day, you know, it's like a weird thing, like trying to, you know, like, now I understand because I'm a mother myself, right? And, you know, I was, um, I went back into addiction after I had my daughter and, you know, like I know, like where it takes people and like when I was using with my daughter, you know, she was not my top priority, right? Um, so like it wasn't until like I hit my rock bottom that like I understood, like I was having those feelings of like I'm better off not being here anymore. And I was like one of the things that really kind of like pushed me towards like I don't want my daughter growing up. 

feeling the way that I felt about my father towards me. 

Wendy Beck 4:59
you know, it has, 

Kayla W 4:59
And, 

Wendy Beck 5:00
like, 

Kayla W 5:00
in reality, like it had nothing to do with, you know, her, it had nothing to do with me, you know, like, I was born in attic, you know, and it's not my biological father's fault, you know, it's not my environment's fault, it's just like, I picked up one day, you know, as a young teenager, and, you like, the chemicals in my brain don't allow me to put down once I pick up, I just keep going, and going, and going, like, there is nowhere that's too far for me to go to use. So, uhm, it was really just 

my daughter was the main thing I remember, like, coming towards, you know, like, me seeking treatment, um, me and her father had broken up, and she was seven months old, and I was homeless with her, 

Wendy Beck 5:51
and, um, how old were you? 

Kayla W 5:52
I was 21, turning 22 at the time, um, and I was homeless with a seven month old, and, you know, I was doing, 

Wendy Beck 6:03
like, I mean, how did you survive? Like, how did you eat, how did you take care 

Kayla W 6:08
So, uhm, thankfully, you know, I did have WIC, and they were amazing with the, you know, she was got with the formula, and, you know, the amount of like, I mean, it really served, um, it served its justice. But for me, I really, like, I manipulated, you know, like, that's what I did. Um, I would call my grandma, and I would ask her for money, and, you know, she would give it to me, because she knew that, like, I was homeless, um, but, like, I had already burned that bridge with her. Like, I couldn't go back, um, so, being homeless with 

Wendy Beck 6:44
of 

Kayla W 6:44
her, 

Wendy Beck 6:44
her? 

Kayla W 6:44
it was just like, I felt like a complete failure, and, you know, like, I was trying my hardest to make ends meet. I had, like, started living with a friend, um, but, like, she had, like, this kind of side room, it was practically closet, but, like, 

Rich Bennett 6:59
Right. 

Kayla W 6:59
I shoved a bed in there, I shoved Matty's crib in there, and, you know, it was tight, and there was not much room to move around, but it had, it kept 

Wendy Beck 7:07
it 

Kayla W 7:08
hers, 

Wendy Beck 7:08
works, right. 

Kayla W 7:10
it. And, um, you know, I was still actively using throughout all of that, you know, I was not focused on, I wasn't focused on eating, you know, I wasn't doing anything, and, um, I just, 

Rich Bennett 7:21
You couldn't fix 

Kayla W 7:22
like, no, um, I was working at an assisted living home at the time, so I had to, I would wake up at, like, 5'45 in the morning, take care of her, feed her, get her ready, and I'd take her pack and play with me to work, and I would set her up next to, I was a medication, um, assistant, so I gave them their meds, and I had sat up her pack and play right next to, like, my little cart that I had, and, you know, like, thankfully, the that I was working at, they were so understanding, they were so 

Wendy Beck 7:48
wow, 

Kayla W 7:48
helpful, you know, 

Wendy Beck 7:49
that's amazing. 

Kayla W 7:50
It was absolutely amazing, you know, what they did for me, because they didn't have to. Now, the 

Wendy Beck 7:56
place you were working 

Kayla W 7:56
at, do they know you were 

Rich Bennett 7:57
in addiction at the time? 

Kayla W 7:59
I mean, there's no way that they didn't. There's absolutely, you know, but nobody ever said anything to me, um, but by that point, you know, like, I started using again, probably when she was three months old, and by the time I was working there and homeless with Maddie, I was drinking around the clock 24/7, like, it was, I would pass out, I wasn't sleeping, I was passing out, and then I was waking back up, like, two hours later, and straight, like, in withdrawal, you know, like, I needed to have it in me, and, um, I can't describe the pain that I felt during that time, one of my darkest times was sitting in that closet with my daughter, not knowing how to get better. 

Rich Bennett 8:48
right. 

Kayla W 8:48
And, um, so I'd like gotten with an ex-boyfriend of mine from high school, and we got an apartment, and, you know, like, things were looking like they were looking up, but like, it wasn't me that was providing the apartment, right. It was me, you know, manipulating and using somebody else, to, you know, like, fill my knee, it's right. Um, And I just remembered, like, I had called up her father and, you know, I told him to come pick her up. 'Cause like, I was done- I was done fighting the fight, like, I needed somebody to come take her. And so he did, and uhm, it was only a couple of weeks later, I remember I was sitting in- on, like, the porch, um, smoky cigarette, and I, like, just bought a gallon of a cardie the morning of, and it's like eight o'clock, and it was almost gone. And uhm, I just remember sitting there with my ex-boyfriend, and I was smoking, and I was just like, "I need help." And like, I don't know what, like, nothing was going terribly wrong, nothing was- there was- it wasn't some huge event. It was just like, I was tired of waking up every single morning to go to the liquor store, and, like, feeling like I was going to pass out, and then, like, gagging, trying to get it down, and then hold it down so that, like, my body would just, like, it was the most uncomfortable painful experience I could ever, like, amat. I had that moment of clarity of, like, I can't keep on going like this. 

Rich Bennett 10:19
Right. 

Kayla W 10:20
Like, I'm going to die. And, you know, like, I was kind of at that point, where, like, I knew that I was going to die, and, like, I wanted to die, but I wanted to live for my daughter. And, you know, like, I couldn't do both. It was clear that I couldn't do both. So, I set it out loud, and, you know, he heard me, and he listened to me, and I remember I woke up the next day, to, like, a whole list of, like, different rehabs that were in the area. And, um, 

Wendy Beck 10:51
who, did he provide the

Kayla W 10:52
Yep, my ex-boyfriend, he sent me a list. He had talked to his mom and everything like that, and, you know, they were, like, full on board, like, let's get her some help. 

Rich Bennett 11:01
list? Yeah. 

Kayla W 11:01
And, um, 

Rich Bennett 11:02
it's good. 

Kayla W 11:03
Yeah, but I remember, like, calling places, and them telling me that, like, oh, you know, it's going to be $20, 000. And, you know, to go through this rehab, and I was just like, how, how am I going to make this, like, how I have nothing. 

Rich Bennett 11:19
Yeah. 

Kayla W 11:20
How do I make this work? And, um, I didn't know that I had Medicaid at the time, um, as 

Wendy Beck 11:26
because 

Kayla W 11:26
a 

Wendy Beck 11:26
of the pregnancy? Okay. 

Kayla W 11:28
Well, there's a big chunk of the story that's not there yet. So, like, growing up kind of -- well, not kind of growing up -- you know, it was walking on eggshells with my parents, you know, getting the -- I was, um, you know, sexually assaulted as, you know, a younger kid by, you know, my mom's boyfriend's brother. And, he was kicked out of the picture, and, um, like, things were kind of more calm for a little while. And then right around the time I would start, like, aging up into, like, my teenage years, um, Her boyfriend started making advances towards me, and, um, that abuse went on for years, um, because I kind of, like, correlated, like, he was the one that made sure that the bills were paid. Even though he wasn't going 

Wendy Beck 12:17
not 

Kayla W 12:17
out 

Wendy Beck 12:18
making 

Kayla W 12:18
making the money, 

Wendy Beck 12:18
money. 

Kayla W 12:18
he made sure that, you know, he got on my mom to pay the 

Wendy Beck 12:20
bills. 

Kayla W 12:21
We had been -- we started getting affected, you know, like, life started becoming very clearly unmanable for them. And, you know, that was taken out on us, and, 

Wendy Beck 12:29
you know, 

Kayla W 12:30
um, at -- um, at 17, 

Wendy Beck 12:33
you know, 

Kayla W 12:34
When 

Wendy Beck 12:34
my 

Kayla W 12:34
I -- the ex-boyfriend 

Wendy Beck 12:35
boyfriend 

Kayla W 12:35
who 

Wendy Beck 12:35
was 

Kayla W 12:35
helped 

Wendy Beck 12:35
helping 

Kayla W 12:36
me get into treatment, he was my high school, like, sweetheart, and, um, he had seen messages on my phone, of, like, the proof of the abuse. 

Rich Bennett 12:44
me -- right. 

Kayla W 12:45
And, 

Rich Bennett 12:45
um, 

Kayla W 12:46
He was just, like, you are either going to, like, go to the cops about this, or, like, I'm going to go to the cops, and, you know, like, we're not going to be together. And, you know, like, I was scared, I was 

Rich Bennett 12:59
um -- right. 

Kayla W 12:59
terrified, but, um, I did, and I agreed, and I went to the cops about it, and, um, like, by this point in my life, I had already -- like, I had dropped out of high school, because of the abuse I was going on, I was breaking out in high, so I was 85 pounds soaking wet. Um, and I was already physically dependent on painkillers. Um, so, like, my addiction started off pretty young. And, um, I went to the cops, and, um, he was removed from the house, and I decided that I wanted to go back to school, and, you know, like, get my shit together. 

Rich Bennett 13:35
Yeah. 

Kayla W 13:36
And, um, it was, at the end of August, like, right before, um, school was about to, like, restart, and I remember, like, it broke my mom's heart. Like, it absolutely shattered her, 

Wendy Beck 13:49
What 

Kayla W 13:49
and, 

Wendy Beck 13:50
broke 

Kayla W 13:50
like 

Wendy Beck 13:50
her 

Kayla W 13:50
-- 

Wendy Beck 13:50
heart that he was no longer in the house? 

Kayla W 13:52
I'm not sure if she ignored the abuse, uhm, she definitely ignored the signs, uhm, but like the truth was out, there was no denying this is the truth, this is what happened. And uhm, I remember I went to school on the first day, I had been staying with my grandma and um, cps had shown up at the school and she had been calling them since like before they even opened and they gave me up, she gave me up to cps, yup. 

Wendy Beck 14:25
17? 

Kayla W 14:26
I was uhm, 

Wendy Beck 14:28
Wow, 

Kayla W 14:28
so this was early September and I turned 18 in November and uhm, she gave me up to cps and she got back together with him and moved to west Virginia and like it was a whole entire thing and like, not only was I like going through the like, I finally, you know, I had the courage to come out about this abuse that was happening to me, you know now my whole life has been completely flipped upside down, right? I was taken to arrow for two days and my grandma 

Wendy Beck 14:57
what is that? 

Kayla W 14:58
arrow, uhm, it is a place for uhm, kind of like, in my case it was an emergency placement, uhm, because like, I was kind of at that point where I was too old to be fostered, so I would have been pretty much like kept there until I turned 18. Uhm? 

Wendy Beck 15:18
Yup, 

Kayla W 15:18
Yeah, I mean, they're, at that point in time, you know, I wasn't thinking that like, they're providing me with a safe place, I felt attacked, you know, and I felt like I was being punished for, you know, coming out about the things that I did and like, I went to court and I remember standing in the courtroom and my mom was there and my grandma was there and uhm, like I still was in complete denial, 

Rich Bennett 15:47
yeah, 

Kayla W 15:47
like, there's gotta be something wrong, like, you guys are wrong and uhm, she, 

Wendy Beck 15:52
what do you, okay, can I ask, gotta be something wrong, what do you mean by that? 

Kayla W 15:57
I didn't, I though like, in my mind she was going through her own thing and I thought that she had like maybe said something that they took wrong and that was what, you know, like, had them remove me 

Wendy Beck 16:10
from her hair, 

Kayla W 16:11
it was, she asked for me to be removed, she did not, 

Wendy Beck 16:18
you have a 

Rich Bennett 16:19
lot of shame on yourself, 

Kayla W 16:21
yeah, 

Rich Bennett 16:21
and I gotta give you credit for talking about it 

Rachel 16:24
all, 

Rich Bennett 16:24
first of it takes a 

Kayla W 16:27
of people that go through that a 

Rich Bennett 16:29
lot 

Kayla W 16:29
long time even talking about 

Rich Bennett 16:31
it, but 

Kayla W 16:31
it helps others, it helps others, when 

Rich Bennett 16:33
it helps others, you know, when they 

Kayla W 16:33
they hear your story, 

Rich Bennett 16:34
hear you, it 

Kayla W 16:35
it 

Rich Bennett 16:35
definitely 

Kayla W 16:35
definitely 

Rich Bennett 16:35
helps others, 

Kayla W 16:35
helps others. 

It was excruciating, you know, and I've had to, it's something that, you know, like, I was just thinking like, six months ago, like, I got stuck at age 17 because I never worked to through that shit, I had never talked to anybody about it, you know, like, I was an open about it, I didn't work through the feelings that I needed to work through in order to heal from it, and, you know, like, it happens to so many people, so many people go through the same thing, and, you know, it's because of, like, the program that I've worked, and, you know, like, being in support of, like, women around me, like, they have given me the strength to be able to talk about the truth of my story, you know, because, like, you always think that, like, well, in my case, I thought that I had the worst that I was, like, this unicorn that nothing like this happened, anybody else, and then, you know, like, going through, and, you know, talking with women in addiction, and, you know, in recovery, like, I'm not alone, I'm never alone in any of the situations that I go through, somebody is going through it, and, you know, whether it's to a lesser degree, or a greater degree, somebody, and many people do understand, they get in. 

Wendy Beck 17:55
Can I ask, is there a relationship now between you and your mother? 

Kayla W 18:00
I don't have any contact with her. Um, she did contact me around my daughter's birthday last year, and, um, it was not about my 

Wendy Beck 18:09
daughter. 

Kayla W 18:10
About her own personal, like, gain, um, and I blocked her number so quick, you know, like, I held the conversation with her, and, you know, like, the conversation about, like, oh, you know, what, what, what would your daughter want for her birthday turned into, you know, like, a tax from the past, 

Rich Bennett 18:28
Mm-hmm. 

Kayla W 18:28
and it's like, I, like, I know the truth. In my part of the situation, and you cannot see your part, and it's not my job to make you see your part. 

Rich Bennett 18:40
She didn't hold until she finds 

Rachel 18:41
help. 

Kayla W 18:42
Yeah, yeah, and you know, like I don't see that happening, you know, anytime soon, but you know, at the end of the day. 

There's nothing, absolutely nothing, that now that I'm clean will step in the way of me and my daughter, you know, as I was at the Raite House, uhm, getting treatment, she was there every single weekend. Every single weekend she spent the night and there she took center for first step. And the Raite House, you know, like I have so many pictures and videos of her inside of that house, uhm, like they gave me, it's not a mother's and children's house, but they made sure 

Wendy Beck 19:36
sure 

Kayla W 19:36
that 

Wendy Beck 19:36
that I 

Kayla W 19:36
I was able to take care of that relationship and rebuild and, you know, like, now me and her father are still not together, but you know, I have her Thursday through Monday now. Like, I have her the majority of the time, and you know, like it's continuing to, I continue to get her more and more and I'm able to provide her more today. You know, like we, I have my own apartment and she's got her own room in there. And like that is such an accomplishment, you know, compared to sleeping in a closet, 

Rich Bennett 20:05
was there. Yeah. 

Kayla W 20:06
you know, like, uhm, 

Wendy Beck 20:07
So 

Kayla W 20:08
being 

Wendy Beck 20:08
Let's 

Kayla W 20:08
homeless. 

Wendy Beck 20:08
go back to the porch where you asked for help and you have the list. You have the big price tag 

Kayla W 20:15
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 20:15
and now you found out that you had Medicaid. 

Kayla W 20:18
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 20:18
Where did you go from 

Kayla W 20:19
So 

Wendy Beck 20:19
there? 

Kayla W 20:20
I went to a 21-day program, I went to Ubsurizon. 

Wendy Beck 20:24
Okay. 

Kayla W 20:26
And so I went there and I remember my grandma and took me and she likes out there with me throughout the whole entire process. And I think I blew like a .39 and they were like, looking at me, like how were you not dead? 

Rich Bennett 20:43
Jesus. Wow, 

Kayla W 20:43
Like, you could, 

Wendy Beck 20:45
was it mainly alcohol or 

Kayla W 20:47
I 

Wendy Beck 20:47
was 

Kayla W 20:47
was 

Wendy Beck 20:48
it... 

Kayla W 20:49
pretty much a trash can at 21, I had overdosed on Laced Xanax. It was fentanyl. Like really anything that 

Rachel 20:58
I put 

Kayla W 20:59
my hands But like alcohol was the most convenient for me, right? Like I can walk in anywhere and get alcohol these days. So that was like what really took me to my knees. And so I went through the 21-day program and it was for my understanding that I was going back with X-boyfriend. And like I was going to go back to my apartment and I fully believed in my mind that like it was just, I drank too often and you know, I got physically dependent on it and I just need to get like unphysically, like I just need to, 

Rachel 21:30
not 

Kayla W 21:31
like 

Rachel 21:31
be physically-- Detailed. 

Kayla W 21:32
Yeah. And you know, I'll be fine. And so I had agreed, I got like the Vivitrosha and you know, like as I got out of rehab, you know, he was just like... He didn't want to be with me anymore, which was understandable. Right? Because he's not an addict, you know. He's successful. And you know, like he didn't want to have to tip toe around, you know, my addiction. And like I couldn't expect him to. So like it was very clear that our relationship wasn't going to work out. 

Rich Bennett 22:03
Did you think he 

Wendy Beck 22:03
Because 

Rich Bennett 22:03
was... 

Wendy Beck 22:04
he was scared 

Rich Bennett 22:04
because he's the one that got that list put together that list for you. But do you think he was scared to see that you could basically go 

Kayla W 22:12
wrong 

Rich Bennett 22:12
down the 

Kayla W 22:13
path? I think that... I think that he very much so cared about my safety. And you know, like the lifestyles that we lived, you know, like I had to completely change 

Rich Bennett 22:29
Yeah. 

Kayla W 22:29
everything. Right? And like he didn't have 

Wendy Beck 22:31
to change 

Kayla W 22:32
anything. And so like at the end of the day, you know, like I needed room to... 

Wendy Beck 22:40
To heal. 

Kayla W 22:40
To heal. 

Wendy Beck 22:41
Yeah. 

Kayla W 22:41
And he, you know, like I think he knew that he wouldn't be able to provide that space for me. And you know, we kind of mutually agreed that like, hey, this isn't going to work 

Wendy Beck 22:51
Really, 

Kayla W 22:51
out. 

Wendy Beck 22:52
really grown up. 

Kayla W 22:52
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 22:53
Decision. 

Kayla W 22:54
Yeah, absolutely. No. 

Rich Bennett 22:55
So as that, like he didn't stop loving you. He just... I think he loved you even 

Rachel 23:01
more. 

Kayla W 23:02
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. 

Wendy Beck 23:04
Work this out. 

Rich Bennett 23:05
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 23:05
Right. You 

Kayla W 23:06
And you 

Wendy Beck 23:07
go. 

Kayla W 23:07
know, like he was the one that he was the one when I was getting... 

Wendy Beck 23:11
He's 

Kayla W 23:12
the one that found the text messages. 

Wendy Beck 23:15
He had 

Kayla W 23:15
already, like... He had already helped me out, you know, yes. It was... 

it's freeing to be able to like make that like this is just like thank you so much for your help and you know thank you for your weren't thank you for everything that you've done but like this is where like it ends and uhm so 

like he didn't kick me out of the apartment or anything like that but like I wanted to remove myself from there so I decided to go live in my car and I started working like warehouse and you know like it was I was only clean for like the duration of the time of the trial shot and I never like 

Wendy Beck 24:11
which 

Rich Bennett 24:11
scout, 

Wendy Beck 24:11
is 30 days right 

Kayla W 24:12
right. 

Rachel 24:13
Yep. 

Kayla W 24:13
Yep, I was using, I got out October 3rd and my birthday was November 3rd and I was back to using. And you know, 

Wendy Beck 24:21
so there's 

Rich Bennett 24:21
like, 

Wendy Beck 24:21
no grace period with that. 

Rachel 24:23
No, you can drink on it but you. 

Rich Bennett 24:26
Okay, right. 

Wendy Beck 24:28
You feel like it 

Rachel 24:31
defects everybody. 

Kayla W 24:33
I didn't test the 

Rachel 24:34
water. 

Kayla W 24:35
It was in my mind that it wouldn't do anything for me and like the addict I am I was just like well I'm not going to waste my money on something that's not going to do anything. I just you know kind of white knuckle it, I was like whatever I can I can wait 30 days and you know so I did and uhm things went downhill really fast and you I had. I don't even know 

Wendy Beck 25:00
I 

Kayla W 25:00
I think 

Wendy Beck 25:00
think I was just 

Kayla W 25:01
staying in hotels and I remember I had my daughter and I had been drinking pretty heavily and you know I kind of went back through like crisis and I called a crisis hotline on myself and I was just like I need somebody to come, you know I was in a parking lot park my car took my keys out and she's like in the back seat and I'm just like looking at her and. So they came and they found me and you know called her father and you know he was fed up he was just like you know like I'm going to court for emergency custody of her and you know like in my mind I was just like there's no way and you know like that was it was granted that he got 30 days and I had to go to rehab and so uhm I guess it was like a peer or somebody in there had helped me get into ashly. So I went to ashly and you know I was still not focused I was not focused on my recovery you know I was there I had my little rehab boyfriend that I got obsessed with and you know like I got put on 

Rachel 26:08
the room and 

Kayla W 26:08
yeah. Oh that's what it that's what happened you know I 

Wendy Beck 26:13
still at this point you're not really taking your disease serious. no. Wow 

Rachel 26:18
No, 

Kayla W 26:18
I was 

Wendy Beck 26:19
it was not like it was just not 

Kayla W 26:20
I 

Wendy Beck 26:21
like 

Kayla W 26:21
was focused on anything outside of myself still and you know like I was putting like this beautiful rehab that like I would have never been able to get I treated it So 

Rich Bennett 26:35
like. 

Kayla W 26:38
I was determined though to you know get back into my daughter's life that was one thing like I was not focusing too much on the recovery but you know I decided that after you know I was going to do some kind of after care. So I go on to I finish the 28 days and I went to 3.1 program for women's and children in Cecil County and I was told within 

Wendy Beck 27:03
and she went with you. 

Kayla W 27:03
Yup she lived there with me right off the bat. She was there with every single day and within like a month and a half they told me that they could not treat me anymore because I was defiant. I didn't want to go into group. I did not want to listen. I was I was unwilling and you know like. Life didn't have like 

Wendy Beck 27:27
I did. How did that make 

Kayla W 27:28
you feel? 

Wendy Beck 27:28
Like someone 

Kayla W 27:29
like 

Wendy Beck 27:29
tells 

Kayla W 27:29
you know. 

Wendy Beck 27:30
us 

care or did it start 

Kayla W 27:34
I 

Wendy Beck 27:34
to see 

Kayla W 27:34
don't 

Wendy Beck 27:34
pin at some point. 

Kayla W 27:36
No, I did it and everybody else is still the problem. I was just like whatever I'll figure out something else whatever and so that's how I got connected with Rachel and because they were like we're not going to kick you out but like you've got one more outburst and you're fucking homeless so 

Rich Bennett 27:57
Rachel 

Kayla W 27:57
like. 

Rich Bennett 27:58
you're led that should 

Rachel 27:58
have. 

Kayla W 27:59
No, so 

Wendy Beck 28:00
I 

Kayla W 28:01
got connected 

Wendy Beck 28:03
and. 

Kayla W 28:03
Maddie ended up getting sick 

Wendy Beck 28:05
and. 

Kayla W 28:05
We were put on bad rest and we weren't allowed to leave our room or anything like that. So I missed the time to you know talk Turn on the phone. I missed the interview and so I call her like as soon as I get off the bad rest I'm like, I'm so sorry, you know, this is what happened. She was like, oh, well, I already like the bed was already filled You know like but I'll put you number one on the wait list. I was just like, okay, and so I'm like sitting there. I'm just like Fuck I actually like if I don't want to be homeless and if I actually want to keep on giving this thing a fucking try Like I have to do what I am being told to do so like for the next three days I did what I was for the 

Rachel 28:41
best behavior. 

Kayla W 28:42
Yeah, so I was on my She called very quickly. She's like, you know, I've got a bed for you. Be here Monday. It's like yeah, no problem. I'll be there Monday so 

So I go ahead and I leave the 3.1 on Friday and I dropped my daughter off to her babysitter and Back out to the races no time. I drove all the way to Frederick County to go see my rehab boyfriend that I met nationally I relapsed 

Rich Bennett 29:13
sounds like a book 

Kayla W 29:15
room 

Rich Bennett 29:15
rehab 

Kayla W 29:17
It was terrible and like all my way back 

Wendy Beck 29:19
and you're supposed to come to sister 

Kayla W 29:21
Yes, 

Wendy Beck 29:21
house on Monday. Okay? 

Kayla W 29:22
yes, yep. 

Rachel 29:23
Yeah, she's already drinking 

Kayla W 29:25
uh-huh and On my way back from Frederick, it was like 12 o'clock in the morning and like that 

Wendy Beck 29:34
That 

Kayla W 29:35
Sunday or it was Sunday night and I ended up passing out 

Rich Bennett 29:41
wheel and 

Kayla W 29:41
behind the 

Rich Bennett 29:42
um yep while driving oh 

Kayla W 29:45
My car veered off into the other lane and I hit two parked cars and Thankfully, you know, nobody was in those 

Rich Bennett 29:53
Yeah 

Kayla W 29:54
cars. But the thing that scared me straight was I was so out of it when I like came to after you know the impact first thing I did was look behind me and like I wasn't sure if my daughter was in the car or not 

Rachel 30:07
and 

Kayla W 30:07
Thankfully, she wasn't and you know, I remember just like crawling out of 

Wendy Beck 30:12
See 

Kayla W 30:12
the cl-- 

Wendy Beck 30:13
you you left her with the babysitter for the weekend 

Kayla W 30:15
So her father 

Wendy Beck 30:16
driving. 

Kayla W 30:16
picked her 

Wendy Beck 30:16
Oh, okay. All right You knew 

Kayla W 30:18
up. I knew that 

Wendy Beck 30:18
that I 

Kayla W 30:18
I was 

Wendy Beck 30:18
was dropping her off 

Kayla W 30:19
had 

Wendy Beck 30:19
cuz I had 

Kayla W 30:20
her for a couple weeks at that point So um, he was supposed to get her so she was with him and like like I just popped out of the car and like There's a home like from what I remember it could be it could have only been a couple people But like it felt like there was a crowd of people 

Rachel 30:37
Just 

Kayla W 30:37
just like asking me like are you okay? I'm like is everybody else okay? And like they're like are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine And like nobody was in the car So I'm just like I sat on the sidewalk and I waited for the cops to get there and like I was just like I'm ready to like Wow It didn't fucking kill me so I'm ready to go to jail like this is what it is And you know, so like they took me and they let me go like 45 minutes later They charged me with the DUI and they just like set me on my way xboy friend picked me up and you 

Wendy Beck 31:09
called 

Kayla W 31:09
know 

Wendy Beck 31:09
The 

Kayla W 31:09
So I next morning 

Wendy Beck 31:11
I 

Kayla W 31:12
hope this doesn't deter you from taking me but like this is what happened like I relapsed and You know, like that car that I told you that I have I no longer 

Wendy Beck 31:23
it 

Kayla W 31:23
have Now I have a DUI 

Rachel 31:27
In a matter of a couple 

Kayla W 31:29
happened. 

Rachel 31:29
days. 

Kayla W 31:29
Yeah, 

Rachel 31:30
Yeah, that's what 

Kayla W 31:30
she was like 

Rachel 31:33
This 

Kayla W 31:33
is 

Rich Bennett 31:33
it but how many other people are actually that honest with 

Rachel 31:36
you? 

Wendy Beck 31:37
Yeah, 

Rachel 31:38
yeah depends on the person, you know, 

Kayla W 31:40
I mean I was 

Wendy Beck 31:41
So the door of state open for you, she came back you 

Kayla W 31:45
yeah, she told me to go to the crisis 

Rachel 31:47
came Yeah, 

Kayla W 31:48
center and so I go there with my little suitcase full of clothes and like I like roll it up there and they're like Winner time at the they're like, we don't have any beds for you So like they pretty much told me like I mean you can like come in but like we're gonna evaluate you and stand you on your way within a couple hours So like I called Rachel and like they wouldn't take me just like well, you need to like stay put for a couple days I'll see you on Wednesday 

So my ex boyfriend had gotten a girlfriend already and he The 

Wendy Beck 32:24
rehab 

Kayla W 32:24
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 32:24
guy oh 

Kayla W 32:25
no, no, no, no 

Wendy Beck 32:28
Maddie's 

Rachel 32:28
right 

Wendy Beck 32:28
dad 

Kayla W 32:29
okay. No, no, not maddie's dad Expo, I 

Rich Bennett 32:31
it 

Kayla W 32:31
isn't 

Rich Bennett 32:32
her her high school 

Kayla W 32:32
sweetheart. You 

Rich Bennett 32:34
Yeah 

Kayla W 32:34
see a theme you see a theme here. 

Wendy Beck 32:35
okay, 

Kayla W 32:35
High 

Wendy Beck 32:35
she's got a 

Kayla W 32:36
school 

Wendy Beck 32:36
pattern 

Kayla W 32:36
He high school sweetheart paid his girlfriend to babysit 

Rachel 32:40
days. 

Kayla W 32:40
me 

Rachel 32:41
Yep 

Kayla W 32:41
for 

Rachel 32:41
for those 

Kayla W 32:41
those two 

Rachel 32:41
two 

Rich Bennett 32:41
days Wow gosh 

Kayla W 32:43
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 32:44
Well, that's 

Kayla W 32:44
and uh, 

Wendy Beck 32:44
nice. 

Kayla W 32:45
yeah, he paid her to feed me and hang out with me and just do, 

Rich Bennett 32:49
he was your, Yep. Wow. 

Kayla W 32:51
Yup. She, I slept on the couch and they slept in the room and like, she's babysat me while he went to work and, they fed me good, and uhm, she dropped me off that, raised against addiction one day. 

Rich Bennett 33:03
Alright. I have to ask this. Do you know if they're still 

Kayla W 33:06
together? They are 

Rachel 33:08
not. 

Kayla W 33:09
Okay. No. 

Wendy Beck 33:10
But that doesn't 

Rachel 33:11
matter. No, I don't. You 

Wendy Beck 33:14
needed. 

Kayla W 33:14
She was, she was really, she was kind of me and we 

Rich Bennett 33:18
Right. 

Kayla W 33:18
actually hung out a couple times after, 

Rich Bennett 33:20
Okay. 

Kayla W 33:20
she had dropped me off and you know, she ended up moving to like P. A. or something like that. So, we did like, form our own relationship, um, to kind of like, separate from, she was very, very kind. Um, and like, I just remember getting into the sister's house and like, passing like, the UI, which I don't know how I did, because I definitely spent some weed, so like, there had to've been weed on that 

Rachel 33:43
Sure 

Kayla W 33:43
drug. 

Rachel 33:43
there was, 

Kayla W 33:44
but, um, 

Wendy Beck 33:45
well she knew you told her that. 

Kayla W 33:46
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 33:47
a 

Kayla W 33:47
It's 

Wendy Beck 33:47
problem. 

Kayla W 33:47
Yeah. Um, but like 

Wendy Beck 33:50
after 

Kayla W 33:50
like the intake was all settled. Rachel gave me like $100 gift card to Walmart and you know, she 

Wendy Beck 33:57
like, 

Kayla W 33:57
was like, you 

Wendy Beck 33:57
you 

Kayla W 33:57
know, 

Wendy Beck 33:57
know, 

Kayla W 33:58
this girl in the house is going to take you to the grocery store. You know, go get settled in and you know, so I just remembered like the relief of like, I felt safe and like, I finally had my like, oh shit, like, when I had my awakening, right. I didn't have that oh shit, like, this major event just happened. Well, my major event just happened and it's continuously worse, rapid. You know, like I lost custody of my daughter for 30 days. I'm totally my car. You know, I'm almost killing people. I'm always killing myself. And you know, like, I was finally at that point where I was ready to even half assless and like, it wasn't just going in one year. Yes. 

Wendy Beck 34:46
Okay. Well, now you're, you're at sister house. Okay. And this is the first sober living house that you've been 

Kayla W 34:52
And yeah. 

Wendy Beck 34:52
in. And um, you know, I know Rachel has a has a extreme fondness for you. Like, 

Kayla W 34:57
yeah. Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 35:00
And I understand why. And so tell us about your experience there because you ended up becoming house man. 

Kayla W 35:07
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 35:07
Which is awesome. So tell us, like, how did that evolve. Like, how would, and how long were you there? Because I honestly, I don't remember. 

Kayla W 35:14
So I was there a little bit over a year. 

Wendy Beck 35:16
Okay. 

Kayla W 35:17
And I remember, like, I was just ready. I was ready do whatever the hell. Like, you know, like white my ass on the 

Rachel 35:26
to 

Kayla W 35:26
carpet. I would. 

Wendy Beck 35:27
I would ask people to do 

Kayla W 35:30
No, 

Wendy Beck 35:31
that. 

Kayla W 35:31
they don't. The houses are actually very clean. But I was writing. 

Rachel 35:36
And it. No. 

Kayla W 35:38
I was ready to do whatever, right? So, um, it is she told me to do 90 meetings and 90 days. I did them down 90 meetings and 90 days. And, you know, I got a humbling job. You know, I started working at Walmart. And, you know, like, I, Uber, my ass back and forth to work every single day. Well, I would Uber myself to work. And then I would wait outside of work until it was time to go to a meeting. My right would pick me up from work, I would go to a meeting, I would come home and, you know, like, do my tour, shower, and like, get ready for the next day. And, you know, like, that was my routine for a long time, you know, like Monday through Friday work. I got Maddie on Saturday. Did my house meeting. And, you know, like, I was very much so I was focused on doing whatever the hell it took. No, listening, 

Rachel 36:28
started a 

Kayla W 36:29
yeah, 

Rachel 36:30
routine. Yeah, a routine in your life, right? 

Rich Bennett 36:31
Sup 

Kayla W 36:31
yeah. Yeah. And 

Rich Bennett 36:32
the. 

Kayla W 36:32
I never. I 

Rachel 36:34
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 36:35
never felt safe anywhere. 

Kayla W 36:36
Or, you know, and I knew that as long as I kept on doing what I was supposed to do and, you know, like, showing up, like, I was safe. Like, I wasn't going to just randomly get kicked out or, you know, totally, you've heard anything like Like, the rules are pretty simple, right? You know, like, go to your meetings, do your tour, and, you know, 

Wendy Beck 36:56
Be 

Kayla W 36:56
just don't 

Wendy Beck 36:57
home 

Kayla W 36:57
pick. 

Wendy Beck 36:57
by curfew. 

Kayla W 36:58
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 36:59
Like, 

Kayla W 37:00
I really didn't have, you know, like, much to do after work anyways. And I got my sponsor, who is still my sponsor today. 

Wendy Beck 37:10
Who is an alumni? 

Kayla W 37:11
Yup, 

Wendy Beck 37:12
Yep. 

Kayla W 37:13
yup, yup. And you know, I call her when I need to. She's been pretty a laid back sponsor. And you know, my first year, I went through three of the 12 staffs, so I work in any 

Wendy Beck 37:27
program program, so 

Kayla W 37:28
this is kind of extended a little bit, but I just, you know, I really focused on, you know, just doing the right thing. And so, after seven months, I think, in the house, um, I wasn't really like, I loved the girls in my 

Wendy Beck 37:49
house. And 

Kayla W 37:50
I have so many fond memories with them, but, like, my main focus was getting myself to a point where, like, I can be the mother that I need to be, so, um, you know, like, as people started phasing out, you know, I phased off and, you know, I went to a senior resident. And I got a $20 fine for not marking up my tour one day. 

Rachel 38:10
And, like, 

Kayla W 38:10
I was ready to lose it. 

Wendy Beck 38:13
had, like, $20. 

Kayla W 38:14
I I had almost never gotten to fine, so, 

Wendy Beck 38:17
like, when I got 

Kayla W 38:18
to fine, it's a 

Wendy Beck 38:19
serious thing. 

Kayla W 38:20
So like, what happened to $5? 

Wendy Beck 38:22
Well, 

Rachel 38:23
because you're supposed to be a role model, right? That's how serious it 

Wendy Beck 38:27
So, 

Rachel 38:27
is. 

Wendy Beck 38:28
Rachel, what did you see in her that made you approach her for the house manager 

Rachel 38:32
um, 

Wendy Beck 38:33
role? 

Rachel 38:33
you know, K, like, from the jump, you know, she was just like, 

Kayla W 38:36
Like, this is like, 

Rachel 38:36
this 

Kayla W 38:36
this is 

Rachel 38:36
is 

Kayla W 38:37
what 

Rachel 38:37
what happened. You know, when she ended up relapsing and crashing her car 

Kayla W 38:41
she 

Rachel 38:41
and then she called 

Kayla W 38:42
car, 

Rachel 38:42
me and she was, you 

Kayla W 38:43
you know, 

Rachel 38:43
know, but 

Kayla W 38:44
I 

Rachel 38:44
I, 

Kayla W 38:44
have, I 

Rachel 38:44
I still, 

Kayla W 38:44
still want 

Rachel 38:44
you 

Kayla W 38:45
to come, 

Rachel 38:45
know, and so her dedication started from there. Like you're willing to start it from there. And, um, you did, you, you kind of like, you're in, like, this tunnel vision. You were like, get a job, you know, find a sponsor, get a home group, stuff like that. You were really focused on Maddie, you know what I mean? Even when she first came, I think you were even kind of a little nervous, you know what I mean? Um, but you showed up as a mother, you know what I mean? And just like 

Wendy Beck 39:08
her, 

Rachel 39:09
her dedication to her recovery and bettering herself with, like, what I saw. Um, and so she became senior resident, and like she said, people, people come and go and, you know, recovery. So, um, you know, I asked her to be a house manager. And, you know, there, there's like the age range from the houses are, from 18 to 60s, you 

Kayla W 39:35
know, 

Rachel 39:36
and, um, I think she was a little So, I was kind of nervous at first because there was some older women in the house, and she's like, you know, 

Wendy Beck 39:42
they 

Rachel 39:42
these people are going to listen to me, and, and I was like, well, 

Kayla W 39:46
didn't, 

Rachel 39:47
this 

Rich Bennett 39:48
manager defying increases even more. No 

Rachel 39:52
fines after that, but, um, 

Wendy Beck 39:55
you 

Rachel 39:55
know, it teaches like you, you grow in that position, like you grow even more because you have to use your voice, you have to set the tone, you have to, you 

Wendy Beck 40:03
it's 

Rachel 40:03
know, 

Wendy Beck 40:03
a 

Rachel 40:04
You 

Wendy Beck 40:04
hard 

Rachel 40:04
are as a mother, you know what I mean? So, 

Rich Bennett 40:06
job. 

Rachel 40:07
um, as 

Rich Bennett 40:07
your sense, like, you're also a mentor as well. 

Rachel 40:09
I just saw a lot of growth in her, and I knew that she could do it. So, 

Kayla W 40:13
I, um, 

Rachel 40:14
took the challenge. I 

Kayla W 40:15
she 

Rachel 40:15
did. It 

Kayla W 40:17
was, you know, it was a humbling experience because, you know, like, the thing about people in recovery and, and like, in superliving, they're not afraid to tell you about yourself. 

Rich Bennett 40:27
Right, so, 

Kayla W 40:29
like, 

Wendy Beck 40:29
um, you 

Kayla W 40:30
know, I was only 23 

Rachel 40:32
24, right, yeah, 

Kayla W 40:34
you know, like, I'm trying to, you know, have the 60 year old, you know, do her tour. She's like, have what the fact that you know, I'm like, oh, I guess 

Rachel 40:41
and, 

Kayla W 40:41
I know nothing. But, like, here's a fine for that. 

um, they definitely like, you know, would check me on my attitude sometimes because 

Rich Bennett 40:51
They'll, 

Kayla W 40:51
that's a, that's a big character defect of mine to this day, you know, like 

Wendy Beck 40:55
what your attitude? 

Kayla W 40:56
It's 

Rachel 40:57
come far though, lady. 

Kayla W 40:58
I'm, it's come far, but, you know, like, I have to realize that, like, not everybody is always on the same page as me 

Rich Bennett 41:04
Yeah, 

Kayla W 41:05
and like the way that I say things, like, they come out how I feel like it is, right? So, I'm very blunt and, you know, like, I need it to learn how to add some softness to that because like, I was talking to people as a drill sergeant, and you know, like not a recovery at it. 

Rich Bennett 41:21
Right. 

Kayla W 41:22
So, um, it really taught me to, you know, like, look at myself and, you know, like accept people for who they were and where they were at. And, you know, not to take on other people's shit too, because like, at the end of the day, like, as I've always wanted to help people, you know, I've always, like, I worked at nursing homes, you know, like, I've always done stuff to help people, right? So, like, as a house manager, like, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to help the people that were walking in, and, you know, scared, like, I was. And, you know, like... 

I'd 

tell Rachel any time that I can, like, how grateful I am, like, it's just something that, like, I can't repay, you know, 

Wendy Beck 42:16
repay, 

Kayla W 42:16
I can't 

Wendy Beck 42:18
they, they, they, they, they, they, a lot of things in the You 

Kayla W 42:18
you 

Wendy Beck 42:19
know, 

Kayla W 42:19
know, 

Wendy Beck 42:19
they, 

Kayla W 42:20
literally gave me my life, they gave me my daughter back, you know, they gave me my integrity back. And, you know, like, 

Wendy Beck 42:28
without that I don't 

Kayla W 42:29
know where I would be. And, you know, um, 

Rachel 42:33
and you, but you put the work in, you put the work in. It comes 

Kayla W 42:40
from the work, the people before me. you made that, you know, help lead the way. 

Rachel 42:44
Yeah. 

Kayla W 42:45
People are afraid of Joel, and, you know, like, my sponsor, and, you know, just 

Wendy Beck 42:49
So 

Kayla W 42:49
so 

Wendy Beck 42:49
many 

Kayla W 42:49
many women in recovery that, you know, like, when I didn't know which direction to turn, they helped guide me there. 

Wendy Beck 42:56
of 

Kayla W 42:56
Um, so towards the end of my stay at rage against addiction, Rachel had called me. And, you know, she was like, hey, like, there's this house opening up, right. And, um, it's a women's and children. 

Wendy Beck 43:09
Oh, right. I forgot about 

Rachel 43:11
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 43:11
this part of your story. 

Kayla W 43:12
yeah. Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 43:12
Okay, cool. 

And, 

Kayla W 43:17
you know, like, they needed a house manager, and, you know, it took me like a week or two to kind of like to sign, because I was very comfortable. 

Wendy Beck 43:24
Like, I was comfortable. Yeah. 

Kayla W 43:25
Right. but what growth comes in 

Wendy Beck 43:28
But, 

Kayla W 43:28
comfort. Not much. Not 

Wendy Beck 43:30
much. 

Kayla W 43:31
I decided that, like, I was going to do it. And so I packed up my stuff, and I went to this house. 

Wendy Beck 43:37
And did, did Maddie go with you? 

Kayla W 43:39
Yup. Maddie went with me. Um, I mean, she was there a little bit more, but, like, I still had to 

Wendy Beck 43:43
go 

Kayla W 43:43
like, 

Wendy Beck 43:44
work and, all. 

Kayla W 43:44
I couldn't have her at 

Wendy Beck 43:46
Right. Gotcha. 

Kayla W 43:47
work, um, and like the house needed to be set up. So, you 

Wendy Beck 43:50
You 

Kayla W 43:50
know, I helped get bed set off. You know, went through 

Wendy Beck 43:53
know, 

Kayla W 43:53
donations, organized it, you know, 

Wendy Beck 43:55
to try 

Kayla W 43:55
tried to 

Wendy Beck 43:56
to 

Kayla W 43:56
help, you know, mimic some of like other, you know, programs 

Wendy Beck 43:59
in the area 

Kayla W 44:00
to kind of make it fit. 

Wendy Beck 44:02
I was there for a couple months. 

Kayla W 44:04
And, you know, like, we opened the doors, had the open house. And, you know, started bringing in, um, some residents. And, you know, it's going pretty good. And, um, you know, by that time, you 

Wendy Beck 44:16
and, 

Kayla W 44:16
know, my recovery, I was done working at, you know, Walmart. Like, I was done with it. I presented, 

Rachel 44:23
and 

Kayla W 44:25
I 

Wendy Beck 44:25
It 

Kayla W 44:25
was, 

Wendy Beck 44:25
served its purpose. 

Kayla W 44:26
yes. 

Wendy Beck 44:26
I used to 

Rachel 44:27
there. 

Wendy Beck 44:27
see you in 

Kayla W 44:28
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I helped you take salt for the houses into your car. 

Wendy Beck 44:33
Yeah. 

Kayla W 44:34
Um, but like, I was, I was, I knew that there was something more for me. 

Rich Bennett 44:39
Yeah. Right. 

Kayla W 44:39
Right. Then so, um, I was just kind of like going through Facebook. And, um, it said that there was a treatment center hiring. And, you know, I just kind of took like a shot in the dark. And I just sent out an email. Like I didn't send in a formal application or anything like that. And, um, you know, they called me back and, you know, Rachel was kind of in cahoots with them, 

Wendy Beck 45:02
too. And 

Kayla W 45:03
was just like she needs to be a CA. I was like, no, no, I was trying to be a receptionist. Um, she's 

Rachel 45:11
she 

Kayla W 45:12
like she needs to be a tech. So, um, I got hired at achieve. And, um, 

Wendy Beck 45:18
which is a local treatment center. 

Kayla W 45:19
Yep. Um, we, there's a women's program. And, you know, like I started off as a tech there. And, 

Wendy Beck 45:25
can, 

Kayla W 45:25
you know, like now I 

Wendy Beck 45:26
what is a tech? What 

Kayla W 45:27
know? So 

Wendy Beck 45:27
did you 

Kayla W 45:28
a tech is pretty much somebody that, you know, like they go and they hang out at the house is, you know, they kind of document any like behaviors that are going on, you know, just like help make sure that 

Wendy Beck 45:40
they're kind of like a house 

Kayla W 45:41
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 45:42
manager. Exactly. Okay. 

Kayla W 45:43
Exactly. 

Rachel 45:43
Yeah. Kind of. 

Kayla W 45:44
Um, 

Rachel 45:45
Really. 

Kayla W 45:45
really like they just they help set up 

Wendy Beck 45:48
things. You 

Kayla W 45:49
know, like any events 

Wendy Beck 45:50
They're 

Kayla W 45:50
that. 

huge support to the clients, you know, like normally they're like the first in line when, like, something is going on and like, there's some kind of conflict. It's a tech that is seeing that intervening and you know, like bringing it to attention to somebody that can, you know, help defuse the situation. So like the techs are like first line people. 

at the time the women's program wasn't open yet. So I was 

Wendy Beck 46:20
And 

Kayla W 46:21
working on the men's side. And, you know, 

Wendy Beck 46:22
like. 

Kayla W 46:23
uh, it was just like, I felt like this is it. Like, this is what, you know, like, I'm, I want to do. 

Wendy Beck 46:31
You 

Kayla W 46:32
know, like, I helped them open the women's program then. And, um, I was still, 

Wendy Beck 46:37
still, 

Kayla W 46:37
the, 

Wendy Beck 46:38
at 

Kayla W 46:38
the women's and children's house and average, and then I was just like, it got to a point 

Wendy Beck 46:42
like, 

Kayla W 46:42
where now my life, like, I was dedicated to my recovery and helping other people in recovery that it soon became my definition, right? And, like, I didn't know anything about myself, right? So, I was like, something used to change, you know, so I got a roommate and, you know, I moved into my own apartment and, you know, like, after that, I was able to, you know, like, work in treatment and, you know, I gradually, like, kind of, I got promoted to case management and, you know, I now help women in recovery, get into server living, um, and like, it kind of went full circle for me. And, um, I was able to like, find out that, you know, like, I can have hobbies. 

Rich Bennett 47:28
Yeah. 

Kayla W 47:28
Like, I can, you know, and it was hard to find that balance of, like, I'm not completely ditching my program and only, you know, focusing on helping others and, you know, like, doing nothing like, and, you know, that's, it's. 

Wendy Beck 47:41
You found 

Kayla W 47:42
to 

Wendy Beck 47:42
them 

Kayla W 47:42
the 

Wendy Beck 47:43
life balance. I continue to have to work 

Kayla W 47:45
on that, you know, because there are some weeks, some months that, like, I have to put more into my recovery and, like, you know, whether I do that or not is a different story, but like, the awareness is there. Like, I cannot, I can't give 100% of me to, you know, the clients, like, I need a 100% 

Wendy Beck 48:00
of 

Rich Bennett 48:01
myself. Right. 

Kayla W 48:02
And, you know, like, so I've learned who thinks about myself constantly, like, it started knitting, you know, I do, like, I do, like, I do, like, Arty stuff, you know, outside to keep my mind that he is. And, you know, like, giving me something. 

Rich Bennett 48:15
It's a therapy. 

Kayla W 48:16
Yeah, exactly. 

Wendy Beck 48:18
So what does today look like in your home life? Because you have your daughter full time, part time. 

Kayla W 48:23
I have my daughter Thursday nights through Monday mornings. And I have an amazing boyfriend. We've been together for over a year now. We've got our 

Rich Bennett 48:35
partner. Was this the rehab? Okay. 

Kayla W 48:38
guy. 

Wendy Beck 48:38
Totally 

Kayla W 48:38
So, 

Wendy Beck 48:38
different 

Kayla W 48:38
like, after after about a year and a half of the 

Rich Bennett 48:41
guy you met at Walmart. 

Kayla W 48:42
Covering. 

After, you know, because I was pretty much by 

Rachel 48:48
myself. 

Rich Bennett 48:49
Yeah, 

Kayla W 48:50
time. And, you know, like, after doing some, like, significant work on myself, you know, I was able to get into a relationship with somebody that, you know, had a little bit more sober time than I have, but, you know, like, work the steps and, you know, like, worked on himself enough to be able to, like, we were both at a point in our lives where we were able to support each And, you know, we were without becoming, you know, like, each other's higher power. You 

Rich Bennett 49:14
yeah. Yeah, 

Kayla W 49:14
know, we were able to support each other and, you know, like, give each other that space to, like, be there in person. You didn't just golf me and I became, you know, him. We've been an amazing team. You know, so. 

Rachel 49:27
Healthy relationship. 

Wendy Beck 49:28
That's awesome. 

Rich Bennett 49:29
You just sit there. 

Kayla W 49:31
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 49:31
you guys 

Wendy Beck 49:31
are amazing. 

Rich Bennett 49:34
You would hear that a lot. Why are you giving me that 

Kayla W 49:36
know? 

Wendy Beck 49:37
I was 

your wisdom. 

Rich Bennett 49:41
like, 

Wendy Beck 49:41
Like, oh, look at him. 

Rich Bennett 49:44
You said earlier that you said you would never be able to repay rage. You're helping other women 

Rachel 49:51
right now. 

Wendy Beck 49:52
Yes, 

Rich Bennett 49:52
yes. You've repaid. 

Wendy Beck 49:59
Right. 

That's the beauty of it. 

Rachel 50:06
But you know what they say, you know, we got an order to keep it. You got to give it away. Yeah. And that's what we're doing. I 

Kayla W 50:13
mean, 

Wendy Beck 50:14
that's what we're trying 

Kayla W 50:15
do. Right? 

Rachel 50:15
to 

Kayla W 50:17
And that's just like the biggest thing that, you know, I've taken out of recovery is, you know, just like, give back what was given to me. And, you know, like, I just tried, like, taught me how to just be a decent human being. You know, I'm not always going to be an amazing human. I'm going to make 

Rich Bennett 50:35
they 

Kayla W 50:36
mistakes. But, you know, at the end of the 

Wendy Beck 50:38
day, you know, 

Kayla W 50:39
how I live my life now is I go to bed without that weight of like, I intentionally did something to somebody to, you know, like, mess with them are like, you know, like, I go to bed with a clean slate is what 

Rachel 50:53
your 

Kayla W 50:53
I'm trying. 

Rachel 50:55
mind. 

Kayla W 50:55
Yeah. 

Rachel 50:56
Yep. Yep. 

Kayla W 50:57
Uh, knowing that, like, I did the best that I could. Whether it was 100% or 80%, you know, like, I gave in what I could. And, you know, it was with good intention. 

And like, to me, that's what it's all about. 

Rich Bennett 51:09
Yeah. 

Kayla W 51:10
Just being a good person, being good mom, being a good friend, um, 

Wendy Beck 51:16
And you're 

Rachel 51:17
yeah? 

Wendy Beck 51:18
doing it. You're really doing it. And we're so proud of you and, uh, we're, we're glad to be part of your journey for sure. And we thank you. And it's, you know, going to be airing in National Recovery Month. And you are a success story. And, you know, just keep going. 

Rachel 51:32
And you only dropped the F bomb three or four times during this whole conversation. I am so proud of you. 

Wendy Beck 51:38
much. 

Kayla W 51:38
Thank you so 

Wendy Beck 51:39
Sure. 

Rich Bennett 51:41
I do 

Wendy Beck 51:43
Yes, you are. 

Rich Bennett 51:43
have. 

Wendy Beck 51:44
Sorry. 

Rich Bennett 51:45
Question for you. Um, and I saw this on an interview. And what the guy said made a lot of 

Wendy Beck 51:54
sense 

Rich Bennett 51:55
about regret. 

Because he said that, you know, you got to have regrets. I'd say you learn from them. So what's one of the biggest regrets that you've learned 

Kayla W 52:05
from? 

Rich Bennett 52:05
something 

Kayla W 52:07
I 

regret not being, I regret being an active addiction with my daughter. Um, and not. Like, there are times that I don't remember that like, I'm never going to get back, right? You know, like, now what I've learned from that is, you know, like, when I have her when she's with me, you know, like, I'm very intentional about what I do with her. You know, the time that I share with her, you know, like, my phone is almost never in my hand, you know, when I'm with her, like, I'm very focused on, you know, like, getting what I can out of the time that I have. So, you know, like, even if I don't see her for three days, every time I get her, you know, she's, she gets bigger. 

Rich Bennett 52:57
Yeah. 

Kayla W 52:57
Now she's like, 

Rich Bennett 52:59
like, 

Kayla W 52:59
she's not little, my little baby, you know, right? She's 

Rachel 53:02
know, 

Kayla W 53:02
growing, 

Rachel 53:02
she'll 

Kayla W 53:02
you 

Rachel 53:02
always be 

Rich Bennett 53:03
your little 

Wendy Beck 53:03
She's 

Rich Bennett 53:03
baby. 

Wendy Beck 53:03
so cute. 

Kayla W 53:04
She's, 

Wendy Beck 53:05
she's growing. She's growing up, like, 

Rich Bennett 53:09
she's going to be. How old is she now? 

Kayla W 53:10
she's going to be four in September. 

Rachel 53:12
Um, 

Kayla W 53:13
So, um, 

Rich Bennett 53:13
four and already four. Wow. 

Wendy Beck 53:14
Oh for 

Kayla W 53:15
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 53:15
four year olds are 

Rich Bennett 53:16
Yeah. That's 

Wendy Beck 53:16
very 

Rich Bennett 53:16
true. 

Kayla W 53:17
She's 

Wendy Beck 53:17
wise. 

Kayla W 53:18
very opinionated and she wants what she wants when she wants it. Um, but like, she's finally like, you know, putting her own thoughts together and 

Rich Bennett 53:26
right. Make

Kayla W 53:27
she's seen, you know, some of the world and like the light bulb is almost on. It's not quite on yet, but like, she's getting all pieces of 

Wendy Beck 53:35
that 

Kayla W 53:35
things and like, um, I'm just trying to be there as much as I can for that. So I regret missing that time and I've learned to cherish. 

Wendy Beck 53:47
Oh, 

Rich & Wendy 53:48
Wendy, I understand that rage against addiction is doing something very important, a monthly donor program. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Absolutely. We are hoping to get our supporters to join us in providing a monthly It can be five dollars or it can be more whatever you can afford really allows us to help plan and increase our fundraising efforts. Well, why should people become a monthly donor? What are they doing to help? They're monthly contributions. Let us plan for long term projects and respond quickly when urgent needs arise, and I'll give you an example. I think we had the need for a new mattress and we've also had urgent needs for refrigerators and washing machines and all of that kind of stuff that comes up, so they tend to need to be replaced and our women deserve to have the things that they need. So with the monthly donor program, technically, anybody can do it for any amount and there because rage against addiction always needs something. I've known, I've known you for years now, and there's times you've told me you guys need a furniture, you need clothes, and also you're not getting the grants that you used to or the contributions that you used to. So this monthly donor program will definitely help a lot. Yes. So somebody becomes a monthly donor. What is there anything that they're getting in return? besides, of course, helping those that need it. I know you guys have an excellent newsletter. Were they automatic? Yeah, we'll subscribe to that. We'll subscribe to our newsletter so you'll know what's going on. You can track our progress. Here, success stories. Know the data and how many women we serve each year and just be a part of something bigger. So with this, I guess, they're going to be because of the newsletter. They're going to be one of the first ones to find out about events coming up like the memory walk and run, the basketball. And any other future events that you're doing, the podcast that you do. Yes. So they're going to be tied in right away. Yes. All right, so how can they become unmonthly? Don't you can go to our website. And that is rage against addiction. org and go to our donate button and on there you will have the option to become a monthly donor and you can put in any amount that you want. Your commitment, bigger small, empowers our mission and changes lives every single day. Visit us at rage against addiction. org to become a reoccurring donor and join us in making a lasting impact. Thank you for your compassion, generosity and belief in a brighter future. Together we can make a difference. Join us today.